< Break up news >

OM just got his life back! Here is what he says:

"Dear Francisco, I bought your e-book program some weeks ago and all I can say is that it saved my life! I am a brand new person and not only has my love life improved tremendously, but everything else around me is booming.

I have recommended many of my friends to sign up with your coaching programs. I have found them to be the most practical and humane approached to handling break up situations for men. Not only that, you have managed to treat the subject so well that not only the man wins but, in the long run, the "ex" wins as well!

Thank you and keep up the great work! - Yours sincerely"

OM - Ecuador

Thanks for these cool words, OM.

Well done!

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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There is a simple reason why a woman might say that: she wants to move on and feel totally free.

She wants as well to make her point that there is no way she'll get back with you.

She simply exaggerates to stress this fact.

When you step out of a relationship, the past might feel like a dream. When you are out of the context, it can be difficult to recall emotions and feelings.

The love you shared was real no matter what she says.

The moments you had together were valuable for you and her at that time.

Again, the only reason she says these things is because she wants to create space in her mind and life so that she can start over.

It comes from a natural need to free herself from any regret which could hold her back.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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It is simple: respect and diplomacy.

When she calls, you can say: "Hi, how are you?" Let her speak for a few seconds.

Then interrupt her and say: "You know what? Now is not a good time. I have to go to ... or deal with..."

If she insists, repeat: "Sorry, now is not a good time..."

And say something like: "I have to go now. Talk to you another time. Take care. Bye"

That's just the general idea.

If you meet her, same story: "Hi!", "Bye, see you later"

Cut any unwanted contact you have with her to 1 minute or less.

That's the best way to not let her in.

You'll be amazed of how good it feels when you apply this simple strategy.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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Of course you can ask her out again if you want to...

What I understand is that you do want to move on.

You do want to forget about her but the belief that you could get back together holds you back, right?

So, here are some reasons that will stop you from asking her out in the future:

• She broke up with you. This means that she no longer wants to be with you. Unless she gives you clear signs that she changed her mind, she will probably reject your offer.
• Se might have someone else in her life, be married or be committed.
• She might perceive you as needy or clingy.
• The reasons she wanted to break up with you in the first place are still there.
• She did outgrow the relationship. She knows everything about you and the sense of excitement you feel when you meet someone for the first time is no longer there.

Now the best way to move on is to understand everything you need to understand from this break up.

This means really seeing the reasons for the end of the relationship so that you can make appropriate changes (if needed) in the way you stand in a relationship in the future.

Sometimes, this means making subtle changes in the way you approach a relationship like getting rid of jealousy and possessiveness, giving her a different type of attention, focusing on fun rather than long term security, etc.

There can be dozens of reasons for a relationship to "dry out" or become limiting for one or both partners.

Find out exactly what the limiting factor for him was:

• Was it simply falling out of love?
• Meeting someone new?
• Tensions in your relationship?
• Something else?

Take some time to find out.

Take this example:

If you build a house and its roof collapses, you want to understand what went wrong, right?

Sometimes, it is due to the natural aging of the structure. Other times, you can see real mistakes and realize that you need to use other materials or architectural frame for the building. It can as well be the wrong location or bad timing.

This is why it is extremely important to take a moment (a week to a month) to understand what you would do differently if you were in a new relationship.

There is something else to accept as well: natural relationship life span.

Nowadays, this life span is much shorter than it was 50 or 100 years ago.

The average marriage lasts 7 years in the US.

A couple who divorces is not an exception, it is a norm.

Partners simply seem to explore most aspects of their relationship faster and reach this point where they simply want to move out and find something new.

I think this has to do with modern needs in human nature.

Sometimes, it is easier to simply accept this natural cycle and move on rather than trying to stretch a relationship with focus and determination.

You can see it that way: a relationship which ends after 7 years (or 3 or 12 or 1 year) did not fail; it simply comes to a natural end.

It was successful while it lasted.

