317 FEMALE SHADOW ATTITUDES – HOW TO RESPOND WHEN SHE…

WARNING!

This post contains a lot of sensitive examples!

I started listing these a few months back and I quickly woke up to the realization of how diverse and subtle female shadows can be.

Some isolated examples are from personal experience, some from social circle and clients.

Some more examples are the fruit of my fertile imagination, or witnessing scenes in movies or pop culture.

If you are a woman, don’t take any of these personally!

You are beautiful WITH your shadows!

The reason I expose these examples is to give men the tools to better relate to you so that connection deepens, matures and evolves!

Of course, the list can be expanded and refined indefinitely.

I totally encourage you to experiment with it and make a list of the triggers you are exposed to.

These are dozens of behaviors, attitudes and things a woman might say that can trigger men.

I am aware that many of these repeat a few times in the list…

That’s just the way they emerged and I don’t feel like editing them too much to keep the raw, spontaneous aspect of it.

Sorry about the all caps!

I started writing this list that way and it sticked. It would take me too long right now to rewrite it in normal caps.

Some of these are not female shadows, simply behaviors that can trigger men!

And most of these shadows are not gender specific and can be expressed by both women and men.

The reason I talk about female shadows is because this article is geared  towards men and right now, in my direct circle, they are the ones who seem to struggle the most with these behaviors.

Her we go… Ready?

