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posted by vitalcoach  # 4:27 AM 0 Comments

Okay, what I am going to say is radical.

The truth is that half measures do not work with break up recovery.

You have two options:

· The first one is to nurture her memory.

You can go to therapy and spend hours talking about the way she made you feel.

You can spend months trying to understand why she did it.

After a while, all your friends will run away.

They will use words like pathetic and loser when they talk about you.

· The second option is to get your full power back.

A break up is a battle situation.

It is a crisis.

You have been invested in this girl for months, maybe years.

After you break up, you keep on giving.

You get back nothing.

Your whole mind set needs to shift and be repolarised to one single priority: you!

There is no soft approach here.

She is in your mind and it is killing you.

It is a self destructive spiral which annihilates your life.

Why?

Because she is in your mind.

More! She has power over you.

You are no longer master of yourself.

What you want is a new mind set.

The old mind set of the victim or loser is killing you.

You want to defend your life and your territory.

How to do that?

You radically shift the way you stand in it.

You wake up your survival instinct and get over it.

When you are not over it, you are under it, right?

Being under it means carrying a useless weight which drains you and takes away your strength.

Why is this happening?

You have no power.

In fact, she does.

Here are some key mind sets you need to wake up in you.

These are survival strategies.

They are not optional.

If you don't apply them, you are dead!

· You are not a victim, you are a winner

In fact this break up might be the best thing that ever happened to you. Put it this way: you are free!

· She is gone and gone forever

You won't get back together. In other terms don't hope she'll change her mind. If you meet her by coincidence, don't see this as a secret sign that you two are meant for each other!

· You don't need her

This is an illusion. You are perfectly fine with or without her.

· You will meet new girls or women

Right now, she does not deserve the attention your give her.

· Alcohol or drugs do not help

Getting drunk is the worst thing you can do. Drinking does not give you your power back. In fact it does exactly the opposite.

· You owe her nothing!

A relationship is a temple with two pillars. If she takes off, consider yourself 100% free. Let it totally collapse. It's not your responsibility anymore.

· What she does is none of your business!

You might believe you have rights? You don't! It is as simple as that. She does what she wants, when she wants, with whoever she wants. You have no control over that.

· Get real!

There are many reasons she did what she did. Most of them have to do with fulfilling her needs. Get real about who she is and what she wanted. Don't defend her.

Again, in a break up situation, you need to wake up your power and see this as a battle for survival.

Soft approaches don't work!

It is a waste of your precious time.

You have the power to force yourself into a new mind set.

This new mind set gives you freedom, space and instant recovery.

Sure, you won't get all the negative attention from friends and family.

The question is: what do you want?

This is about your own survival.

Do what it takes to express your full power.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:49 AM 0 Comments

This is a battle for power.

It is a battle for energy.

Your mind is your mind.

So you need to gain back control.

You need to be in charge.

Does she want you to succeed?

No!

I will be direct with you: right now she is your enemy.

She is the very reason you are in pain.

There is only one way to get your power back and this is to kick her out of your mind.

What is happening in your mind right now has nothing to do with love.

It is 100% based on a power struggle.

You see, as long as you are focused on her, she gets some attention.

It’s not physical attention.

It is psychic attention.

No need to believe in telepathy.

You are emotionally linked to her and she knows that.

She feels it.

If you want to get your power back, you need to kick her out of your mind.

Totally? Well not exactly.

All memories won’t be gone.

What will be gone is the power she has over you.

How do you remove her power?

You give it to someone else.

In fact, you consciously invest in others.

You establish new friendships.

You don’t stay at home waiting for her to call. She won’t.

What else?

How do you take away her power?

You remove traces of her presence in your physical environment.

Whatever this might be.

Even stuff which has financial value.

Rebuild yourself a personal base where she is not present.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:47 AM 0 Comments

What stops you from being happy right now is the place she takes in your mind.

She simply takes too much space.

It’s not just space.

She has power as well!

Why is that?

Because during the last few months or years, she has been feeding a part of your being.

Now, she is gone.

You need to find other sources of support and validation.

What hurts you is the fact that you love a ghost.

You love someone who is simply not there.

