18 TACTICS TO GET MEN TO EMOTIONALLY OPEN UP TO YOU

This is an in depth analysis of easy steps you can take a as woman to get men to emotionally open up to you.

I often hear women complaining about how men hold back from emotionally connecting with them.

Here is a direct set of easy to apply tactics to master this challenge. 

I want to give you a window into the male mind so that you understand his dynamics and why he makes certain choices.

If you have to remember just one thing from this article here it goes: CREATE EMOTIONAL SAFETY.
In my experience, that’s the one that sticks out the most right now.
Realize that when a man sexually opens up to you one day and gets blasted by an emotional explosion the following day, that forces him to retreat and be careful with how much he opens up in the future.
You might be like “Why isn’t he opening his heart to me?”
Well, the often simple answer is “Because it’s not safe for him”
When he fully opens up, he gives you access to the most intimate parts of his being and he must be sure that this is not going to be used against him the following day.
In other terms, men are sensitive!
The reason they put up walls is because they might have been repeatedly exposed to abusive or threatening attitudes from women in their lives.
So, here are some tips! 
Some might apply to you, some not! 
Use what you need and discard the rest! 
My feeling is that if men are not engaging deep with you, check which one or a few of these points apply to you.
Be open and try not to be in denial, ok?
If you face challenges in your relationship it’s way too simplistic to blame men for that. 
Usually it’s shared responsibility.
It takes two people to design a relationship.
What’s your responsibility in that equation?
Take a moment and identify if there is anything in what you bring and project that might encourage men to stay distant.
Here we go…
  • CREATE EMOTIONAL SAFETY
A man might resist opening up sexually or emotionally if you just screamed at him the day before

  • BE CONSISTENT
Guys tend to get really confused by women changing their minds, expressing totally different feelings today than yesterday – This creates a sense of emotional instability

  • EMPOWER HIM

He must feel you have his back and that you are ready to boost his dreams as much as yours

  • SHOW HIM

Women often complain about men being emotionally unavailable – Well here is the trick – Show him how to do it –  Many women incredibly hold back from emotional and sexual intimacy – They want men to do it but don’t know how to do it themselves, throwing constant doubts, hesitations, and obstructions to the relationship’s growth

  • STOP THREATENING HIM

If you use emotional threat, coercive power or ultimatums, he will naturally retreat and disconnect

  • GIVE HIM FREEDOM

Micromanaging him drains his energy and power

  • PAY FOR YOUR STUFF

Don’t try to use him for cash flow – Some men want to be providers and others don’t – Offer to pay for your stuff, like travels, rent, bills, etc – If he feels you are integrity with your money and enjoy spending it, the threat of feeling used is removed and this gives him a solid trust boost

  • BE LOYAL

If he feels that you could potentially cheat on him or gossip about him, that forces him into defensive mode

  • STOP DOMESTICATING HIM

Respect his freedom – Do you really think that the moment you set him free, he will just run away? Really? What would that say about your relationship?  What happens if you release control? You see, guys want to spend time and connect with women they can adore, and deeply love – Guys can be submitted to ongoing demands, pressure, requests – They often feel limited in their freedom and domesticated – They feel used and forced to fit in their partner’s agendas – This is a massive turn off that triggers his urge to look for exit doors

  • BE AWARE OF HIS HISTORY

A man is exposed to many women throughout his life – Mother, sisters, friends, teachers, lovers, wife, daughters, business partners, etc – Some of these experiences might have been traumatic involving emotional abuse, ongoing threats, intense fights, ongoing court cases, demands or emotional explosions from some of these women – Men will naturally protect themselves and open step by step, testing the waters and feeling if you are safe to be around – Stay aware of this process and be consistent with providing emotional safety

  • THE WAY YOU TREAT A MAN TELLS OTHER MEN WHAT TO EXPECT

Men talk to each other – They learn from each other and share experiences about their lovers and relationships – Doing something to a man, sends out energetic signals to malekind in general – Your actions stay in your field – Men feel that – For instance if you become emotionally abusive with a man during a break up, it tells malekind that this pattern is in your field – Men will tend to shut down emotionally if they feel that you freaking out is an option

  • OWN YOUR SHADOWS

Don’t project your stories on him – Master your triggers – Own your challenging emotions rather than accusing, attacking or blaming him

  • EMBRACE HIS IMPERFECTIONS

He is human! He is not perfect! – Embrace his vulnerabilities

  • SPEAK YOUR TRUTH

Express clarity in your boundaries, what you want from life, your dreams, desires, aspiration – And try to be consistent with them

  • STOP ACCUSING OR BLAMING HIM

Stop criticising or resenting what he does, his actions, attitudes or choices

  • BE EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE YOURSELF

You might believe that he is the one holding back the relationship when in fact you might be the one scared or terrified of developing emotional and sexual intimacy – Think about it: what will you lose the moment you are in a committed relationship? What’s the risk of deeply opening up sexually and emotionally? – Find the simple answer to these questions and this might give you the core reason why you might be sabotaging your relationships or hold back yourself

  • THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH PROCESSING A MAN CAN TAKE

Basically the more relaxed, fun and juicy your connection is, the more he will be ready to engage – The more you invite him into drama, triggers and processing the more he might tend to shut down – Everyone wants to have fun – He will open up more if you invite him in romantic space rather than conflict and challenge

  • LOVE HIM

Care for him

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I want to make this clear!
The responsibility to make relationships exciting is on both sides.
I am already actively coaching men as well and writing the same type of articles for them.
This article is written for women because they are the ones I hear complaining about it the most.

Yes! Each one of these points could be equally geared towards men. 

For instance, as a woman you might feel that you can’t deeply sexually engage with him because you don’t feel safe, he tends to limit your freedom or crush your dreams.
If each side does their part, progress happens!
But step out of the blame game as soon as possible.
Stop using male gender discrimination, simplistic statements as an excuse to retreat in the comfort of your own fears, sabotage patterns or shadows. 
Do what it really takes to be ready for deep emotional intimacy. 
Take responsibility for your side of the story and do something about it.
Enjoy!