What to do when she…

  1. CRITICIZES YOU
  2. CHALLENGES YOU 
  3. MICROMANAGES YOU
  4. IS AGGRESSIVE WITH YOU
  5. IS DEMANDING
  6. IS NEEDY
  7. CONFUSES YOU
  8. MISLEADS YOU
  9. ABUSES YOU
  10. PLAYS WITH YOU
  11. REJECTS YOU
  12. HARRASSES YOU 
  13. IS MOODY
  14. DOESN’T TRUST YOU
  15. CHEATS ON YOU
  16. BETRAYS YOU
  17. DISCONNECTS FROM YOU
  18. DOES SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE
  19. TRIES TO ARGUE 
  20. WANTS YOU TO DO THINGS
  21. IS SEXUALLY PUSHY
  22. GETS UPSET
  23. GETS SAD OR DEPRESSED
  24. LOSES FAITH IN HERSELF
  25. FEELS LOST
  26. PROJECTS STORIES ON YOU
  27. IMAGINES THINGS
  28. IS DELUSIONAL
  29. IS INSECURE
  30. TRIES TO EDUCATE YOU, COACH YOU OR FORCE DIRECTIVE ADVICE ON YOU
  31. COMMUNICATES WITH LOTS OF EMOTIONAL CHARGE
  32. IS ANGRY WITH YOU
  33. PLAYS GAMES WITH YOU
  34. DOESN’T REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES
  35. SAYS NO TO YOU
  36. IS INCOHERENT
  37. IS INCONSISTENT
  38. LOSES HERSELF IN A LONG STORY TELLING
  39. GETS JEALOUS
  40. IS IN RIVALRY WITH YOU
  41. GOSSIPS ABOUT YOU
  42. TRIES TO DESTROY YOUR REPUTATION
  43. THROWS CHARACTER ATTACKS ON YOU
  44. ACCUSES YOU OF NOT GETTING HER HINTS
  45. TELLS YOU TO DO ONE THING AND THEN ACCUSES YOU OF NOT HAVING DONE THE OPPOSITE 
  46. GIVES YOU DIRECTIONS VERBALLY AND THEN ACCUSES YOU OF NOT LISTENING TO HER ENERGY HINTS THAT SHOULD DIRECT YOU IN OPPOSITE DIRECTION 
  47. PROJECTS HER PAST RELATIONSHIPS STORIES ON YOU 
  48. DOESN’T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT YOU 
  49. REACTS WHEN YOU POST SOME PICTURES ON FACEBOOK
  50. BELIEVES HER FRIEND’S LIES ABOUT YOU
  51. MAKES MISTAKES WITH HER MONEY
  52. DOESN’T FOLLOW UP WITH PROFESSIONAL GOALS 
  53. ACCUSES YOU
  54. BLAMES YOU
  55. THREATENS YOU 
  56. EMOTIONALLY WITHDRAWS FROM YOU
  57. BRINGS UP PROCESSING DURING ROMANTIC TIME 
  58. THROWS EMOTIONAL STUFF AT YOU
  59. BLAMES YOU FOR YOUR PAST
  60. SAYS YOU ARE NOT THERE FOR HER
  61. SAYS YOU ARE SEXUALLY INCOMPATIBLE
  62. BREAKS UP WITH YOU
  63. SAYS SHE WANTS SPACE
  64. SAYS SHE WANTS TO BREAK UP
  65. CHANGES HER MIND ALL THE TIME
  66. IS UNSUPPORTIVE
  67. IS DISTRACTED BY HER CELL PHONE
  68. PLAYS GAMES TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS 
  69. IS LATE
  70. PREFERS SPENDING TIME WITH HER GIRLFRIENDS
  71. HAS MORE EMOTIONAL INTIMACY WITH ANOTHER MAN THAN WITH YOU 
  72. WANTS TO BE FREE
  73. WANTS AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP 
  74. IS NASTY WITH YOU
  75. IS AGGRESSIVE WITH YOU
  76. IS AGGRESSIVE WITH SOMEONE YOU CARE FOR 
  77. IS MANIPULATIVE
  78. DOESN’T VALUE YOU
  79. SAYS SOMETHING BUT DOES THE EXACT OPPOSITE 
  80. GIVES YOU MIXED SIGNALS 
  81. EXPRESSES HER INSECURITIES
  82. DOESN’T TAKE CARE OF HER BODY
  83. LACKS SELF LOVE
  84. WANTS TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH OTHER MEN
  85. FORCES HER AGENDA ON YOU
  86. TRIES TO DOMESTICATE YOU
  87. BLAMES YOU FOR EVERYTHING
  88. CHEATS AND TELLS YOU IT’S YOUR FAULT
  89. EMOTIONALLY HARASSES YOU
  90. GETS OFFENDED
  91. GETS TRIGGERED
  92. PUNISHES YOU FOR DOING WHAT SHE SAID SHE WANTED
