He can be very pushy in sexual situations

I really like this guy. He is super hot, and has an amazing body. He is really funny and never boring. I don't know him that well, but do know from other people that he can be very pushy in sexual situations, which I don't want. I see him again in about 5 days. I want to look my best. What can I do, with him and my look?

---------------------------------

Hi,

I think it's great you put up your boundaries. Young couples rush in sex often too fast before the relationship builds up, so congratulations for knowing what you want along that line.

Foreplay to foreplay is flirt. Anything which goes that line is great fun in first dates. Talking, is fine. Now teasing each other is even better! Enjoying in whatever way can build the complicity between the two of you.

When you see him again, don't expect too much. Go there to enjoy and have great fun together. You have to give him a glimpse of what can happen between the two of you though. Flirt, play with your eyes, touch him, his arm, or shoulder. Keep it light and relax! First dates are about fun. Don't play clingy, dependent or committed to him. Tease and enjoy the moment for what it is. Performance stress or too high expectation are your enemies in a first date.

Inner freedom is extremely attractive for a guy. Show him you enjoy life deep inside and that your pleasure can't be challenged or destroyed.

With your looks, I would say casual, light and fun works great. The way you dress shows the way you feel about yourself. What would you wear if you wanted to express fun, lightness, excitement, flirt?

Enjoy!

Labels: having sex

What should you do if your boyfriend wants to go WAY further and you haven't even kissed yet and you like REALLY don't want 2 break up with him. But your parents asked you to?

It's essential to keep everyone happy. Specially yourself!

With your boyfriend, give him a bit more every time, but don't give him what you don't want to. Taking it slowly is very wise and builds up the excitement and the love between the two of you. The pleasure of this foreplay and flirting game is a nice place to be in.

With your parents, I am not sure... How old are you?

Try to speak with them and ask them what they are afraid of. Reassure them in any way you can. Tell them you like your life and you won't do anything which puts it in danger.

Good luck and enjoy!

Labels: having sex

Single and having and affair with a married man

Right now I'm in a very bad situation. I want to let everyone know that I am fully aware that this relationship was a bad idea from the start, but I need advice on how to handle the problem I'm currently having.

I am 31 years old and I own my home and car. I enjoy living alone right now because I like my privacy and freedom. I am not at all interested in marriage at this time, only companionship. For the last year and a half I have been seeing an older, married man. He says he's very unhappy in his marriage but his wife has a number of health problems and can't take care of herself so he doesn't want to leave her, and I understand that. The relationship is great for me because I spend time with him but he's not around ALL the time, and he's definitely not pushing for marriage. Thus far it's just been a good relationship. We have good sex and enjoy talking and spending time together. It's not like he's lying about being married because I'm aware of it and it doesn't bother me, so other than just being wrong in most people's eyes it's not that big of an issue for me.

He does a lot of things for me as far as always making sure my dog has fresh water, mowing and trimming my lawn, always asking if I have enough money or if I need anything, and cooking meals for me often. I truly appreciate everything he does and I don't want to do anything to hurt his feelings. Here's the problem. I have a few male friends. If I ever have any of them over to visit he goes nuts and won't speak to me for several days. Nothing happens when they visit and I've even told him that he can join us if he wants but he insists that it's wrong. I keep reminding him that he's a married man and he can't even be seen with me in public but he doesn't care. I also try to explain that he always has someone to talk to at home and I'm always home by myself and get lonesome but he doesn't care about that either. I really have strong feelings for him and I don't know what to do. Sunday I had a male friend over and he hasn't called me since. I bumped into him tonight and we talked and he said that I treat him like sh*t. I told him that I love him and he said that I don't love him, I'm infatuated with him. I really don't think that's it. When I was a teenager I was infatuated with a few famous people, but I certainly don't think I'm infatuated with an old married man, not to sound cruel but I just don't think so. He says that if I cared about him that I wouldn't have other guys over. I could understand this statement if we were in an exclusive relationship, but I'll say again for the last time...he's married!

So I'm not quite sure how to handle this. Is he being unreasonable or am I? Should I break it off with him? If so, what would be a nicer way to put it that wouldn't hurt his feelings?

-----------------------------

Hi,

You are acting perfectly healthy. Having a friend over and even dating other guys is perfectly okay in your situation. He is not committed to you but he asks you to be committed to him. 100% wrong. He is crossing the line and wants to be possessive and controlling. He has no right over your life. That's that simple. If he comes around telling you what to do, he steals a basic human right from you: freedom of thought, action and behavior.

Your instinct is guiding you in the right direction. Seems you know the answer. Believe in it even more. Congratulations: you are 100% right with that.

How not to hurt him? When someone is showing control or being possessive, it is your right to defend your territory with whatever power you want to use. Right now, he is hurting you more than you are hurting him by limiting your space and freedom.

Good luck and stay in touch

vitalcoach

Labels: having sex

Am I asking too much?

Hi, how are you? I know my bf really loves me but the problem is that he has too many female casual friends. This seems to be the cause of the problem for me. We have been seeing other for 5 months now. We are in the same university and spend a lot of time with each other.

The problem is he doesn't share much about his female friends he has back home and keeps in regular touch with them through email and phone. He doesn't share what he discusses and shares with them in detail.

I know there is nothing going on between him and his friends but I am not comfortable with the fact that he is so close to them. They all share their personal problems with him. He thinks I am the too much of an "issue type" and should not get affected by this.

THE FACT IS I AM NOT COMFORTABLE IN MY MIND. WHAT DO I DO HOW DO I MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND. IS IT ASKING FOR TOO MUCH THAT HE SHOULD NOT BE TOO CLOSE WITH THEM THEY ARE HIS OLD SCHOOL (FEMALE) FRIENDS


-------------------------


Hi,


Thank you for your question,

Yes, it is asking for too much. Having friends, female friends for him outside of the relationship gives value to him and to what you share together. It allows him to understand women better and he might use what he learns to please you better as a woman.

Jealousy is a destructive force when there is nothing going on. Being possessive, clingy or controlling is not good for any relationship. On the long term it kills love, destroy the romance, build mistrust, and... shall I go on?

You get the message. There is another way: it's called trust and respect. Put it that way: amongst all the women he knows, it's with you he chooses to be! That's a gift for you!

Instead of learning how to express your jealousy, develop your trusting skills. Sure, protect your relationship. Don't be blind with real threats. Give him love, trust, respect and freedom. If you try to control his life, sooner or later, he'll explode! 50% of break ups have to do with control issues... Believe me don't go there. Open the space and the freedom instead.


Enjoy!

Am I over reacting?

In a relationship boyfriend 59yrs old I'm 50.

Been living together for 1 year.

First time I found a picture of a women in his car. I asked him he said it was an old girlfriend. I told him I did not think it was healthy to be carrying old girlfriends picture. He took it out of the car and put it in his draw. He keeps a box of old pictures that do not bother me. Again about 2 months ago I was not looking but looking for a paper none in the house so his briefcase had a tablet. Discovered my picture that he must carry and it warmed my heart but then when I took it out to see which one he had noticed other old girlfriends he is saving as well along with my picture.

I was very hurt…. but talked and once again said this his hurtful…he said he will take the picture out and put them in a safe place that he likes to look at them from time to time.

Now this week cleaning out the car in the truck are the same picture of ladies of his. He said he likes to look at them from time to time it is his history his past of good times. He also told me he still calls one of the ladies he had a relationship. So I asked him if she knew about me. He said they don’t discuss each other personal life.

We are with each other so I don’t doubt he loves me we have a great relationship and fun together… Am I over reacting to him carrying pictures of other women? It hurts me I thought this last year we have been having fun. Trying to make a future together.

I'm considered very attractive so it is not that they are beautiful and I'm not...

----------------------


Hi,

To put it shortly, yes, you are overreacting. If he was letting these pictures in your personal space, that would be invading your sphere.

It's normal for him to keep memories of his past and stay active on a social level, even with exes.

Getting jealous about details like this one destroys the harmony and trust within the relationship.

Here is another way of looking at it: even though he thinks every now and then about an ex, it's still with you he decides to be. He takes a decision every day to be with you. Thank him for what he gives you rather than attacking him on something you can't control.

Enjoy!


Francisco

How can I stop being such a bitch to the best boyfriend I've ever had?

My Boy friend of 10 months broke it off 2 days ago. His reason for doing so is because he claims that we fight too much! BUT the thing is we only argue when I bring something up...It frustrates me when he lets me walk all over him, so how can I stop being such a bitch to the best boyfriend I've ever had? Plus, I also have a common problem with "looking for drama"...WHY? -thanks.

--------------------

Hi,

Congratulations for taking the step and looking inside yourself.

Anger is a natural emotion. When you get angry, it's simply power, life force wanting to break through in you. There is an excess of power in you which wants to be expressed but does not find a right channel. It is then expressed in the relationship space in a form which is destructive.

To avoid that pattern in the relationship, it is essential to find a "channel" outside of your relationship space. You have to burn that extra fire by focusing on a project, a plan, a passion, a vision, something you want to create. This usually means having a fulfilling professional activity in which you can express yourself.

The second step is expressing positive emotional patterns within the relationship. There is nothing wrong with having a "creative fight" every now and then in the relationship. It boost and clears the relationship. Now, when there is an underlying frustration going on, it's better to find out what it is. You have the resources to change this emotional pattern in your relationship, but you have to develop new skills for that.

The best is to talk with a relationship coach or therapist and give yourself a safe environment to express what is happening.

Enjoy!

I have too many choices

Find a partner? I have too many choices

--------------------------------------

Hi,

How are you today?

If you have too many options to choose from, that's excellent. What you need is some simple choice making tips:

Who says you have to choose? Is it a real desire in you or simply a projection of what others think you should do? We live in a time where relationships equations are being redesigned. What is your best possible picture as far as love life is concerned.

What is your head saying?

Imagine yourself 5 years from now. With which person do you see the greatest chance of creating harmony on the long run?

What is your passion saying?

What are your friends saying?

What is the easiest way?

What gives you the greatest sense of total satisfaction?

Is making that choice your priority number 1 or is there something else which needs your attention before you can decide?

Sometimes you need to free energy first. Your mind is simply not available because something else is still in your mind? It can be career, personal development or other aspects of your life. What is your feeling?

Enjoy!

Francisco

I had sex with a guy about 4 months ago

I had sex with a guy about 4 months ago. I have been hanging out with him a lot but not intimately. Not too long ago he asked for another "fling" and I said no. I realized I really like this guy but how do I let him know?

-----------------------------


Hi,

If you said no to him, he'll first get it as a rejection. Tell him simply why you don't feel like having sex again with him. What are your reasons and what do you expect from a connection with him. Are you looking for a steady relationship instead of just flirting?

What is your wish? Find out and tell him so that he can understand


Enjoy!

Labels: having sex

What if you already got a guy's attention?

I was wondering if I already got a guys attention, how do I really get it to the point where all he really wants to do on his spare time is to hang out and just be with me

---------------------


Hi,


How are you today?

Put it this way: would you really like him to be clingy, desperate and wanting to be with you all the time. What effect do you feel this would have on your life. How would you look at him if he was totally desperate to be with you all the time?

Are you sure this would be for the best for the two of you.

If what you wish does manifest. If you have the power to create your dream. Are you sure this is where you want the person you love to be?

Would this open his life or shut it down? Would this limit his existence or give him more freedom?

This is really important. I want you to check this out and find the answer for yourself.

You love him? What are your real wishes for someone you love?


Enjoy!

Francisco

When you feel that your partner is cheating

What signs do you look for in a long distance relationship when you feel that your partner is cheating?


------------------------------

Hi,


How are you today?

If you feel him distant, there are good chances that there is something else going on. This something else can be anything: busy with work, a bit stressed up, simply not in the mood for communicating, socially active with other people, etc. Amongst these reasons, yes, there is the possibility that he met someone else. If you want to be sure, here is what you can do:
Ask him, confront him with that.

Listen to your guts.

Check your suspicion. Follow him, spy on him, etc. Very often, suspicions are unfounded. It's a good idea to get your doubts cleared.

Check the facts: how to you come to that conclusion? Are there any real facts or is this just an illusion?

Check with friends you can trust: ask them for their opinion.

Look at him in the eyes. If he is cheating, he'll probably feel guilty about it and avoid looking at you.

Check for unusual behavior, suspect phone calls, sudden plan changes, etc.

No matter what you find out, double and triple check. Don't start building up stories. Try to stick to what you know and are sure about.


Enjoy!

Francisco

My partner is cheating, what should I do?

Find out about your true boundaries. What is the real limit inside yourself? Is it okay? Is it not okay? Is it okay if...?


The first thing to ask yourself is what are your needs? What are your desires? Is this escapade a betrayal on what you agreed? Do you suffer or are you cool? Does he practice safe sex?

Are you suffering because it happened in your common home? Are you suffering because you lack his attention?

Take one step at a time to protect yourself and gain back your personal territory. If you gave too much take back part of what you gave and see how it feels. If he has the keys of your house for instance ask him to give them back. If you live together, do not tolerate him bringing her home. etc. Before breaking up totally, there are many small steps you can take. Take one step at a time. Build up new boundaries. If it's not enough, the big step might be needed, "bye, bye amigo!" recover your full freedom and independence.

Enjoy!

How do you know for sure if he's the one?

How do you know for sure if he's the one? What are the signs? How do you avoid messing it up?

-------------------------------------

Hi,

The best is to take small steps in his direction. Focus first on fun and excitement. Focus on what you can build on the spot to have a great time together. Stability and all the aspects of a committed relationship come later. The base of what you share must be excitement, love, passion and fun.

The idea that it's either him or nobody is too limiting for you. Some people believe in one single soul mate. I don't. I believe that you have the choice and can accept the fact of experimenting a bit. An experience becomes a mistake only when you repeat it over and over again without learning from it.

Fear of messing it up creates a big pressure. It's performance stress. Now, you don't want to live with a "Damocles sword" on your head for the rest of your life. It is okay to try, experiment and take risks. If you cut yourself from that, life stops altogether!

Accept simply yourself, who you are with what you can call "imperfections". A couple has it's own "imperfections" as well.

The way to mess up the initial stages in dating has to do with lack of respect, talking about politics or religion, forgetting to have fun, talking about your exes, having sex too soon, being demanding or controlling. It's easy to scare off a guy as well when you ask him serious questions about commitment after the second date.

Being clingy, demanding or looking desperate is a great turn off.

Don't be exclusive too soon either. If you spend day an night together when you hardly know each other, you'll get saturated very soon. Give space and refresh yourself by going out with other people. Stay in touch with friends, etc. Give space for the new relationship to breathe and bloom like a flower.

Excess of fire, passion, desire or will power will simply kill the fresh romance, so trust and give it space!

Now go for it!

and

Enjoy!

I do not know if I am "in love" with him

I have been dating a WONDERFUL man for 5 months. Neither of us have been married before but we are both sure that we want to marry each other. I cannot imagine anyone being as good to me as he is.

He makes me very happy and says that I make him very happy as well. He is 100% sure that he is in love with me but I do not know if I am "in love" with him.

I sometimes wonder if my motives for marrying him are selfish (because I think that he would be a very good husband and I would always do my best to be a good wife).

Everyone keeps telling me you have to be "in love" with the person. I am not even sure what that means anymore. Should I consider marrying him under these circumstances?

------------------

Hi,

How are you today?

Congratulations for that. Looks like an exciting step for the two of you.

The feeling of being in love is a very key emotion or energy. It is not the only component of marriage though. Personality traits, personal situation, past, fun, pleasure, connections... There are so many dimensions to a relationship. Feeling or being in love is one of them.

I feel that what you are missing is one simple part fo the puzzle. It is an important one of course.

Can I ask you a couple of questions? To find the answer to your question, it would be good if you could quickly answer them and send them back to me...


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have you been in love before meeting this man?

How high is the level of passion in your relationship? (0-100%)


Have you ever met someone that turned you on much more than this present man does? (I don't mean just sexually, I mean emotional excitement)

Are you a loving person in general. I mean, do you feel like you care a lot for people, nature, your family, etc? (0-100%)

Is this feeling of being in love something which is missing in your life in general or is it missing in this relationship only?

---------------------------------------------

Looking forward to read your answers

Enjoy!

Francisco

Hi,

The key is to gain skills in these areas: first the field of dating: finding a man. Then the field of relationships: the art of being together.

You can start life in both areas actually without a clue of how to make it work. You spend 20 years of education gaining professional skills. Now, where do you learn about relationship and dating skills? Usually by trying and experimenting and following your instinct.

Is this enough? Very often yes! But sometimes, you can get stacked, blocked by invisible doubts and imperceptible resistances.

Your love life is both a game of passion and skills. Passion is your emotional fuel. It is the starting point. It is your instinct, your fire. Skills are something else: they can be learned, trained, developed.

How do you gain dating skills?

First step: Knowledge! Read, surf the net, talk about it with friends, discover the secrets of the opposite sex, etc. Today's information technology is a gold mine of resources. You can reinvent the wheel yourself or simply benefit from other people's experiences.
Second step: Experience! You have to get out there and try it out. Once you learn about the secrets of the dating world, you have to go out and do it. Experiment! Try! This means taking risks as well (nothing like putting your life, health or future in danger, no...). Go beyond your comfort zone and do things you did not do before! Try new things like giving a compliment to a guy you hardly know, or choosing for a sexier dress, etc.
Third step: Perfect your skills! Accept rejection as part of the learning curve. A negative experience becomes a mistake only if you repeat it over and over again without learning from it. This is the place where many women will fail. They think it has to work out the first time. Accept the fact that you are evolving and you are not yet perfect. Fine! Great! Life is an experiment, so go for it. Strengthen your inner freedom!

