When you try to help someone who is in a self defeating attitude, they will usually resist the change you propose.

Why because a negative mind set is still a comfort zone.

People will often say they want to change but when the change process starts taking place, they will often resist it, step back and try to avoid the catalytic forces you use to stimulate that change.

Yes! This emotional reaction is logical - It is a reaction of fear to the unknown.

The question is "How do you handle that resistance as a friend, family member or coach?"

What do you do every time someone withdraws their energy or input just when you are about to break through?

Basically, they retreat in their well known self defeating mind sets.

What do you do when this happens without feeling like you need to carry them energy wise.

Ok!

An important shift needs to happen at that moment!

The reason they shift their mind or withdraw is because energy wise, they will get more energy from you if they resist.

The partnership you create when they start moving forward is based on the combination of your two energies.

When they slow down or resist, it would usually force you to put up a higher level of power to keep that ship going.

If they complain, say it is not working, it is simply their way of offering resistance so that you feed that partnership more.

It is a power game!

It is a battle between your mind set and their mind set!

Once you understand that, you need a new posture to stand in so that their emotional reaction does not touch you.

You need an instinctual instant response so that specific moment.

Here are the options:

• Force to move forward whatever doubts or resistances the person has
• Let them take the lead and redefine the goals or shift directions if they want to
• Let them know what they are doing and telling them about these dynamics we just mentioned
• Challenge or attack them.
• Dissolve the relationship on the spot and stop working with them as soon as they show resistance
• Don't work with them in the first place when you foresee that type of problem or behavior.
• Simply agree with what they want
• Simply shift target instantly and let them reorient according to the new targets or needs

The thing that you need to understand is that they don't actually want you to succeed!

It is your mind set against their mind set.

Your energy reality (positive, outgoing, fresh, etc) against their energy reality(depressed, unhappy, moody, self defeating, etc)

When these two energy realities enter in conflict within a discusion or coaching session for instance, they will do anything they can to stick to their mind set and defend their position.

It is a battle for securing their mind set.

Yes! It is a contradiction because this mind set makes them unhappy but it is logical because they are "comfortable" with that mind set.

If someone has been living in a swamp for their whole life, the idea of moving to a sunny beach location is threatening!

It means change.

It is the same type of change process people face when they shift from unhappy to happy.

It's a profound transformation of their inner beliefs and emotional base.

This is why they are afraid to step out of that unhappy comfort zone: it is because unhappiness has become their base.

They are familiar with it.

When you bombard them with positiveness, it challenges that base.

This is why all the resistance builds up!

Yes! There is a perfect response to that.

------------------------------------

Obsviously, challenging or attacking could strongly reinforce the conflicting attitudes.

Instead, you need to give them the control seat and let them realize that they are in charge!

If they want to stop, you stop on the spot!

Why? Because you have other friends or clients and if they can't go faster, you will go faster with someone else.

This stays their agenda, always.

Even if they feed their agenda with negative self limiting beliefs and target changes.

It is their right to stand still if they want to.

Mind objects are everything that goes on in your mind, not just thoughts.

They are emotions and feelings as well.

A mind object has a life on its own.

In your neuronet, it represents a very specific set of connections with the whole stream of biochemical reactions associated with it.

This life of thought forms, emotions and feelings is REAL!

Every time you experience an emotion, this emotion is translated into a very specific boost of certain chemicals in your brain and body.

You have the chemicals of happiness, fear, joy, pleasure, etc.

Here is the key element to understand: you get addicted to the chemicals associated with the specific emotional reactions you are used to.

Why addiction?

Because the moment you stop having that specific emotion you are used to, our body misses it!

The part of our body that fed itself from that specific chemical no longer gets its "food".

So, you will often recreate that emotion simply to have a new boost in the specific biochemical associated with that emotions.

I know... I immensely simplified this whole neuroscience concept, but basically this is it!

You are chemically addicted to the emotions you are used to have.

Here is the next key:

This addiction happens not only for positive emotions but for negative ones as well.

This means that when you try to change a negative self belief into a positive one, your body sends out chemical signals calling for the old negative pattern.

This happens until you consciously create new positive mind sets after retraining your brain into positive mind patterns.

This is essential to understand because it is one of the reasons you might keep reproducing negative minds sets even though you no longer want them!

It is literally because your body is addicted to these negative mind sets.

If you are aware of this phenomenon, you can consciously shift patterns and observe the chemical "call" without responding to it.

You see it! You don't let it trigger you.

Understand that negative mind patterns still feed your body and mind.

Even if they are not perfect, they are still an invisible architecture that sustains your life.

When you are used to negative thinking, these mind sets are your vehicle.

You know everything about how they work.

You are familiar with them.

The idea os shifting to a new shiny positive beliefs set can be challenging because you still don't own that new vehicle.

You have to make it yours!

This is why so many people retreat in negative mind sets!

It is because they are used to them!

This process of transformation from negative to positive is a transition period in which you shift patterns one at a time.

Understanding better the dynamics that could hold you back is one of the key ingredients to your success!

Enjoy!

This is a self limiting belief like any other.

It is regret + Feeling sorry for yourself.

The boat is still there by the harbour ready to take you anywhere you want.

The key is to learn from life experiences and not repeat mistakes.

Suppose, there was an opportunity at a given moment in your life and you didn't take it.

What would you do if that opportunity was there today?

Would you take it?

If the answer is yes, then you learned from your experience and you can move on to new opportunities.

The truth is that opportunities are right there ready to be grabbed, today!

They might be different opportunities than the ones you had last year or 20 years ago but they are still chances to jump on the success wagon, try something new and take new risks.

Here is what happens when you dwell in what could have been: you are just looking for an excuse not to take action today!

It is that simple!

This mind set is just an excuse not to take risks today and retreat in self limiting beliefs.

Why do you retreat in these self limiting beliefs? Because they are familiar to you.

You say you don't like them but still they magnetize you back to very specific mind frames and emotional states.

The reason why you keep falling back into these patterns is really because you know them well.

They come in conversations with friends.

You journal about them.

You go into self talk mode and revisit all these specific moments.

Who is feeding these patterns?

You!

What happens the moment you stop feeding them?

They DIE!

That's right! A negative mind set can't survive if you stop feeding it.

Thought forms are mind objects!

They are "alive" and they feed from your life force!

The moment you reject them, they have no place to go and die out naturally!

They are replaced by new positive energy patterns you consciously create!

Got that?

Your mind is your territory and you have the power to design EVERYTHING that goes on in it.

All you have to do is stop the victimization cycle and start gaining back control!

Of course, you might have to wrestle with some negative beliefs but you know that the moment you stop feeding them, they disappear.

So, how do you turn a negative pattern like "I feel I missed the boat" into an empowering one?

You identify the exact mind sets you want to have instead!

Here are some examples of positive mind sets that work better than the negative one you started with:

• My life is full of opportunities!
• I am in charge and will create whatever I decide to create!
• The boat is right there waiting for me to jump in and engage in a new life course.
• Etc,

See how it works?

You CREATE new mind sets and start consciously feeding those.

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