I am starting work tonight for the first time. I am going to be working Sundays too. Me and my bf live about an hour apart and try to see each other as much as we can. we have been seeing each other every weekend and Tuesday nights.

On Sunday I will be working 1-5. which means we loose 4 hours of spending time together. My bf is going to stay at my house whilst I work and then we shall spend time together after I finish work. But he is only going to try it out and see if he likes it or not. Or the other idea is for him to come over Monday night and Wednesday night instead of Tuesdays.

I don't mind that idea but I like the thought of seeing my bf after work and spending time together. I will be finishing at 5 which gives us even more time 2geva than when he comes over on Tuesdays. He normally gets to mine at about 7 on Tuesdays.

I don't think 4 hours is long to wait. I have been to his house and waited for him to come home from work and that was waiting from 9 until about 6!!

What do you reckon?

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Time is too precious to spend it simply waiting for someone to come home.

If he wants to do it, that's fine, but if he says he prefers going for something else, I would not blame him for that.

If he does not go with it, don't take it as a sign that he does not care or love you, he probably simply values his time.

His time is "his" time. If you love him give him the freedom to use it the way he wants. Don't put him under pressure. This could mean trouble. Let him free.

It is very tricky to change someone else's behavior or attitude. Why? simply because another person has its own self will. Anyone has the power and right to decide for themselves, so when you want to change someone else, what you are doing is overriding that person's will.

This is why it is much better to change your own behavior and perception rather than change the other person. You'll get much faster simply because you have a greater power over yourself than over someone else.

If the person wants to change and asks you for help, that's another story, but I understand this is not the case. You can help someone by waking up her desire and natural life power. Anything which would look like control or forcing from you would definitely be counter productive and end working against you.

From within, a couple can often feel like it has to “perform”. 

If a couple is splits, it is not just their relationship which is being dissolved.

All the activities, people, material base which evolve around this relationship collapse as well.

The enlarged family structure dissolves. Friends as well struggle through what is happening. What has been a stream of happiness might suddenly be turning into what looks like a difficult time for everyone.

When the couple manages to face harmoniously their inner tensions, they still end being confronted with the judgment from friends and family. Lots of talk and gossip might be going on.

For a couple all this might look like a failure. Feelings of guilt are appearing, guilt of not having been able to make it work.

Succeeding as a couple can be seen as a victory. Still, is splitting the same as loosing?

Performance stress results from all this subtle dynamism. Couples often hang in there wanting to maintain the perfect image, until the inner tensions become too strong and start bursting to the surface.

Performance stress precisely means: “aiming too high”. This stress comes from beliefs that don’t match with reality. On one hand, there is the dream of harmony, the dream of perfection. On the other hand you find reality, a reality which does not match.

Reality is more complex. The dream is like a perfect model. This perfect model comes from the couple, from society. It is imprinted in the stages of a traditional marriage ceremony.

The solution? Redesign the dream. If you try to build a temple and the materials do not match the plans, what would you do? You would redraw something more realistic, something that can actually be built.

Dissolving the performance stress is done by realizing this dynamism and redesigning the relationship’s equation.

Is your dream relationship flexible enough? Is it realistically adapted to modern needs and beliefs? Is the target far away on a mountain top or is it growing in your sacred garden.

What’s the key? As a couple, design a dream that you can easily achieve. What are the qualities present in that dream? You design! You guide the direction of that relationship. It is normal for your environment to have expectations. Now, these are only expectations. Who is holding the helm of your relationship? Who is the architect of your dreams?

Bring in new emotions, a new story. Take risks and explore beyond the limits of society’s comfort zone.

Be the masters of your relationship and give yourselves the choice to jump as high as you want or as high as you can afford. If needed, simply redesign your plan.

Offer a refreshed space to your dreams!

Are you killing your relationship?

A relationship needs to breathe. External friendships, time apart, activities where you are not together with your partner are all super healthy for your couple.
You tend sometimes to block these from happening because you fear being alone or standing as an individual.

Being part of a couple does not mean you loose your individuality. If you can only function as a couple, this tends to create a very high level of insecurity. On the long term, it makes you totally dependent on your partner's presence.

The goal is to maintain or recover your power as an individual. Everyone benefits from it. It gives greater stability to you and all those who are involved in your life.

When you spend time apart, you don't betray the relationship. You give it some space and fresh air. You bring in a new stream of inspiration you might use to empower what you share.

