In a guys mind (and a woman's mind as well) a divorce is a major life crisis.

Basically, this man probably did all the right things: dating, committing, having children, being a good father, etc.

Divorced still happened. He followed his instincts, trusted his intuition and still, this path took him to separate from the woman he promised to spend the rest of his life with.

After such an experience, there is a strange after taste remaining which says something like: "what did I do wrong?"

The question he asks himself is: "what would stop this from happening again?"

Many second or third marriages do end in divorce. This is a fact.

I believe he loves you. What might be missing now is the trust for marriage. He simply doubts whether it is worth the risk.

What to do?

When you marry, you focus on the long term... You want security, right?

You can either wait for him to regain full trust (which might never fully happen) or simply focus 100% on the here and now.

This does not give you long term security. It gives you the power to enjoy every second you spend with him.

This is definitely the option I would go for.

I know it is a deep need in you. It is this desire to committ yourself for a lifetime together.

Now you can sign in for a life time every single minute you spend together. This builds immense complicity between the two of you.

There is something else: The "spirit" of his ex might still be very present in his mind. This means that he is not yet fully free emotionally...

Can you break through these layers of resistance? I believe you can but you need this extra power kick.

He needs as well to find answers and the assurance that history won't repeat itself the day he gets married with you.

What is love?

What do you feel when you are in his presence?

Do you feel excited about seeing him?

Does he wake up any special emotions when he is with you?

If you answer these questions, I believe you will know if you love him or not.

If the cops already got involved, it looks like a tense situation.

Not sure if your goal is to help yourself or try to help him. I believe that if you are planning to get your full power back, right now his influence is making it harder on you. Sure, he is in your mind. He is in your past. If you want to look into your future rather than going backwards, you want to ad elements to your life which were not there before.

Look into the future. Look forward rather than trying to get back together something which might have collapsed.

The first step is to get back your full strength and build a new emotional foundation where you feel strong and valued.

You are the center of it. It's in your hands! Break the cycle and go beyond the limits of what you already know with him.

Before you take any step towards him, you need to go deeper into your values and check on what ground you want to stand in life. Is lying okay? cheating? etc.

The truth is that it happens a lot in life. I am not sure where you stand with that and your ex has the same question. You apologize but you are not actually taking a definite decision for this not to happen again. He knows that and in his mind, he thinks: "It happened once... It will happen again..."

Relationships are usually based on some form of commitment.

I believe it is your choice.

It is your call.

You are the one who decides where you want to stand with that.

To tell you the truth, another guy might go with it. Your ex however is very clear: he won't play the game based on these rules.

If you want a chance with him, you'll definitely have to shift your mind set.