124 CORE TACTICS, CONCEPTS AND IDEAS TO MASTER FEMALE SHADOWS EXPLAINED TO YOU
This is a long 40 pages article or short book I am developing over the next few days or weeks.
Stay tuned and come back to check it out. I will be adding new ideas and answers as they come.
HOW TO THRIVE TOGETHER IN SHADOW ZONE
Partnership doesn’t need to be broken when shadows hit. You can be in shadow zone with your lover, even with deep tension and still be completely connected!
HOW TO GIVE HER A CLEAR AND FIRM BOUNDARY
It takes some courage to give someone a clear and simple “No”. Prepare for it! Be ready so that when challenge comes, you can tell her clearly to either stop, pause, hang on for a minute or disconnect.
HOW TO DISCHARGE SHADOW TENSION IN HER
A couple of techniques that work really well are kindness and presence. With kindness you stick to being nice even when she is upset. A simple question like “What do you want to drink? Can I get you anything?” shows that you care. Presence means not interrupting her and allowing her to dive in whatever shadow is alive in her. You can say “I can see you are upset. How about I just stay completely silent for 5 min and give you complete space to share what you have to say? Do you like that?”
PROCESSING WHEN SHE IS TRIGGERED?
Yes, open safe space to allow her to share what’s alive in her
STOP TRYING TO BE PERFECT
You are human. If your lover is sensitive she will get triggered no matter what. The real solution is for you to be ok if she gets triggered. Don’t hold back from being in your truth. Don’t walk in fear! Walk in power!
LOVE BLASTS YOU FIRST, IGNORES YOU AFTER
Yes, that’s a pattern many women have when first connecting. They will be madly in love at first, making you feel that you are their only center of attention. Once the newness passes, they start withdrawing and sometimes project the opposite set of emotions towards you.
WHAT DOES SHE GET OUT OF BLAMING YOU?
Blaming feels good because it takes the responsibility away from her. If she questions her own behavior, it means she is the one who must change or evolve. Blaming someone else is taking guilt and discomfort away from her.
CONSCIOUS AND UNCONSCIOUS SHADOWS
Sometimes a woman will be aware of a specific shadow, sometimes not. For instance she might be lying to you or manipulating you without realizing she is. Check for yourself: what are your shadows? Which ones are you really aware of? Are there any others? See? If you can’t come up with answers it’s probably that most of your shadows are unconscious in your field. If you did any introspection work, you probably identified a few.
WHY IT IS ESSENTIAL TO NAME HER SHADOWS
Having words for these dynamics allows you to frame and mentally understand her behaviors. You create a clear shadow architecture and that allows you to design clearer tactics for specific situations. This means that you make it very specific and you design a clear model of her shadows.
By writing these articles, I reveal part of this for you to speed up your progress. On your end, you still need to analyse, label and clearly understand these dynamics so that you can design and test the tactics that you will use in your unique situations.
REFRAMING TACTICS OR HOW TO SHIFT YOUR SHADOW PERCEPTIONS
A core tactic is to see the positive power of a shadow. Many shadows are instinctual mechanisms aimed at protecting. For instance lying is a defence mechanism. It is a battle strategy. Manipulating someone can have a positive impact on that person’s life. Many shadows projected on you, might force you into higher performance and speed up your evolution.
HOW TO EMBRACE A SHADOW WAVE
By noticing that it is in the field. It is like a storm showing up. If you keep wishing it was sunny you will feel miserable. The moment you accept the storm, a significant shift happens in you and you start seeing beauty in the shadow wave.
SHADOW AND ROMANTIC FREQUENCIES
You can see these states as frequencies you can tune into. They are like different universes you can access.
YOU CAN’T FULLY LOVE HER WITHOUT LOVING HER SHADOWS
Yessss! This one is essential! You can’t separate your lover from her shadows. When you have sex with her, her shadows are right there, as present as her lights. The dynamics that bring them to the surface might not be active at that moment but they are still there. You might have a fight straight after having sex. When you tell her that you love her, you say that to the totality of her being.
JUST BEING NICE IS NOT ENOUGH
Yes! You need power! You need presence! You need understanding, tactics, skills, emotional flexibility to be able to navigate her shadows like a master.
WHY YOU MUST SHARPEN YOUR WEAPONS
Because if you don’t you might get destroyed by her shadows. She pushes you to evolve! She tests you! If you see her as your shadow trainer, you see that she’s in fact inviting you to become a more powerful and evolved human being.
THE POWER OF TRAUMA BONDING
Diving into the shadows together and for instance having a deep powerful awakening fight is an incredibly bonding or destructive experience. If you project guilt, shame for the shadows you just touched, you create a disturbance in your field. Love the tensions! Love the shadows! Each one is an access to energy and expansion. Mastering a shadow zone together is a powerful bonding experience
WHAT TO DO WITH TOXIC SHADOWS?
Sometimes, the degree of toxicity is too high and all you can do is take distance and protect yourself.
WHY SHE NEEDS HER SHADOWS
Because they are part of her. They are part of her personality vehicle and some of these shadows define her as a human being. Like the Yin and Yang she is made of lights and shadows. It’s the combination of these two qualities that brings balance to her world.
HOW SHE MIGHT ESCAPE HER SHADOWS
Sometimes a woman can get saturated with situations that expose her. If your relationship brings emotions and attitudes she can’t stand, she will find excuses to get out. For instance if she gets easily upset or triggered when she is with you, she will naturally seek easier situations where she doesn’t get upset or triggered. She might do that by escaping your relationship and maybe connect with a new fresh lover where these triggers are not yet exposed. This is a form of avoidance or escapism.
Asking her to stay present with you and face some of the shadows she can’t stand is like asking her to go into her threatening dark forests to face her dragons. She might not be ready for this and do everything she can to avoid that experience.
LIMIT HER SHADOW’S IMPACT
By giving her clear and targeted boundaries. For instance “Don’t physically hurt me”, “Don’t hurt yourself”, “Don’t break things in the house”, “Not now!”, “Don’t attack my friends”, “Don’t escalate a conflict on social networks”. See? Those are simple boundaries that help you contain her shadow’s impact
IS SHE SLAVE TO HER SHADOWS?