  93. USES EMOTIONAL THREAT TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS
  94. ACCUSES YOU OF TAKING SOMETHING PERSONALLY
  95. DOESN’T LISTEN TO THE ESSENCE OF WHAT YOU SHARED BUT CRITICIZES THE FORM
  96. DEPRIVES YOU FROM SEX
  97. EMOTIONALLY DISCONNECTS FROM YOU
  98. SHUTS DOWN EMOTIONALLY 
  99. DEPRIVES YOU FROM SEX TO PUNISH YOU
  100. TRIES TO EDUCATE YOU
  101. SHARES CHALLENGING EMOTIONS 
  102. SAYS SHE’S NOT AVAILABLE FOR INTERCOURSE
  103. GIVES YOU CONFLICTING MESSAGES CONCERNING HER SEXUAL DESIRES
  104. EXPECTS YOU TO BE A FINANCIAL PROVIDER
  105. SEXUALLY WITHDRAWS IF YOU DON’T MATERIALLY PROVIDE FOR HER
  106. ACCUSES YOU OF THINKING TOO MUCH
  107. CAN’T STAND YOU GOING IN PROCESSING MODE
  108. GOES INTO HER OWN PROCESSES AND EXPECTS YOU TO BE PRESENT AND LISTEN BUT DOESN’T GIVE YOU SPACE TO DO THAT YOURSELF
  109. PROVOKES YOU
  110. IGNORES YOU 
  111. PLAYS GUERILLA TACTICS ON YOU 
  112. ACCUSES YOU OF DISCONNECTING
  113. WANTS TO STAY FREE AND ACCUSES YOU OF NOT COMMITTING TO HER
  114. GIVES MORE LOVE TO HER PETS THAN TO YOU
  115. PUTS HER CHILDREN FIRST 
  116. EXPRESSES NO TENDERNESS
  117. DOMESTICATES YOU
  118. IGNORES YOU
  119. IS SELFISH
  120. IS TOTALLY OBSESSED BY HERSELF RATHER THAN GIVING CARE AND LOVE TO YOUR COUPLE 
  121. DEPRIVES YOU FROM ANY LOVE, ATTENTION OR CONSIDERATION
  122. STAYS IN THE SAD ZONE
  123. PROJECTS HER PREMENSTRUAL MOODS ON YOU
  124. GOES INTO RADICAL MOOD SWINGS
  125. PROJECTS UNJUSTIFIED ANGER ON YOU
  126. SAYS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HER 
  127. GOES THROUGH EXTREME MOOD SWINGS
  128. IS SEXUALLY PUSHY
  129. SABOTAGES YOUR RELATIONSHIP 
  130. SABOTAGES YOUR PROJECTS
  131. CRITICIZES OR ATTACKS YOU IN FRONT OF OTHERS
  132. LIES TO HERSELF
  133. IS TRAPPED IN NARCISSISTIC TRIPS
  134. DOESN’T CARE ABOUT ANYONE BUT HERSELF
  135. WHAT SHE SAYS SOUNDS COMPLETELY UNTRUE
  136. ACCUSES YOU OF BEING TOO SENSITIVE
  137. SAYS YOU THINK TOO MUCH
  138. TELLS YOU TO FUCK OFF
  139. HARASSES YOU
  140. EMOTIONALLY ABUSES YOU
  141. IS UNRELIABLE
  142. IS INCONSISTENT
  143. SHOWS UP ONE HOUR LATE AND IS TOTALLY UNAPOLOGETIC OR BOTHERED BY IT
  144. IS STACKED BEHIND HER CELL PHONE
  145. SPENDS HOURS ON FACEBOOK 
  146. STARTS TEXTING HER FRIEND WHILE YOU HAVE A CONVERSATION
  147. CHOOSES TO DO ADMIN WORK LATE AT NIGHT INSTEAD OF SEXUALLY ENGAGING WITH YOU
  148. IS NOT LOYAL
  149. BETRAYS YOU AS SOON AS SHE HAS AN OPPORTUNITY TO DO SO
  150. WANTS TO APPEAR AVAILABLE TO OTHER MEN
  151. DOESN’T CREATE ROMANTIC SPACE
  152. PLAYS WITH HER CELL PHONE WHEN SHE GOES TO BE BED INSTEAD OF SEXUALLY ENGAGING WITH YOU
  153. SETS YOU UP FOR FAILURE
  154. SETS UP TRAPS FOR YOU
  155. CREATES LOSE LOSE SITUATIONS FOR YOU
  156. WAKES YOU UP AT 3AM BECAUSE SHE NEEDS TO PROCESS RIGHT NOW
  157. TELLS YOU SHE DOESN’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU AND THEN ACCUSES YOU OF NOT BEING COMMITTED TO HER
  158. SAYS SHE WANTS TO SEE YOU BUT DOESN’T REALLY MAKE TIME FOR IT, OR PUTS ALL OF HER OTHER PRIORITIES FIRST
  159. TAKES PICTURES YOU DON’T LIKE AND POSTS THEM ON FACEBOOK 
  160. DOESN’T VALIDATE YOU ON FACEBOOK OR DOESN’T WANT TO SHOW SHE’S CONNECTED TO YOU 