We all agree: Love is magic! and we don't want to kill that magic by loading our mind with piles of useless information. On the other hand, when you feel challenged in your love life, discovering some new dating and relationship skills is the key to establishing long term success.

Enjoy!

Hi,

It's a fact! 50% of guys are usually scared of commitment. Somehow, it must be their wild stallion inside which just wants to run free.

I have a confession for you! I am one of them. I broke 4 steady relationships in the name of my personal freedom. In the beginning, I thought I was just an exception. Now, I know I am not! My 5 best friends (between 30 and 40) are all in the process of divorcing or already remarried!

What's wrong? They felt stacked and limited in their relationship. When I see their evolution, I can tell for sure what was missing for them: fun, excitement, renewal, freedom!

That's it! That's the secret! these 4 words are simple! Now how many married couples can claim to express these qualities in their relationship?

The risk to settle in some comfortable nest is big! Maintaining the thrill and excitement of a teenage romance is a skill! Passion dying out is not a destiny! It happen because of lack of action and response! It happens because nothing is done about it. If your garden is drying out in the summer heat, what will you do? right: water it!

Relationships need to be nurtured, fed like a sacred garden. Waking up the excitement every day, giving space for renewal is the number one relationship skill.

What was your question? Find someone who is ready to commit? Give a man a glimpse of a fun, exciting and ever refreshed relationship and his resistance to commit will drop.

Stability counts only for 1/3 in the relationship's equation!

Enjoy!

I want a serious relationship

Hi,

There are three essential ideas here: relationship readiness, relationship skills and relationship design.

Relationship readiness is about clearing the past, understanding past experiences, finding the answers, feeling 100% emotionally free, etc.

Relationship skills are your talents. They are your abilities to make it work.

Relationship design is about creating the space for the present and the future. Sometimes couples engage themselves into a relationship without having a clue of what they want their relationship to look like. They simply follow a vague stream of inspiration and reproduce an invisible model projected by society.

Conscious relationship is something different. What's different? Awareness!

A relationship is a space in which you evolve for many years. Designing the relationship means consciously choosing the ingredients you want to have in it. You see, rather than being passive, you design! You are the architect! It means you have a plan, a vision. It's not a rigid structure. Your future partner will ad his part. It can be vague and based on a couple of simple key ideas. This vision is what makes the difference: it opens the space in your mind.

You want a serious relationship? Tell me in a few words what is a serious relationship for you. Write down 10 key qualities you want to be in the core of it. Can you express these qualities? Is this accessible, realistic or utopist? What relationship situations do you find challenging? How do you deal with them? etc.

These ideas represent the foundation of your future. A temple with no foundation would be unstable, don't you think?

Once this vision is clear (should take you a week) focus on approaches to find the happy winner who will share his life with you.

Enjoy!

I want to get married!

Hi,

The desire to get a married is a very sacred one. It is a very pure and passionate move, like a stream of life force which wakes up in you.

To make your dream come true, you have to find the right person to partner with. Finding has to do with flirting and dating skills. This is where it all starts: in the first love glimpses, this mysterious and charming first look. A world opens up and the perspective to spend a life time together already wakes up. Dating has to do with trying, experimenting and going for it. You go for the thrill and excitement of meeting new people.

After this initial romantic period comes life as a couple. Key word: Relationship skills! Passion and natural instincts are great but sometimes they are not enough. It is essential to sit back and understand your deepest wishes, share them with your lover, enjoy open communication! These relationship skills are the real stabilizing force in a couple. The physical marriage is merely a confirmation of what you already know deep inside.

You see: marriage is not the beginning and not even the real goal: it is more like the diploma you receive as you graduate. Marriage is for sure a stabilizing force but the real stabilizing power in a relationship has to do with skills. You can't avoid it.

If you want to get married, focus on your relationship skills, focus on finding love, satisfaction, fun, renewal, inspiration within a couple situation. Once you both feel fulfilled as a committed couple, the need for marriage will naturally flourish.

What is your situation?

Single?
Dating?
Young relationship?
Committed relationship?
What should be your next move?

Enjoy!

Commitment phobia?

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 1/2 years now. When we first started dating everything was wonderful. Around 2 or 3 weeks we had our first kiss, around 3 months we said that we loved each other, and around a year or so we both started using the word "we" in all of our discussions about the future.

It was pretty clear that both of us wanted to be married and have children and that we would more than likely marry each other.

Around the 2 year mark whenever I would start using "we" in our conversations he would freak out. Which was completely new to me. I asked him if he still wanted to get married and he said that he NEVER wanted to get married. And that marriage was for idiots.

Through this whole time of us dating his parents didn't have much of a relationship. They fought like crazy and I have to say that his mom was the one that would bring it on. To sum it all up, his mom is basically psycho. So to get to my question, I have now found out that my boyfriend believes that if we get married I will turn into his mother and pick fights and go psycho on him.

How can I ever get this out of his head or is this problem even fixable? And also, why did he lead me to believe that we would get married if he had no intentions of ever getting married? Please help!

----------------------------

Hi,

Sorry to hear about this "change" of direction in his mind. I can imagine it is tough and wakes up these questions in you.

I'll be direct, okay?

He gave it a go and genuinely tried to believe in it. Now, true... He sees an example with his family where it does not work and it freaks him out. Easy to understand.

What he is saying is: "If I was in a married situation, I don't have a clue of how I would solve these challenges: fighting, arguing, power struggles, etc"

This goes beyond his own family experience. He perceives this in society and maybe with friends as well.

The present life expectancy of a marriage is 7 years in the US. This means that if you marry, you have 50% chances of being divorced within 7 years. It is not his family's isolated case.

Marriages are struggling to make it. Loving partners often end in endless energy consuming divorces, fighting for money, property and visitation rights. That's what he sees. You hear about it everywhere, in the news, pop stars, divorce lawyers.

That's what you partner sees. He thinks it will happen to him if he tries.

What to do then? I don't think you will get it out of his head. Some couples still do marry and are happy. It takes more power, skills and awareness.

I know I am killing the "romantic dream" by saying these things, but it is better to fully open your eyes now, listen to the warning signs and then get the extra resources you need to make it work.

These things I am saying, you could talk about it with him. Understand where he stands. What he feels is not just a stupid idea in his mind. It is real. It is a warning. It is healthy to listen to it.

Once you are aware of it, it gives you more tools to prepare the ground for a solid relationship. If he does not believe in marriage though, it will be tough to convince him.

What to do? You can work on it together. Go you own way and find someone who will go for it. Or you can develop a new vision for your relationship based on a new type of commitment (there are a few new relationship models appearing emerging in society)

Believe, it is better to wake up now. In a way you are lucky that he goes through thsi awareness crisis now rather than in 7 years when you are married with 2 children.

I know it is tough on you but does this make sense?

Good luck and stay in touch

vitalcoach

PS: feel free to contact me directly if you need extra feed back or ideas on that

Hi,

How do you learn new dating skills? by trying and experimenting. Fear, doubts, lack of trust and confidence freeze you. When you respond to doubts, you simply stop learning.

Learning new skills means going beyond your comfort zone. You simply accept to take small risks to go beyond what you already know.

Trying does not mean succeeding every time. It rather means being open minded and going for it even when the outcome can't be guaranteed.

What are dating skills? It is the ability to spend time with a man and have a great time. It is knowing the tricks that get you noticed in a crowd. It is knowing how to respond to a guy without being tongue tied. etc.

What should be your first move when learning to swim? Right! >>> Jump in the water! Same with dating! You can't learn the skills by staying home. You have to go out and meet people.

Second step? knowledge and information. Simply benefit from other's experiences: your friends, magazines, dating advice, etc. This means as well asking open ended questions around you, to friends and people you can trust: "what do you think about having sex on the first date? Do you feel it's alright or should you wait a bit?" .

Benefit from other's experience! Accept the fact that you don't know it all and that there is more to explore!

Simply accept who you are and go for it. There is no such thing as a mistake in the dating scene. Experiment! this is how you learn.

Learn from your experiences and follow your instincts and intuition. Your instinct is your best ally. Feel into situations and respond to them, not with your head but with your gut and passion.

The dating world is an emotion based environment, so follow your instincts! Your desire is your fuel!
Stay free!
Be free!
Take it lightly in the beginning!
Focus on fun, excitement
Focus on quality time!
Be fun to with!

Enjoy!

Getting back together after an infidelity?

Getting back together after an infidelity?
Can it work?

How?


I saw that working out successfully for many people.
An infidelity can be a one time thing and an occasion to realize how much you actually care for your real partner.


When you get back together, something must change.
If it doesn't, another infidelity might happen again.


What do you change? Your boundaries.

If you are a woman and your partner cheated on you, you need to fundamentally shift the way you invest yourself in the relationship.
How? Drop your level of expectations.


Right now you are in a situation which is out of balance.
You are still 100% exclusive while he obviously broke that rule. To bring back the balance, you need to take back part of what you invested in him so that you feel more secure and protected.


An infidelity is a warning sign. It says: "Look how vulnerable you are. He takes one side step and your life is destroyed".

This is what happens to millions of couples and individuals around the world. If you want to feel stronger and empowered, you need to be in a space where you are ready to deal with a cheating partner any time anywhere. In fact you need a solid strategy for such situation.

A part of you stays awake and alert. He must know that. He took one wrong step, now take something back from him: don't go into the "one on one" exclusive romantic dream. This is a wake up call.

What do you need to ad? Awareness. Have your eyes wide opened! You need to be ready any time anywhere.

How? Have a material base which does not depend on him: Your job, place where you live, belongings... All these must be yours and only yours. If he misbehaves and you want to break up, you need to be able to do that on the spot without delay and still keep your full material base. This means independence.

Your friends and social circle must be yours as well. Check on with people who would actually stay if he was not around. Focus on these friendships and let go of the connections which depend on his presence. Have some good male friends who care and value you as well.

Develop a healthy life style. Your body is your greatest asset. Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, exercise.

Stay attractive and active in a flirting way. Don't go into the comfortable and cozy relationship mood. He already proved you he can't give you that security.

What is left? romance, love, passion, fun, complicity.

What did change. Your power base: You rely now on yourself and you invest in him differently.

The balance of power is totally different here.

You need a mind set which gives you security with or without him. If he was cheating again, there must be minimal damage. You can't totally avoid emotional hurt but you can secure your material base and build your life in a way which is not dependent on him.

Suppose you start like that. What does it tell him? One wrong move and you are gone.

You see the difference? You've got the power no matter what.

How does it evolve on the long term? Suppose you get your own place. Don't give him the keys. It's your house, not his. Protect your personal space. Don't let him leave things behind. He is a guest when he comes to your house.

If this works out, he stays respectful and you notice he is genuinely in love with you, take small steps in his direction and see how it feels: "clear a draw for him or invest in a holiday together".

Be ready to step back any time. You see, the difference with this attitude is that you are the center of your life, not the couple. You rely on yourself first.

If this works out, and you feel you can trust him at 100%, then next moves will naturally follow. No need for paranoia, but it's okay to keep in the back of your mind the thought: "what if it happens again?", "what would I do?" and have a strategy ready for that.

If you think: "hey... He'll be my husband and will give me peace, security and anything I need... I'll take care of the children raise the family..." This makes you powerless and very vulnerable. If the small steps you take do work and you feel it is growing naturally, then sure, move forward. However, if you notice that the moment you invest yourself in him, you face an emotional struggle and do not get your needs met, then step back and get your full power back: that's your own independence and personal integrity.

I know it is tough to shift your "model" when you had this dream relationship vision. The truth is that you can end alone any time anywhere. If you know how to survive by yourself, this gives you an immense sense of power and security for your future.

More than 50% of marriages end within 7 years! What people call now a life time of commitment is in fact a very short "life time". Relationships are struggling to find new models which work. You tend to want it all: freedom, independence, security. As an individual and as a couple. The problem is that the couple's interest often does not match the individual interests. Individuals go for what they want first. This creates clashes and destroys relationship dreams.

It happens an immense lot today! Is this bad? It is simply evolution. What you can do is shift your mind set so that what you create actually matches today's modern behavior trends.

The marriage model is based on beliefs which are more than 2000 years old. Your modern mind set has evolved since then. You have new needs, values and desires. You can try to hold onto the traditional model or go with the flow and design your own, new and unique relationship equation.

You get lots of warnings. The one which just happened to you is one of those. You can of course go for marriage, family life and commitment but you need a real empowerment to make it work. The marriage contract and the church vows are by far not enough to secure the relationship.

I believe all options are open. You can choose your path. What I give you here is simply an open view so that you can decide for yourself. Don't "fall" in love. Be in love with your eyes wide open. Use your heart and your head.
Good luck and stay in touch

Feel great in social events

Hi,

A social event is a set up. It is a place with a simple rule: we are here to have fun, meet people, share and enjoy!

It is a game! So play the game. Accept to take part in it. Merge and use this occasion as an environment for fun and enjoyment!

Playing the game is giving people what they want! Sure it's great to accept yourself the way you are but you can do better. You can be better. Your present limits are not your real limits. So, go beyond and reach beyond your present comfort zone to establish a new rhythm and freshness in your life. Raise your standards!

Here are the greatest turn offs in social situations: difficult person, self absorbed, sad, melancholic, distant, worried, or unstable. If you want to have fun, express exactly the opposite qualities: easy going, generous, happy, joyful, warm, balanced.

What is this game? It is often a flirting game! 90% of guys want first to have fun when on the dating scene. They want to spend time with people who are fun to be with, so no hang ups.

Guys fall for women who look and feel free! They respond to life force, to radiance, to excitement, to emotional fuel. What does emotional freedom look like? Ready to engage! Ready to invest!

Become incredibly attractive to yourself by being a problem free zone! (at least in social situations!) To be successful, simply let go of what is not attractive in you. Stop doing what is bad for you. Simplify everything.

People will be magnetized to you when you are a life model they want to follow. Express their deepest dreams. Express their deepest desire and they'll simply be attracted to your presence.

Dare! Take risks! Be ready to respond to situations! Be spontaneous! Trust! Enjoy the magic of the moment.

Being successful is first a gift you give to yourself. Engage!

Not to feel threatened by other girls


It's sometimes hard to accept but the dating world is a competitive environment. If you are not in the top 5 in a guy's mind, there are little chances for him to ask you out.

Girls or women can be truly tuff, projecting sparks of loaded judgment on each other. As a guy, I was truly surprised the first time I observed this psychic battle going on.

The whole point here is not to say: "Wish this was different". Instead shift your attitude and see the dating world a bit more as a battle field. You have to develop your weapons simply to defend yourself. Your weapons are your mind power and the ability to overcome the challenges in the dating world.

What are the challenges? Other women's judgment, their competitive attitude, possible rejection from men, etc. All these challenges have the same solution: your mind power.

A negative judgment is an attack on your mind! It is an attack on your being! You can let the arrow pierce you through, or you can catch the arrow before it even hits you.

When you are warned, it is much easier! Go there prepared!

Realize, this is a major shift in your mind! Evolve in the dating scene like a martial artist! Aware! Awake!

Enjoy!

When a man gives you a compliment

A compliment is like a rose. When a man gives you one, no need for justification. No need to question the intentions or the reasons.

If you tend to reject compliments because of lack of trust, try simply choosing for another mind set.

Try trusting him.
You get a compliment? Smile and take it. Take it inside.


Next time someone gives you a compliment, try this instead:
"Thank you for you compliment"
"It's nice to hear"
"I appreciate your words to their real value"
"I love it when you say that"
"I can feel you love"
"I am so thankful to know you"
etc.
You get the picture?

Trusting is like stepping on a bridge. In the beginning, you can wonder if it will be solid enough. This bridge is a relationship between two persons. It takes courage, faith and awareness to step on the bridge and empower this life line you can share with a man you connect to.

This is exactly what trust is: letting go of the fear of "heights", letting go of worries, taking small steps and learning to trust.

Go beyond my present limits

Hi,

Renewal!!! On one hand you have the territory of what you already know: your comfort zone. Feels good hey!

On the other hand you have the territory of the unknown! Scary!!!

To go beyond your present limits! This very core idea must shift! Comfort zone is boring. New stuff is exciting!

Go an explore the world. Right now, take a white paper and write down 10 exciting things you never did before! Which of these things can you do within one hour, one day, one week or one month? Which ones are easy? Which ones are exciting?

Renewal means taking steps! It means as well taking at least small risks! This is for the day by day stuff.

Designing a long term plan or vision? Apply the same principle! I must tell you: the pleasure you can gain from simple daily steps is immense. Make it a habit of at least once a day, going beyond your natural limit.

Taking action is a thrill. It stimulates your life force, brings excitement and gives you an energy-kick.

Now you have the choice: sit back and contemplate this idea until it fades away or stand up and take action right now. The solution is in front of you!

DARE!

Enjoy!

Hi,

Getting ready to date means understanding what's on the way and knowing where you want to go.