If you want to free yourself, you need to radically shift the way you stand in it.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:47 AM 0 Comments

There is always a “game” going on when two persons break up.

It is a battle for attention and power.

It is very rare for a person to just walk away and never feel the need to get in touch again with an ex.

The day this happens, you need to know why it happens: it is because she misses something you shared in the past and wants to feel part of it again.

Strangely enough this will often happen just in the moment you feel you are ready to move on.

You rebuilt your power.

You let go.

And suddenly she calls you.

Memories come back.

Feelings.

You want to believe again.

Don’t!

She is not saying: “Look, let’s get back together”

What she is saying is: “I miss a small part of what you and I shared and I want to feel it again for a moment”

It is not an invitation to start all over again.

So, don’t get all turned on by this apparent opening.

It is usually a dead end.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:46 AM 0 Comments

Well, it is truly up to you.

I would say that having a chat on the phone once a week is okay.

More than that?

She would take too much space in your mind and keep you focused on her.

Remember: what you want right now is to create space, not to have your mind cluttered with past memories.

Memories are fine.

There is nothing wrong with them but when you break up, it’s time to better focus on your future.

So, bring in elements which move you forward rather than hold you back.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:45 AM 0 Comments

Not at all.

You need to redesign your boundaries.

There is nothing wrong with going for a drink and having a friendly chat with your ex.

In fact it is very healthy.

It is healthy as long as you stay in your power and expect nothing from it.

Don’t make plans.

They would be limiting for you.

You want to stay free. So don’t let her grab any part of your life.

Don’t let her give you stuff, pictures, memories, plans, or anything else.

In a situation like this one, she will often try to control a part of you, judge your actions or blame you for stuff that happened.

If she goes that way, simply put a limit and say something like: “I came here to have a friendly chat with you. That’s what I will do. If you want to fight, I’ll be gone in a second!”

If before you meet, you feel there is a risk of her starting along that line, don’t go.

Who wants another argument?

There are hundreds of things you can do which are much more interesting than having someone blaming you.

Here is an essential rule: spend time with people who value your life and being.

It is simple.

If someone puts you down, don’t spent time with them.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:45 AM 0 Comments

It is an option of course.

Your instinct guides you with that.

Do whatever feels right for you.

Observe the way it makes you feel.

Suppose you don’t see her or don’t talk to her for 2 weeks.

You feel your life blossoming.

You speak on the phone with her one time and everything goes down?

Take this as a sign or indication.

Do what it takes to preserve your emotional security.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:44 AM 0 Comments

That’s the most common dream in break up situations.

When you break up, you have to let go.

There are actually very few chances of you two ever getting back together.

This hope you have in your mind might be the number one force stopping you from moving forward.

The wish for things to be different is like a doubt, fear or hesitation.

It is related with the fear of being alone or the fear that there is nothing in the future for you.

WRONG!

You have a future!

With or without her!

Chances do open up the moment your mind is available.

When is your mind available?

When you have control over your life, not her.

In 95% of cases, getting back together does not work.

Why is that?

Because the emotional patterns you two shared that created the “saturation” leading to your break up are still there.

In fact when you get back together, you usually recreate exactly the same emotional patterns as the ones which were there before.

You might shift things around for a couple of months.

But eventually, you tend to fall back into the “old model” and make the same mistakes.

It is much easier to simply move on and create a new life with someone else.

When you create a new life with someone else, all you have to do is create.

If your try again with your ex, you need first to clean up, remove old patterns and redesign your relationship.

This usually requires too much time, skills and energy and partners tend to give up on that.

Are there any situations where it can work?

Yes, of course there are.

For instance, if you have been together for a few years and one of you cheats.

This could be a one time thing perceived by the cheater as an incredible mistake.

You might split for a while and eventually get back together when you have the power to forgive and move on.

“Once a cheater, always a cheater?”

I disagree.

Some people can effectively perceive the destructive effects of an affair and consciously decide to stay away from it.

They consciously choose to be faithful to protect the relationship or the family.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:43 AM 0 Comments

After your ex bombarded you with reproaches, you might end up with this impression that you did something wrong.

I’ll be honest: maybe you did.

Maybe you did not give her the attention she deserved.

Maybe you missed a Valentine’s Day.