Maybe! Before shadows become conscious, shadow waves can rule her world and her interactions with you. She might trigger a fight when all you want is to be romantic. That’s a self destructive or sabotage pattern. If it’s a conscious choice, that’s great but most of the times, especially if she never dove in introspective explorations, her shadow outbreaks might dominate her world.
TRAIN YOUR EMOTIONAL RESPONSES
Your response is not some mental information that you apply to a situation. You must embody the solution by activating a certain set of emotions, energy and mental response to what she exposes you to. This embodiment is a full mind set, energy reality or frequency you tap into.
You train your emotional felxibility by being exposed to the same shadow multiple times until you master your response. Each time you get hit, you could assess the quality of your response – 0%-100%? How high do you score? – The goal is to be in the 80%-100% range. You might gloriously succeed one day and miserably fail another time. It’s ok! Mastery comes with practice.
AVOID SHADOW ESCALATION
This is essential!!! If a shadow outbreak is contained between you two, you can oversee the dynamics and influence each other. If you bring in family, friends or a whole social network, dynamics get quickly out of control and you might get a whole community in shadow mode instead of just you and your girlfriend.
KEY TACTICS TO PROTECT YOURSELF
Take care of yourself! Take care of your needs! Step out of the conflict zone if it gets too much.
BEAUTY OF HER SHADOWS
Yes! Once you accept her shadows you will see beauty appearing in them like sparks of energetic revelation. You might perceive the juicy erotic power behind her rage or the gentle innocence behind a lie. That’s when deeper layers of delicious love and respect for each other really kick in.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ACCEPT HER AS SHE IS
She relaxes and feels seen. She feels accepted the way she is. Her radiance, respect and love toward your mature male response expands in waves of refined energy. She is touched and in reflection discovers that she can equally love herself. Profound degrees of shame and guilt around her shadows might instantly dissolve.
FORGIVE HER OR RESENT HER?
Resentment is not a nice feeling to be in, right? Forgiveness opens space and flow. Which one will you choose?
WHAT IS THE REAL SOURCE OF HER SHADOWS?
Here is the story I have around them… Let’s’ go back to tribal times, 400’000 years ago in the plains of Africa. The human mental body is not yet too developed. The main priority is survival and with survival comes competition. Competition for food, mating or power.
At that time, the distinction between lights and shadows is not clearly defined because modern human conscience is not yet activated.
My guess is that many shadows you see today are the result of instinctual conditioning aimed at creating the highest chances of survival in ancient times. Shadows are defense and attack instincts and survival instincts. What we see today are evolved tactics that were imprinted in human consciousness in ancient times.
I might explore this topic further in the future.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HER SHADOWS
Right or wrong is a distinction you can try to drop. Instead you can use words like pleasant or unpleasant, in integrity or out of integrity, aggressive or peaceful. Make it specific rather than using general words like right or wrong.
One abusive shadow from her might send you spinning in a chain reaction of realizations that could fundamentally shift your perspective on life. See that? Look at this larger picture and the potential depth of a shadow experience. You might instantly see how concepts of right and wrong quickly dissolve.
BE FASCINATED BY HER SHADOWS
Yes, open your eyes wide and be curious about what you see. Once you stop the judging process and tune into the beauty that is revealed to you, shadows take a whole different flavor.
LOVE HER SHADOWS
You can’t fully love her without embracing her shadows.
WHEN HER SHADOWS ARE NO LONGER A CHALLENGE
You develop deep degrees of emotional flexibility. You access a complete set of life tactics to help you surf her shadow waves. You are no longer affected by the variety of shadow flavors she blasts you with. Shadow mastery! How does that feel? Is this what you want?
PS: Escape is always an option 😉
BE SPACIOUS ENOUGH TO HONOR HER SHADOWS
Don’t block her flow! See? The expression of her shadows are a sacred opening into deep layers of her consciousness. Blocking her shadow flow means robbing her from potentially life changing experiences.
HER SHADOWS ARE INTEGRAL PART OF HER NATURE
Yes! Her shadows are deeply embedded instincts that help her thrive on this planet. Shadows are useful to her. Help her bring awareness and choice to her unique shadow expressions. Don’t be the one who tells her how to use them unless she asks you to. Finding her own answers and attitudes around her shadows is her responsibility, not yours.
ENTER IN RESONANCE WITH HER SHADOWS
Her shadows are an energy reality you can discover and listen to as if it was a whole universe. It is complex, refined, beautiful, conscious, intelligent. It is an intelligent spirit you can consciously enter in resonance with. This is next level magic for you! Become an agent of her own revelation.
HER SHADOWS ARE GIFTS TO YOU
Yes! They are gifts because they challenge and force you forward in your own evolution. Without her shadows you might stay stacked in your comfort zone and stop expanding.
MASTER YOUR SHADOW TRAINING SPACE
Your shadow training is an evolutionary process you engage into with her as your shadow trainer. When you embody this shadow training experience, you realize that this is not about your couple. It is about using the relationship’s space as a training ground. Of course the romantic dynamics exist as well and we are not denying them.
Master your shadow training space by being aware of regulating intensity, rhythm, deep intention, dedication to explore, openness to new ideas, emotional flexibility activation, and much more.
Everything changes once you realize that this is a set up to get you to evolve. You become a proactive participant rather than a trapped victim.
WHAT IS HER ROLE AS YOUR SHADOW TRAINER?
Her role is to challenge you! It is to expose your weaknesses and vulnerabilities. It is to help you tap into your deepest potential! It is to expose you to energetic storms that will test you to the limit.
ACTIVATE YOUR STEADY POWER
Activate your power to stay untouched in non reactive mode. Dissolve your trigger hooks and realize that you can just smile at anything she says.
WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR RAGE?
Once it is activated, channel it, release it or hold it! Rage is a form of extreme anger which is simply freedom breaking through your system.