The end of a cycle does not mean failure; it can mean call for a new one or a new beginning.

I am aware that not everyone will embrace this idea.

You can blame yourself, think that it was a mistake, feel guilt, pressure and judgment from yourself and society or you can simply let go and think:

"You know what? I did my best. There seems to be forces at play which are stronger. These forces have another plan in mind. Let's see what happens if I simply go with the flow..."

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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It doesn't make you a bad person but it sure is a lost battle to go that way.

Revenge is a dead end for you and for her!

If you go that way, you'll waste your time and totally miss the point.

Right now, she is building shields so there are very little chances to reach her anyway.

Look for other alternatives to get your power back.

It's okay to use your anger and frustration by the way.

These are positive sources of freeing fire.

Use these to give yourself a positive kick to train and go to the gym.

Simply don't express these forces in a self destructive way.

Don't hurt yourself or anyone else in the process.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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You have to be very careful because it is usually a trap.

You start believing again in your relationship and after a few days or weeks hit again the exact same challenges that did lead to your previous break up.

You realize nothing did change!!!

The situation is still the same.

What happens next?

You usually break up again, except this time, you have even less energy than before to recover your power.

These "Breaking up - Getting back together" direction shifts are extremely draining emotionally!

If your ex talks about reconciliation, here is what you must do:

Sit down and ask her this very simple question:

"Here is the challenge we previously faced in our relationship. How are we going to solve this if it happens again?"

This is the real question she needs to answer before you even try.

You need new skills!

It is pointless to try if you don't have these new skills or strategies, right?

Same actions will lead to the same results: a new break up.

In 95% of the cases, couples who want to try again have no new skills, ideas or strategies to give them greater chances of success.

Within days or weeks after getting back together, they face the exact same limitations and break up again.

Remember this next time your ex talks about possible reconciliation.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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Because it keeps you focused on her.

Sex binds you. It does not free you from her.

The more sex you have with her, the more you see her as your female partner.

You develop attachment from her.

Yes! Sometimes, you will meet and you will both be in the mood for it.

It might happen.

Now, observe what happens just after that?

What happens in the week after?

Do you get this intense feeling of emptiness?

Do you know why?

Because when having sex you invest yourself in her.

You invest yourself but get back nothing.

You end up trapped between conflicting directions.

You spend the next few days or weeks trying to refocus on gaining back your power until she shows up and steals again your newly gained emotional freedom when you have sex.

Don't go that way!

It is a dead end!

I know it is tough but if you want to have sex, focus as much as possible on new partners rather than on your ex.

That way, you will speed up your power recovery!

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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The first week after a break up is obviously the toughest because you are still waking up to this new reality.

In this first week, it is essential to find answers.

Once you can truly grasp why your break up happened it allows you to move on faster.

Here is why:

There is always a lesson to be learned when a relationship ends.

You wants to identify that "lesson".

As long as you don't have that answer or clue, your mind stays focused on this break up going in loops trying to understand.

Finding answers gives you peace of mind.

Now, the answers we talk about are usually simple. They will sound like:

• She met someone else.
• She got bored in the relationship.
• We live too far away from each other.
• I am too young or too old for her.
• She wants children and I don't.
• I betrayed her.
• I have a drug, alcohol or gambling problem.
• I actually asked her to leave because I was unsure if I loved her.
• She wants marriage and I don't.
• She is just impossible to be with. There is nothing I could have done differently.
• I was too possessive.
• I was too kind and did not challenge her enough.
• We were incompatible on so many levels.
• We have too different visions about life and values.
• Etc.

Once you have the answer, ask yourself these simple questions:

• If I was confronted with the same situation again, what would I do differently?
• Would I change my behavior or attitude?
• What are the new relationship skills I can learn?
• Should I look for someone who is more compatible with me?
• Am I good as I am and she is simply not the right person? Isn't this break up a wake up call for me to move on?
• What exactly did we miss as a couple to make it work?