Maybe you cheated.

Maybe you abused her emotionally or even physically.

Sure, you are not perfect.

Sure, you might have committed mistakes.

Now, a mistake is a real mistake only when you repeat it without learning from it.

In fact, experimenting in life is the best way to learn.

That’s what you did, right?

You did your best even when you didn’t.

What is the answer to guilt?

Forgiveness.

To forgive yourself, you need extra power again.

I know; some people are very good at blaming.

You might feel others angry or upset about things you did.

It is time to forgive yourself no matter what.

We aren’t talking about crimes here.

This is a different chapter… Too long to be treated here.

The truth is that if you stay stacked on guilt, you won’t get anywhere.

To free yourself from guilt, you need extra power.

If she makes you feel guilty, defend yourself.

Sure, apologize for anything you did wrong.

Develop a new behavior.

Learn from it and do move on.

Forgiving yourself is a skill.

It is time to empower your life with it.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:42 AM 0 Comments

Pain can take many shapes and many forms.

Let’s look at “missing someone”.

Missing someone?

What is that?

It is an emotional gap, right?

When you miss someone, something strange happens with your emotions.

It is like some form of energy inside tearing you apart.

It is the same as hunger but on an emotional level.

You want to hug, to hold someone.

You want to kiss, make love, share, talk… Do all these things.

This is the toughest challenge when you break up.

You can go into therapy and nurture these feelings.

You can try to understand them.

It’s like mourning, right?

You feel this gap and want to act on it.

What I will say now might surprise you:

Your mind is a battle field.

When you feel pain, there is a battle of energies going on.

You feel pain because she is in your mind.

The way to get rid of the pain is to get your full power back and take back control of what happens in your mind.

When you saw the title of this book, you read the term power: “Get your power back”.

It is exactly that: get your power back.

This is the key to successfully moving on.

What is this key?

It is called emotional freedom.

Emotional freedom is exactly the opposite of missing someone.

How do you gain emotional freedom?

By reconquering the territory of your mind.

You feel pain because she is in your mind.

Tough to say, but a part of her wants you to be where you are right now: in pain.

It is a battle.

It has nothing to do with love.

A part of her is burning your mind and emotions and this is why you feel pain.

This has nothing to do with love: it is simple emotional attachment.

Love is empowering.

This is not empowering.

It creates a gap and destroys your being.

You think that by suffering you show you loved someone?

Not true!

When you suffer, you show only one thing: that you are a victim and that you don’t know how to let go.

A part of you wants to nurture the past relationship.

The temple of your couple did collapse.

It is gone.

Your dream does not match the physical reality.

This is why you feel pain.

Missing is an emotional instinctual response.

You can live with someone’s memory in your mind and still be totally happy.

You have the power to digest this pain and empower yourself through the process.

How?

By going for change rather than resisting it.

Change is “renewal power”.

Missing is “preserving power”.

You try to hold onto something that no longer exists.

It is like trying to eat an imaginary pie.

It won’t feed you.

It will create a gap eternally.

A part of you has been “trained” to respond to a person’s memory by expressing a desire.

This is why your emotions respond.

You feel desire but also realize it’s only a dream.

What maintains this dream?

Pictures, memories, hopes…

All these elements stop you from moving forward.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:42 AM 0 Comments

The dream is this projection you created when you got together in the first place.

You know, all these projects, family, house, careers, travels, etc.

That’s the vision for your life.

This vision is a life plan.

It is an ideal concept which has been guiding your choices and actions.

Now that she is gone, you need a new dream.

She took off.

It is no longer your responsibility to maintain that dream.

You can drop it.

You see, a relationship is a whole energy reality.

It is a plan and a spirit.

It is an intelligent entity.

The moment your couple collapses, a new vision is ready to be born.

You need to drop the old plan and wake up your new vision.

There is more here!

It is a new plan.

It is this new plan which truly recreates your life and opens new doors into your future.

When you are a couple, you are asked to defend values.

You do this in the name of society.

You defend your relationship’s territory with pride.

You carry the flag of harmony, family, well being, love, romance, etc.

Your friends believe in you.

Your family believes in you.

It is not only your dream which collapses; it is their dream as well.