DESTROY YOUR EXPECTATIONS
Totally!!! As a shadow trainer she will expose you to total unpredictability. This is part of the game!
WHAT IS IN IT FOR YOU?
Are you kidding? Listen to what I just said! Being exposed to her shadows is the precious nectar that invites you into your highest potential as human being. It is the equivalent of retreating to a desert cave to face the darkest parts of human consciousness.
She is a guide in this exploration. Let her wake you up!
YOUR CORE RESPONSE TACTICS
Once you identify her shadowscape, it is time to design your tactics. I give you a few in these articles. However the only way to find out what works for you is to test these tactics in live situations. You will discover that some tactics work really well while others are totally useless for you. You might realize for instance that kindness and presence are a winning combination in your case while influence and trying to coach her bring no success.
TIME TO STEP OUT?
Yes! You might reach this saturation point where her shadows become too toxic or destructive. Check it out and if you get hit by that breaking point, step out gracefully.
Stepping out can mean a temporary pause of an hour, a few days or a few weeks. It can be as well a permanent separation.
While you are in pause, analyze shadow dynamics and design new tactics. You might as well just need a short break to rebuild your energy before going back to battle.
HER FAVORITE SHADOW ATTACKS
If you analyse exactly what she does, you might identify a set of of core shadow attitudes she activates frequently. This is her core shadow cocktail and represents the most common conditioned patterns she falls back into.
What is your lover’s shadow cocktail? Give me 5 shadows that come frequently.
RESCUE HER OR LET HER BE?
You are not responsible for her! She is! If she wants to evolve it’s her responsibility to do so. The moment you take responsibility for her dynamics, it creates an energetic loop that keeps you trapped in her world.
Of course, express nurturing care, take her in your arms when she needs it. By doing so, realize you are not fundamentally altering her shadow dynamics. You nurture her with love and once she is strong, she might attack you again on the spot!
FEEL THE FREEDOM WAY
The freedom way is liberation. It is the detachment from the idea that things must be a certain way. Expectations create anticipation and tension in you. Drop expectations and be present enough to allow the subtle forces of the invisible to guide you in this exploration.
DESTROY SMALL SHADOW STORIES
Self pity, victimization or neediness! All these low frequency responses don’t serve you! Kick them out of your system and aim for power blasts instead!
WHAT ARE HIGHER SHADOW FREQUENCIES?
Higher shadow frequencies are conscious shadows. When you are aware of your shadows and still decide to play with these forces, it becomes a conscious choice. People around you still see the same shadow behaviors but for you, the experience has radically shifted. Awareness and presence completely shift the shadow frequency. You go from being enslaved by a dynamic to being its master.
HOW TO MASTER YOUR OWN SHADOWS
First step is acceptance. As long as you are in denial you can’t tackle them. Once you accept the dynamics that play through you, learn to pause, stay present and start gently seeing other expression pathways.
You will see for instance that in specific trigger situations, instead of diving in anger mode, a bit of humor might shift your mood and bring lightness.
HOW TO OWN YOUR ANGER
Check my site for anger release and anger expression tactics. The goal is to expand your energy and open space for emotional release. Contracted energies create pain. Use fire breath, shaking and other activation techniques. Check the VITAL FORCE section on my site for more.
EMBRACE YOUR OWN SHADOWS
This is shadow mastery. Once you know your shadows and want to play with them consciously, you are free to do so. Expansion comes from making shadows conscious and realizing you have choice.
Realize as well that once you invite a shadow in your field, you will probably get hit by the same mirror shadow at some point. For instance if you don’t like being exposed to lies or manipulation, stay away from these patterns yourself yourself, that way these frequencies will stay out of your field.
WHAT IS YOUR DEEPEST INTENTION?
Your deepest intention is complete energetic life mastery. Everything you do is aimed at mastering environments. Sex, money, food, body, emotions, spirit, etc. These specific realities and your goal is to master them all.
By mastering I mean having a degree of optimization in the 80%-100% range. This means being able to skillfully navigate the challenges that come your way. You don’t aim for perfect! You aim for good! There is room for mistakes and experimentation.
CORE MISTAKES YOU CAN MAKE AROUND HER SHADOWS
In my experience, complaining, whining or victimizing are the most disempowering mindsets you can fall into.
IDENTIFY HER SHADOW WEAPONS
Why call them weapons? Because her shadows feel like attacks on your field. I do feel that the term weapon is appropriate. I started using this word years back when analyzing jealousy dynamics. I wrote a few books on the topic and used expressions like “Master your jealousy weapons”. Years later, it still sticks. I feel it’s a match
WHAT TO DO WHEN SHE IS ON A SHADOW TRIP
Stay present and centered! Don’t dive in reactive mode! If you can’t be exposed to her shadows because of other priorities, leave and tell her you will check in later.
WHAT ARE HER SHADOW TRIGGERS?
A trigger is a life situation or one of your attitudes that activates her to reactive mode. As her lover, it is essential to identify her core triggers. She might gt reactive when you are “Being unresponsive on messenger”, “Connecting with other women”, “Questioning her choices”, “Not being present after love making”, etc.
Some of these triggers might be justified. She might have a point. Other triggers might be completely unjustified, the result of delusional visions, projected stories or over reactive attitudes.
EMBRACE HER SHADOWS
They are gateways to your evolution. They are opportunities to expand and discover essential new life skills.
SOFT SHADOWS AND AGGRESSIVE SHADOWS
Soft shadows might be insecurity, self esteem gap, self doubt, etc. Aggressive shadows are for instance anger, frustration, judgement or manipulation. I use as well terms like INTERNALIZED SHADOWS and EXTERNALIZED SHADOWS.
WHAT ARE SHADOW FIELDS?
A shadow field is a situation, context, area of your life that is in shadow. For instance your whole sex life might be a shadow field. Your weekends as a couple might be a shadow field because of the explosive outbreaks that they systematically bring. A certain conversation topic like political choices or your ex girlfriend might be shadow fields. A certain restaurant or specific place in nature might be shadow fields because of they seem to be systematic trigger spots.
