That's a key skill in life:

How to set up boundaries when others are systematically invading your space or even abusing you emotionally.

This can happen in relationships or with exes.

It can happen in social circles, at work or with family members.

It takes the form of over emotional reaction to things you do.

You end up feeling like you walk on egg shells all the time, afraid of making mistakes that will call for emotional retaliation from those who abuse you.

This emotional retaliation can take many forms.

Sometimes it is expressed in the form of projected emotional anger.

It can be physical abuse.

Other times it might simply be silent treatment.

You feel there is tension build up but nothing is being said.

These patterns are called cohercive power.

They are an expression of threat.

The principle is the same as any form of threat.

When someone expresses cohercive power, their goal is to conquer, dominate and get things their way.

People use threat all the time against each other.

If you start observing it in daily life, you will see dozens of examples popping up all around you.

Any time a person uses threat either against you or someone else, observe what happens.

On one side, you have an angry person wanting to have control or power.

On the other side, you have another person wanting to avoid emotional pain.

If you take this to a wider scale, you will see that nations use the same dynamics against each other.

They use military threat.

This is still cohercion, simply expressed on a larger scale.

Now, that we defined emotional threat or harassment, the next question is:

What do you do with it, especially if you are the victim of it?

Well... Suppose that you are the victim of some bullying form, the reason why it happens is because part of you lets it happen.

In probably 80% of the cases, the person who is victim from this harassment forgets to stand up for themselves.

Suppose that an ex bothers you for instance.

They keep calling and invade your space.

You can say something like:

"Look, I don't have time for that - I hear you and wish I could do something about it but I can't - Let's talk about this another time - I have to go..."

DONE!

I know, it takes courage and power to do that.

You can practice this with anyone who steps on your toes.

The moment they no longer can reach you, they usually start looking for another victim.

If you are strong and put strategic walls to protect yourself from them, it literally takes you 5 min to shift a negative pattern that might have been there for years!

What if someone else is the victim of this emotional harassment and you want to help?

That's like a whole new skill.

We'll cover that one another time, ok?

To your power!

Labels: social power