  161. MANIPULATES YOU TO GET YOU TO FINANCIALLY SUPPORT HER
  162. LIES TO YOU
  163. HIDES AN IMPORTANT PIECE OF INFORMATION AND THEN PRETENDS SHE TOLD YOU 
  164. HAS A SILENT AGENDA
  165. ENTERS IN RIVALRY PATTERNS WITH YOU
  166. GIVES YOU THE SILENT TREATMENT
  167. WANTS YOU TO SHARE BUT BLOCKS YOUR FLOW AS SOON AS YOU DO
  168. TELLS YOU THAT YOUR STORIES, IDEAS OR WHAT YOU SHARED IS BORING 
  169. EXPOSES YOU TO EMOTIONAL THREAT WHEN YOU DON’T DO WHAT SHE WANTS
  170. GOES INTO SILENT TANTRUM, INTERNALIZES HER ANGER OR FRUSTRATION INSTEAD OF VOICING IT
  171. DISCONNECTS FROM YOU FOR HOURS
  172. DISSOCIATES WHILE HAVING SEX
  173. APPEARS AS COLD BLOODED IN HER JUDGMENTS OR THE WAY SHE TREATS YOU
  174. EXPOSES YOU TO ATTENTION, CARE OR LOVE DENIAL OR DEPRIVATION 
  175. EXPRESSES ZERO KINDNESS TOWARDS YOU 
  176. TREATS YOU LIKE SHIT AND IS SUPER PLEASANT TOWARDS OTHERS
  177. DIVES IN TOTAL LACK OF JOY
  178. IS IN SAD ZONE
  179. EXPOSES YOU TO SILENT PUNISHMENT
  180. IS AN ATTENTION SEEKER
  181. GOES INTO “HURTING YOU” PLEASURE
  182. SEEMS TO BE IN “HURTING YOU” TRANCE
  183. GOES IN SEXUAL DISSOCIATION 
  184. IS SELFISH
  185. IS NOT A TEAM PLAYER
  186. SABOTAGES YOUR EFFORTS TO CREATE HARMONY 
  187. DOESN’T EXPRESS HER GRATITUDE FOR WHAT SHE RECEIVES FROM YOU
  188. DOESN’T WANT TO CHANGE HER BEHAVIORS, IS SELFISH AND THEN COMPLAINS OR TRIES TO EDUCATE YOU ON SMALL DETAILS
  189. IS HAPPY WHEN YOU GROCERY SHOP FOR BOTH OF YOU BUT IS SUPER SELFISH AND DOESN’T SHARE WHEN SHE BUYS STUFF HERSELF
  190. GIVES YOU BIG ABSTRACT SPIRITUAL BYPASS PRINCIPLES ABOUT MALE AND FEMALE ROLES TO JUSTIFY THE FACT THAT YOU MUST BE A PROVIDER OR DO THE PRACTICAL, DIRTY STUFF AROUND THE HOUSE
  191. SAYS SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TAKE TIME TO MODIFY SHADOW PATTERNS, THAT IT’S SUPERFICIAL OR IRRELEVANT AND THEN FORCES YOU TO DIVE INTO IT AT INAPPROPRIATE MOMENTS 
  192. SAYS SHE WANTS TO BE FREE AND DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS AND THEN TRIES TO EDUCATE YOU OR MANIPULATE YOU TO BE IN SERVICE TO HER OR YOUR COUPLE
  193. SAYS SHE DOESN’T WANT TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND BUT HAS NO PROBLEM EDUCATING YOU TO BE A PROVIDER AS IF YOU WERE IN THE BOYFRIEND ROLE
  194. PLAYING GAMES BY SEEING YOU DO THINGS FOR HER OR YOUR COUPLE BUT CONSCIOUSLY NOT RECIPROCATING, BEING SELFISH AND HOLDING BACK FROM GIVING, SHARING OR CONTRIBUTING, CREATING A STRONG GIVE/RECEIVE IMBALANCE
  195. SABOTAGING YOUR POSITIVE INTENTIONS, HIGH ENERGY, JOY, HIGHS OR SEXUAL HIGHS
  196. PRESENTING HERSELF AS FREE AND AVAILABLE TO OTHER MEN
  197. NOT VALIDATING YOU, YOUR LOVE OR YOUR CONNECTION PUBLICLY OR ON SOCIAL NETWORKS 
  198. WANTING TO APPEAR AS IF SHE IS INDEPENDENT AND DOING EVERYTHING BY HERSELF WHILE YOU ARE BEING A PROVIDER FOR HER, HELPING HER OR SUPPORTING HER IN VARIOUS WAYS 
  199. EXPECTS YOU TO TRAVEL TWO HOURS TO SEE HER WHEN SHE WOULD CLEARLY NEVER DO THAT FOR YOU
  200. ATTACKS YOUR DIGNITY BY ABUSING YOU OR SHAMELESSLY TRYING TO MANIPULATE YOU
  201. PROVOKES YOU
  202. SEES YOUR WEAK POINTS AND SAYS THINGS TO TRIGGER YOU
  203. CHALLENGES YOU
  204. IS UNRELIABLE
  205. IS INCONSISTENT
  206. PLAYS GAMES