SHADOW FIELDS AND LIGHT FIELDS
A light field is a place where harmony, connection and love get systematically activated. You might seek these places or conversation topics when there is tension. It might be a good friend who always activates harmony and laughter. It might be a happy memory from your recent past.
HER SHADOWS FEED HER
When shadows get triggered, they often shift her to survival mode. Adrenaline pumping through her veins gives her a sense of high! Activating her shadows definitely feeds A part of her being. Even a soft shadow like insecurity will bring her to a familiar place of comfort. It might not be pleasant but it’s an emotional cave she knows very well.
HER SHADOWS AS HER TRUTH
Anger for instance can be an intimate part of HER. The distinction we make between lights and shadows might dissolve and all that is left is a conscious state of being.
WHAT ARE MATURE SHADOWS?
Mature shadows are conscious shadows. They are mature when she is master of her shadows not their slave. Mature shadows are as well weapons, emotions, reactions she uses in conscious ways because she knows that this specific tactic will trigger breakthroughs and evolution.
HOW TO AVOID SELF SABOTAGE?
By not following her into her shadows. You don’t have to identify with what goes on. You can witness, be present and stick to what’s real and true to you.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RESIST A SHADOW WAVE?
Very often it keeps coming with higher intensity until you are ready to listen. Shadow waves are your teachers. If you must undergo a certain experience that will evolve you, resisting that shadow program will just delay something that is often inevitable.
FIND ENERGY IN HER SHADOWS
Shadows can have lots of juice! Especially with aggressive shadows, they are an opportunity to wake up lots fire, energy, presence, joy or even orgasmic trance. If you stop resisting shadows and embrace them, they become energy waves you can masterfully surf.
THANK HER FOR THE EXPERIENCE
Let her know you are grateful. Let her see that you understand the deeper evolutionary dynamics behind her shadows. Show her the places where you evolved. Tell her what shifts in you after getting hit by her shadow waves.
BE CURIOUS ABOUT HER SHADOWS
This is a powerful core tactic. Most guys will be like “What’s wrong with you!!!” when they get hit by female shadows. They think she needs to be fixed. Instead dive in these shadow spaces and see their beauty. Be curious about her triggers and all the dynamics she exposes you too. This exploration is a delicious gift.
HOW TO REJECT A NEGATIVE CHARGE
A simple way to do that: “NOT NOW!”. You can tap in this simple boundary any time. It doesn’t mean that you won’t check in later, it means that now is not the right time.
LER HER SHADOWS BE
Yes! Let them be! Be ok with her not being perfect, or a projection of your abstract ideal. You don’t have to fix her. You don’t have to rescue her. That’s HER job if she wants to. Simply being a witness is often the best present you can give her. It gives her space to check her own processes in a pressure free way.
DOING SHADOW CHECKS OR LETTING SHADOWS BE?
Both options work really well. Shadow checks are opportunities to analyze, reflect and share. If you don’t check in, stories and separation can quickly take place.
HER SHADOWS AS DEFENSE WEAPONS
Totally! Many of her shadows are just defence mechanisms she developped to stay safe. Some other dynamics are more aggressive tools she developed to get what she wants. A toddler screaming for ice cream is a human being using an aggressive tactic (peak sounds) to get what he wants. At least, that’s one way to look at it.
OBSERVE HER SHADOW CYCLES
You might notice that shadow and light waves hit your couple in regular rhythms. It is like tide coming in and out at regular intervals. It is energies alternating. Sometimes, you think you are in shadow and the mood shifts to light without apparent reason.
HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM TOXICITY
Stay away from it. Evolutionary shadows are very different from just toxicity. Sometimes shadows will evolve to a place where they are just a field of permanent stacked harassing energies. Separation, distance, disengaging or no contact are often the best possible responses.
FORGIVE YOURSELF IF YOU MESS UP
It’s all an exploration! Mastering shadows takes practice! To win these challenges you must be willing to engage without having all the answers. Learn fast but be ok with trying new attitudes to see what works best. If you notice that you mess up, let her know, forgive yourself and tell her exactly how you thrive to behave if you are exposed to the same situation again in the future.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ENTER IN REACTIVE MODE
You lose presence! Instead of being the master of your emotional state, you become its slave.
SHADOWS BUILD UP ON FRICTION
Friction creates fire and fire is energy. In a few days together, the energetic peak experience might be a shadow outbreak because of the fire intensity created through friction.
WATCH SHADOWS DISSOLVE AS YOU ACCEPT THEM
If you never had that experience, you will be blown away the first time it happens. You will see your being relaxing in the middle of a shadow outbreak. You will see yourself being a peaceful witness in the middle of this energetic storm.
FEEL HER SHADOW ATTACK IN YOUR BODY
It’s fascinating to feel energetic impacts on your body. It might feel like contraction in the throat, stomach area or back of the head.
SHADOW INTEGRATION IS AN ENERGETIC EXPERIENCE
Shadow integration happens on a multiple levels. Shadows impact your thoughts, emotions and energy body. On an energy level, you feel your body integrating a certain frame, vibration or frequency. It is a new energy reality that eventually becomes part of you. If you have multiple shadow experiences, the accumulation of these integrated patterns becomes your shadow vehicle. This shadow vehicle is an instinctual response system that gets activated when new similar shadows hit you.
When men say they are not equipped to deal with female shadows, what they miss is this shadow vehicle, the response frames to receive shadow impacts.
ANATOMY OF HER SHADOWS
You can analyze and describe her shadows like a landscape or body of energies. These energies are not just random. They have structure, trigger points, response channels, integration dynamics or forgiveness pathways. If we could analyse the biochemical processes associated with shadow outbreaks we would see a precise architecture of hormonal reactions and other biochemical mechanisms.
LOUD AND SOFT EMOTIONS
Loud and soft are intensity measures. You can quantify the shadows intensity. For instance you can have an anger outbreak of 45% intensity. This is an intuitive estimation but gives you hints about your best response tactic.