There is a quality every couple needs. It is called renewal power. Renewal power is the ability to keep evolving. When you are single, it's easier. When you are a couple you tend to freeze your partner's moves and block the integration of fresh energies. It is a natural instinctual reaction which works against the long term success of your partnership.

Renewal power is a conscious force you bring in. It means you take risks and challenge each other. You simply don't accept your present limits as your final limits, keep evolving and moving forward.

Renewal power is a natural force of evolution. When you resist change endlessly you block these forces of evolution. You keep them out for a while until they break open in a stream of powerful destruction.

Why do they destroy? because you get too much renewal at once.

If you use renewal power on a daily base, you simply digest it regularly and use it in a positive way.

Imagine the energy of a volcano building up. If you create channels for this stream of power, and let the boiling lava come out, the energy simply flows in a constructive way.

If you try to block it, it will explode.

A relationship needs renewal and fresh inspiration. It needs challenge and some risk.
Don't reject the renewal power, use it!

How? by responding to the opportunities which are in front of you.

• Give your partner some space when they need it.
• Give yourself a break
• Go with the flow
• Be opened for new friendships
• Take risks
• Challenge yourself
• Respond to opportunities
• etc.

When you keep stepping back and hiding within your comfort zone, you simply block a natural stream of life force. You can't cheat with evolution. It keeps on pushing until it breaks through. You spirit, your life needs to keep evolving.

If you bloc, these forces, you'll slowly asphyxiate your life and your relationship
So, don't be afraid and go for it. Renewal forces are part of your life and spirit. They are here to sustain your evolution.

• Protect and respect the relationships space

This means you are the ones who decide, choose... You are the masters of that space...Pin point external influences and see if you are not going too far in tolerating those influences...

• Children
  

Be open and respectful about "children issues".

• Never use force, control or will power against your partner
  

Instead use dialogue... Always propose options, alternatives, be open.

• Learn to fight with each other!
  

Make it a play, a game.

• Listen to the saturation limit.
  

Every individual, couple has a natural saturation threshold. It's the limit between "okay" and "too much". It's the moment when you loose yourself, your individuality. Be aware of that threshold in someone else and respect it.

If you are on the process of building something, let it grow naturally. Slightly push forward every now and then to feel if the limit is movable.

This point has to do with balance between individual and couple space. Be subtle with it. Respect the natural limits.

This natural threshold will usually be a "limit" to the relationship's expansion. It is dictated by an individual boundary. This individual boundary represents an inner protection. It defines an inner space.

• Don't be rigid on boundaries
  

Be aware that sometimes it is time for them to be shifted or moved. But always respect the other person's space. Be gentle and kind on that. Do not claim or demand.

• Create complicity
  

This happens by sharing anecdotes, physical contact, teasing, etc. Eye contact in social situations, awareness of the other persons thoughts, feelings, desires, etc.

• Invite change in the relationship
  

We, as individuals need to keep evolving. The relationship has to be open for change and evolution. The forces of conflict are often related with resisting change. Become "change conductive" and you'll realize how refreshing this feels.

• May your individuality strengthen your love
  

Love means giving space and validation to your individuality. Never suppress what makes you special. May the relationship be a space in which individual integrity can be protected and stimulated.

• A mature relationship allows differences of opinion
  

Agreeing on everything simply takes the relationship's spices away. The fertility and freshness of the mind is stimulated by differences. Daring to accept differences of opinion is accepting our own intimate humanity. Sometimes, there is simply more than one single answer...

• Dialogue.

Create a Forum Space.

• Renew, Refresh
  

Be open for new ideas, change. Think of modern trends, etc.

• Spontaneity
  

Anything to break the habits. Respond to inspiration, to new streams.

• Have "Relationship Ambitions"
  

Material, business, travels, discoveries, projects, etc.

• Maintain a dynamic individual integrity
  

Maintain activities where you are not together with your partner. Keep space for "external friendships"... "Time off"... Allow it to happen and go for it, even if you might miss the other person during that time.

• Refreshing Life Style
  

Take time to be in nature. Go out. Do something physical, sports, outdoors. Eat healthy.

• Sex Life
  

Give attention to your sex life.

• Create Romance, Flirt, Play.
  

There must be a place in the relationship where you can be like kids, young teenagers. Plan a romantic holiday.

• Dynamise your social life as a couple
  

Go beyond family and usual friends. Be an "interesting" couple, a "generous" couple.

• Have a harmonious material base
  

Live in a place you like. Healthy finances. Harmonious work/free time balance.