When you dive in this, you develop new relationship and dating skills that you will use in the future.

I say it again, there is no need to blame yourself and stay in a "guilt mode" if you feel you did not perform too well in that past relationship.

A mistake is only mistake when you don't learn from it.

If you learn from it, it is simply a life experience which allows you to become a better person.

Remember as well that she is probably responsible at 50% for what happened in the relationship.

You usually share responsibility for a break up.

It is usually not one or the other person's fault.

I am sure you have good relationship skills and so does she.

Identify exactly what you missed and make sure that you bring these new ingredients in your future dating and relationship life.

Makes sense, right?

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power

vitalcoach

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Why not? I mean, what is so scary about this idea?

The good news is that the good moments you experienced together will never be totally gone.

You can always recall memories if you want to.

The truth is that the more you dwell in the past, the less you are able to focus on your future.

Create space rather than limiting yourself!

You will usually notice that when you see her as a friend it just makes you want her back.

See the contradiction?

This means that right now, it is easier to live without her.

You are not running away from anything by saying "no" to an active friendship for now.

By focusing on your own life, you are just embracing the possibilities which are ahead of you.

Right now, she is like a weight which limits you emotionally and has the power to stop your from moving forward.

You will notice that once you rebuild your new life fully, seeing her won't challenge you at all.

At that time, you will probably notice that even the desire to spend time with her might be totally gone as well.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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Well, the entire e-book and MP3 audios are actually focused on that.

It is about action rather than victimization.

Because your emotional base is shifted instantly when you break up, it takes some time to rebuild your mind accordingly.

Right now, you are standing in front of this mountain and wonder if there is a magic pill which will transpose you to the summit instantly.

You can guess my answer right?

It all starts with a first step (you already took that one by searching for help, getting this e-book, etc.)

Now, the next step is to apply all strategies described in your program.

The top key ones are to train, go to work and lightly activate your social life.

These three elements are described in detail in your e-book and this is what keeps you focused.

By taking positive action consistently, you rebuild yourself a new power base.

Give yourself a month to reach your target of being back at 80% of your power.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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Having a light contact every now and then like, a short email or phone call once a week is very different than spending a whole evening together holding hands and feeling miserable about what you two think you lost.

There is an exact measure you have to discover.

If in doubt, focus on other social connections rather than your ex.

Remember that she is part of your past, not your future.

Rebuilding something on the ashes of a broken relationship is very challenging.

Most of the times, it is simply easier to move on and find a 100% new and fresh ground.

That's certainly what I would encourage you to do.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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You don't have to be friends with your ex!

It is better to be in good terms but actively building and nurturing a friendship is a whole different story.

You owe her nothing.

Did you try to see her again and noticed that it put you down emotionally?

Conclusion? You are happier when she is not around.

It's okay to put yourself first and respond to what you need.

You don't need to prove anything to anyone.

Take your full life and freedom back.

They are yours and belong to you only!

You are the one who decides what to do with them.

Remember that many people decide to go for "no contact" after breaking up.

This is precisely to give them time to rebuild a life without their ex.

Once your life is totally rebuilt and you have 100% of your power back, seeing her again might feel totally easy.

In the meantime, I would encourage you to be firm and engage only in what empowers you.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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Okay!

When she breaks up nothing prepares you in life for that.

You have two ways to go.

• The first one is to go into a victim role for the next month, 6 months or even years!
  
• The second option is to wake up new fighting skills and realize that your life is under attack!

What do you do when you life is under attack?

You defend yourself, right?

You wake up new survival and fighting tools and go for it!

What are these fighting tools?

They are your survival drive! They are this survival instinct which wakes up when your life is in crisis.

The truth is that if you face the battle, you will win it very fast.

Why?

Because these survival skills are in you already!

They are a set of instinctual reactions you wake up to get your full power back.