WHY EXPOSE YOURSELF TO HER SHADOWS
Because her shadows evolve you. A shadow scape is a playground that speeds up your destiny.
SHADOWS ARE SOURCES OF POWERFUL ENERGY
Shadows tap in deep sources of locked emotions that rarely come to the surface. An anger outbreak might be a transformative experience that boosts your power.
SHADOWS WANT TO BE INTEGRATED
Exactly! They don’t want to be ignored. They want to be seen, acknowledged and witnessed.
CORE TACTICS TO TAME HER SHADOWS
I have an in depth article about that one but here are some hints: space to express, boundaries, emotional flexibility, gratitude, presence, engaging, acceptance, influence, regenerating, staying centered, wisdom, forgiveness, lightness, respect, love, distance, understanding.
FEEL THE INTEGRATION THRESHOLD
Feel if you are saturated or if you can take more. Where are you at? If you already had 3 major shadow outbreaks today, staying away from each other for a few hours or a few days might be the best way to go.
HER TRIGGER IS AN ENERGY INTEGRATION
A trigger is an energy impacting her and creating an emotional reaction. The emotional reaction is linked with a whole mind set which is a combination of thoughts, feelings, emotions and energy state. The triggered reaction is an attempt to deal with or integrate an energy impacting her field.
HITTING YOU WITH A SHADOW IS A WAY TO SEEK CONNECTION
This is essential! She hits you with a shadow because she wants connection. Her emotional reaction is an attempt to stay connected. A traumatic fire experience is a bonding link.
10 MALE BEHAVIORS THAT MIGHT TRIGGER HER
Disrespect, ignoring her, being reactive, victimization, disconnection, avoidance, demands, betrayal, immaturity, rigidity.
HOW TO RESPOND TO HER EMOTIONAL THREATS
Stay calm, listen, be curious, give her space to express, thank her for voicing her truth, ask her for clarification, be respectful and diplomatic. That’s the soft and centered response.
If she crosses the line and you are both mature enough, you can increase the heat and go into VITAL FIGHT mode. This is challenging to navigate. It takes two two conscious mature players to succeed. Check the VITAL FIGHTS section on my site for more on this.
COACH HER THROUGH HER SHADOWS
If she’s open for it, that’s an option of course. Here are some core steps to follow in this process: ask her for permission, ask her how you can help her, don’t force your agenda on her, offer new perspectives, validate what she does right, etc. If you have little to no coaching experience, it can be tricky to navigate without getting her on reactive mode.
HOW TO RESPOND WHEN SHE GETS TRIGGERED
Hold space, offer kindness and love, stay centered, stay calm, stay non reactive.
HOW FEMALE SHADOWS CAN DESTROY YOUR LIFE
Female shadows can be devastating for you. If a woman decides to go on a character assassination mission on social networks, she can completely sabotage your career for instance. She can discredit you in front of your friends, physically or emotionally hurt you really bad.
The dynamics I describe in these articles are mainly for emotional challenges that don’t involve dangerous forms of escalation. If you are dating a psychopath who is on the edge of physically hurting you, get out of there! These techniques won’t be enough in these extreme shadow zones. The main solution when shadows get extreme are distance and no contact.
TRUST HER SHADOWS
There is wisdom in many of her shadows. I often say to my female shadow trainers “You are the voice of my spirit! I completely trust what you bring in my life! You are here to evolve me!”.
DEEP TRAUMAS IN COLLECTIVE FEMALE CONSCIOUSNESS
This is why there is so much rage, hurt, trauma in female consciousness. It is because over the centuries such abuses have been imprinted in the female mind that they stay in the field, part of the female collective consciousness. Sometimes, the emotions she projects on you come from her past and have nothing to do with you. A simple word might trigger old wounds. These wounds might go way back beyond her lifetime even to centuries or thousands of years ago.
WHY SEX IS A SHADOW GATEWAY
Because it brings lots of fire and passion. A deep merging of energies happens with sex and this highlightS shadow zones that would otherwise not be revealed.
ARE YOU TOO VULNERABLE TO HER SHADOWS?
Being open and sensitive are qualities that make you extremely prone to her attacks. It is often from a place of vulnerability that your shadow training starts. One of the core targets of this exploration is to strengthen your energy body and give you new powers. You develop this new presence by being exposed to her fire waves, integrating, regenerating and going back to it. This is a powerful energy training that strengthens your being.
GET YOUR FULL POWER BACK AFTER A SHADOW ATTACK
You must use energy techniques and clean life style choices! This is an energetic exploration that requires your complete focus. If you make self destructive choices like alcohol or drugs, you might lose presence and slow down your evolution. Shadow dynamics are complex. It is easier to master them if you isolate them rather than mixing them with other strong energetic shadow inputs.
WHY SHE MIGHT BE TWO STEPS AHEAD OF YOU
Because she is inspired from a higher place. She is not here to make it easy for you. She is the voice of your spirit and the forces watching this game want you to evolve as fast as possible. She is given the tools to be that trainer and force you in high speed energetic integration.
RELEASE WITH ENERGY TECHNIQUES
After a shadow outbreak you must go back to yourself. Rebuild your strength with energy techniques like fire breath, shaking, time in nature, workout, etc. Check the VITAL FORCE channel on this site for more.
HOW TO USE HER SHADOW FIRE?
Use her fire by shifting energy states and moving with the energetic intensity that she offers you. If you are calm and she wants to pick up a fight, jump on your feet and engage on the spot. This could be an opportunity for a peak fightgasm experience.
BEING AROUND HER FEELS LIKE WALKING ON THIN ICE
Totally, when her triggers are sharp and alive, one wrong word can bring an instant attack. Instead of being afraid breaking through this ice, realize that the cold hit from frozen waters might wake you up. Walk in trust and power rather than in fear. A radical perspective on that one would be “Don’t give a fuck!”. Try it! It’s an interesting one to explore.
It’s a jungle of powerful emotions!
EMOTIONAL ABUSE TOWARDS MEN
Call it what it is! If a woman is aggressive toward you with or without reason, attacks you verbally or physically, projects all these untamed emotions on you, that’s emotional abuse. No need to victimize. Simply go back to your power and design the best possible tactics.