It is no longer your responsibility.

Realize that by yourself, you can’t protect the temple of this old relationship.

You need to drop it and recreate a new vision.

Don’t feel responsible in the name of society and family values.

You are not.

You did your best.

She is gone.

Change your mandala.

Change your life vision.

If you stay stacked on an old plan, you will miss your new opportunities.

Don’t make this mistake.

You are free and released from your old obligations.

I say it again: you are free!

It is no longer your responsibility.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:41 AM 0 Comments

Another tough challenge: you see her with someone else, a new partner.

Her life is hers.

I’ll be direct: whatever power you had over her is now totally gone.

She has the right to do whatever she wants with her life.

She can see who she wants.

It is simple.

Your desire to control any of that is a misunderstanding.

You have no right and it is very good that way.

The good news is that it is the same the other way round.

You owe her nothing.

You are master of your life and actions.

If you are ashamed of her seeing you with someone else, please don’t!

You can date who you want.

You are now 100% free.

She has no right to control any of your actions.

Realize that! You are the master of your existence.

How does that feel?

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:40 AM 0 Comments

That’s an invasion of your privacy.

When she breaks up, you need to establish a new set of boundaries.

It is your right to protect your personal space.

So, do what it takes to feel emotionally safe in your own house.

Be realistic with it: it is simply very challenging to move on when she is on the phone wanting to share with you all sorts of things or even worse, blaming you for the past.

Again, get your full power back and put a limit.

If you don’t protect yourself, she’ll keep invading you and your space.

Defend your territory.

Create space for new things to happen in your life.

It is your right to defend yourself.

Do what it takes to protect your space.

A call a week is okay.

A call a day is not.

Create space.

Tell her!

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:39 AM 0 Comments

Where is she exactly?

In your mind, right?

Once your removed all traces of her presence, is she still in your mind?

Did your remove everything?

What about the curtains she loved so much?

What about the address book next to the phone?

What about the coffee pot she gave you for Christmas?

You can go deeper to reclaim your life’s territory.

Believe me, the moment you remove the signs of her presence around you, you’re already half way there.

No need to be kind.

What are you trying to respect by keeping these things around in your house?

The memory of her spirit?

The memory of her ghost?

She is gone, right?

Remove every trace of her presence.

Do it and replace all that by things you choose, stuff which belongs to you.

She wants to give you a new present, the latest cell phone?

Refuse!

Don’t take it!

Every object in your life tells a story to your mind.

Remove all traces of her presence: letters, pictures, etc.

All these little memories keep you anchored in the past and stop you from moving on.

You want your mind to be fresh and free?

Go ahead and do it.

You’ll feel refreshed and renewed.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:38 AM 0 Comments

Anger and frustration are okay as long as you don’t physically act on them and do something stupid.

Anger and frustration are the signs of an energy wanting to break free.

Anger is the conflict between an old mind set and a new mind set wanting to break through.

This is why it is a good sign.

Your anger and frustration are expressions of power.

They are the signs that something wakes up in you.

Be comfortable with it.

Go to the gym.

Go outdoors and scream if you want to.

Don’t feel ashamed.

Don’t suppress or cover it up.

These are freeing forces and they are natural.

Anger and frustration are visible reflections of your inner power.

They are a warrior’s emotion.

You are in a battle field.

Dare to be okay with it.

No need to be ashamed.

There is a strong limit of course: don’t hurt yourself or anyone else.

Think about it: breaking plates is by far not the most productive way of expressing your anger.

Go and do some power building in the gym instead.

Sign up for karate classes, kick boxing or something else along that line.

This will be much more effective and productive and help you get back in touch with your center.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:36 AM 0 Comments

Alcohol and drugs are a self destructive spiral.

Stay away from them!

I know, you might have this mediatic cliché of this broken guy getting drunk at the bar while his partner took off with his best friend.

That’s not you!

It won’t be you!

This is pathetic!

You want to handle your break up in a different way.

You are in power.

You are not powerless.

Alcohol takes away your natural resources and stops you from rebuilding your mind.

It makes you over sensitive, vulnerable, drains your energy and is 100% useless in a break up situation.

The main risk in a crisis situation is to take a self destructive spiral.