  207. PLAYS TRICKS ON YOU
  208. IS A TRICKSTER
  209. REACTS WHEN YOU WANT TO MAKE PLANS WITH HER
  210. TELLS YOU YOU HAVE NO FUTURE TOGETHER
  211. IS NOT EMOTIONALLY SAFE TO BE AROUND
  212. IS NARCISSISTIC
  213. IS CONDESCENDING
  214. IS ARROGANT
  215. IS PEACOCKING
  216. GETS LOST IN ULTRA COMPLICATED WAYS OF DOING THINGS
  217. COMPLICATES EVERYTHING 
  218. MISTAKES YOUR KINDNESS FOR WEAKNESS
  219. GETS MEANER WITH YOU AS SOON AS YOU GET KIND WITH HER
  220. LOVE BOMBS YOU THEN SHIFTS TO TOTAL OPPOSITE
  221. SAYS YOU ARE PERFECT AND THEN ONLY FINDS NEGATIVES ABOUT YOU
  222. IS EXTREMELY JEALOUS OF OTHERS
  223. IS EXTREMELY PRONE TO CHEATING
  224. USES SEX AS A WEAPON
  225. MAKES YOU GO WITHOUT SEX TO FRUSTRATE YOU OR PUNISH YOU
  226. CREATES LOVE TRIANGLES AND SYSTEMATICALLY MAKES YOU COMPETE WITH OTHER MEN
  227. LECTURES YOU
  228. BELIEVES SHE HAS ALL THE ANSWERS FOR EVERYTHING
  229. BELIEVES THAT SHE IS WAY MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE, TALENTED OR SOPHISTICATED THAN YOU
  230. NEVER ENGAGES OR INVESTS IN ANYTHING SHE CAN’T CONTROL
  231. USES YOU OR OTHERS AS MEANS TO AN END
  232. CHARMS THOSE IN POWER TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS
  233. DEVALUATES THOSE SHE CAN’T COMPETE WITH
  234. PUSHES YOU TO BE EXCLUSIVE AND THEN ACTIVATES LOVE TRIANGLES WHERE SHE IS THE CENTER
  235. RAGES A LOT
  236. LIES A LOT
  237. LIES ABOUT EVERYTHING 
  238. HAS A WEIRD GIGGLE WHEN YOU ARE NICE (SELF ABSORBED DISCONNECTED, INTERNAL SUPERIORITY, DISCARDING) 
  239. IS OBSESSED WITH HER REPUTATION
  240. IS SELF ABSORBED IN HER OWN STORY
  241. SHARE POSTS ON FACEBOOK OR IN SOCIAL CIRCLES THAT TELL A RADICALLY DIFFERENT STORY THAN WHAT YOU WITNESS IN PRIVATE 
  242. SYSTEMATICALLY CROSSES YOUR BOUNDARIES
  243. FORCES YOU TO DO THINGS AS SOON AS YOU SAY YOU DON’T WANT TO DO THAT
  244. CONSTANTLY CHALLENGES YOU
  245. HAS INABILITY TO EMPATHIZE
  246. CANNOT RELATE
  247. CANNOT CARE
  248. IS VERBALLY, EMOTIONALLY OR MENTALLY ABUSIVE
  249. PROJECTS STUFF ON YOU THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU
  250. PROJECTS HER STORIES ON YOU
  251. IS BRUTALLY HONEST
  252. SAYS SHE WILL HURT YOU
  253. DOESN’T CHANGE 
  254. RELIVES YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE
  255. ACCUSES YOU OF BEING DRAMATIC
  256. ACCUSES YOU OF GOING INTO DRAMA 
  257. SAYS YOU ARE CREATING DRAMA AND DOES THE SAME HERSELF
  258. IS SUPER CLUTTERED
  259. ACCUMULATES STUFF AND JUNK SHE DOESN’T NEED
  260. SMOTHERS YOU
  261. TREATS YOU LIKE A 5 YEAR OLD KID
  262. SPEAKS TO YOU AS IF YOU WERE A LITTLE BOY
  263. ALWAYS WANTS TO GUIDE YOU BY THE HAND
  264. IS ALWAYS TRYING TO TEACH YOU STUFF
  265. LECTURES YOU ON VAST VAGUE PRINCIPLES
  266. IS PROTECTIVE OR GREEDY WITH HER TOOLS, TECHNIQUES OR KNOWLEDGE
  267. GETS LOST IN THE PAST
  268. ENGAGES IN LONG ENDLESS DETAILED STORIES THAT ARE IRRELEVANT TO YOU 
  269. IS STACKED IN THE PAST 
  270. IS AFRAID OF SMALL THINGS
  271. TRIES TO DOMESTICATE YOU OR MICROMANAGE YOU AROUND THE HOUSE
  272. CAN’T GIVE YOU A SIMPLE YES
  273. MAKES EVERYTHING MORE COMPLICATED THAN IT NEEDS TO BE
  274. BLAMES YOU FOR THE CHOICES SHE MAKES 