CHANEL LOVE ON EACH OTHER
Use love and care for each other in recovery periods. The fact that you had a big fight doesn’t mean that you have to hold to it. Be emotionally flexible, catch the next energy flow, shift vibes and go back to love.
HER SHADOW WEAPONS
When I started analyzing this question a couple years back, I was blown away by the diversity and depth of what women can project on men. In one of my articles I identified more than 300 simple female shadow behaviors that can trigger men. I showed this article to one of my friends who was exposed to female shadow attacks. I asked him out of 10 random specific attack examples which ones he was being exposed to. His answer was stunning: “All of them!”.
PROTECT YOUR NETWORK FROM HER SHADOWS
It’s essential to avoid escalation! This shadow training is for you, not for your social circle. Let your lover know that! This is a clear boundary she must not cross. Escalating the fight means going public on shadow networks, attacking your friends or spreading rumors about you.
HOW TO SHIFT FROM DISSONANCE TO RESONANCE
Practice VITAL SEX techniques. Check that section of my site. You will discover dozens of simple techniques, like eye gazing, sensual touch or gentle breathing that bring back resonance and emotional connection
WHAT IS DISSONANCE?
Dissonance is disharmony. Both of these terms invoke the lack of harmony in the musical energy waves that you make.
BE HER SHADOW TRAINER
You can shift roles. You can become her shadow trainer too and get her to evolve. That’s a whole other program!!! Coming soon!
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SAY NO TO A WOMAN
Exactly! A clear “no” is a simple boundary that creates safety in your shadow exploration. You can tap in this core tactic any time! Get her to respect it!
ARE YOU REACTIVE TO HER TRIGGERS?
If her triggers overwhelm you, it means that you are still vulnerable. You can be exposed to her triggers and be completely untouched and non reactive. It is a skill you train.
HOW TO STAY CONNECTED WITHOUT OPENING UP TOO MUCH
Your shadow training brings you to a place where you can love and be open without being energetically sensitive to her attacks. This is part of your training and a skill you will access as you evolve.
MANIFEST YOUR CORE FROM WITHIN HER SHADOWS
In the middle of a shadow attack, you will start touching deep degrees of bliss! It is the eye in the middle of the hurricane. There is an access to bliss in every shadow. The first time you experience this kind of bliss trance, you will be blown away by the energetic secret being revealed to you!
USE HER SHADOWS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR CORE
Your energy body responds in an instinctual way when exposed to her fire. You must jump in it, accept to play and be ok with the original sensations of deep discomfort. Once this discomfort passes, you will hit calm strength before refreshing blissgasm waves kick in. It is coming! Be ready for a complete perspective shift!
WHICH OF THESE 2 STORIES WILL YOU CHOOSE?
VICTIMIZATION or MASTERY? The choice is yours! If you keep resisting or rejecting the experience, feel sorry for yourself, you will completely miss the point. I am here to guide you in a fundamentally different self mastery experience.
HOW TO STAY IN HIGH FREQUENCY ZONE NO MATTER WHAT
It comes with emotional training. After a while, even the possibility to lower your frequency tends to disappears. You stay in your strength, navigating various degrees of peak experiences. How is that even possible? You will see! Magic is coming your way.
DOES SHE JUST GET BORED WHEN THERE IS NO DRAMA?
Maybe! 😉 High intensity emotions drive a chain reaction of addictive biochemicals throughout her system. The day can be calm and a bit flat until a triggers kicks in. This outbreak could be the moment she gets her adrenaline fix for the day. Something to be explored…
WHY DENYING HER SHADOWS IS A MISTAKE
Because you completely miss the point if you do. Just name and label realistically things for what they are. If it’s hatred you feel, call it hatred. If you feel anger, no need to rename it or find a distorted way to reposition it. Anger is sacred! Shadows are sacred! No need to modify or rephrase these words. They are divine access gateways exactly the way they are.
PROTECTIVE LOCKS ACTIVATED AGAINST HER SHADOWS
You might experience core sensations around your energy body. For instance you might feel strong anger contraction in your stomach/solar plexus area. Some of these contractions are protective instinctual energy locks your energy body sets up to limit the impact of her shadows.
It might feel like these locks are contracting your flow. When that happens no need to release. It is a natural instinctual defence to protect your energy. These locks often naturally dissolve when they are no longer needed. This dissolution takes you back to relaxation.
DELAYED TRIGGERED RESPONSE
Sometimes a potential shadow outbreak gets released. She feels her trigger but chooses harmony instead. This doesn’t mean that the trigger is gone. It could reappear at some point in the future. You might see her get angry over something that feels insignificant. In that case the original wounding might come from an older shadow event that is still stacked in her system.
PLAY WITH EMOTIONAL FLEXIBILITY WHEN EXPOSED TO HER INTENSE ENERGETIC SHIFTS
When a woman shifts her mind a lot, play with emotional flexibility. Observe your ability to state shift very fast. For instance she might give you break up hints in the morning and tell you she wants to be with you forever the same evening.
Both of these states are true and real to her at these specific moments. Feelings change! They evolve! Instead of resisting what she says in the evening by reminding her of her morning’s intention, play with going with her flow. This can be magical and fun.
EXPOSE HER TO YOUR OWN SHADOWS OR HOLD BACK?
If you both step in with full shadow power, this could destroy your connection. You might burn the pipes with too much intensity. If your goal is to sustain connection, be aware of how much energetic intensity your couple can take. If you have a burning shadow you want to release play with right timing. You can either release your tension in your own time or you can open it in your couple when the moment is right.
ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS AS SPIRITUAL TRAINING GROUND
Everything I tell you here is about expanding your being, consciousness and full potential as a human being. This deep evolution is accelerated by what you face in the context of your love life. Your couple is your training ground. Your lover is your shadow trainer.
Stress is one of the core forces that drives human evolution. It forces you to mutate and adapt. This is how species evolve. It is often in moments of deep challenge that the planet and humankind takes powerful evolutionary leaps forward.