What can be on the way to you being successful are fears, doubts, negative past experiences, lack of knowledge, lack of skills, etc. If you are unsure about where you want to go or where you want to be, there are good chances you won't leave your starting blocks.

The first step is knowing what you want: do you want to simply date? have fun? find Mr. Right? Do you want a long term steady relationship? With what kind of man do you want to be? etc. This is not limiting your choice! You are not closing doors here, simply pointing out the right direction for you.

Next step is understanding who you are! Write down the top 10 key qualities you have to offer. Write down 5 key qualities you certainly don't want to express in the dating scene. If you were meeting yourself somewhere, would you date yourself, yes? yes why? no? no why? If the answer is no, do something about it.

Third step is strategy. The dating world is a competitive environment. You have to get there ready for the challenge. What's the challenge? Possibility to face judgment, rejection every now and then, doubts, etc. It's all a game, so take everything lightly. On the other hand, it's huge fun if you simply accept the dating world for what it is: an opportunity to grow, understand yourself, develop meaningful relationships with people, a place to create, be creative and share your passions, desires and excitement with others.

Fourth step: understand your past. You don't want anything standing on the way to you having a great time. You need to be free, feel free emotionally. If you feel trapped in negative mind frames, identify what is going on! Identify the underlying dynamics and don't be afraid to go there. This is not therapy, it's a "freedom move" which allows you to eliminate any conflicting forces in your mind!

Enjoy! It's gonna be fun!

New strategies

Hi,

Congratulations for your choice! Strategies is the right word! why strategies? Because this is the best way to think when you want to be successful!

The number one strategy you should use is: Taking action!

Go beyond your comfort zone. Take risks. Do things you never did before.

It's very simple: if you want more, you have to do more. Gaining skills in the dating scene means taking action. Doubting comes from fear of rejection, insecurity about the outcome. This freezes your moves and stops you from acting. The moment you stop acting, you stop learning.

The dating scene is a school of life. If you want results you have to invest what it takes to be successful.

Get a man? How many actions did you take in the last month which were oriented towards that goal? What was the outcome?

The idea is to take more actions. Multiply what you do by 10 and within a month, you'll be dating someone you like.

What actions? You are on the net right? This is the first place you can start: dating sites are a training ground. They show you what men like and don't like, who they are, what they are looking for. Gaining confidence on the net gives you a boost of energy and develops in you essential communication skills.

Right now, take a white page and write down 10 simple things you can do about your dating. Don't think just write them down, whether you believe you can do them or not.

Of course, love and passion are the centre of the dating world. Desire, excitement are you emotional fuel. They are the fire which motivates your actions.

Dating skills are the other side of the story, the part which is usually missing in the dating world and tends to freeze people's situations.

What stops action? Doubts, fears, negative past experiences, lack of energy, lack of ideas, lack of strategy, etc.

All resistances can be cleared! It's a matter of understanding what is happening inside yourself.

It's very simple: if you want a man, you have to take action! Action is what makes the difference! Take action regularly. Do at least 10 things every week which bring you closer to your goal!

so here it is to summarize:

Write down 10 actions you could be taking within a week
If you can't start, find out what is the resistance
Take action. One step at a time!

Enjoy!

I am very sensitive to rejection


I strongly respond to a guy's rejection by shutting down. I can’t stand the challenge and competing attitude of other women in the dating scene. I feel their judgment. It makes me feel vulnerable and insecure.


---------------------------



The dating world is a jungle. Depending on how you look at it, it feels like a battle field with impossible challenges, warm deserts and frozen mountains to cross. Nice picture!

You and I know about it... Now! that's just an aspect of it. Anytime, anywhere, you can be attacked, challenged, you can be judged for stuff you did not do. People can love you! hate you! for what you are, or what you are not!

Now what? I'm staying home??!!! No way!! Dating is life! It is part of the thrill! the art of dating is the art of overcoming any rejection, any judgment, laugh about it and not be touched.

My apologies... that's just a way of looking at it.

Fighting skills _______ Self confidence!

I hear someone in the back... Yeah... there in the back of the room.... What? I can't hear...

Romance! Love! Excitement! Passion!

Romance! Love! Excitement! Passion!

Romance! Love! Excitement! Passion!



Yes! that's right... The other side of the story! Give yourself the tools to protect what truly matters!

Taking risks

I want “it” to happen without taking any risks, learning any new skills or going beyond my comfort zone. I want to sit back, wait and let guys take the steps

------------------------------------


Taking action is one of the greatest pleasure we have in life. Our lives have a natural need for expansion and renewal. Our consciousness has the ability to explore the mysteries of our mind.

All these secrets and treasures are there. Now, who will open the cave of Ali Baba? There is no short cut: if you want to discover a new world, you have to go to sea and accept to take at least small risks. In the limits of your comfort zone, you already opened most of the boxes. You can sit back, relax and let others takes steps. Who will get the rewards? I think you guessed... tank you!

What are we touching? >>> Initiative! - Taking action!

The choice is yours. Your inner gold is waiting to be found. How do you get life force to flow? Open the doors with fire and follow your instinct!

I miss the dating skill

I don’t know where to find a man and lack other dating skills. Once I find a man, I feel very vulnerable to his judgment. I am simply afraid to mess it up. I invest myself at 300% before there is a clear sign of commitment on his side! I become very exclusive, dependent or jealous in the original stages of the relationship.

--------------------


The key here is to develop your dating skills.

Where do you learn about them? Life and training! Net! Magazines! Friends!

How do you develop them? Trying, experimenting, learning from others

Can you even integrate them in your life? YES!!! YES!!! and YESSS!!!

When it comes to dating, people often think that it should just happen. That our instincts, love, passion will simply create the perfect moment and make it work. This is partly true! Our instincts and intuitions are great and they do 90% of the work. Now this remaining 10% can be gained. Read magazines, talk to people and specially try! The moment you stop trying, you freeze! Life stops! Learning stops!

Nobody wants to kill the spontaneity of love and romance! Dating is like a dance! Learn a couple of steps and improvise the rest. If your feet just stop when you have to dance the dating salsa, get a couple of steps and observe the others! This will expand your pleasure and fun greatly.

I am not sure I am ready

I am actually scared of what will happen if it does work out. I feel I lack relationship skills and I'm not sure of how to create a fulfilling relationship on the long term

---------------------------------


Next departure? Destination? >>>>> Relationships

If you are afraid you'll make mistakes, try learning from others. Again: Skills! we aren't at the end of our learning curve here. Good to have humility and realize: we don't know it all. That's it!

Learning relationships skills? same plan as dating. Again, our instincts do it all... Almost! These 10% remaining will come from understanding, introspection, the net, friends, a manual, some advice or a few "couple coaching" sessions.

Take the step!

How should I start things out with us

I have a ? I'm just starting to get to know this guy from work, how should I start things out with us, should I tell him how I feel towards him, or should I TAKE IT SLOW, I GAVE HIM MY NUMBER FIRST WHAT SHOULD BE THE NEXT STEP.


----------------------------


Hi,


How is life today?
You gave him a sign by giving your number. The best is to give him space to respond.

The main mistake you can do here is to be clingy, attached or behave like he owes you something. All this would be a great turn off. He must feel that you are fine by yourself and having a good time with or without him.

If you claim him in any way, that's it! You lost him. The key here is not not to be focused on him and keep your options opened.

If he sees you open, going out and having an active social life, it will be easier to for him to relate to you because he won't feel pressured.

In these early stages, guys need freedom! lots of freedom! Openness and fun, lightness.

Keep on flirting with him, lightly and give him a taste of what he would get...

Enjoy!

Francisco

How to know him better without going too far

I like this guy, and I think he likes me, but he is a senior figure in my profession, and potentially a good mentor: I don't want to screw up my work chances by being too forward and sociable, but at the same time I don't want to be so cool and professional he doesn't see I'm interested.

I don't think either of us are the types to be too concerned about a workplace-romance. My question is more about how to negotiate getting to know him better without embarrassment or overstepping the mark!

For instance, I find I contact him to ask his advice quite a lot, as a "safe" excuse to send a friendly email, but fear this might eventually (already...?) make me come across as only getting in touch with him when I want something...

We're both freelancers, so I don't bump into him out and about much, we only really meet if we plan to - at the moment only at his inception. It might seem pushy / inappropriate of me to ask him out socially. At the same time, I can't see the right alternative. I'd be so grateful for your thoughts.

Many thanks

-----------------

Hi,

By now, he must start having a feeling that you are interested or that you could be a potential date. You both look mature so my feeling is that you can be quite open about your desires.

Invite him to a social event a friend of yours is throwing, or send him a card with an invitation for a drink or something like that.

If he goes with it, find a moment to tell him about what is happening. Describe your feeling as something interesting and strange which is going on in you. Ask him for advice about what to do with it: "what do you think? Don't you think it's funny?"

In these early stages, the main mistake to avoid is to be sentimental. Keep it light, open, fresh and fun. If he does not respond, quickly move to another subject, very lightly, and let it go.

If at any moment you sound claiming, clingy, attached, dependant or desperate or even too deeply in love, that's it, you lose him!

Stay on the fresh, light, fun and free side. Many guys would avoid any close contact if it sounds complicate in any way. Be fun to be with.

Enjoy!

Francisco

I like my son's father as more than a friend

I like my son's father as more than a friend. What should I do?

-----------------------------------

Hi,

If you like him, flirt with him. Let him feel that you like him and give him the space to respond. If you are not used to flirting, go beyond your comfort zone and take steps. Take small risks.

If you are afraid it can hurt your friendship and destabilize him or scare him off, simply invite him for a drink and open up a bit your feelings... Just a bit! don't be sentimental! Keep it light and fun and talk about it like something interesting to look at, as if you were an observer looking at your feelings and asking him for advice for what to do... You know just out of curiosity.

Say something like: "You know: lately, I noticed I get really happy when you are around... I'm not sure what it is because in mind I enjoy our friendship. At the same time i feel this real excitement in my belly when I see you... What do you think i should do with it?"

You see, innocent, not pushy, open sharing... If you notice he steps back, take back your "friendship hat"

Enjoy!

Me and this guy with who I work have started to grow very close

Me and this guy with who I work have started to grow very close but we are both shy/nervous people and I don't know how to proceed into starting a personal relationship without endangering our professional relationship. I am just so afraid that if I make a move that it could weird him out and make things difficult to be around him as much as we are. I want him to make a move to take the pressure off me but he is just so shy. I also don't want to wait till this project is over because if I wait too long he may find another girl in that time.

What do I do?

---------------------------


Hi,

Your concerns are real: often people who work together will have an adventure one day and then feel totally awkward about having to work together again. It's nuts but it is like that. The best is to be open with him. Break the ice and find out what he feels himself. I know, the mystery and magic are pretty exciting but it's good to bring in a dimension of realism in that case (without killing the sparks of romance!!!).

Invite him for a drink and tell him you find him attractive. Don't offer yourself to him in sentimental waves. This has to be fun and light. Just tell him about the feelings which are growing and that you feel the two of you could have a great time together.

Tell him exactly what you told me here about your professional situation and that you don't want to mess it up. Make a move and let him respond. Get a feeling of what's going on in his mind.

If he is attracted to you, it will be easier. If you start something with him, distinguish between your two hats: business partners or lovers. Be clear with what you are doing when you are doing it. Keep the two realities separate to protect the project you work on together. Stay awake and realist!

If he does not respond, step back and take back your "professional hat". Stay open and friendly in the future.

This could be great fun! I wish you 2 a good time!


Enjoy!

I really like my personal trainer

I really like my personal trainer. He is everything I could possibly want in a guy and I think he likes me too, but it could just be that he is being nice because I am his client and that's how he pays his bills. I am really shy in this department and I was wondering if you knew how I can find out how he feels about me without asking him directly? What are some things I can do to get him to ask me out?


--------------------

Hi,

I love your question!

Your intuition is right: yes! As your personal trainer, it's his job to be nice. This does not mean he can't feel anything for you. But usually, professional boundaries in that field stimulate personal trainers to simply not go that way. If he would take it to the next step with you, it could put his reputation and business in great trouble.

Is he married or committed in a relationship? Find out as soon as you can.

Now that we know what the objections are, let's find a way to go around them. Meet him outside of his professional context... Where does he hang around? Give him clear signs you like him. Smile, slightly sustained eye contact. Find out if you like the guy outside of his professional context. Shift roles from trainer-client to man-woman.

Flirting is a natural way of being, so don't be afraid of flirting and expressing yourself, being sexy, even when he sees you professionally. Love is a natural stream! express it! let it radiate. Have fun with it. It wakes up your senses, wakes up your desires and excitement. It is a great gift! follow your instinct!

There are some great ways of telling someone you like him: watch your body language, your posture, your looks, the tone of your voice. Be confident. Eat him with your eyes! wake up his senses!

Listen to his response. Don't make him feel uncomfortable. Again, the best is to connect with him outside of the professional context, that way, things are 100% clearer.

Enjoy!

Hi,

The key here is to first build flirting excitement with the guy. If you just walk to him and ask him out, it's like going from ground zero to a 5'000 m mountain top. All at once, it can be thrilling! that's great and soon you might be so confident at it that you'll just do it naturally.

If it's just too much to take that big step, simply build up and take smaller steps. Build the flirting game: smile, be fun to be with, exchange meaningful eye contact with him. This will give you a taste of what he is up to.

If you feel that your life is being played there, on the spot, it's just too much at stake! It's not the case. A Yes! would be great but you must have a strategy for any situation. No fear! You go there to win! Now, winning is emotionally winning. No one can disturb your confidence!

A guy will go for it if he already got a taste of what you have to offer. If he sees you as a fun-free person, he'll respond to your presence for sure.

The confidence boost comes from being used to these type of situations. You get used to the flirting game by being part of it, trying, experimenting with it. Once you are familiar with it, asking a guy out comes very naturally. It is already part of you. It's simply your natural next move.

Asking out is like scoring at this game! To get a chance to score, you need to be in the game, engaged, familiar with the moves. You can't score if you watch the game from the side of the pool. Jump in the water and play!

There are many moments you can score. There are many right moves. What you want is hit the target! To hit the target, follow your instincts. They are your greatest force and your deepest ally. Be flexible, ready to move. You must be alert! awake!

Enjoy!

How can I get this guy to ask me out?

How can I get this guy that I've done stuff with but don't talk to much anymore, to ask me to Homecoming?

--------------------------


Hi,

The best is to give him a clear sign. You want something quite precise from him, so take action in his direction: give him a call and see how he responds to your contact.

If he feels open, try to make a date, something fun to do together and see from there.

I would not focus on that single event. the best is to simply get closer to him and feel how he reacts

Enjoy!

Hi,

The best is to take him down from where you put him. If he is up there in your esteem, bring him back to your level: he simply is a human being like you. So tease him and don't take him too seriously.

Don't ask him out, focus on having a good time together. Step out of this "date" thing and focus on fun flirting and excitement. Take the "formality" away! It's useless: you are going to share some fun with someone, that's it!

What's the story in your mind? "Could he be the one?", "What if?", "Shall I wait another day before calling him?" etc. Dissolve these "scenarios" and focus on the moment right here! Break the rules and follow your instinct! They'll guide you to make the good moves.

If he does not get it then, he's blind! Avoid sentimentalism and go in the romantic dream only when the link is already established. The first step must be fun together. Tell him you like him by sustaining eye contact with him (just a couple of seconds... don't stare) smile with your eyes. Slightly touch his arm at the right moment! Timing! Go with the flow! Take initiative! Be fresh, alive and fun to be with.

Your presence is a gift for him! Show him you enjoy his presence!

Enjoy!

Get a man



Hi,

Go beyond your comfort zone. Take risks. Do things you never did before.

It's very simple: if you want more, you have to do more. Gaining skills in the dating scene means taking action. Doubting comes from fear of rejection, insecurity about the outcome. This freezes your moves and stops you from acting. The moment you stop acting, you stop learning.

The dating scene is a school of life. If you want results you have to invest what it takes to be successful.
Get a man? How many actions did you take in the last month which were oriented towards that goal? What was the outcome?

The idea is to take more actions. Multiply what you do by 10 and within a month, you'll be dating someone you like.

What actions? You are on the net right? This is the first place you can start: dating sites are a training ground. They show you what men like and don't like, who they are, what they are looking for. Gaining confidence on the net gives you a boost of energy and develops in you essential communication skills.

Right now, take a white page and write down 10 simple things you can do about your dating. Don't think just write them down, whether you believe you can do them or not.

Of course, love and passion are the centre of the dating world. Desire, excitement are you emotional fuel. They are the fire which motivates your actions.

Dating skills are the other side of the story, the part which is usually missing in the dating world and tends to freeze people's situations.

What stops action? Doubts, fears, negative past experiences, lack of energy, lack of ideas, lack of strategy, etc.

All resistances can be cleared! It's a matter of understanding what is happening inside yourself.

It's very simple: if you want a man, you have to take action! Action is what makes the difference! Take action regularly. Do at least 10 things every week which bring you closer to your goal!

so here it is to summarize:

Write down 10 actions you could be taking within a week
If you can't start, find out what is the resistance
Take action. One step at a time!

Enjoy!

Get him to ask me out


Hi,

To get him to ask you out, you must be number one in his mind! The dating scene is a very competitive environment. Being yourself is great! Accepting who you are is wonderful! Now, if he still did not ask you out, what can you do about it? You can do better! You can be better!

