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How to deal with emotional harassment - SOCIAL POWER

2009-06-18T08:52:00.000-07:00

That's a key skill in life:

How to set up boundaries when others are systematically invading your space or even abusing you emotionally.

This can happen in relationships or with exes.

It can happen in social circles, at work or with family members.

It takes the form of over emotional reaction to things you do.

You end up feeling like you walk on egg shells all the time, afraid of making mistakes that will call for emotional retaliation from those who abuse you.

This emotional retaliation can take many forms.

Sometimes it is expressed in the form of projected emotional anger.

It can be physical abuse.

Other times it might simply be silent treatment.

You feel there is tension build up but nothing is being said.

These patterns are called cohercive power.

They are an expression of threat.

The principle is the same as any form of threat.

When someone expresses cohercive power, their goal is to conquer, dominate and get things their way.

People use threat all the time against each other.

If you start observing it in daily life, you will see dozens of examples popping up all around you.

Any time a person uses threat either against you or someone else, observe what happens.

On one side, you have an angry person wanting to have control or power.

On the other side, you have another person wanting to avoid emotional pain.

If you take this to a wider scale, you will see that nations use the same dynamics against each other.

They use military threat.

This is still cohercion, simply expressed on a larger scale.

Now, that we defined emotional threat or harassment, the next question is:

What do you do with it, especially if you are the victim of it?

Well... Suppose that you are the victim of some bullying form, the reason why it happens is because part of you lets it happen.

In probably 80% of the cases, the person who is victim from this harassment forgets to stand up for themselves.

Suppose that an ex bothers you for instance.

They keep calling and invade your space.

You can say something like:

"Look, I don't have time for that - I hear you and wish I could do something about it but I can't - Let's talk about this another time - I have to go..."

DONE!

I know, it takes courage and power to do that.

You can practice this with anyone who steps on your toes.

The moment they no longer can reach you, they usually start looking for another victim.

If you are strong and put strategic walls to protect yourself from them, it literally takes you 5 min to shift a negative pattern that might have been there for years!

What if someone else is the victim of this emotional harassment and you want to help?

That's like a whole new skill.

We'll cover that one another time, ok?

To your power!

How to tackle social anxiety - SOCIAL POWER

2009-06-11T10:44:00.000-07:00

Social anxiety means that when you are in social situations you feel a high level of emotional discomfort.

You feel people's judgements, looks, etc.

You respond to them by feeling anxiety.

You can feel this anxiety when being in the situation or before it even happens.

you can compare this to publisg speaking anxiety.

It is the idea of being bomababrded by psychic pressure and not being able to manage that pressure.

This happens for one simple reason; lack of power, psychic power.

You feel that your energy space is invaded and you don't have the emotional resources to protect yourself.

You feel vulnerable.

Anxiety is simply a mild version of fear.

But because of its permanent or recurrring nature, it can create quite a discomfort.

The key is to ad a new level of power to your mind, a few new minds sets and train these new behaviors.

Again, these types of fears are along the same line as stage fright or public speaking anxiety, except that social anxiety refers to a pressure which is usually smaller.

More coming soon

Respect each other's truth! - SOCIAL POWER

2009-06-10T03:29:00.001-07:00

That's called tolerance, right?

We live in a world of diversity and people experience existence in many different ways.

This diversity is natural and when you want to force others into your belief system, you are betraying one of their most basic human rights: Their right for self determination.

It is ok to disagree!

Really!

Mature relationships between human beings allow space for differences of opinions.

Here is a simple way to tame any conflict and bring back peace:

"It looks like we have a different opinion on this topic and that's ok! - The fact that you have different belief than mine does not stop me from fully respecting you!"

Wahou! We just created a whole new wave of world peace!

Imagine for second what happens if this attitude is systematically adopted when conflicts arise.

Can you see the impact?

Start with a small step: YOU!

Once you fully master your own conflicting patterns, take your sword and start positively influencing others!

To your power!

How to deal with bullies - SOCIAL POWER

2009-06-10T02:44:00.000-07:00

This is a big one!

People who harass you can really make your life miserable.

It can happen at work, between family members or friends.

The reason why it happens is because that's simply how some people spend their lives.

They feed from offensive behaviors and take pleausre in putting other people down.

You have to realize that this gives them energy!

That's why they do it.

It is a strategy in competitive behaviors and they simply want to win over you.

This is a vast topic and I won't cover everything here.

Simply know for now that the reason they harass you or anyone else is because they can.

If you are their target, it is because your level of power is not high enough.

To step out of this role, you need extra power.

This is what I encourage you to do.

How do you get extra power?

Well you have a few possible sources:

Body power - Build up muscle and fighting skills.
Confidence - That's another skill you can practice and train.
Network - Partner with the right people.
Diplomacy - Communicate in respectful ways so that no negative responses are triggered.
New boundaries - Trun off your cell phone or stop connecting with those who don't respect you.
New exit strategies - If you can't win, wisely stepping out and working on your exit strategies could be the way to go.
Etc.

If this is an issue in your life, the moment you focus on it, strategies and lines of action show up.

The next step is of course to implement action.

It takes focus and consistency to build up extra power but it is ABSOLUTELY within your range.

To your power!

Watch your posture + Tone of voice! - TIP

2008-05-12T06:07:00.000-07:00

Have you ever gone out to a social event, meet this person who might look interesting at first but everything in their body language and tone of voice reflects insecurity!

A pity, right?

Have you noticed the impact this has on you?

Most of the times, it is a total turn off.