TUNING INTO ENERGETIC FREQUENCIES
Comes a moment where you start feeling energetic frequencies rather than isolated words or facts. You see for instance that a whole rant is a certain frequency or energy wave. You might notice another energy wave kicking in that might bring freshness and positivism. You might have another wave that triggers denial and conflict.
These various waves are like radio channels you can tune in. They are resonance states with specific energy realities.
VARIOUS LEVELS OF EMOTIONAL CHARGE
Listen to the charge when she you are chatting. What is the emotional input in your words? You might say something that sounds nice with a charged undertone. You can as well observe various emotional intensity levels when you speak.
She might talk in a calm voice and be super charged. Or there might be complete coherence between the words and the charge behind them. She might be in full anger mode on all levels or totally calm and loving on all levels.
Is her message emotionally coherent? What about yours? Can you see how the emotional charge and its subtle message is often more important than the words spoken?
OBSERVE THE EXPANSION OR CONTRACTION OF YOUR ENERGY BODY
Observe how her words make you feel. Are you contracting or expanding when she speaks? What messages expand you? What messages contract you?
IS SHE LIMITING YOUR EXPANSION WITH ENDLESS CHALLENGES?
You have two ways to look at it. On one hand she forces you to higher consciousness and presence by challenging you. On the other hand she forces you to invest your time and energy in this shadow training.
Realize that staying or leaving this battle is YOUR choice! No one is forcing you to go through it and you can’t blame her for exposing you to her shadow waves. If you don’t like it, you can pause or stop anytime to invest your energy somewhere else. It is YOUR choice! You are not a victim!
WHY SHE MIGHT RUN AWAY FROM THIS EXPERIENCE
You might come to a place of mastery where you love and accept the full dimension of her shadows, play with them, honor them, are emotionally flexible and so much more.
She still needs to fully love and accept herself. This might be too challenging. Most women will be really threatened by the idea of having a deep look at their own dynamics, remove denial and be in full ownership of how they function.
USE THESE FORMATS FOR CLEAN COMMUNICATION
I use communication formats like VITAL TRUTH, VITAL FIGHTS, VITAL SHARING, SHADOW CHECK, BLIND SPOT CHECK, and many more. I set up timer to limit how long we stay on a topic. We might do for instance 5 min each or we give each other 15 min no interruption VITAL SHARING space. You can as well set up 5 intentions before starting a sharing session.
Setting a structure creates a safe container with intentions and boundaries. It gives communication a cleaner and more focused flow. This is powerful if you intend to make progress with your lover. The alternative to structure is always an option. It is to be in free flow sharing with no structure or boundaries and just being present with whatever comes up.
Much more to say on these formats! More on this coming soon.
WHAT DO ABUSE OUTBREAKS LOOK LIKE?
For most people abuse will come in the form of verbal or emotional abuse. It can take the form of ongoing emotional harassment or guerilla tactics where you simply can’t pause or relax. Triggers keep coming relentlessly. Abusive attacks can come up face to face, on messenger, on social networks or by phone. In the situations I face with clients or social circles, physical abuse is rare.
3 CORE TACTICS TO TACKLE ABUSE OUTBREAKS
- STOP – Give her a boundary “Stop!”, “Pause!”, “Not now!” – You might need to firmly repeat the message a few times until she gets it
- DISENGAGE – Just turn around and leave
- CREATE A CONTAINER – Stop what you are doing and listen
HOW TO CREATE A SAFE CONTAINER FOR HER TRIGGER OUTBREAK
Stop what you are doing. Check that the space is safe and if you are in public, bring her to a safer location. Tell her “It looks like there is something burning you need to share. How about I listen, stay fully present and give you full permission to tell me what’s on your mind? Let’s do that! I am listening and I will not interrupt you until you are done”
HOW TO DISCHARGE SHADOW STATES
I am blown away by how fast a woman’s shadow state can shift. If you see her diving in a self pity rant, try opening your arms with “Whaou! It looks like you could get a deep loving hug right now… Come here…”. The key for you as a space holder is to be present enough to not dive in her shadow wave. Stay present! Offer love!
PRACTICE BEING NON REACTIVE
Especially in the early stages of your shadow training, you might blast in full shadow mode with a simple trigger. She offers you a trigger hook, you grab it and lose it instantly.
To avoid this shadow pattern, you can train being in non reactive mode. It is a conscious choice you make to stay present. Set up your timer for 5 min and give her space to share without interrupting. No matter what she says, you let her speak. When time is over, you can launch another set if she is not done sharing.
Repeat this practice a few times to fully own your “Stay present” or “Non reactive” modes.
THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE TO SHADOW MASTERY
It is “wishing that things were different”. You might be resenting or resisting a shadow outbreak. Dynamics completely change the moment you embrace the challenge and stay completely present in this energetic fight. You start enjoying these dynamics instead of running away from them. It is in this receiving flow that you can touch the deepest shadow nectars.
WHAT IS A SHADOWGASM?
Sometimes you hit this perfect energetic resonance in your response to her shadows. It might be by deep presence, silence or voicing your anger. Each situation has this perfect resonance response. When you hit it, a form of deep grace permeates you. It feels like a downpour of fresh liberating energy throughout your system. I call this a shadowgasm. Sometimes, this flow experience hits you both you and your lover at the same time. It feels like the liberating approval from spirit that tells you that you achieved perfect energetic alignment.
DO THESE TACTICS APPLY ONLY TO YOUR PRIMARY ROMANTIC LOVER?
Of course not! We explore right now shadow dynamics within romantic relationships. Once mastered, many of these approaches can be transferred to non romantic relationships. You can apply them for instance to female friends, mother, colleague, boss, sister teacher and much more. Many of these tactics can as well be transferred to male to male connections like good friends.
Shadows between lovers are way more complex because they involve sexual energy. You meet such a vast diversity of situations. This makes the whole shadow experience way juicier and interesting. Romantic energy brings a specific refined flavor to male female shadows which makes them sweeter and easier to embrace. Sexual or romantic energy creates attraction and pleasure that balances up the potential pain of shadow outbreaks.