The dating world is a school of life. It is a space which gives us the possibility to grow, expand and go beyond what we already know! Succeeding in dating means taking risks, not accepting what you see today as your real limits.

I am catching you on your question. My apologies! The expression "get him to ask me out" was a trick to make you realize something: You want him to do for you what you don't dare doing yourself!

Confidence boost does not come from sitting back and waiting! It comes from realizing you can take action!

Ask him out!

This "Taking action!" is what can transform your life! Imagine yourself as a river. Action is an open door! Without an open door or open channel, water simply does not flow! Water is life! It is your spirit! It is your inspiration! Action is what frees your energy, what frees your being!

What if? He says "no", "maybe", "get lost", etc. Would you learn surfing by standing on the beach? No way! You have to get in the water and do it to find your skills! A wave might toss you around like a white sock in a washing machine?

What's your answer? Learn with small waves!

Take a second to observe these two possible pictures of you, one month from now:

In the first picture you did take many actions. You moved, dated a couple of guys. Flirted with two others. Got to know better the man you like. You got some waves on your face. One of your best friends is angry with you and another guy you rejected does not talk to you anymore. You know all this is a learning process and you'll go out partying with your best friend again next week-end.
In the second picture, you did not take action. You are still hesitant and waiting for things to move. You are dreaming about what life would be if... You get impressions, advice from friends. You feel okay but nothing did really move since you sent me your mail.
Which of these two persons do you want to be 1 month from now? The answer is yours!

Take action! To boost your confidence! Taking action is a victory in itself! Focus on the action, not the outcome!

Enjoy!

Make him feel like a man

A guy will be attracted to you because of the way you make him feel. If you feel feminine, he will feel like a male. If you don't dare to express your sexiness, it will naturally crush his ability to express his masculinity.

Don't wait for him to take action! If you like him, initiate contact!

This is good news! The macho era is over and women are liberated! So, take action and establish connections you love! It is your right!

Keep your options open

Never commit to a guy who does not commit to you in return. This would be the best way of getting hurt. Keep you options open as long as you did not decide together to be exclusive with each other.

Do what it takes to succeed!

Invest in your "dating body" and dating skills! If you feel you don't get results, make it your top priority for 3 months. Every day, take a few steps to make yourself more attractive and get in touch with new potential dates.

Use the net!

Nowadays, dating without the internet is like living without a cell phone. As soon as you get online, you multiply your chances of meeting someone by 10! Combine live and internet strategies. They go hand in hand.

Focus first on flirting with him!

If you like a guy, don't walk to him and ask him out. Focus first on flirting and building up complicity. The relationship or dating "thing" comes later. Once he warms up to the idea that you are fun to be with, he'll be an easy pray!

If he already has a girl friend, move on!

Same if is married, is attached to an ex or has strong views on someone else and tells you so.

Never pursue a guy, act desperate or clingy!

If he thinks he has to feed your world for you to feel good about yourself, it will turn him off instantly. A guy is not here to rescue you from a life you don't like; he is there to partner for an even more exciting adventure. You must be happy with or without him.

Respect a "No, thank you" sign

Guys and women have boundaries. Respect his limits if you want guys to respect yours.

0% Demands

This guy owes you nothing, so don't walk in his life like you have the right to tell him what to do or what not to do. Simple, you don't! If you respect his freedom, he'll have no problem spending time with you. Now, bring in one inch of control and you'll kill the magic instantly.

Don't give too much too soon

· Be rejection proof

· Keep your options open and to focus on more than one guy in the early dating stages

· Use dating sites to their full potential

· Focus on building complicity, fun and excitement on the moment rather than trying to build long term security

· Dare to play the game of simply being fun to be with

· Step beyond your comfort zone, challenge yourself and take enough risks.

· Dare to be sexy

· Feel emotionally free. Don't let negative past experiences, hang ups or exes stop you.

· Don't surrender your own power. Don't commit yourself to a man who is not committed to you.

Respect!
If someone gives you a “no, thank you…” sign, respect it and move away.

Don’t touch!
For guys, never touch a woman before she touches you. Let her touch you first.

Don’t be a space invader
Respect someone’s personal space. Find the ideal distance the other person feels comfortable with.

Grooming habits
Take good care of your body and appearance. Check any signs of uncleanliness in you and do something about it. The way you dress says a lot about how you feel about yourself

Have goals, ambitions, passions, desires
You already have an exciting life, with or without a partner. The first step to be happy in dating and relationships is to know how to be a happy single first

Care, be interested
Be a good listener! You should listen at least 60% of the time. No need to flood someone with your life story. Do you care? Are you interested? Are you a good listener?

Apply those three key elements to your dating life and you'll be up for big changes!

Follow up your connections

Send messages. Keep the connection alive

Keep expanding

Beyond the contacts you already have. Keep meeting people.Have an open attitude, it makes you even more attractive

See the results beyond the dating scene

Your dating activities impact on other aspects of your life. They strengthen your confidence, impact on your appearance, create new friends. Notice all those little elements and celebrate those victories!

Giving too much too soon

Letting rejection stop you

Failing to keep your options open and focusing only on one guy too soon

Not using the net to its full potential

Focusing too much on long term security rather than building complicity, fun and excitement on the moment

Not daring to play the game of simply being fun to be with

Staying too much within your comfort zone and not challenging yourself or taking enough risks

Not daring to be sexy

Letting negative past experiences, hang ups and exes stop you from feeling totally emotionally free

Surrendering your own power and committing yourself to a man who is not committed to you.

You have a gift to offer! I am sure that within you, there is this powerful radiance and life force which is just ready to be shared. Deep inside I feel a woman who just wants and desires. This desire is your fuel! It is your energy! It is your power! Do not let anything stop you or hold you back.

Be a warrior and destroy your doubts... Clear your fears and stand for who you are deep inside!

This power that you feel rising is the desire to be, to break through, to expand your life and share your being and your love with someone.

It is a beautiful desire, in fact the essence of what drives us in life. I would like to be next to you right now and express all that verbally to you.

Laugh from within and dissolve whatever resistances or fears stand on the way to your success! Invest your energy and conquer not just a man's heart but the heart of the world, the heart of those who are around you.

Life moves, evolves, changes. Follow your instinct and respond to opportunities. Don't think of outcome, rather enjoying and smiling to life right now! Fun, happiness and energy are magnetically attractive. Be superconductive to life!!!

There are as well strategies and approaches. Developing powerful dating skills is the next step. But your emotional fuel is the key. We can sit think and analyze the situation. Design strategies, take action... That's the other aspect of succeeding. To be successful, you need knowledge understanding and skills, dating skills, social skills, vision, strategies. It's a vast subject, but easy to navigate when you know the tricks.

I am deeply excited about your goals! I think your desires are beautiful and powerful!


I would definitely be looking forward to speak with you or meet you one day; be sure however that whatever step you take, you get my full support and wishes of success.

The first place is yourself! That's the first person you have to learn to love! Nurture and take care of your being before you go in the world. If you love yourself, it will show in your every move.

Then, take action. The dating world is a river of inspiration. It is an exciting stream which is motivated by the desire to love and give love. It is a challenging world and environment as well. Mastering that environment means realizing that it's not only about love. It is about fight, conquering, competition, challenge as well. You know what? Great! Be realistic about the dynamics of dating.

This shift of awareness is essential! You must understand that dating is a training ground! It is an opportunity to learn something about who you are. It is an incredible chance to develop key life skills and abilities and to tap into your human potential fully. This is a bigger picture. Putting the game into a fresh perspective allows you to walk into that field with trust and confidence.

Of course you want to win! But the fun and excitement of simply participating is the key to success. Your passion is alive.

Love, romance and flirt are the other side of the same medal.

Give yourself the tools to succeed by staying awake!

7 simple steps to wake up your flirting spirit

If you don't know where to start with flirting, you can develop new flirting skills by practicing and connecting with your flirting spirit.
Flirting is first instinctual!

You can surf the net and get lines which work or you can connect with your flirting spirit and create your own.

Suppose you want to learn to play an instrument: You can follow a manual or you can simply take an instrument and start making some simple moves.

Very often, life flows its own way. If you are cooking you can either follow a recipe or free yourself from it and go with your instinct.

Success with flirting is probably a combination of both approaches: getting a few tips and strategies from a "recipe book" and connecting with your own flirting spirit.

Here are a few simple steps to connect with your flirting spirit:

Get ideas

Imagine yourself walking to a perfect stranger at a party. What would you say? How would break the ice? Take a white page and write down at least 20 ideas or intro lines which come to your mind. No matter what they are, write them down, even if you believe they are silly or stupid. Don’t think, don’t rationalize, go with your instincts and with what comes first

Find a female buddy

Email these ideas to a female friend who wants to play this game. If you don’t have a buddy, practice this with your coach. Send each other a few ideas daily for a week or so and exchange opinions on what lines work best and why.

Select the best lines

In the lines you wrote, select the ones you believe are really good. Find out how you feel when you would say them. What would a man feel when you would approach them with such a line. Why would they work?

Find a dating site and set up a free profile

Go online and select a dating site you like. Set up a free profile with picture and personal info. Spend 10 to 20 min max. No need to elaborate. Keep simple and fresh. It is an experiment. The goal here is not to succeed. It is to train your skills.

Start sending messages and observe how guys respond to them

Don’t crush on anyone. Even if you feel attracted to a guy, keep your options open. Stay focused on your original goal: train your flirting skills.

Practice with a male friend

Invite a male friend and get his feed back on the lines and attitudes which work best. He will tell you exactly what he reacts to and why. Be receptive and open to whatever he has to say. You are here to learn.

Go live!

Once you experienced with online flirting, go live and experience at parties, clubs or other public situations.

Flirting tips?

Here is what you can do:

Being in love or asking a guy out is like being on stage.

It truly feels like you are naked.

Instead of putting the guy on a stand and worshipping him like a god, imagine him naked as well, tease, play.

Tease him to break the ice, pretend not to take him too seriously.

This will build up the fun and bring lightness between the two of you.

Being fun is the number one quality guys look for in a girl.

So don't be afraid to express it.

Dare to be yourself.

This will multiply your natural charm!

In one word, make you totally irresistible!!!

When you go on stage the first time, it feels a bit awkward.

Why? Because it is the first time.

Repeat the experience to feel more comfortable with it.

If you ask one guy out one time, it is a bit funny.

But if you try again another time, it feels already more easy.

Simply do it and every time you do it accept the outcome, accept what happened, forgive yourself if it wasn't as good as you would have wished.

Learn from the experience and do it again, and again.

Don't let anything hold you back from doing it.

You'll soon become super confident at it.

If you feel it's just too much at once, practice these flirting techniques with guys who are non-challenging for you.

It's great fun to discover new skills in you.

Enjoy!

Hi,

Playing hard to get is a great way of flirting as long as you show the guy that he is getting somewhere. If you give nothing, he'll just run away and look somewhere else.

Use it as a way of teasing him and building the attraction between you and a man.

Let your resistances drop when you feel the moment is ripe. If you overdo it, you just keep him hanging on and both of you will get nowhere, so be sure that building attraction and playing is the centre of your flirting style.

Enjoy!

Guys find it more difficult to approach you in public because they are afraid to make you uncomfortable in front of other people.
They are as well afraid of being rejected in public.

So if you give them signals that you won't reject them, it will be easier for them to approach you.

Show them that you are open.


To simply be more attractive, here is what you can do:
Play with your eyes!

Sustain eye contact for 2, 3 seconds.

Flirt outrageously.

Be fun to be with!!!

I don't mean frivolousof course!

Simply let him see that you enjoy life.

Inner freedom is extremely attractive for a guy.

Show him that you enjoy life deep inside and that your pleasure can't be challenged or destroyed.

Be sexy and take care deep care of yourself.

Don't worship him like a god, tease him instead.

Be confident and take risks (Don't put your life, health or future in danger though :)).

Try simple steps like talking to anyone in social situations.

Be active and fun in social situations.

Don't be exclusive with him or clingy.

Stay active, open and excited about life beyond the limits of what you share with him.

Enjoy!

Play with your eyes!

Sustain eye contact for 2, 3 seconds.

Flirt outrageously.

Be fun to be with!!!

I don't mean frivolousof course!

Simply let him see that you enjoy life.

Inner freedom is extremely attractive for a guy.

Show him that you enjoy life deep inside and that your pleasure can't be challenged or destroyed.

Be sexy and take care deep care of yourself.

Don't worship him like a god, tease him instead.

Be confident and take risks (Don't put your life, health or future in danger though :)).

Try simple steps like talking to anyone in social situations.

Be active and fun in social situations.

Don't be exclusive with him or clingy.

Stay active, open and excited about life beyond the limits of what you share with him.

Enjoy!

I need a sure fire way to get his attention

I have a guy friend and his friend from the military has come back to visit, I am very interested. I need a sure fire way to get his attention. How can I get him to ask me out without being too forward?

---------------------------------


Hi,

Play with your eyes, flirt outrageously. Be fun to be with!!! Don't mean frivolous all the time but simply enjoy life. Inner freedom is extremely attractive for a guy. Show him you enjoy life deep inside and that your pleasure can't be challenged or destroyed. Be sexy and take care deep care of yourself. Don't worship him like a god, tease him instead.

Be confident and take risks (I don't mean putting your life, health or future in danger). Try simple steps like talking to people more ins social situations. Be active in social situations. Fun! Don't be exclusive with him or clingy. Stay active, open and excited about life beyond the limits of what you share with him.

It is very simple.

You don't need going over the top with that.

The answer is in the choices you make.

Check what you want to wear when you go out.

Open your wardrobe and definitely go for what looks sexiest.

You know the difference between vulgar and sexy, right?

Ask a friend for help and advice if you are unsure.

The trick is to go slightly beyond your comfort zone and get used to it.

Same if you go shopping, choose for what looks sexy rather than practical or comfortable.

Check as well with fashion magazines.

Does that look sexy or gross?

Good luck!

Enjoy!

Hi,

Fun to be with! That's the first step.

These gives a positive and incredible ground to move forward. A guy wants to stay away from problems, difficulties, hang ups, etc. Stay light, engaging, open specially in the original stages.

If you want to be attractive, simply stay away from what is unattractive in you.

Enjoy

Here is what you can do:

Being in love or asking a guy out is like being on stage.

It truly feels like you are naked.

Instead of putting the guy on a stand and worshipping him like a god, imagine him naked as well, tease, play.

Tease him to break the ice, pretend not to take him too seriously.

This will build up the fun and bring lightness between the two of you.

Being fun is the number one quality guys look for in a girl.

So don't be afraid to express it.

Dare to be yourself.

This will multiply your natural charm!

In one word, make you totally irresistible!!!

When you go on stage the first time, it feels a bit awkward.

Why? Because it is the first time.

Repeat the experience to feel more comfortable with it.

If you ask one guy out one time, it is a bit funny.

But if you try again another time, it feels already more easy.

Simply do it and every time you do it accept the outcome, accept what happened, forgive yourself if it wasn't as good as you would have wished.

Learn from the experience and do it again, and again.

Don't let anything hold you back from doing it.

You'll soon become super confident at it.

If you feel it's just too much at once, practice these flirting techniques with guys who are non-challenging for you.

It's great fun to discover new skills in you.

Enjoy!

Hi,

Some years ago, I had the same question about women: "How to turn on women?"

What I did? I started reading cosmopolitan! Understanding the opposite sex is the first step.

Who are they, these strange (but fascinating) creatures? Check this link: www.menshealth.co.uk it will tell you a lot about what's going on in a man's mind.

Second step: Dare!

What do you think when you hear the word sexy?

No shame!

Would you like to be called sexy?

If the answer is no, then you are in trouble.

What turns on guys has a lot to do with being sexy.

Dare!

What turns guys on is energy!

It is radiance! Freshness! Fun! Vitality! Life! Flirt! Playfulness!

The main quality a guy is looking in a women when dating is: "Fun to be with!"

Ad a dimension of mystery and you to get the full picture!

The serious part of a committed relationship comes after.

First you have to focus on is sparks, chemistry, excitement.

What turns on a guy is not a thought, it is an emotional reaction.

Talk to his senses.

It's their senses you want to wake up, not their heads.

Turning on guys is accepting to play the game!

It is just a game, so take small steps in the beginning and build up your confidence.

Here are 3 simple techniques you can start with:

Seek eye contact with guys. Play with your eyes. Slightly smile. Establish eye contact slightly longer than usual (2-3 seconds). Practice that as often as you can.

Be fun to be with. You have at least 5 to 10 interactions a day with men. It can be in a shop, professional situations, social, friends, etc. Don't be self absorbed. Be generous with your attitude. No serious talk! light, relax, fun, smile. Make a move!

Be sexy! No shame! No need to be extravagant or vulgar. Simply take it one step further than you would usually do. Start with clothes. What do you choose in the morning? What do you buy? Put yourself in a good light! Then focus on body language! 70% of what a guy remembers from you is expressed through your body language. You might focus on the words when in fact, what he sees is your posture and attitude.

Practice these for week or so.

To develop dating skills, you have to try, play, experiment, have fun, repeat it many times a day (for instance with eye contact).

This is the first step.

You are not supposed to succeed with everything you try.

Don't focus on the outcome.

Taking action is a victory in itself.

