< Mind >: July 2007

Sometimes, friends will be demanding, controlling or needy!

They will put you under pressure and use coercive power!

This is called emotional threat and has nothing to do with respectful friendships.

It is related with power balance in human connections and expression of power.

Now, when you feel pressured and end up doing what you don't want to, you give up part of your power to respect what you believe is a friendhip, right?

What you are saying is that if you don't do what your friends think you should do, you are psychically or verbally abused?

Okay! Hang on for a sec!

A freind who is ready to demand something from you and not respect your right for self determination is already abusing a friendship.

I know that friends do that all the time, but... Is it right?

Are you accountable to your friends?

Did you ever give them the right to tell you what to do or not to do?

A friend is not a boss!

Yes! It might be a sounding bord but you never give up your right to decide for yourself what you want or don't want.

If a friend can't take your decision, then they are betraying one of your most basic human rights! Your power for self determination!

You own your actions, thoughts, beliefs and emotions!

Noone else does it for you!

For friendships to work, you need respect and freedom!

To your power!

vitalcoach

Labels: social power

posted by vitalcoach # 9:34 AM 0 Comments

Why you might tend to give up when a friendship no longer works

It is simple: there is only so much you can invest into a friendship.

If it is too hard or demanding, you might easily give up.

Why? Because a friendship is usually not in your top priorities.

Suppose you have a fight with a friend.

Rather than spending weeks trying to solve a misunderstanding (like you would do in a relationship), you might give up because you simply don't have the time and energy to invest into it.

Very often friends move away from each other in a very natural and organic way.

It simply happens.

It is natural.

Does it mean that you should fight to keep a friendship going?

Well, of course you can if you want to.

However, letting go and moving on to new connections seems a pretty healthy choice as well.

It opens new doors to refreshing potentials.

To your power!

vitalcoach

Labels: social power

posted by vitalcoach # 9:25 AM 0 Comments

Why relationships and friendships have so much in common

It is simple: it is the art of relating.

Everything you learned about successful relationship communication, you can use it and transpose to friendships.

Of course, you will adapt your communication style when talking with friends.

However the dynamics leading to successful friendships are very similar to those of a happy relationship.

Think of keywords like:

Respect
Freedom
Openness
Caring
Power balance
Love
Etc

It is a good place to start.

Are your male friends too interested in your sex life?

This happens between guys, right?

Sometimes, you just get too many questions.

Here is why it might happen:

Competitive attitude - They just want to check out how good you are doing
Imagination/Excitement - It triggers their fantasies.
Teasing - It is their way of playfully challenging you.
Control - It is they way of trying to direct what happens in your life - Sometimes, they will not just ask. They will judge what you do or don't do.

Does this bother you?

Do you feel that you are supposed to adhere to some invisble code you never agreed to?

If the relationship you have with your partner is a territory you don't want to discuss, you need to build new boundaries.

Some topics can be off limit! Yes! It is okay.

Sometimes, you need to learn to say "no" even to a friend.

And you friend needs to accept and respect it.

This is part of a healthy game which strengthens your connection.

To your power!

vitalcoach

Labels: social power