These instincts will lead you to refocus and give energy back to what needs it most right now: YOU!

As long as you stay focused on your ex, the past or trying to get back together, you waste your precious time and energy!

As long as you stay focused on her, you give her more power and drain yourself.

The only single shift you need to make right now is realize it is over, clear your personal space, and make sure that you win this challenge.

I know that this article strikes a chord because I spoke with dozens of men in your situation.

I am here to help you win this battle.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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The first challenge is to bring back your full attention to your own life.

This means shifting from "us" or "couple" to "me!", "individual".

A break up is a crisis situation.

A crisis requires emergency resources.

What are these resources?

You can call them survival drive.

These are natural instincts which wake up when your life is in danger.

It is like an adrenaline rush or a specific shift in your consciousness.

A break up means that the relationship vehicle has collapsed.

This relationship vehicle used to provide you with an emotional base.

This was your life foundation.

It was giving you security.

It is like a temple or a building with two key pillars.

When your partner is gone one of the pillars disappears and this couple unit collapses.

This is why you feel emotionally challenged during that time.

What used to be a secure space with two strong pillars is now a "one person" enterprise.

You are now forced to totally rely on yourself! (Except for family, friends or support network)

Usually, your physical survival is not threatened. You probably have food and shelter.

What tends to be missing is emotional security. You feel a gap.

This challenge can actually be one of the most empowering moments in your life.

During that period you might realize deep truths about your life and tap into resources you did not even know you had.

This is why it can actually be an exciting time when you look at it from that angle.

It is a time for change and renewal.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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I'll be direct, okay?

While friendships, family and support network are important, they are often not enough.

Why is that?

Because a friend is not professionally equiped to support your through this challenge.

Friends have their own sets of life challenges and their own life stays their priority.

When faced with a challenge, it is normal for a friend to support you for a while.

They will take you out or invite you for dinner, listen to your story and try to help the best they can.

However, your friends are not break up experts.

They improvise answers to the challenges you face hoping that their words will have an empowering impact on you.

They hope that this will be enough.

When one of my male friends breaks up, I say:

"Do you want me to help you as a friend or as a coach"

If he says he wants help as a friend, I quickly tend to get frustrated.

I get frustrated because I see a massive difference between professional coaching and helping someone as a friend.

As a friend, I have only a fraction of the tools I have as a coach.

As a friend, I can't be that direct. I can't use tools, strategies, models, tactics and a whole range of approaches available within the coaching space.

As a friend, I sit down, listen and ask a few questions. Often, months or sometimes even years later, my friend's story is still the same.

I meet this man who broke up 2 or 3 years ago and what he says shows me straight away that he did not recover his full power yet. In fact, he talks as if he was still in the middle of his break up.

As a professional coach, it is a different story.

Why? Because you hire me for my expertise.

You hire me because you are ready for change, not because you just want to share.

My experience comes from travelling the break up path with many men like you.

I had of course my own share of life experiences as well, but this is not what gives me the power to help you with this topic.

I know the pitfalls, the areas where you can get stacked or need a significant power kick.

I won't take the steps for you but I do walk the path with you, side by side.

This is the type of support I commit myself to.

I coach because I care.

This is what a friend can't do after a while. A friend will simply run out of ideas and energy.

They can offer you moral support in the early stages but their social life stays geared towards fun.

Your break up can only be the center of attention for so long. After a while, everyone wants to move on, specially if they don't see a change.

Here is another trap: negative attention.

When you are in a break up situation, this is what you get. Sometimes, it is real compassion.

Many times, it is only pity.

Pity is not very useful in helping you get your power back.

In fact it does the exact opposite.

It reinforces your position as a victim.

You must shift this victim role as soon as possible.