Drugs and alcohol destroy you.

They are the best way to turn your break up into a big life mistake.

You end up doing stupid things, crash your car or even hurt yourself or someone else.

Picking up the pieces after a broken relationship is a challenge.

You need your full functional abilities to do that.

Stay away from anything which diminishes your resources.

You are designing a new way of handling your break up.

You are designing a new mind set.

If you add to the existing emotional challenge, you’ll make things worse!

Much worse!

Stay master of yourself and don’t go into altered states of awareness where you’ll lose yourself.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:35 AM 0 Comments

You might not realize this but being with her for months or years might have isolated you.

In fact, there could be other women having an eye on you who did not dare to approach you.

Now that you are single again, a world of new opportunities opens up to you.

Go for it!

Make friends, female friends, it does not matter.

Give your social life a kick!

Go out and meet new people.

The main risk with a break up situation is to isolate yourself.

Don’t!

It’s not needed!

Reconnect with old friends.

Flirt!

Date again!

You are free!

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:35 AM 0 Comments

Is it okay to jump straight in the arms of another woman?

Sure, it is okay!

However, if you go that way, you need to do it with awareness.

Don’t give your life away right now.

You are already dealing with your ex.

The first step is to get your full power back.

Jumping straight into a new committed relationship might fill a gap.

On the other hand you might miss the occasion to discover something essential about yourself.

This is why after a break up, many men decide to have a relationship-free life for a while.

They simply want to take time to digest what happened and find real answers to essential questions.

If a new woman invades your space straight away, you might miss this opportunity to step back and understand the dynamics of your past relationship and break up.

The best alternative in a break up situation is to “date lightly”.

You can spend quality time with women.

You can share, flirt and lighten up.

This is highly recommended.

However, make sure you fully digest you break up before you commit yourself again.

Why is that?

Because you need to learn from past mistakes.

If something went wrong in your past relationship, you need to find out what that is.

This break up happened for a series of reasons.

You need to find out exactly why.

Once you find out why, develop new relationship skills.

It might be better communication with you partner, stronger boundaries, loving in a different way, establishing different priorities, etc.

There is always a lesson to be learned in a break up situation.

Make sure you learn it.

If you jump into a new relationship straight away, you’ll miss on this reflection time and keep reproducing the same mistakes.

This “digestion” process might happen very fast or very slowly.

It could take a day or 6 months to understand.

Maybe she did it all wrong and there is nothing you could have done better.

Agreed!

Take a moment though to seriously look into it.

Don’t be in denial!

Be realistic!

Learn something from your experience and use this experience to design a new more solid relationship model which works for you.

If you hear yourself talking about your ex with a new date, stop!

First it is a lack of tact.

Second, it keeps you focused on your ex.

Use your new social circle as an occasion to refresh.

Sure, it is okay to share a couple of stories with some friends but if you need to talk, better choose a special moment with a good friend: one evening, a 1 hour chat, nice terrace, that’s it.

Don’t keep on going into the same emotional dead end.

People tend to get tired and after a while, they simply run away from it.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:34 AM 0 Comments

Don’t let your break up impact on your health!

A break up is a tumultuous time: sleepless nights and heavy discussions loaded with emotional content.

All this can drain your strength and energy.

If you stop eating healthy or miss on good nights sleep, you’ll ad to the load and make it heavier than it is.

Your priority is to keep this challenge to its real dimension.

Don’t let this problem expand and impact on the other areas of your life.

A break up is a relationship challenge.

Make sure that your health does not suffer from it.

How do you do that? 3 simple steps:

· Eat healthy.

· Exercise.

· 8 hours sleep.

Your “guidelines” for health are always the same, but you need an extra kick of determination to maintain them.

Don’t let your break up impact on your health.

Your body is one of your greatest assets.

You want to be fully functional on that level.

It is your task to protect what is yours.

Don’t take a self destructive spiral.

Do what it takes to stay healthy!

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:33 AM 0 Comments

Exactly the same goes for your career.

The last thing you want is to lose your job at the same time.

When you break up, the risk is to have this situation impact on your effectiveness at work.

Make it a priority to perform at 100% at work.

If you bring your personal problems to work, you’ll be soon labeled by your colleagues and superiors.

