< Break up news >

Going out on dates?

That's the thing to do!

Even if there was no deep connection with girls you met so far, that's no problem.

It will happen!

You are rebuilding your dating game and getting used to being a free man.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

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Not true!

Imagine how much worse you would be if you were interacting with her more frequently.

"No contact" is not the final answer.

It is a crisis solution which forces you to protect your space and life.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

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Sometimes you apply one of the "power back" strategies and you feel an instant shift!

You know it!

Now, if you can't measure the results and still feel hurt after a few days or even a couple of weeks, it does not mean that the strategies don't work!

They do work!

Imagine how much worse you would be if you were not applying any of these strategies!

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power

vitalcoach

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If a woman wants to break up, she will always find reasons or make them up!

Her reasons are usually very simple!

She takes distance because she has another man in mind, wants her freedom back, can't deal with tensions or simply outgrows the relationship.

Very often she won't tell you why she breaks up.

She will invoke something you did 3 years ago or an aspect of your personality she no longer likes.

Why won't she give you her real motives?

Because her inner motives are part of her battle plan.

If she unveils them to you, she opens up emotionally to you and that's the last thing she wants when she is trying to get her freedom back.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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An ex might verbally attack you because it gives her a kick to do so.

Some women are naturally agressive and when trapped in a situation they don't like, they will react emotionally to try to free themselves.

She might react that way when she feels your relationship is becoming too committed or limiting for her. She feels trapped and looks for a way out.

This is why she might insult you or treat you really badly!

Did you do something wrong?

Even if you did, emotional abuse is never justified.

Look at this example that was posted on the forum recently:

She was drunk. She asked him to kiss her. He said "No". She left angry and slamed the door!

That's being emotionally abusive. It is literally treating people like s**t!

Most of the verbal and emotional abuse you might get is totally unjustified!

Simple! Don't let her do that by staying away from her!

You need to be strong and firm. Let her know that you are not okay with this type of behavior and that she must respect your space from now on.

If she still pushes, tries to contact you and still shows no respect, you will need to take it to the next octave and apply even more powerful strategies.

More on this coming soon.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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In fact, she tells you exactly what she wants:

She wants to have the emotional support to have you as a close intimate friend.

The fact that you had sex simply means that having sex is part of what is okay for her.

It does not mean committment. It does not mean that she wants to get back with you .

Even in this type of break up situations she will often be clear about the fact that she enjoys being on her own and wants to be free!

Listen to what she is really saying!

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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You have changed? In what way?

Most guys say they have changed but when they are put back in the old confronting or challenging situations, they actually respond in exactly the same way as they did before.

When you say "I have changed", she thinks in terms of:

"These are just empty words. I still don't trust it and I don't want to be hurt again..."

If you want to convince her, you will have to explain to her in detail why you have changed and what is different now.

Tell her exactly what you did wrong in the past, recalling a negative experience and tell her exactly how you would respond in the future if this situation happened again.

Telling her that you changed is too vague.

You need to be much more specific and prove to her by action that these changes are real, not just words.

You can start here if you want to:

What exactly did you change?

What exactly would you do differently if you were in a new relationship?

What exactly was the cause of your tensions or break up and how would you deal with these situations today?

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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I know! It's preety upsetting when this happens!

Give her 15 days to pick it up. Get it out of your sight if possible.

Contact her with whatever means you have: email, instant messenger, phone, friends, family or letter.

Repeat the same message a few times to make sure she gets it:

"You have 15 days to come pick up your stuff. After that, I'll simply get rid of it. I did not hear from you and you are obviously gone forever."

It's her responsibility to take care of her things, not yours. So, you don't have to feel responsible for it. You are not a storage warehouse.

Be fare and give her a chance to get it back if she wants to. However, if she does not care about her belongings, why should you?

Will she freak out if her stuff is gone when she wants it back 6 months from now? Maybe... Who cares.

She did not care much when she took off without warning. Did she worry about you or what would happen to you next? Not at all, right?

This is a radical solution but it works and it is your right. It's your house.

You don't have to sit around with her stuff! It does not belong to you.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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My answer?

No way!

You see, this program is part of your "battle" strategy. You must not unveil any of it.

The reason why it works is because these strategies shift the power balance between you and your ex.

They give you this extra "edge" in the break up battle.

Knowing what the problem was is not enough. You still need to develop and strengthen this new more powerful way of standing in a relationship or couple situation.