WHY I GLORIFY THE SHADOW EXPERIENCE
Because once you dissolve resistance and master these shadow waves, the pleasure, fun and breakthroughs you get from them is magnifiscent! You simply become an energy ninja discovering new moves. Think of the beauty of an aikido master using his opponent’s strength to create flow and harmony. Shadow mastery is a path of flow, harmony, resonance and beauty! It has the potential to take you to incredibly high places and sacred mystical union with the forces that surround us.
MASTER YOUR SHADOW VEHICLE
When in shadow zone you might be in a powerful state of alertness. It is the embodiment of your powers, presence, alignement. You learn to play with and master this energy body that surrounds you. It might feel like a set up, a space, holographic representation or energy reality you step in. As I write these words, the beauty and depth of these experiences strikes me even more. I feel touched and honored.
WHAT IS THE CONNECTION BETWEEN MASTERING HER SHADOWS AND MY VITAL TANTRA SYSTEM?
“MASTER HER SHADOWS” is part of a vaster field I call “VITAL SHADOWS” and “VITAL SHADOWS” is an integral aspect of my VITAL TANTRA” system. In my reality, one of the core aspects of life mastery is this shadow integration. I identify two types of shadows you must master: Shadows that are in you and shadows that are projected on you. “MASTER HER SHADOWS” deals with shadows projected on you within the context of romantic relationships.
7 TACTICS TO MASTER HER ANGER
Stay present, be kind, listen, breathe, move your body, make some sounds, reflect with equal intensity
Different women have different levels of shadow potential. Some women will me more prone to be your shadow trainer and some others will be positioned as light trainers. Some will easily play with both sides. Sometimes you meet a woman and go: “This one is trouble!”. It means that her shadow potential is high.
The shadow world is a universe by itself. No need to be afraid of it. This woman you love invites you into a divine exploration her spirit knows that this experience will expand you.
SHADOW CLEARING SESSION
Many healers, coaches or therapists can help you with restoring your energy body’s full power. You don’t have to fight this battle alone. If you like, you can reach out and tap into my years of experience and wisdom. Check the coaching section of this site for more.
FEEL GOOD TRIGGERS
One of the core tactics to get her to stay in light ode is to use feel good triggers like kind comments, soft touch, getting her food she likes or doing things she usually appreciates. Tapping in feel good triggers is a simple dircet way to deflect shadow outbreaks
WILL SHE RESCUE YOU IF YOU ASK FOR HELP?
I have been blown away by how cold and unapologetic women can be even when they see you emotionally annihilated. Some women will be compassionate if they see you suffer. Some others will make you feel like you deserve it.
SURVIVE THE HURRICANE
See? It’s all about emotional or energy training. A hurricane is just a massive energy increase that creates a hostile environment. What is normal and what is not is very relative to where you are at. There comes a moment when you could be in hurricane mode all the time and find that perfectly normal
Emotional freedom is the key! It is an inner state of being that you consciously activate.
FIRE ENERGIES CHANNELED THROUGH HER
She is a channel to energies that are much vaster than herself. Do you get that? Her being is vast! She is a messenger to your spirit! She is an active agent of your transformation.
HOW TO RESPOND TO A SHADOW FIELD
A shadow field is a shadow cocktail comprised of a combination of multiple shadows. Responding to individual shadows like criticism or anger outbreaks is the first step. The second step is to master these shadow fields where outbreaks can take a vast variety of forms.
Observe if the shadow is slowing down or speeding up.
THE FACT THAT YOU CAN TAKE SHADOW ATTACKS FROM HER DOESN’T MEAN THAT SHE CAN TAKE THEM FROM YOU
Yes! She might project on you a vast diversity of shadow attacks without being able to tackle them herself. The fact that you master some of these challenges doesn’t mean she is herself equipped to deal with any of that.
INTENSIFY HER SHADOWS OR COOL THEM DOWN
Use a disarming tactic or intensify the heat? Pump up or relax?
NOTHING IS FIXED OR CRYSTALLIZED
Her shadows, intentions, unspoken agreements, choices can shift very fast. Her positioning towards you can radically evolve from day to day or even hour to hour. She can position herself as your most dedicated admirer one moment and shift to your worst enemy in no time. None of these mindsets are permanent. The best response is flexibility and adaptability. Her commitment is not to creating safety and continuity. Her commitment is to herself, being in the flow. In the eyes of these very rapid changes, trying to influence her choices or invite continuity might sometimes be successful. However the ultimate solution is to be able to spontaneously navigate any time whatever she throws at you. Resisting this process might lessen your flexibility and rigidify your energy moves.
MORE IMMATURE RESPONSES
Complaining, criticizing her choices, begging,
HOW TO DEFLECT AN ATTACK
Curiosity, interest, humor, play! Activate your energetic ninja moves and discover dozens of possible responses to deflect her attacks.
HOW TO STAY PRESENT WITH IMPULSIVE WOMEN
It’s simply a skill or attitude that you train. Once you find out how to make it click, it stays in your field as an instinctual response you can tap into any time you want.
WHY SHE TRIES TO TAKE YOU DOWN WITH HER
A shadow is like gravity. It tries to take you to the lower point. It is almost a natural incarnation process that takes you to the root raw materials of creation. This is why we use expressions like rock bottom. It is because once you reach it, you can’t go lower. Her shadows will naturally draw you to experience this rock bottom so that you can rebuild your foundations from this rock bottom place.
Not all shadows are loud or explosive. Some shadows can be silent, passive and still transmit a high level of toxicity or shadow energy
LOVE EVERY ASPECT OF HER LIFE
Family, friends, social life, personal space, choices, etc – Embracing her being and accepting her the way she is means embracing her dynamics, mind, emotions, attitudes, choices, etc + All these other aspects that represent her life – Judging any if that is the equivalent to rejecting aspects of her being that she might be attached to – This might create friction and she might feel judged, unseen or unaccepted the way she is. Love all aspects of her life.