Your career and work are your territory.

Same goes if you have your own business.

Simply don’t let your break up impact on your professional life.

If you work in a team, there are good chances that you’ll tell your friends what is happening.

If you keep on talking about it, everyone will get bored with it.

Put it this way: your colleagues are team mates.

They are there to perform.

They are not therapists.

It’s not their job to support you with that.

Sure, they can help.

Sure, they’ll be happy to give you feed back and talk about it a couple of times.

Now, if the only thing they hear during the break is the latest new of a divorce procedure, this will drain your energy and their effectiveness.

The solution?

Keep work and personal challenges separate.

If you need to talk, check with the human resources department and see if they have any support structure available to help you through this.

Book a couple of sessions with a therapist, psychologist or coach to simply wind up.

Your friends or colleagues are not trained to do that.

Sometimes, they’ll give you wrong advice and ad oil to the fire.

They will as well get tired of hearing your story.

They want to move on!

Give them space.

Keep work and personal challenges separate.

Don’t mix them.

A couple of chats are of course okay.

Don’t turn your professional space into some form of therapy class.

Keep your professional life separate from your personal challenges.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:32 AM 0 Comments

When you break up, the main question in your mind will be: “Why?”

The main reason people break up is because the relationship becomes too limiting.

Your relationship was simply not giving your ex what she wanted.

She decides to move on and look for it somewhere else.

It can be because of fights.

It can be because you two simply explored everything you could together.

You simply run out of possibilities.

The main skill to keep relationships going is called renewal power.

It is the ability to challenge each other within the relationship.

Renewal power brings in new qualities.

You consciously go beyond the limits of your comfort zone.

Too much security kills the magic and spontaneity.

Security counts only for 1/3 in the relationship’s equation.

The rest is thrill, excitement, challenge, romance, change, renewal, etc.

A relationship’s life cycle tends to be very short nowadays.

In the western hemisphere, marriages last 7 years in average.

It is quite common to be madly in love for a year and then suddenly enter into a cycle of fighting with your partner.

The relationship’s space seems to “saturate” and you simply end up being on each other’s way.

What happens there?

Too much control!

Control is a limiting force.

It asphyxiates your relationship.

Control is the best way to kill your partner’s joy and pleasure to be alive.

Why do you tend to over control?

Because you want to protect the relationship.

You want to keep things together.

This is why you might decide that being jealous is okay.

Another common limit in relationships?

Lack of passion and challenge.

Basically you get bored.

This happens to millions of couples around the world.

The “security” dimension is not enough.

A couple needs new refreshing energies.

Waking up the passion in a relationship is a skill!

Find the answers!

Another common relationship challenge is facing conflicting interests.

You don’t agree on key relationship issues.

Here are the most common sources of disagreement:

· Children

· Marriage and commitment

· Location

· Life style

· Interests

· Spending behaviors

· Etc.

This is about your break up.

The key is to find out exactly what was missing.

Simply get your answer.

Of course, you can perceive behind these “reasons” a vaster reality or underlying dynamic.

You might summarize it by saying: “it was not meant to be”.

We talk about destiny lines here.

Your life is an intelligent entity which designs pathways of evolution.

Some doors open up and others do close.

Sometimes, it is only after a couple of years that you truly see why a door needed to be closed so that a new one could be opened.

Destiny line!

Your life vision!

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:30 AM 0 Comments

If you stayed together for 3 years, the relationship did work!

Splitting after 3 years does not mean that it did not work; it means that it worked for some time and it is now time to move on to something else.

It is very common to have thoughts like: “I failed”, “we failed to make it work”, “It was not meant to be”.

This is not true.

A relationship happens within a time frame.

What is true today might not be true tomorrow.

When you say today “I love you”, this stays no matter what crystallized or suspended in the past in the form of a perfect moment.

Relationships simply have shorter life spans.

You go through a full relationship cycle in a shorter period of time nowadays.

Why is that?

Because everything goes faster.

You need change, renewal and you put yourself first as an individual.

100 years ago, you would stick together because of a need for survival.

It was simply impossible to manage alone.

It was not accepted as well.

Today, most people are okay with being single for a while.