Enjoy!

To be successful, you have to play the game.

It's all a game anyway, so go ahead and have fun.
What is this game?

It is the flirting game!

90% of guys want first to have fun when on the dating scene.

They want to spend time with people who are fun to be with, so no hang ups.

Playing the game is giving people what they want!

Sure it's great to accept yourself the way you are but you can do better.

You can be better.

Your present limits are not your real limits.

So, go beyond and reach beyond your present comfort zone to establish a new rhythm and freshness in your life. Raise your standards!

Here are the greatest turn offs for guys: difficult person, self absorbed, sad, melancholic, distant, worried, or unstable.

If you want to be successful, express exactly the opposite qualities: easy going, generous, happy, joyful, warm, balanced.

Guys fall for women who look and feel free!

They respond to life force, to radiance, to excitement, to emotional fuel.

Become incredibly attractive to yourself by being a problem free zone!

To be successful, simply let go of what is not attractive in you.

Stop doing what is bad for you.

Simplify everything.

Guys will be magnetized to you when you are a life model they want to follow.

Express their deepest dreams.

Express their deepest desire and they'll simply be attracted to your presence.

Dare! Take risks!

Be ready to respond to situations!

Be spontaneous!

Trust!

Enjoy the magic of the moment.

Being successful is first a gift you give to yourself.

Enjoy!

Hi,

Every time you sit back and hesitate, you are feeding your doubts! The key to gain confidence is action! Success gives you confidence, so take a second to celebrate a victory, no matter how small.

A simple smile you get back from a guy can make your day, so take a second to take it inside like a compliment.

Confidence has to do with power, skills, knowledge. In fact the more you know about the dating world, the more confident you feel.

If you have been there before, you'll feel less threatened as well, so practice and repeat what you already tried. The key is to shift your attitude and actually master your skills.

This does not stop you from being spontaneous and free. Imagine you would go on stage. What would you do? right?

Rehearsal! Practice your moves! Observe the tone of your voice!

Develop your body attitude! etc.

Imagine yourself in the streets of Hong Kong. How do you feel the first day you get there? Pretty lost, right?

After a week, you feel much better. Almost at home! Why, because of experience! You have been there before!

With dating it is the same.

Establish your roots in that field, master the dating skills and very soon, you'll feel totally at home in this environment.


Enjoy!

Hi,

If guys get nervous when you approach them, it is very natural.

Why?

When you speak to someone, you always enter in their personal space.

This happens naturally.

Without realizing it or truly wanting it, you use your "conquering power" when you start chatting with someone.

If you want a guy to feel comfortable, give him space.

Give him time to adapt to your presence.

Humor and teasing is a good way to get everyone relaxed.

Chat a bit, let go.

Play with that.

There is nothing to worry about.

Show them there is nothing you want from them.

People tend to build walls around them.

It's a sphere of protection.

When you break through that protection, they naturally feel defenseless.

There is a new balance of power and energy.

It can take a couple of minutes for this energy to find a new balance.

There is another element as well: they could truly be excited by your presence and talking to you.

Their lack of confidence can show as if they were uncomfortable.

Can you see that?

It is true, the one who takes the initiative ( specially if you show lots of assertiveness) uses this conquering power.

They basically go beyond their comfort zone and connect.

The one who is waiting and receptive is within a sphere of comfort and by coming into their sphere, you challenge this comfort.

Again, there is nothing wrong with that.

Give it a couple of minutes to readapt.

Play with humor, teasing and eventually show less assertiveness in your approach.

He flirts with me all the time

I really really like this guy but I don't want to ask him out. I want him to ask me. He hits and flirts with me all the time when we see each other and he is always telling people we are going to get married so what can I do to get him to ask me out????? PLEASE HELP!!!!!

-----------------------------------------

Hi,

He is going one step too far and his "teasing" is becoming annoying for you. Try going to him and telling him something like: "are you going to ask me out or what?" "If you don't take a step soon, I'll start loosing interest and think you are just plain scared..." You can do that with fun and a big smile on your face. He has to know that you won't reject him if he takes the step...

Another option is to simply go beyond the "ask me out" thing and give him a quick kiss when he is not expecting it. "Invite him" for more.

Enjoy!

Labels: flirting

He has a girl friend

Ok I like this guy, he's my friend I want to know how can I get his attention, we talk all the time but he has a girlfriend, I don't want to break them up. I just want to find some ways to make him more attracted to me. I know he likes me but I do play hard with him because I know he does have someone. He called me and I told him I had company he was shock I guess he though I was going to sit and wait on him to call but when I told him I had company his voice sounded a little shaky, he didn't call me the next day either. What do you think he's thinking? What should I do?

--------------------------------------

Hi,

Good to hear from you

The best is to make a move. In his mind you have to shift from being just a friend to being more intimate than that. If you want him to get closer, play the game of flirting rather than the game of friendship.

Go beyond your normal limits, be more sexy when you are with him.

The move of seeing other guys is excellent! Congratulations with that! I encourage you to do it more. It makes him realize that other guys like you, that you are free, that he cares for you. It forces him to open up his feelings as well.

At this stage though you seem to be undecided about what you want with him. He might be getting a mixed message from you. He has a girlfriend, so you can choose for just staying out of it by respect. Or you can decide to take your chance with him anyway.

I feel that once your intentions are clear, it will be easier for him to get the message.

Enjoy!

Did I do the right thing by ending our friendship

Well I have this friend who has a girlfriend, but I want to know if I did the right thing by ending our friendship, or should I say our fling we both had. I called him the other day and he had his girl there and I ask him what he was doing he said "nothing". I said "you've got company?".

He was like "yeah". I stayed on the phone. He did too it started a conflict with them, so he hung up in my face, that pissed me off, I called him later told him don't call me anymore. But later I called him back and said I don't want to end our friendship on a bad note, I told him we are just going to chill from talking as friends, did I do the right thing, we both started liking each other, but he disrespected me by hanging up on me.

-----------------------------------

Hi,


Hanging up on you was just his way of giving you a boundary. He was having a good time. You call him. Want to fight. He has something else in his mind. He did the right thing by hanging up.

Are you just friends? Or are you actually dating? The territory of friendship does not give you the right to own anyone or be possessive. Friendship says: "I'm happy for you when you are having a good time. I respect your space and encourage your freedom"

If he means something for you, get closer to him again. What happened is no reason to put an end to a valuable friendship. Go back and build something on mutual respect.

Enjoy!

He says that his relationship isn't going good

Ok I have this guy who has a girl, ok were just friends though but we both like each other. I did something I shouldn't have done, he came over and we started messing around.

Am I doing right by letting him think that I have a new friend, because when he calls me I tell him that my friend is over another guy really its not, I just don't want him to think its all about him.

I want to know if I should take a chance and get him or let it ride its self out. Because if he leaves her than he can leave me as well. I think I'm interesting him by having male friend, he acts as if he doesn't care but he asks questions about us. I don't give him any info. He says that his relationship isn't going good. Me and him get along really well, what should I do? Help!

------------------------------


Hi,

It looks like you enjoy your freedom right now. Dating a guy, having male friends. there is nothing wrong with that. Simply follow your instincts and trust what you want. It is your life, not theirs, so you wishes and your will is number one!

If you feel you two can move to start something together, take a small step to see how it feels. If it's too awkward step back and keep your freedom.

Don't offer yourself to him unless it is clear it's a two way commitment. At this stage he still has girl friend. Keep your freedom and don't focus on him as long as she is around.


Enjoy!

Is there anything that I can to do to make him mine?

I've been talking to and sleeping with a guy who has a girlfriend is there anything that I can to do to make him mine?

----------------------------


Hi,

The best thing to do is to date other guys and flirt. Be spontaneous, free and happy. Play the game of romance as a way of life. Flirt with that guy, outrageously. Be sexy, attractive. For him to want you, you have to give him a taste of what he could get. You can give him a taste by flirting with your eyes, seducing him.

If he feels this is only for him, he will reject it. He will think you are clingy, attached or desperate. For him to like you, you need to be ahead of him in one way or another. Develop you tantric skills. Guys want you when you have something they need. One of the key things guys need is pleasure, fun, enjoyment. If you can give him that, he'll be back running to be with you.

You see, it's all about being at your best and giving him what he needs the most.

This is playing fair and from an ethical point of view, by far the best option. Attacking your rival is not an option. Play fair and respect! Accept the outcome! Respect his choices and move on!


Enjoy!

Been counseling him as a friend

Hey! I'm starting to get really annoyed with this guy I met this year. We barely knew each other, and started talking online and that turned into a lot of talking for a long period of time.. And we'd talk about a lot of personal stuff together, and both talked about our own relationship problems.

I thought we were building a good friendship. But now what it looks like was that he just was using me while he was having relationship problems with his gf back home. Because we are now home for the summer and he seems to really not care about talking whatsoever- and him and his girl are together and happy for once.

I'm just kinda ticked about that because I feel used and real stupid for listening to him for so long, trying to help him.. I'm so sick of getting dropped so much..!!

-----------------------------------------------


True, when you become his "counselor friend" that's the way he'll look at you. If you want to be a partner or lover, than behave like a flirt and show your intentions of relating that way.

If he talks a lot about his girl friend consider it as an early sign that he is more interested in her than in you, and he's not ready to let go.

Next time you see this happening, listen to warning signs. If it's romance you want, focus on guys who can really give it to you.

Good luck and stay in touch

vitalcoach

He can't forget about his ex

What if you're dating someone who still can't forget about his ex? They just broke up but are still in contact. Now he wants both! He said he loves her but he wants me... I just don't know what 2 do!! Help!

----------------------------------

Hi,

The signs you are describing are those of a man who is not committed to you yet. You on the other hand are offering your life to him. There is a misbalance. A huge misbalance. His ex is still in his mind. I would say keep your options open. Focusing on just this guy and expecting him to take all the right steps is too much of a risk. You know what you want and your wishes deserve to be fulfilled. I know by experience that ultimatums don't work, so pushing him might just turn him off. Enjoy the way he is with his "imperfection" and focus on quality time together

The best thing to do is to date other guys and flirt. Be spontaneous, free and happy. Play the game of romance as a way of life. Flirt with that guy, outrageously. Be sexy, attractive. For him to want you, you have to give him a taste of what he could get. You can give him a taste by flirting with your eyes, seducing him.

If he feels this is only for him, he will keep on playing the same game. He will think you are clingy, attached or desperate. For him to want more, you need to be ahead of him in one way or another. Guys want you when you have something they need. One of the key things guys need is pleasure, fun, enjoyment. If you can give him that, he'll be back running to be with you.

The key for you is to be non-exclusive as long as he isn't. Date other guys. Keep your options open. Socialize, go out! Don't limit your contacts to just him. That's the way you stay free. If he gets jealous or reacts ask him if he is ready to move on with you exclusively. Don't offer yourself to him until it's clear it is a two ways commitment

Enjoy!

Labels: his ex

His ex wife recently moved back into their home

I started dating a man who was divorced, his ex wife recently moved back into their home. We are more emotionally involved than physically. We are also involved with business and we cannot seem to break away emotionally. I am divorced and have been for 4 years. I have never been in this situation. What do I do to make it more attractive for him to leave and come to me? he has allowed this because of his 2 year old son? Help?

-----------------------------

Hi,

Lots of what is going on in his life is out of your hands. You see, he is the one in charge of his existence and he takes the decisions for himself.

The only thing you can do is step back and respect.

It does not actually mean you stop flirting with him but there is no control or will power from your side. The greatest gift you can give him if you care for him is the gift of freedom. Open your arms around him rather than constricting his space. He will feel your love, respect and respond to it in the same way.

At the same time stay open yourself. As he does not give you his exclusivity or commitment, see other men as well. You are free! there is no commitment no actual relationship in this case.

Enjoy!

Labels: his ex

How to make him forget about his ex?

How to make a man interested in me, and forget about his ex?

----------------------------------------

Hi,

The best thing to do is to date other guys and flirt. Be spontaneous, free and happy. Be sexy, attractive. For him to want you fully, you have to give him a taste of what he could get.

If he feels this is only for him, he will think you are clingy, attached or desperate. For him to want more, you need
to be ahead of him in one way or another. Develop you flirting skills. Guys want you when you have something they need. One of the key things guys need is pleasure, fun, enjoyment. If you can give him that, he'll be back running to be with you and forget about his ex.

The key for you is to be non-exclusive as long as he isn't. Date other guys. Keep your options open. Socialize, go out! Don't limit your contacts to just him. That's the way you stay free. If he gets jealous or reacts ask him if he is ready to move on with you exclusively. Don't offer yourself to him until it's clear it is a two way commitment.

Enjoy!

Labels: his ex

What is stopping him from asking you out?


Today's tip is very simple simple and might answer a question you have been asking yourself: "Why on earth isn't he not taking the steps and asking me out?"

Here are 3 key reasons:

Fear of rejection: Guys are like you. They want to avoid pain and challenging situations. A man who asks a woman's phone number has 80% chances of getting rejected (that's the real numbers!). Challenging for a man to take the step!

He thinks it is going to be complicated: Dating can sometimes become a hassle. The risk of dating someone who becomes clingy, possessive or very jealous is quite big.

His mind is busy: He is still finishing a relationship, or too busy with a professional challenge. An interesting fact: 40% of guys in the UK affirm to be sometimes too stressed up to have sex. To date you need space and inner freedom.

The solution?

Step 1: make it very very clear to him that if he approaches you, you'll say yes!

Step 2: be a problem free zone. Act like one, be one. Focus on fun and enjoyment. Show him you are fun to be with.

Step 3: Timing is everything. Follow you instinct with that one. Jump in at the right moment!

The week end is coming! Enjoy the opportunities! What risks and actions are you prepared to take to get what you want?

Enjoy

He is in the middle of a divorce

Here is the situation. I'm dating a man who is in the middle of a divorce and custody situation. It is causing a tremendous amount of stress on our relationship.
I am not asking what to DO - meaning, I don't need advice to leave the relationship until his divorce is over (conventional wisdom.)

My problem is that when I stew over the situation, I get snappy, neurotic and hard to be with. I lately have been telling him how badly I feel that we can't be rid of this divorce/custody situation - in other words, HOW BETTER CAN I BE A SUPPORT but still express my needs?

He is trying his best and the lawyers are doing what they can. But I feel horrible as I've been not as supportive lately as I was about 3 months ago. Tuesday I was told another 6 months of legal battling is on the horizon (its already been over 6 months) and we started to argue (again) and I provoked him to break up with me. (We are not going to do that though.)

How can I SHUT UP and be more supportive? How can I get past what I feel I need and let life simply take its course?

We love each other and I don't want to lose him. Any suggestions?

--------------------------------------

Hi,

I'll be direct with you, okay?

This divorce is about his life. It's not your life.

The risk with this type of situation, is to get more involved than you should.

Don't take responsibility for is situation. When you get involved, you try to influence the outcome of things which are mainly out of your hands anyway. You soon realize that you have little control. On the long term, it can immensely frustrate you and drain your energy.

You can be supportive as a friend. On the other hand when it comes to solve problems and situations related with his divorce, there are professionals for that. You are not his lawyer or his therapist. You are his lover and new partner.

Right now, you have a relationship with that man. The goal is to empower what you and him share by protecting and preserving the time you two spend together. In fact the time he spends with you could be used to clear his mind from all his court case rather than talking even more about it.

It's okay to be supportive. I don't think it's okay to let the space you spend together be invaded by his divorce situation, problems with his ex and so on.

There is a simple way to go, which is to stop talking about this when you are together. You can set a simple boundary about that. It's okay and I don't find it offensive from you side.

You can set special time aside if you two need to talk about his situation. For instance, you can say something like: "Look let's take a moment on Thursday evening to talk about it, right now, I want to enjoy the movie (or the sunset, or...)"

You feel you are betraying him if you put a boundary there? You are not. What you are doing is protecting the new and fresh relationship space you two are building.

Does this make sense?

Good luck and stay in touch

vitalcoach

Labels: his ex

He always has all of his friends around him


There is a guy that I don't really know but I know he's funny, and really nice and he's hot. He is really popular and I'm scared to talk to him because I feel threatened. He's in two classes with me and I feel that I don't have any chances to talk to him because he always has all of his friends around him and I'm not friend with his friends. I just need to know what I should do.

------------------------------

Hi,

It's true try to approach him when his friends are not around... It will make it easier for you.

Being in love or asking a guy out is like being on stage. It truly feels like you are naked. Instead of putting the guy on a stand and worshipping him like a god, imagine him naked as well, tease, play. Tease him to break the ice, pretend not to take him too seriously. This will build up the fun and bring lightness between the two of you. being fun is the number one quality guys like for in a girl. So don't be afraid to express it. Dare to be yourself. This will multiply your natural charm! In one word, make you totally irresistible!!!

When you go on stage the first time, it feels a bit awkward. Why? because it is the first time. Repeat the experience to feel more comfortable with it. If you ask one guy out one time, it is a bit funny. But if you try again another time, it feels already more easy. Simply do it and every time you do it accept the outcome, accept what happened, forgive yourself if it wasn't as good as you would have wished. Learn from the experience and do it again, and again. Don't let anything hold you back from doing it. You'll soon become super confident at it.

Enjoy!

He likes me but doesn't like my style

HE LIKES ME BUT HE DOESN'T LIKE MY STYLE SO HE WONT GO OUT WITH ME . WHAT SHOULD I DO?