This is the real skill you want to develop: fully expressing that power when you are with a woman.

You will develop these new skills with any girl you meet.

The fact that you understand the relationship pitfalls does not mean that getting back together will work. It means that if you were meeting a new girl, there are some mistakes that you would not make again.

This is very good news.

Stay focused and stick to the direction you chose. Once you have 100% of your power back, everything falls into place including attracting the right woman for you.

Dare to express your power. You mentally underdstand the power dynamics? Now is time to integrate them and really make them part of you.

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

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I was interviewed a couple of months ago for the October 2007 edition of "Men's Fitness"



The interview was on break up recovery for men.

The article is called "Need Some Breakup Rehab?" (October 2007 - page 72).

Here is a reprint of the Men's Fitness article just in case:

-----------------------------------------

Need Some Breakup Rehab?

http://www.mensfitness.com/sex_tips/dating_tips/81

by Ariane Marder

1 - CLEAN HOUSE “The first step is to shift to battle mode and defend your territory by reclaiming your personal space and getting rid of any traces of her presence,” says Francisco Bujan, breakup coach and author of How to Get Your Power Back After She Breaks Up. Some go as far as throwing out the mattress, but for the rest of you without as much disposable income, ditching the personal items (the tampons under the sink, the picture of you together on the fridge) should help put an end to the fl ashes of her you get every time you reach for the ice cubes.

2 - PUT DOWN THE PHONE If she wanted to hear from you, she wouldn’t have broken up with you. Until U.S. cell-phone companies start offering the capability to prevent drunk-dialing, like they do in Australia, the best thing you can do is simply avoid disaster. Give your best buddy your cell phone and make him promise not to give it back, no matter how much you beg after that sixth shot of Jager.

3 - BITCH AND MOAN Chicks know the value of this; guys don’t. So take a week, just one, and unload your angst on the people who care about you. But know when to stop, or your friends will stop calling you. “The most a friend can take is one or two conversations before it becomes really draining,” says Bujan. “You need to look for other sources of comfort, whether a family member or a therapist.” If that doesn’t help, you can also vent your frustrations on paper and spare everyone involved.

4 - GO TO THE GYM Twice a day, if necessary. Take up kickboxing or a martial art that will allow you to get your aggression out—in a healthy way. “Exercise is a great way to boost the brain chemicals that make you feel happy,” says Daniel Amen, M.D., author of Sex on the Brain. “When we lose people we are attached to, two chemicals go awry in the brain—serotonin, the happy, feel-good chemical; and endorphins, the painkiller. The best way to feel better naturally is to exercise.” Even if you’re still miserable at the end of the day, you’ll be lean and buff, and we all know looking good is the sweetest revenge.

5 - STOP OBSESSING Don’t dwell upon what you didn’t do. Consider what you did wrong, but don’t let it consume you. “It’s not productive to think about it over and over again, because you’ll get defensive and say, ‘She’s wrong, I’m right.’ Really consider what the other person is saying to you, even though it’s hard to do,” says Laura Grashow, Psy.D. “Think about how you can make changes.” Then do it—your next girlfriend will thank you.

6 - STOP LYING TO YOURSELF Does the following sound familiar: “No one will ever love me like she did. I’ll never find anyone like her again.” You should hope not. That bitch up and left you! “Make a mnemonic about all the things that irritate you using her name,” recommends Amen. “This way you have a meditative practice to prevent you from lying to yourself.” For instance, if her name is Maria, assign each letter to a trait that bothered you about her: messy, ambivalent, rigid, insecure, and annoying. So every time she pops into your head, you see her for who she is instead of idealizing her.

7 - SLEEP AROUND It seems obvious, but it works. You need to know you’re wanted. Have a one-night stand (with protection, of course) to remind yourself that you’re a hot stud. But hang on—resist the temptation to get sucked into another relationship right away. “Avoid the classic rebound relationship,” says Grashow. “Get back out there right away, but don’t have high expectations and don’t try to make her into your ex.”

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I was interviewed a couple of months ago for the October 2007 edition of "Men's Fitness"



The interview was on break up recovery for men.

The article is called "Need Some Breakup Rehab?" (October 2007 - page 72).

You can read it here:

http://www.mensfitness.com/sex_tips/dating_tips/81

Here is a reprint just in case:

http://vitalcoaching.com/blogs/bup1/2007/10/vitalcoachingcom-featured-on-mens.html


http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

To your power!

vitalcoach

Labels: all posts, news