Your material survival does not depend on the “couple cell” anymore.

You can manage on your own.

This gives you freedom and takes away some power away from the relationship.

It gives back power to the individual rather than the couple.

You are okay by yourself.

Society accepts it.

Does it mean that your relationship did fail?

No! Not at all!

The good times you shared are still there.

They are alive in the past and won’t be erased from your memory.

The target might be different than what you expected.

Maybe the goal was not to be together forever but actually to share something meaningful for a while.

Don’t be afraid of shifting your mind and moving forward.

You can have a dozen successful relationships in a life time.

The fact that something ends does not mean that you failed; it means that it ends and something new is being born.

It is part of life to go through a cycle of birth, life and death.

When a relationship ends, you simply start a new cycle.

This is what a break up is: it is the end of a cycle and the beginning of a new one.

You can stay focused on the old cycle and fail to see the new one starting; or you can focus on the future and enjoy this force of renewal which moves you forward.

What do you need to start a new cycle?

Freedom and independence.

You need your mind to be free from the past.

This does not mean that memories are not there; it means that these memories do not control your present life.

Emotional freedom is the key.

You see, a new cycle is an occasion to be “reborn” (sorry for the cliché J) into a new reality.

Accept the relationship’s life span as a natural cycle of birth, life and death.

The moment you see that this is natural, you realize as well that you can go with the flow.

A break up is a new start as well.

Work with the forces of nature rather than against them.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:28 AM 0 Comments

Emotional pain is a gap.

It is okay to fantasize about your ex.

If you think about her and you have gorgeous images and sex scenes popping in your mind, let it happen.

The fantasy world is very different from reality.

It is still okay.

All sorts of things happen in your dreams which would never happen in real life.

So, let it be.

When you feel desire, don’t stop it, flow with it.

Observe the moves of your desires and energy in your being.

It is okay.

What you want is to harmonize the relationship you have with her.

What I have to say might surprise you but the way to empower your break up is to relate to your ex in a different way.

She is now an “invisible spirit” in your life.

You remember her but simply don’t want to give her power over your life.

Your life is yours.

Strangely enough, you can still love someone after a break up.

You can keep on respecting that person and relate to her in a very healthy way, even if you don’t see her!

Your life is full of presences you never meet.

She is now one of them.

She is in your mind.

She is in your past and memories.

You enter here in a new dimension: it is the art of mastering your inner world or inner reality.

That’s your way of dealing with her “invisible” presence.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:27 AM 0 Comments

Pain is isolation.

What hurts is the fact that there is no exchange of life force.

The solution?

Don’t isolate yourself.

You might not want to start a new relationship; this should not stop you from sharing intimacy with new women in your life.

Your ex does not like it?

Of course not!

Now, she is out of your life and you are the one who decides.

You are the boss.

What matters is what you want and what you need.

She does not feed you!

She sucks your life force right now.

She puts you in pain.

Don’t let her do that.

Break through!

Break free and connect with other women.

How?

One night stands?

No need to.

You can share intimacy and love without yet committing yourself or jumping into a new relationship.

What matters is that you keep exchanging.

Sure, you can isolate yourself for a couple of days or even weeks to digest.

If it is your choice, it’s no problem.

On the other hand, if you feel the need, go and do what it takes to connect with other women.

Never be needy or demanding, though, as this is a massive turn off.

It is beautiful to hug someone.

No need to limit yourself in some form of emotional starvation.

There is a world of possibilities between a full relationship and a friendship.

Intimacy is okay in itself.

The main mistake you can do?

Going into sex too fast.

One night stands are okay if you want to, but they often generate negative after effects.

The “after sex effect” can be very destructive for you.

The solution?

Don’t have sex yet.

If you are simply flirting with a girl, enjoy it for what it is.

There is no need to jump too fast into sex.

You can play, have fun, share some kisses and intimacy and still, not loose or abandon yourself in a new connection.

What matters right now is to have your needs met.

So, flirt, light date and get your emotional needs met.

This is the first step.

A woman will give you validation and partially fill up an emotional gap.

This in itself is a release and will keep your life force alive.

It is okay.

You are not betraying anyone by doing that.

posted by vitalcoach  # 1:26 AM 0 Comments