--------------------------------

Hi,

Find out what's the style he likes... Maybe it's something you would like yourself as well.

Maybe he is giving you a hint on what could be good for you. If he's clear about what he wants simply take the steps and change to get closer to what he has in mind...

If the direction he is interested in is really not you, it's probably the sign that your destinies are not really linked. Protect yourself and respect and care for the way you are and wave him good bye... He's not worth you anyway.


Enjoy!

He is shy & seems not to trust women

I really like a guy who is shy & seems not to trust women ,I know he likes me but how can I catch & keep him?

---------------------------------------

Hi,

Dating and flirting is like dancing. You dance better with a good partner. He has to develop his own dating skills. If he's shy, you can give him confidence by showing you won't challenge or aggress him. At the same time it is important to be yourself and not feel you are walking on eggs when you are with him.

It's essential to keep your options open and make sure that his shyness does not hold you back from enjoying life and feeling free.

Don't take responsibility for someone else's feelings.

Enjoy!

He never replied

I MET THIS GUY AND HE TEXTS ME EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST 5 DAYS. I TEXT HIM ON SUNDAY TO SAY I WILL BE GOING OUT AND HE NEVER REPLIED, THEN I TEXT HIM YESTERDAY ASKING HOW HE WAS HE REPLIED AND ASKED ME HOW I WAS I ANSWERED AND HE NEVER TEXT BACK, WHAT DO I DO ?

------------------------------


Hi,

Pick up the phone and call him! SMS is great but ca feel a bit slow. If you want to get closer to guy, use all the tools you have, not just SMS. Another thing is to go out in places or situations where you know he is going to be and show him other aspects of who you are. You see, the SMS thing is a bit limited after a while. Hard to express your feelings and flirting skills just using that.

Enjoy!

He never had a girl friend

I really like this guy a lot, but he never had a girl friend and says that he still doesn't want one right now. He is 19 and from what I hear very shy. I am just wondering how would be the best way to get him not so scared of me. We are friends, but I want us to be more. I know that once he gave me a chance I would make him happy.

-------------------------------


Hi,

He has to grow in his own speed. A way to get him to fully trust you is to keep your contact a problem free zone. Have great fun every time you are together. Even if he does not want more. Build up trust and confidence step by step without pushing, forcing or being demanding. This would be a big turn off for him!

In discussions with him, try to understand how he functions and what his resistance is. Ask him general questions about relationships. Give example s about some friends you know and ask for his opinion. Read between the lines of what he says. Once you know what is going on in his mind, you can give him what he wants and overcome whatever objection he might be having.

On the other hand, you might be mature and ready to express your love. Expressing love is like a dance. You need a partner who is at your level. You can as well teach someone the first steps but it is more demanding for you and you might not get back what you offer.

The best on a dance floor is to find someone who gives you back as much as you offer. Waiting for someone to change, and open up can be draining and time consuming for you, specially if the person does not want to change or evolve. Guys can keep you hanging on for years because they are not ready for whatever. Take your life in your hands and give to someone who gives you back in the same fulfilling proportion!

Enjoy!

He seems to be all about his friends

There's a guy I really like and adore but he seems to be all about his friends. How do I get him to pay more attention?

-----------------------------

Hi,

To pay more attention, he has to be excited about you, about your presence. He must feel you free, open. If he feels you are clingy, dependent or desperate, he'll simply run away, so be sure you have your own stability and life base.

The trick here is not to be exclusive towards him. Stay free on your own ground. If he notices that you are independent, stable and happy by yourself and with other people, specially guys he will want to share this happiness with you.

So the best is to have your life, an exciting life which does not depend on his presence. This success will turn him on and make him want to be with you.

At the end, the dating world is a dance floor. For a guy to want to be with you, he must feel you two are on the same level. It won't happen if you put yourself down and put him up there in your esteem. Bring him down! He's just a human being like you.

Enjoy!

He told me that he loved me as more then a friend

I've known this guy for about 2 years and we've been friends. He told me that he loves me as more then a friend the other day, but he's never spent any real quality time with me. We've only talked on the phone and on the internet. How can I tell if he really does have feelings for me, or really does truly love me?

---------------------------

Hi,

If he says it, he probably means it, so I would trust his sincerity with that.

It's a compliment he is giving you. Take it inside and enjoy the feeling of having someone telling you words like these. If he says it again, or is kind with you, tell him how much you appreciate his words. Tell him he touches you very deep by saying that.

If he took the step, he might be waiting for a definite sign or response from you. Do you feel the same towards him? If you do, you should tell him.

Enjoy!

I know he's not ready to get into anything serious

There is this guy that I am really into, but I know that he's not ready to get into anything serious. what should I do?

-------------------------------------

Hi,

The key is to be non-exclusive at this stage.

Stay free and keep your options open. If you invest too much before he does, you'll make yourself very dependent on him. So keep your freedom at this stage.

If he reacts or gets jealous, ask him if he is ready to get into a real relationship with you.

Enjoy!

I feel like he is avoiding me

HI :-) I've been dating this guy for 6 months, and everything was going pretty good. But now, I feel like he is avoiding me - we still keep in touch, but he doesn't return my messages anymore, doesn't call when he says so and if I ask him if something bothers him he says that everything's ok and he's being very busy right now. I don't know what to do. I don't want to intrude and distract him from his work, but I miss him... Please ,help me. I really care for the guy!
Hi,

There is a sacred rule in the dating scene. Respect a "no thank you". Respecting someone's personal space is super important. If he's not responding, it just means he needs space. He probably still likes you but for a reason or another, he's probably busy with something else.

The best is to focus on other directions and start looking for other guys to spend your time with.

Towards him, you can send him a card or email every now and then but you could start sounding clingy, attached or desperate, specially if he does not respond. Sounding clingy or attached are two big turn offs for guys. It gives them the feeling you totally depend on them for your happiness and this puts them under pressure. They start feeling like they have to "feed" your world 24 hours a day.

On the other hand, if you stay socially active and see other people, enjoy life, act free and feel free, you become magnetically attractive because you are having great fun.

I know this is an essential shift. Once you get good at letting go from a guy and focus back on yourself, you'll feel how much this empowers and strengthens you. It's totally magical and shifts the way you stand in life.

Enjoy!

If a man is not responding

If a man is not responding, it sometimes means that his mind is busy with something else.

He could be stressed by a challenging life situation, dealing with a demanding ex, be focused on a creative project, etc.

There can be hundreds of reasons for a male's mind not to be available.

I know he likes me but he is not acting on it

I know he likes me but he is not acting on it. He waits until we meet and he makes the most of every moment we meet. I want him to call and set up a date.

-------------------

Hi,

Sometimes, we wish we could take action for other people but we can't. The power of self determination is one of our great gifts as human beings. We are all free, you, me, him. If he does not take action, there is something you can't do: force him! It does not work. I know it's frustrating.

Some guys are self absorbed or simply lack initiative. It's them who need to do the work, not you.

If you feel frustrated by his lack of initiative, you can either wait, or try to educate him (might take you time... long time considering what you say) You can try to help him change... I tell you, this can be time and energy consuming for you and bring little results at the end.

You can sit down with him and simply ask him what's going on. Tell him you feel frustrated because you are always making the moves. Talk about yourself, your needs.

Another option is for you to focus on other people and keep your options open. This is what I recommend you 100%! When you diversify your contacts, connections, it's like a bowl of fresh air, because your have the choice. That way your happiness and emotional freedom, life satisfaction are not dependent on someone else's moves.

You need to be free, to feel free!!!

Enjoy!

What to do to get this other guy back?

I have a really big problem I meet my ex the day before school and he and I were together for about 4 days before I couldn't take his possessiveness anymore and then his "blood brother" and best friend showed up and I was totally taken with him he's so hot he has 9 piercing and 6 tattoo's, and he broke up with me just because his friend had me first and now my ex before him is saying it's all good that this guy has me and he don't so now I don't know what to do to get this other guy back, help me please

------------------------------

Hi,

It's true: guys don't like you trying them all before your decide. If there is one of them you like more than the others, focus on that one and tell him you like him uniquely and that you would be ready to date him only.

If he is ready to just focus on you as well, you are in for a great time, but first, he wants to be sure that this is not going to happen again.

If you feel, you went one step too far, go ahead and tell him. If on the other hand, you want to feel free... Totally free, you have to accept this freedom in others as well...

What's your choice?

Enjoy!

Is he telling the truth?

Hi, I really need big help! I really like this guy and it seems he likes me too. He always stares at me, talks to me and we joke around and stuff. My problem is that not too long ago I heard from a friend that he doesn't like me. I don't know if he is telling the truth or if he is not. I don't know what I should do. I mean I really like him. I heard that you give good advice. I just really need good advice. Please help me!!! Thank you

---------------------------------

Hi,

He's probably unsure about his feelings and maybe playing a bit with you.

You'll soon find out that the only way to stand in situations like this one is not to let yourself being influenced by his thoughts, what he thinks or does not think.

Focus on yourself and gain confidence. The goal here is for you to simply stay centered and know that there will always be other guys who like you.

You are free and strong. Don't let him destabilize your trust and your strength.

Enjoy!

Why don't guys call right away?

Why don't guys call right away? Is there some sort of rule they go by or something?

------------------------------------


Hi,

Guys don't want to sound clingy, desperate or pushy. They actually do that to respect your space.

If you want them to call earlier, give them a clear sign like: "call me soon" when you give them your number. Make it clear that they won't bother you if they call tomorrow.

When you had sex for instance, there can be a "rebuilding" period for the man, which has more to do with recharging his sexual stamina. It's organic!

Waiting a bit before you see each other again is quiet natural as well. It allows the fresh romance to bloom freely and keep on growing in your mind. Seeing each other too soon would make you exclusive. Men want to keep their options open in the beginning and see other people as well.

With all these examples, nothing to worry about. It's okay if he calls you within a week.

If it has been a month, give him a call yourself to check out what's going on...

In some other cases, the guy is simply not interested or has other priorities. It can happen as well.

Enjoy!

Explore a dating site as if it was a new city

Simple, when you log on to a dating site, you give it a first shot... Unless you are extremely hansom, rich and carry with you the total set of qualities, there are good chances that you'll get little or no responses...

Smash! In the face of your self esteem... You think it's because of you but have an eye to those stats (see below...)

What you need is a strategy, an original approach...

First advice: PERSEVERE

You won't understand the market at first sight

Second advice: DIVERSIFY

If you are in a city, and you know only one shop, or one building, or on street, how is it? Boring!!!... Look around, choose, select, explore like a little kid with big eyes.

Third advice: HAVE FUN

Try things, learn from mistakes, handle rejection..., develop yourself, your personality, your being, and develop your skills, appearance... Create your "dating body"... A dating body is the role you play... We all play roles in life, according to what is required from us... You remain authentic... We don't mean cheating... No... You adapt, develop skills, play with life.

10 tips to cyber dating

See Cyber dating as a training ground
Consider dating sites as a training ground. Learn how to behave in that environment. Discover the do’s and don'ts.

•Learn to protect yourself
Discover your own natural boundaries and dare to set them up clearly. If you don’t like someone, simply block their messages.

Rejection trap
Giving up on that scene with the first sign of rejection or overreacting on a negative message.

Expecting too much
Take the cyber scene with lightness and fun. Enjoy and don’t take it too seriously

Exclusivity trap
Don’t give all your attention to just one person. Keep a “networking” attitude. Keep your options open.

•Focus on the positives
Listen to the positives. If you get a message you don’t like, delete it straight away, let go and move on.

Be realistic!
It’s nice to dream, but stay awake and aware.

Too many requirements?
Limiting your choice and being too selective can be a trap. Time to broaden your view?

•Learn from your experiences!
The key is to try, to experience and to adapt quickly. If you sent 50 messages and did not get a response, shift your strategy!

•Have fun!
Relax, enjoy, and have fun!

Labels: Internet dating

Some fascinating stats

From a man's perspective

On dating sites, for one woman there is an average of 5 to 10 men.

80% of the women profiled never send a message.

The rest 20% receive at least 5 times more messages than they send.

50% never reply to a message.

30% reply to 20% of the messages

20% reply to 50% of the messages

This means that an average guy has O-5% chances of receiving a message...

A sent message has 5-10% chances of getting a response... With some women... O% chance for sure...


What are the strategic conclusions of all that?

If you send 20 messages, you'll get one response

If you wait 100 days, you might get 0 to 5 messages, That's one message every 20 days... If you are lucky!!! What do you say to all that? Smile and laugh. Humour is the perfect answer.

So, if you go out in the scene, with just the usual attitude, hoping that something will happen, chances are so slim, you probably won't succeed...

This is for the average guy, with an average job...

If you are hansom, smart, etc, might be different... But it must show in your face, as well as in your wording.

Might be different as well if you are extremely wealthy and show it, you might then attract women who are magnetized by your wealth ('f course).

Labels: Internet dating

I met him a couple of months ago on the internet

I met with him couple months ago on the internet. One month later he got sick, so he could not write me so often. I have not heard from him already 1 month and a half. I think that he like me and want to be with me. The problem is that we still don't know each other well enough. I think he is using his situation...I was trying to talk to him but he does not write me back very often.

I think he want to take time and learn more about me, but I don't like it very much just because I'll not be able to know him...so I don't know what should I do, keep writing him, but it's not a perfect idea just because I will not be able to know him... please give me any advice what should i do, how to bring him back and how to know him better. thanks in advance

-----------------------------------


Hi,

The risk with the net is to build a romance before there is anything solid. Being on the net is playing a game. This game is fun and can be exciting for many, until you have to take real steps. Many guys and women will step back because they enjoyed the sharing and fun but simply don't feel like moving into something serious. It's fine like that. You simply have to know about it.

On the net you must avoid investing too much before there is a clear response and real signs of commitment. Keep your options open and keep looking. If he did not respond for 2 months, his mind is probably somewhere else. Send him a couple of friendly, open messages. If he does not respond, be realistic and let it go. Let go! Focus on "open doors"... Start checking new profiles again (there's about 20 million of them!)

Enjoy!

Pick up the challenge

I've been single for seven years. Low long does it take a man to show an interest? I don't understand why a man doesn't show an interest in me. I should have a man in my life, by now. What does it take for a man to show an interest? Someone I want.

------------------------------

Hi,

Yes! 7 years is too long!

How long does it take for a man to show interest? a 1/4 of a second! Not 7 years.

I'll be direct with you if it's okay?

When you say you want someone from your own town, you are already limiting yourself immensely. What you are saying is: " I want my own comfort, I don't want to be challenged by something new... etc."

That's precisely the exact pattern to change. There is nothing wrong with people around you or with men. The only thing you can change is your strategy and mind set. It's simple. If you don't do anything about it things will stay the way they are.

If this situation has been going on for 7 years, you have to shift something radically!!!

This is called risk taking and going beyond your comfort zone. If you sit back and wait, nothing will happen. You have to take action.

How?

Right now there is a party going on. It goes on 24 hours a day. Thousands of men are actually waiting to get to know you. I'm not talking about the local pub!

Where is this party? It's online. Millions of potential dates are online right now.

What's your reaction? Too complicate, too difficult, too whatever...

Remove that thought from your mind now and go for it!

There is nothing artificial, dangerous or dirty about the online scene. These are all wrong ideas. They are exactly what might stop you from moving forward. The dating scene has evolved.

Remove whatever fear and blockages you have and give it a try.

If you want to find a partner, you have to do what it takes to find it. If you stay within your comfort zone, I guarantee you that in 7 years, the situation will be exactly the same.

Break the pattern.

This is one step and of course there is more! much more.

What matters is: "are you ready to do what it takes?"

Good luck and stay in touch

Francisco

Met a wonderful man online

Met a wonderful man online, pictures and heart to heart talks to include a lot of passion felt talks exchanged through email for the first couple of weeks.

Then email and phone for 3 months. We then met. The passion was instant and we had a wonderful night together.

He is recently divorced and I have been for 9 yrs now. I know the details of his divorce and the hurt he is still feeling. He said he would try to spend as much time possible with me (4 hours driving time between us). I feel very deeply for him and when I told him so through an email he told me I made him uncomfortable and he feels he should back off.

He still called daily but sent no more emails, talk has been small talk. I can tell he is avoiding his feelings as not to encourage mine. When he goes out of town he doesn't call me. Once he didn't arrive back as scheduled. I was first worried but as another couple of days passed, I thought maybe I should be getting the hint and through an email asked. So he called me right back and asked where the person he met that was so secure with herself went.

He also only communicates with me through his work email and work phone, says because of not being ready to get his kids involved in an emotional relationship. There is not any communication outside of his work time. I have his cell phone and pager but he asks that I don't call his cell because sometimes his daughter has it and the few times I have paged him he doesn't respond if its on the weekend or at night time.

I also have a daughter and don't want her involved in any in/out relationships. So understanding I know I am.

I now have only heard from him once in the last three weeks, which was a couple of days ago.

Should I be more understanding or should I drive over and see what his real story is???? Again, we have only been together once and he wont call me at night or on weekends because he is "busy with the kids", this is after almost 5 months. I still don't know his home address or phone number, I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to find though. What should I be doing???

---------------------------------------------

Hi,

This is a touching story... Thank you for sharing it so openly.