You want to be a winner. You are no victim.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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There are basically three avenues you can take if you just broke up:

• The first one is to go solo. You don't look for help. You only rely on yourself and on your inner resources. You might ask some friends for advice and tips on how to handle this situation. You might ask some people for feed back on what to do next.
• The second one is to get a book or e-book on the topic. This option will give you strategies, ideas, mind sets to solve this challenge wisely and effectively. http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm
• The third option is to get live help. Live help means signing in for coaching sessions. You get a whole support structure which gives you a space to share your story, understand the dynamics of your break up, get targeted strategies to deal with the challenges, be warned about break up pitfalls, etc. http://vitalcoaching.com/allareas/buy_credits.htm

You are of course free!!!

You decide the way you want to handle this challenge.

What is the best option?

To tell you the truth, it totally depends on your own life skills and the way you feel right now.

A break up can be very smooth or totally devastating depending on the way you look at it and handle it.

I know many men can take years to recover from a break up.

During that time, they won't date, they will put their whole social life on hold and try to forget while longing every single day to get back to their ex.

2 to 3 years is a long time!!! Far too long if you want to go on with your life!

Imagine the amount of time and opportunities wasted because you are not emotionally ready to move on.

In worst case scenarios, you might not even truly heal because this break up might have totally eroded your self esteem and confidence.

What I see is that your life is under attack.

If you break up, you are challenged by a situation which can negatively impact on all aspects of your life and personality.

The truth is that there is a direct and simple way to handle this situation.

If you get a break up "road map" you can avoid many break up pitfalls and jump to your next life stage much faster.

This does not mean avoiding the mourning period.

It does not mean avoiding key break up or relationship issues.

This is not denial. You don't try to blind yourself from reality.

No, you simply face reality, learn what you need to learn, develop new life power skills and discover how to move on much faster.

This is what I can teach you via my material:

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

or coaching sessions:

http://vitalcoaching.com/allareas/buy_credits.htm

What works best?

Well, both approaches are excellent and they will both give you the targeted support and strategies you need. With live help I will spell out the strategies in greater detail and give you as well continuity in your power recovery path.

I am very much aware that this is an investment. One month coaching is around $200 right now.

I know this system works because I have seen the results. It is rare to have one of my clients need more after that.

Usually after one month, you are ready to start focusing on dating again and manifesting your full personal power.

What does this mean? That within one month, your life can be back on track.

After a break up, especially when she is the one who decides to split, your level of power can be low, sometimes only 20% to 50% of your true potential.

You might have difficulties to eat, work, sleep and stay healthy. This is what I help you with first.

I make sure that your life stays on track.

My goal is to help you get back to a full healthy 100% personal power within one month.

Imagine the impact that this can have in the months or years to come.

It is of course priceless.

After making sure you stay on track, I help you find answers. You probably have questions like:

• Why did that happen?
• Why did she leave?
• Could I have avoided it?
• Etc.

We'll find direct answers to these questions.

The next step is to design a strategy for the future.

Many men want to try to get back together with their ex.

This is one of the key break up challenge because in 95% of the cases, getting back together does not work.

Why is that? It would be too long to explain it here.

We'll cover that question in the break up material or other posts.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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The truth is that life is calling!

I know exactly how it feels to have the person you love take distance from you.

Many men I know stay in emotional pain and turmoil for far too long, waiting for a miraculous hand to take them out of this situation.

It is your life and you are the one in charge.

Wanting to recover fast is natural and healthy.

You don't have to punish yourself, her or your relationship.

Staying in the "break up space" attracts negative attention for a while. After that, even your friends tend to give up.

It does not need to be that way.

You can fight your battle and do what it takes to get your power back in no time.

What does it take? A real awareness shift!

You need to realize that your life is under attack.

You want to tap into your survival skills and defend your territory.

These survival skills are instinctual.

They are part of your being and you need to wake them up.

The moment you do, you tap into emergency resources and wake up a new set or power in your being.

This is your life. Don't waste months or years staying in an emotional no man's land.

Sure, share and mourn for a few days. Take a week to digest and then, start looking into your future.

For more check this link

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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