  275. ACCUSES YOU WRONGLY
  276. ACCUSES YOU OF SOMETHING YOU DIDN’T DO
  277. SAYS YOU ARE GUILTY OF SOMETHING WHEN YOU AREN’T
  278. WANTS TO NEGOTIATE EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR CONNECTION 
  279. ARRANGING ANYTHING WITH HER IS ALWAYS COMPLICATE
  280. SYSTEMATICALLY CHANGES APPOINTMENTS
  281. SYSTEMATICALLY TRIES TO NEGOTIATE AGREEMENTS AGAIN DEPENDENDING ON TEMPORARY NEEDS OR MOODS
  282. GIVES YOU “DOOR HANDLE” ATTACKS – SAYS SOMETHING NASTY OR CHALLENGING JUST WHEN SHE’S ABOUT TO LEAVE
  283. IS VINDICTIVE 
  284. COMES WITH LOTS OF DEMANDS AND PRESSURE 
  285. HAS A STRONG SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT 
  286. FEELS YOU OWE HER SOMETHING 
  287. ATTACKS YOU AS SOON AS YOU DISAGREE WITH HER
  288. THREATENS YOU 
  289. ACCUSES YOU
  290. ATTACKS ANYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH HER
  291. HARASSES YOU
  292. HARASSES OTHERS 
  293. INVADES OTHER PEOPLE’S SPACES
  294. TRIES TO CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE
  295. IS EXTREMELY DEMANDING
  296. DISTORTS FACTS
  297. OVERGENERALIZES FACTS
  298. TWISTS FACTS
  299. EXAGGERATES FACTS
  300. COMPARES FACTS THAT HAVE LITTLE IN COMMON
  301. DRAMATIZES FACTS
  302. IS TRAPPED IN HER OWN STORY
  303. IS TRAPPED IN HER OWN SELF ABSORBED TRIP
  304. TAKES OFF WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE AS A THREATENING OR ATTENTION SEEKING MOVE 
  305. TRIES TO GET YOUR ATTENTION OR MAKE YOU JEALOUS BY GETTING SUPER HOT AND SEXUAL WITH YOUR BEST FRIENDS + MAKES SURE YOU WITNESS IT
  306. PUTS YOU UNDER PRESSURE OR COMES UP WITH A WHOLE LIST OF EXPECTATIONS AND DEMANDS AS SOON AS YOU START RELATING TO HER
  307. CONTRACTS YOU INSTEAD OF SETTING YOU FREE
  308. PUTS YOU UNDER SUBTLE PRESSURE 
  309. EXPECTS YOU TO BE PERFECT 
  310. EXPECTS A LOVER TO BEHAVE IN VERY SPECIFIC WAYS AND ACCUSES YOU OF NOT BEING A MATCH BECAUSE YOU MISS CERTAIN POINTS IN YOUR BEHAVIOR
  311. IS CONSISTENTLY TRYING TO MICROMANAGE, EDUCATE, DOMESTICATE OR MANIPULATE YOU SO THAT YOUR BEHAVIORS AND CHOICES ARE A PERFECT MATCH TO HER NEEDS
  312. BLASTS YOU WITH PSYCHIC AND EMOTIONAL ATTACKS AS SOON AS YOU DO SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T MATCH WHAT SHE WANTED 
  313. PROJECTS LOTS OF COERCIVE OR EMOTIONAL THREAT ON YOU TO TRY TO GET YOU TO BEHAVE IN A CERTAIN WAY 
  314. DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO TAKE A NO OR BOUNDARY FROM YOU
  315. SABOTAGES YOUR ATTEMPTS TO CONNECT DEEPER WITH HER
  316. TELLS YOU THERE IS NOTHING ANYMORE WITH HER EX AND THEN FUCKS HIM
  317. IS COMPLETELY STACKED ON HER CHOICES,  BOUNDARIES AND CHOICES AND ENDLESSLY ASKING YOU TO ALTER YOUR CHOICES AND PREFERENCES TO FIT HER NEEDS 
Ok!
Glad you survived and made it to the end of this list!
Do you recognize any of these?

Any other behaviors you are exposed to that is not mentioned in this list?

What do you do when you are exposed to some of these?

What’s the impact of these shadows on your couple?

What’s the best response to the shadows you are exposed to?

Which of your possible responses would create more bonding in your couple?

What are your own shadows or attitudes that might trigger her?