Going through a divorce can feel like all the values and things you have been fighting for suddenly collapse. The dream of a "partner for life" is washed by reality...

He needs space. He needs time to digest. It's true he doesn't want to believe or follow his feelings because he is scared the same will happen again (separation, divorce, etc.)

He wants to protect as well what is left from his family, the contact with his children. He does not want to take the risk of destabilizing this subtle equilibrium.

Respect him for that...

Your options? Give him space and freedom. Pressure and demands are the biggest turn offs.

You have not much time/space with him? The best is to make this time valuable and precious. Focus on quality time, on quality space. Explain to him that if this is what he has to offer, this is what you are ready to share. Asking for more at this stage would turn him off.

At the same time if you feel you can't wait to start a new relationship, keep your options open. He is not committed to you so don't be committed to him. You are both free. Open up and go out, socialize. Stay open to date other men. You are free! His lack of present openness should not stop you from getting what you need. So go out and enjoy. I'm sure you have infinite gifts to offer.

He's not sharing much with you right now... So don't feel obliged to tell him everything...

Enjoy!

Cyber dating and jealous

Hello, My boyfriend and I met in a chat room over a year ago. Well everything has went wonderful between us In fact I have never known a more loving and caring man. We talk on the phone everyday and plan on marrying. We have not met in person but are doing so in Aug.

Here is my problem he has a best friend that he has known for years and this best friend is Female. See I am not jealous in that I think that they are sleeping together because I Know he loves me...I have NO doubt in that. But I am jealous of the time she gets to spend with him when I am not able to at the moment.

I have not told him of my feelings on this because I don't want him thinking I am making him choose between she and I because I would never do that. But I don't know how to get past these feelings. They hang out a lot and sometime I am on the phone with him when they are hanging out and I want so much to be with my man like she is able too. Please someone help me know what to do and how to get over this.

---------------------------

Hi,

The risk with online romance is to go too fast. Did I understand you right? You say you still did not meet him?

Giving your full attention to someone you did not meet yet is simply not a good idea. I know that your emotions call for it and it is challenging to stay open but you can really heavily get hurt when you have too high expectations.

If he has a female friend, I suggest you do the same and stay open and social.

Good luck and stay in touch

How to be rejection proof

Here is an example

What is the force you need to be rejection proof? Take this example: You are a woman. You like a guy. You ask him out. He says "no, thank you". This single response impacts on your life, self esteem and future behavior. Because of this one rejection, you might never ask a guy out again! Can you see the dynamics? It's crazy!

One guy! One rejection! You build a mind frame around it which can create a prison of energies for the next 20 years of your life!

That's one situation where extra power and understanding would definitely help:

"Dating is a battle field!" of course it is initiated by love but the context in which it happens is highly competitive. In fact, it's more competitive than a martial art's dojo. It is literally a psychic battle for power and love.

When a guy rejects you. Here is what happens: You say "Peace, love".

He answers back with an attack! It's not conscious but this is what it is!!!! His rejection is an attack on your conquering power, your desire, your life, etc. Sometimes he is well intended and does not mean it. Sometimes he will do something consciously simply to make you feel terrible.

If you go back home and say something like: "I'll never ask a guy out again!" That's it! He wins! You loose! When you loose, it's your whole destiny line which gets blocked.

In fact you let this single emotional reaction from one person decide the way you will feel about guys for the next 20 years!!! or even more.

Come on! His reaction has nothing to do with love. It has to do with power. His mind wins over yours. His emotion impacts on your mind and grows in a cluster of negative energy. Can you see the dynamics?

Now, here is the deal: Extra power gives you the energy to protect your mind space! Your thoughts are more important than his thoughts. A guy will not stop you. Not one rejection, not 1000!

You see why we talk about power. Because no one has the right to kill your dignity! It's very simple. Your inner power has precisely this ability: To give you natural resources to preserve your mind space.


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The underlying dynamics of rejection

There is a fundamental misunderstanding about the dating scene. When you get rejected, it has nothing to do with love. It is a power mechanism. It is battle between two energies.

The first energy is your desire, life force, will power.

The second energy is a minute emotion projected in your mind space. This minute emotion is a mind pattern. It says something like: "I don't like you and I don't want to go out with you".

This negative emotion is projected by someone else.

Here is what will happen if you don't show your power at that moment: This minute negative emotion will take root in your mind. It will grow, make "babies" in your mind. Before you notice it, you are taken into a stream of negative thoughts and beliefs which block your mind and simply kill your life force. One person's rejection did generate a limit in your mind which was not there before.

Here is what happens now if you express your fighting power in rejection situations.

The first step: You go prepared. You have an emotional strategy to deal with rejection.

The second step: You react straight away. You simply do not tolerate any negative emotion to come inside. A battle goes on. If you loose, it can eventually kill your life force. Don't tolerate someone else's negative emotion in your mind. Kill it!

I know these words are hard and direct. This is what it is. Put it in the balance. This is about your mind space, life force, power and energy. When someone rejects you, it's a simple battle for power. It is a measuring of who is stronger psychically. If you let someone else's negative emotion impact on you, you loose the battle. Simple!


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Life force is more precious than money

The question is: "why is this happening?", "Why are energies conflicting in the first place?", "Why would someone have such a negative impact by rejecting you?"

The answer is simple: You challenged their space first. Imagine, someone is having a drink. You go and talk to that person with the intention of building up something. Your energy is a challenge, intrusion or opening in their mind space. Their rejection is nothing personal. It is a defense mechanism which says: "I have other project in mind right now and I will be tough on you".

It's part of your instinctual nature to measure your level of power when meeting someone. Competition is a natural instinctual response.

This is why it happens. Of course, as a human being your emotions are more complex, but the basic mechanism is still the same. A rejection has nothing to do with love. It is a mutual measure of power.

If you let rejection impact on your mind, it simply kills your life force. Your defense instinct gives you various options:

You can fight back: "I was just kidding anyway. You are not worth it!"

You can leave and step out of that person's zone of influence.

You can challenge other's by fighting back or measuring yourself with them.

You can "reject rejection" and insist until you find an opening in the person who rejected you.

You can ask for support and call a friend

You can let rejection bounce on the surface of your mind and simply laugh about it.

I don't know about you but this last option truly seduces me. That's the one I want, don't you?

Imagine rejection simply bouncing on the surface of your mind and you simply laughing about it.

How can this happen? It can happen because you are prepared and you have other sources of power which do not depend on your "rejecter's" validation.

Trust and confidence is built inside. They are rooted deep in your mind and stabilize your emotional space.

These sources of power are your true instinctual power. You can as well get other sources of support. For instance, when you get rejected, pick up your mobile and call a close friend to tell what happened. Your friend will give you validation for your action and strengthen your inner power.

These are all power dynamics. Love is there as well of course responsible for another set of dynamics.

If you want to get the tools to be rejection proof, you need to gather this inner power and go for it. Remember, it is battle for life force and energy. These are very precious. Give yourself the power tools to protect them.


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The first step is accepting and understanding these power dynamics.

Once you realize and see them, it's already 50% of the work which is done. Developing your inner power happens quite naturally once you realize this is what you need. You simply go for it, because your "fighting" power is already present you. Often, you simply don't dare to tap into it or don't really know how to use it. Do you even realize it is already in you?

Waking up your power is an exhilarating feeling. When it happens, it's truly like waking up. You realize it is a freeing force which removes layers of old conditioning, sets you free and ready to face future challenges with fun and excitement. A challenge is only an occasion to train your power. Using your power is fun and exciting.

Be rejection proof!

He always gives her more attention than me

I just got into a relationship with this great guy, even though he is younger than me, I don't see it as a problem anymore, but I have this fear that he will break up with me, even though I know that he really likes me, and I just want to be able to spend time when its just me and him.
Also his best friend is a girl, and when we all hang out, he always gives her more attention than me, and it makes me feel insecure and that he likes her better, and I asked him and he said that there's nothing between them, that they have been great friends since kindergarten.

I just want to know, how can I know for a fact that he likes me, and not her, and to spend more time together?

------------------------------------------


Hi,

How are you today?

Are you in a committed relationship or are you still in the beginning stages?

If you start being clingy, attached or demanding in any way, this can become very big turn off for him.

He apparently tells you that it's with you he wants to be, so the best is simply to trust him. It's with you he decides to be, so take this as an answer. He might like his other friend and it is quite natural to fantasize about someone else every now and then. Nothing wrong with that. Start ringing the bells only when it happens physically.

If you develop a high level of trust very fast, it will make your life and his life much easier. You will relax in the relationship and enjoy it immensely.

Relationships can always end anytime. It is fact and it happens. What you can do is simply be sure that even though you are in a relationship, you maintain a strong individual integrity. Keep your friends and the life you had before meeting him.

Be sure that your personal foundation does not depend on him. You feel stable and secure with or without him. This is one of the keys for long lasting happiness.

If your pleasure in life depends too much on his move, your create this depends which limits your life and freedom.

So learn to develop your own base and be in a relationship at the same time. It is a skill which needs to be learned. Once you have it, you'll notice a big difference in the way you stand in life.

Where to start? Keep an active social life beyond the limits of your relationship. Flirt with other men and keep your seduction skills active. No need to do that in front of your partner, simply feel how other men can give you value as well.

Use terms like "I want...", rather than "What shall we do?...". It's all a matter of balance. When you fall in love, it's like you want to give your life to the other person. That's beautiful, romantic and exciting. Now simply ad a touch of personal power so that you stay in control of your life.

If he needs space simply give him that space. Don't invade him. This will strongly turn him off.

Find this perfect balance and you'll touch on the pure magic and fun of relating.

Enjoy!

Francisco

He hooks up with one of your closest friends

What should you do if you've liked a guy for three years. You go out for 2 weeks and he breaks up with you and then wants you to get him hooked up with one of your close friends. Then, ends up not liking her and wants to go out with one of your other close friends. Now she likes him and she used to make fun of you when you liked him but now you have to stop your feelings just because they started going out?

---------------------------------------

A guy's emotions are sometimes like a rollercoaster. If you try to follow him and act according to where he is going, what he wants and what he feels, you are in for a ride.

Instead be yourself. Don't be dependent on his choices. Make your own. You are the centre of your life, not him.

I know, the dating world can feel a bit like a battle and in a way it is. The issue here is power. Who is in charge of your life and your emotions and how you feel? If he is, he can make your life miserable any time. You are the centre of your life and you don't need his validation to feel good about yourself. He goes with your friend? too bad for him. He does not know what he is missing.

I know it is tough, but what you learn here is something you could use for the rest of your life. It's all about becoming stronger without shutting down. It's a lot about gaining power.

Have a blissful new year!

Enjoy!

He's mad at me

I like this guy but I acted really stubborn towards him and he's mad how do I make it up to him?

------------------------

Hi,

Try simply apologizing. If you feel you made a mistake, walk to him and tell him why you feel what you did was wrong. Add something like: "I'm not perfect, forgive me for treating you like that..."

Enjoy!

He really didn't say anything back

I am a college student and have a major crush on this guy. I told him that I have a crush on him, and he really didn't say anything back, even though I was hoping he would say he had a crush on me too. The past week, we have been hanging out together a lot- just like watching movies and stuff. I am confused because I do not know if he wants to just keep me as a friend, or wants something more. I am really hoping he wants me to be his girlfriend, but am just not sure. I am wondering: should I ask him (or get someone else to ask him) what he thinks about dating me????

-------------------------

Hi,

How are you today?

You sent a clear message by telling him how you felt. Now the bets is to step back and give him space to respond to you. If he feels you are clingy, desperate or attached to him, it will turn him off and drive him away.

Keep on being active socially and be fun to with it. Simply let go, give him space and focus on yourself.

Don't pressure or him or ask him about what he feels, etc. This will make it heavy between the two of you. Give him time and space to respond in his own time. You sent your message out, now, let it go.

Enjoy!

Francisco

I made a fool of myself

At a dance social, I kept noticing a man who was really very good, dancing with a few different woman. I got up the nerve to ask him for a dance. But then I asked him if he wanted to partner up and made a fool of myself (I didn't know he was a pro and I'm certainly not on his level at all) Now I feel like an idiot whenever I see him but ALSO, I have a crush on him. I can't let him know how I feel and risk getting in over my head AGAIN! Help! I don't know how to do this. Your advice?

--------------------------


Hi,

How are you today?

Forgive yourself and move on! Not only you did the right thing by asking him but on top of that, if the occasion would arise again, you should ask him again...

He is no god, just a human being like you and me, so bring him down from where you put him. Every time you take action, you build up your confidence. Take what we call rejections and mistakes as part of the game.

Even though in your situation, there was absolutely no mistake! I see only success in what happened: You had the guts to go out there and do what you felt was right! I encourage you to do that again and more often. If you do, you'll feel great, super confident and with increased inner power. Believe me, you did the right thing in the first place!

Don't let anyone slow you down or stop you from taking this kind of risks in life. This is what life is for!

Enjoy!

I like this guy a lot

I like this guy a lot, he knows it too. I really want to get to know him better. me and him never even seen each other till' this year, I am in 7th grade and he is in 8th grade. I am good friends with his little brother who is in my grade also. we recently got in a fight for awhile because I was liking the whole family.

That's what Greg, my friend said, Jon the boy I like hated me after that. they thought I liked their little bro also who was in 6th grade. I don't know what to do. I want him to be my boyfriend so badly. he dose notice me and look at me all the time, but, every time my friends bring me up, he says no off the bat.

I never wanted to ask him out or have my little secret come out because I knew he would hate on me after it. I was right. My friends didn't care what I said and asked him anyways. now, I am going through a rough time because I always think of him.' please write back and keep in touch!

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Hi,

It looks like there is a big misunderstanding here... Imagine you are in the sea in a storm and you need to keep heading south west for instance.

You are in charge and you know where you want to go... now the wind pushes you in all directions and gives you a hard time.

the best is to walk to that guy you like and force him to listen to you just for 2 minutes. tell him what you have to say and walk away.

If you do that, you will feel great because it takes guts and confidence. He might reject you, fine, don't expect too much, simply let go of the outcome but make sure you get the facts straight and clear any misunderstanding that can be hanging around the two of you.

If he feels you are too dependent, attached or clingy on him, he'll run away, so be free act free and don't pressure him. Simply be fun to be with.

Enjoy!

My boyfriend says he doesn't love me

My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years, said he doesn't love me, he has never loved anyone, and doesn't want to love someone because he thinks it will hold him back professionally. he is a homebuilder, he is successful. Why is he still dating me then?

-----------------------------

Hi,

Guys can sometimes be angry with themselves or with life. They need a recognition they are not getting and even an apparent success is sometimes not covering a deeper gap, something they are missing inside.

I know many men who go through this stage. They remain blocked inside and resist giving love because they feel they have to fight and prove themselves to society.

This underlying frustration creates waves of negativity they send out to their surrounding and people they care for. In the worst cases it turns into self destructive loops and behavior, alcohol or drugs.

Their surrounding is not the cause: it's something which happens in themselves and is related with undigested emotions, feelings and stuff happening in them they don't know how to face.

Guys who say things like that are usually craving for freedom, express their wild "stallion side". It's like the forces of nature waking up in them and wanting to break free from all rules of society.

Enjoy!

I was involved with a guy that I fell for, hard. He has some commitment issues, doesn't want the obligations of a day to day relationship. I stopped sleeping with him, but we haven't stopped seeing each other, this guy is my best friend / road trip partner / workout buddy / weekend buddy and we share a social group that gets together weekly.

We are the perfect couple, except for the fact that we are not a couple. Trust, respect, communication, friendship, compatibility, great sex... It's all there! This weekend he and I are going camping. I don't know how to act, when we are out together he still wants to rest his hand on my leg driving down the street or touch my back, hold my hand, etc.

He is nearer my heart than anyone, but I want either a friendship with him or a relationship with him, not something in between that is compatible with his fears. I don't want to lose his friendship, but I also don't want to be an enabler for his relationship issues.

Last time we were together I told him I wasn't going to sleep with him again, I don't think he believes me. I did let him hold my hand and gave him a kiss when I left. (A chaste kiss, not the ones we have shared before). I am confident that I will not sleep with him, not without his commitment to try to open his heart and discuss his fears.

I can say without hesitation that I know he cares about me, enjoys my company, has told me on several occasions that he has no doubt we would be great together. Whatever his problems are, though (Married young, long time relationship, wife cheated. Married again, didn't last. Has a nice little life and routine now that he is happy with) he doesn't want to deal with them and I can't help him if he's happy with just ignoring them and having his needs met in other aspects of his life.

Should I walk away from this? As long as I know him I will always harbor some hope that he will decide he does want a relationship. Am I headed for heartache with this guy (again... It was hell when I broke things off with him, still hurts) or should I "hold on loosely".

I'm really confused as to how to act around him and where to draw the line, especially when he knows how I feel. In his defense, he would never say something he didn't mean to get to me, he's a good guy and he's always been honest about his feelings (though they tend to change day to day). He's scared of an intimate relationship with me, I'm not the least bit scared of one with him. Is this unhealthy for me?

Not seeing him is not an option, the group that we are both part of is very important to me and I will not walk on my friends. We would never have a problem being civil to each other. (The group thinks we belong together, also...though they tend to stay out of our business as we are all friends). Thanks. I hope you can offer me some fresh advice before the trip this weekend.

-----------------------------------------------

Hi,

I really love your story!

I will be very direct with you, okay?

What is happening is a conflict of power. It is your vision against his. I believe that both options are valid. What matters is what you want.

I believe you can make the situation shift in your "advantage" but this will require some deep determination, vision and extra power.

You can both win here.

Are you ready to do what it takes to get what you want?

Francisco

How to reject without hurting

Sometimes you simply don't want to go further with someone. Or you feel someone is invading your space.

There can be such a diversity of situations where you have to learn to say "no".

This is the art of building respectful boundaries. You want people to respect your space and specially respect a "no, thank you" sign.

To do that, you need to be firm. You can be diplomatic and respectful but firm. That's by far the best option. If the person you deal with is obviously a space invader and does not respect your limits at all, you can of course show more power and determination in your words, specially if they keep insisting. The key is to repeat the message until the person gets it. Don't give them space to move forward.

If you need to reject someone you know and feel the person very open and vulnerable, you obviously don't want to hurt them.

The trick is to be open and empower the friendship and fun rather than the intimacy. If you feel they want to be intimate with you but you don't want to go that way, the best is simply not to respond to the invitation.

You empower the friendship and fun rather than the intimacy. You don't block, you simply express it differently. What hurts is the blocking of emotions and energies. Now, you can truly transform an exchange into something friendly rather than intimate if you want to.

That in itself validates the other person and offers them a new space for exchanging.

In a way, you don't reject, you simply respond in a different way. This move is a win-win for both, because you open a new door, a new space. You stay respectful without hurting anyone's feelings.

To shift from an "intimate" to a "friendly" mind set, you need to empower the fun and lightness of the moment.

At the end everyone wins from clear boundaries. Strangely enough these boundaries do protect intimacy. They give you the power to go for it when you want to.

What does it take for a girl to be liked by men?

WHAT DOES IT TAKE FOR A GIRL TO BE LIKED BY MEN? I AM 24 BUT NOT INTERESTED ON HAVING A PARTNER, DO YOU THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?

---------------------------------

Hi,

Forget about society's standards and design your own. What most people do is simply following the big lines which have already been traced. Now, there are other lines of being which are less explored. You are probably on one of them. There is nothing wrong with you.

If you are not interested in having a partner, you have probably other desires. What are they? focus on these

Enjoy!

Francisco

I feel I am not good enough

I think that what I have to offer is not good enough. I lack self esteem and confidence.

--------------------------------------

Most of self limiting beliefs like this one are not true! They are self negating thoughts which create insecurity in you. The best way to boost your confidence is to take action and focus on power.

In some cases, you might effectively miss some useful life skills. The key here is to accept that you aren't perfect (yet) and that you still have something to learn. Here are some keys for transformation:

Attraction skills. The key is not only to boost your confidence but to make yourself more attractive. Can you do that? Of course you can. It means accepting to evolve and shift certain aspects in you. Here are some tips:

Let go of what is not attractive in you
Stop doing what is bad for you

Stop being good / Start being bad !

Become a problem free zone

Identify what nourishes you

Simplify everything!

Want more?

Hi,

Great question!

Be fun to be with! When two people know each other well, what keeps the passion alive is challenges, change, renewal in the relationship. You have to take risks and move beyond the limits of your comfort zone.

Deep care is great but when harmony is granted and you want to turn on your man, you must be excited about your life and your future. Falling in love is about excitement! Find the roots, the sources of your life's pleasure, the nectar of your senses, wake them up in you and show him that! wake up your sensuality, connect with your desires! they are your emotional fuel!

Flirt outrageously. Be fun to be with!!! Don't mean frivolous all the time but simply enjoy life. Inner freedom is extremely attractive for a guy. Show him you enjoy life deep inside and that your pleasure can't be challenged or destroyed. Be sexy and take care deep care of yourself. Don't worship him like a god, tease him instead.

Be confident and take risks (I don't mean putting your life, health or future in danger). Try simple steps like talking to people more ins social situations. Be active in social situations. Fun! Don't be exclusive with him or clingy. Stay active, open and excited about life beyond the limits of what you share with him.

Enjoy!

How do I get the athletic director to fall for me?

How do I get the athletic director (male) that I teach and coach in the same building at to fall for me (female)?

-----------------------


Hi,

Thank you for your question.

Any type of connection within a professional setting suffers from a couple of extra taboos. There are unspoken boundaries about sexual harassment, professional boundaries, etc. "What if something happens and it messes up our professional relationship?".

These thoughts are around in people's minds. If you like that guy, the best is to connect outside of a professional context. Find out where the guy hangs around, etc. Meet him there.

Send him a clear message that you won't reject him if he comes very close and asks you out. Guys don't like rejection... That's why they sometimes keep distance. Make sure he gets your message of openness.

If you don't want your professional relationship to be influenced by whatever you two will be sharing intimately, have a chat with him about it before anything happens. Be clear about where you stand.

Enjoy

How can I get my boy friend to become more sexually active?

How can I get my boy friend to become more sexually active and not so shady when it comes to touching me and things?

-----------------------

Hi,

Take small steps and focus on fun rather than sex. Flirting is great and keeps this light.

It might take a while for him to open up and there could be some hidden blockages. Find out what's holding him back if he is open to tell you. Don't push him or challenge him. talk about sex in general and get a feeling of what is going on in him. Don't ask him direct questions. Talk about something you read in a magazine: "Hey, did you know that Swedish people have an average of 12 partners in a life time?"

It's a very sensitive area but if you turn the whole sex thing into just a flirting game, it will be more easy for him. Focus on romance first. Once the light attraction is on, it will give him a safer ground to take action.

Take it slowly and focus on the foreplay

Enjoy!

I've just started a very casual relationship

I've just started a very casual relationship with a very handsome man who lives right opposite me. He isn't looking (In his words) for anything heavy. I said I was ok with that. We both agreed that as we are both single it would be nice to just keep each other company sometimes and have fun together.

Obviously there is sex involved and it is fantastic. My problem is, although I'm happy to have this arrangement, I don't really know how to play it.

I don't want to be the one who phones him first to say: "do you want to come round tonight" because he might see it as me being needy or that I'm looking for more than I should.

So my question is what can I do to make him really want me so that he is the one who wants to get in touch with me and wants me. I feel he is a very good player, I've always been in control of any kind of relationship with a man and this time he seems to be the one who has all the control.

I don't want to stop seeing him but I don't know how to keep him interested without looking like I'm getting heavy.

Please give me some advise.

------------------------------------


Hi,

I think there is a great potential there. You two are mature and understanding which is a great base to share deep and meaningful moments.

The best for you is to diversify your contacts and to see other guys. If you are too focused on him, you will become needy and clingy no matter what. To get back on top of the situation, you need to get your emotional freedom back. Simply act and be free! There is no commitment so don't be exclusive at this stage. If he sees other guys valuing you, valuing your presence, it will make him realize he has to make a move if he does not want to fully lose you.

I like the maturity in what you say. Most people do not get that far in terms of awareness. Make all this fun! It feels like you can immensely learn from each other's presence.


Enjoy!

I kept breaking up with him


I like this guy that goes to my school. I went out with him a couple of times last year and all but I kept breaking up with him. I was going though a phase. But now I realized that I mad the biggest mistake to brake up with him because I fell in love with him.. What should I do please help me.

------------------------------


Hi,

Guys don't like rejection. If a guy feels you dumped him, he could be upset about it. Can you guarantee him it won't happen again. You see, his greatest fear is that he takes you back and within a month, you dump him again.

It's not nice for him.

Simply tell him exactly what you just said now: "I was going through a phase... I needed space. I realized I made a big mistake because I am deeply in love with you..." These words are magic. They do work.

Remember, for him to accept what you say, you have to make it clear you won't dump him again soon.

Great! Now take a deep breath, go ahead and tell him! Have a great time together!


Enjoy!

How would you get your ex to ask you back out

how would you get your ex to ask you back out if you are positive that he's thinking about it????


Hi,

For him to ask you out, he has to be excited about you. In other terms, you have to turn him on. The idea of spending time with you must be exciting for him. You see, he won't think rationally with his head. He will respond to impulsion and instinct. You attitude must switch off his reasoning brain and wake up his instincts.

Give him a glimpse of what he will get if he goes out again with you. You have lots to offer, lots to share, your body, mind, spirit soul. There is magic in you, thrill passion, excitement, wake up his senses, wake up his desire.

He will go out with you if it feels like fun and exciting, specially if he feels there is something new there. Be subtle with it, don't be vulgar or ordinary, it can be a big turnoff for guys. See all that as a magic love dance, a play. Have fun with what you do. Try and experiment.

If he does not move, take steps, but don't push. Give him time and space to respond to you, to respond to your stimulation, let him be excited about what you have to offer. Give him clear signs that if he asks you out, you won't reject him.

Bring freshness when you are with him. Bring in something new. Give yourself the space to start something new rather than building on something from the past. Look at him with fresh eyes as if you were seeing him for the first time.

Enjoy!

I still love him very much but I don't want to get hurt

I've got an ex-boyfriend that I'm trying to get back with, well it somehow turned into the whole we are "friends with benefits", I still love him very much but I don't want to get hurt. Do you think this will turn into something more, or should I back out now before I get hurt even more??

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Hi,

It's very common for exes to keep sporadic intimacy, flirt or have sex together once they break up. It's okay and fine and a way of feeding an old flame.

I recognize your warning signs as real warnings. True: you can get hurt if you expect to get back with him.

It's normal to share these moments. Investing into a common future together would be something else.

I would say let it go and focus on new opportunities. You can keep him as part of your life but I would not expect too much from it. Focus on new fresh connection instead.

If you don't want to get hurt and make space for the future, you have to gain back your full emotional freedom!

The key is to be non-exclusive with your feelings. Focus on quality time when you are with your ex rather than the idea of a committed relationship.

When other occasions show up, give priority to other guys, to your new fresh contacts.

Enjoy!

He still fancies me

My ex boyfriend says he still fancies me, but doesn't want a relationship! What shall I do? I love him!


Hi,

Many guys enjoy the freedom and simply don't want a relationship because they would feel limited in it. A guy will fancy many women but then have a relationship with one person. If he wants freedom, that's the quality you have to give him.

If things are not moving towards you on his side him, the best for you is to date other guys as well.

Being clingy is one of the worst turn offs for a guy. If he feels you are dependant and totally rely on him to be happy, he'll just run away.

The way to get him to come closer to you is to have a great time together. Seduce him every time you see him. Keep playing but without investing in him. Act free, feel free, be free!!! Inside. Fun is magnetic. Life force and the expression of energy is totally irresistible. Spontaneity, fun taking risks. DARE!

Flirt outrageously. Be fun to be with!!! Don't mean frivolous all the time but simply enjoy life. Inner freedom is extremely attractive for a guy. Show him you enjoy life deep inside and that your pleasure can't be challenged or destroyed. You pleasure and life delight does not depend on him! Be sexy and take deep care of yourself. Don't worship him like a god, tease him instead.

Be confident and take risks (I don't mean putting your life, health or future in danger). Try simple steps like talking to people often and openly in social situations. Be active in social situations. Fun! Don't be exclusive with him or clingy. Stay active, open and excited about life beyond the limits of what you share with him.

The key for you is to simply enjoy what is there without investing or hoping anything from it. Treat him like Mr. Right now rather than "The one"

Don't give him any form of exclusivity!!! Stay open and free. There is no relationship at this stage, just mutual attraction. Don't act like you are committed to him or he'll run away!

Enjoy!

Is there a way to get him back?


The first step is to gain back your power and independence.

I'll be direct with you, okay?

You can't build on the emotional patterns which are there right now. You definitely need to ad something in terms of power, love, skills or confidence.

If you stay where you are, he'll perceive you exactly the way he has been perceiving you lately. He'll simply follow up on his present direction and take more distance.

This requires you to go deep. Shift patterns and go beyond your present comfort zone. Ad new qualities to your life which are not there right now. Take risks, challenge yourself.

Will this work? It will work with guys in general. Remove anything which is unattractive in you. Not sure if he will respond but he'll certainly notice the change.

Again, recover your full power and confidence first. Date other guys. This will give you validation from other sources and give you extra trust. It does not mean you'll follow up on that and build a new relationship.

You get the picture, seeing you totally focused on him is precisely what he runs away from. The moment you show him you are fine by yourself and independent, he'll have no problem spending more time with you.

The thing which is tough to accept is that the dating world is competitive. Extremely competitive. If you are not number one in a guy's mind, he'll keep looking, keep searching.

It's challenging both for men and women but it forces you as well to stretch your limits and challenge yourself.

Sorry for the cliché, but your remember "Grease" the movie... Remember Sandy? She has this comfortable set of values and decides to really stretch herself.

Guys recognize that. What scares them is "comfort zones", lack of renewal.

When you want to go for it, really stretch your limits and do what it takes to be number one in his mind.

Hope this makes sense.

Good luck and stay in touch

Get him back!

Hi,

To get him back something needs to change. If he's gone, it's because you two reached the limits of what you could share together.

To take it one step further and keep evolving together, you need to bring in something new, something you did not do before.

Forget about force, ultimatums, etc. Modern human rights claim the power of self determination. I agree!

Everyone is free. Now imagine that within that freedom, he realizes that what you have to offer is the best thing that could happen to him. Shift your perspective and think for second: what is the best thing that could happen to him? What do you feel is his next step in his personal evolution.

Don't use control! Set him free instead! If he feels free, he'll have no problem spending time with you.

You see, we can't cheat with someone's destiny line. We all have a powerful spirit overseeing our lives and bringing us where we have to be. Sometimes these lines open up! Sometimes they don't! True

The best thing is to "partner" with his spirit and give that man what he most needs! Are you in his future or in his past. Are you part of something he had to experience in the past or do you have something significant to offer him in the future.

There is a great logic in life! It's called synchronicity! It happens when two people truly meet: common needs, common desire, same life vision. WIN - WIN always.

If you feel you are not in his future right now, what could you do to be in it. Take a deep breath and start taking steps to be there. It's an incredible opportunity for both of you!

Don't think you are doing that for him! Do it for yourself!

Why can't we get back together?

The romantic idea of dating is something. Now, I believe there are other deeper forces at play. Something we could call destiny line. Long term evolution for that person.

When two persons meet and have a relationship, they share and explore together for while. They learn from each other, initiate new things together, etc.

After a while, the potential of this relationship can simply run out of energy. If you take a girl over a period of a life time, she might have to experience along her own inner growth path a series of energies, situations, etc. simply to expand her consciousness.

After a while, what one single person can offer (a present partner or bf, an ex) can simply feel limited for her spirit. Her whole being might be calling for something bigger, further or simply different.

A fixed cluster of energies (like a relationship) can sometimes stop a person's evolution.

You, as an individual can "fight" against that person's destiny line. You can try to whop it, pressure it, manipulate it, but it won't work. You can't cheat with someone's destiny line. Their own spirit knows where they are going and what they want to experience in this life time.

What matters the most is not what you want: it is what they want, and what their own spirit wants for them.

If something essential is missing, they'll keep on searching until they find it. Sometimes no matter how much will power, determination and desire you have, it's not enough. That person's line of evolution is already set and they move in that direction.

The only thing you can do is support this person in reaching their inner goals. Sometimes the best way you can help is simply by being out of the way.

I know, it's tough. But truly, I believe this is the underlying dynamic I see behind what you describe, break ups, etc.

When you understand this type of dynamics, you role and mind set totally shifts.

There is more to say but I'll stop here for now.

Does this make sense?

Good luck and stay in touch

vitalcoach

My ex flirts with me. What does this mean?

If he just loves me as a friend, why is he hitting on me and flirting with me all the time? Could it possibly be that he feels more then a just friends basis and doesn't want to admit it to himself ? I just want to get over my feelings but with him confusing me I'm finding it hard to get over him.

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Hi,

When you have been years with someone, the natural flirting or relating reflexes and instincts are those of lover to lover, not friend to friend.

I find that with exes, flirting is what comes naturally. Often, this flirting is more a way of relating than a real invitation to start again a relationship.

You smile and flirt because it is fun and it wakes up this inner thrill and excitement.

In a recent article I read that 50-70 % of people fantasize about having sex with their ex when they see each other.

These natural pulsions are there. The question is: what to do with them?

Good luck

Labels: flirting, your ex

I am angry with guys because of negative experiences I had in the past. I feel that right now, I have little love to give but I still like the attention or need a guy's presence in my life.

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Clarify the past to open the future! Difficult to look into the future with serenity when the past is not solved. Solving is Dissolving. The spirit is free! Emotional freedom! We touch the very essence of your happiness. This one is a life skill! It is the ability to clear your mind and your personal environment to limit unwanted influences. You want to evolve in a clear sky!

Two hints: clear your personal space! Surround yourself with people who value you!

This "preparation" is called getting relationship ready. Check dating sites: what people are looking for: the "no hang ups" quality is major (for both sexes, it's in the top 3 qualities people look for!). Conclusion: get rid of old socks and move on in a clear space. Take the sword and cut through what could hold you back!

Move on! It's time!

Giving more than you receive - Committing yourself to someone who is not committed to you - 4 levels of attraction - Abandoning yourself is not a good idea ever - Stay in control of your life - Social life, career, body - stay emotionally and materially free

Labels: crushes