Their insecurity reflects on you and you start feeling really bad for them.

When you speak with someone, around 90% of your message is transmitted through these two!

This means that people assess you much more through how you stand and the way you say it than through what you actually say!

Here is what you can do:

Assess yourself now: between 0% and 100% how high do you score on those two specific points (Tone of voice + Body language)
Speak louder - That's a simple way to boost your confidence
Next time you go out, before you enter the room, take a minute to concentrate on those two! - Think "confidence" and assume that posture!

Easy, right? ;)

Enjoy!

vitalcoach

How to be a kinder person - Be nicer to others - 5 min - VIDEO

2008-04-22T09:34:00.000-07:00

http://vitalcoaching.com/wakeupyourpower.htm

How to be a kinder person - Be nicer to others - Love everyone! - Protect yourself - Change! - Recondition your mind - Practice active kindness - Open up - Compliment - Validate people

http://vitalcoaching.com/wakeupyourpower.htm

Don't take action to prove them anything - TIP

2008-04-18T00:39:00.000-07:00

Don't take action to prove them anything - You simply recognize their possible negative reaction and follow up with what you were planning to do.

You don't do it for them, you do it for yourself.

For instance, if you arrive at a social event and you notice a few people staring at you or judging you, make it your point to connect with as many women/people as you can, being super friendly and approachable.

The key is to not let these people's doubts or judgements stop you ever!

makes sense right?

I don't want to be that sensitive to other people's judgement - TIP

2008-04-18T00:38:00.000-07:00

When you face other people's judgements or feel insecure, it is always a power battle between you and them.

The only way to win is to increase your power base and not let these attacks stop you.

People attack you if they feel an opening, the moment you are strong, they stop bothering you.

So, when you feel a negative thought rising, you simply don't let it grow!

You don't let it expand!

You tackle it with the opposite mind set.

A negative thought is:

"You can't do it"

The opposite is

"I can do it"

You are the center of your life and if you don't let your own doubts crawl in your mind, you win the battle.

Any time you recognize fear or doubts and you know you could step back if you negatively respond to this fear, move forward instead and don't let doubts stop you.

Your winning strategy is forward action.

People will know they can't stop you when they see you systematically moving forward when they project their doubts on you.

The more you hesitate or doubt, the more you let them stop you.

The more you take proactive action the more you prove anyone that you have no fear.

You can apply this is any situation: job, dating, social life, etc.

So, how can you use any objection to make you stronger?

You use that challenge as an opportunity to grow.

The more proactive action you take, the stronger you become.

You can't build muscle if there is no resistance, right?

With mind power it is the same.

You don't build character if you face no challenge.

Does that make sense?

What is your conclusion?

How long does it take to shift a social habit or pattern? - TIP

2008-04-15T06:31:00.000-07:00

In my experience it takes one month of practice to get familiar with a new mindset and 3 months to totally intergrate it.

The best way to go faster is to practice a lot without being too attached to the immediate result.

It is a bit like going to the gym. You get results by building skills and power on that level.

If you focus on it and make it your top priority, you will have no problem being at 90% to 100% of your true potential.

Don't ever let rejection, doubts or hesitations stop you, ok?

You now know what the target is and all it takes is focus, consistency and some determination

5 simple strategies to boost your social power - TIP

2008-04-15T06:23:00.000-07:00

Smile + Be friendly!
Be 100% rejection proof! - Don't let rejection put you down ever!
Be super confident, not arrogant! - this one is for not putting yourself above others - Behave more like an equal rather than being superior - You can as well do that by validating and complimenting people very easily
Be ougoing! - Engage! - Connect!
Be more social and caring!

If you don't get validation or recognition within a specific social circle or with a specific person - SOCIAL POWER

2008-02-19T09:46:00.000-08:00

Here are 5 strategies you could apply:

Keep trying until; you eventually break through to these persons
Give them a reason to let you in
Give up and focus on those who do vlaue you
Lower your expectations - Don't expect anything!
Change your social circle or ad a new one!

The goal now is to identify which of these strategies would work best in your unique situation.

that's the battle plan! That's the strategy!

That's the "S" in the "ASA" steps we mentioned earlier

3 steps to boost your social power - SOCIAL POWER

2008-02-19T09:43:00.000-08:00

If you feels challenged within specific social situations, you can apply these 3 steps to solve that challenge:

Identify the power dynamics - Understand - get a grip of what is truly going on an energy level
Design a strategy to deal with that challenge
Apply these strategies - practice!

In other terms:

Answers
Strategy
Action

ASA

Social anxiety - Examples of potentially challenging situations - SOCIAL POWER

2008-02-19T05:09:00.000-08:00

Most of social anxiety is not phobia!

Many people will simply face some type of discomfort when comfronted with specific social situations.

here are some examples that can be challenging:

Being in a crowd - for instance a game or concert
Social event where you don't know anyone
You know people but you feel they don't like you or recognize you
Public speaking or presentation
Etc

All these situations have something in common:

You are confronted with othere people's energy or judgement.

The reason you might feel anxiety is because your level of power is not high enough.

If you are comfronted with these situations but your level of inner power is at 100%, you feel fearless, right?

other person's judgements or looks don't touch you becasue you feel confident and trut your own value.

When you feel anxiety it is because your level of power is lower.

the psychic impact of other people on your mind overwers you to a certain extent.

The emotion which is triggered is anxiety which is simply an expression of fear.

anxiety happens because you feel insecure.

So the way to taclke anxiety is to increase your level of power.

You do that by getting power and energy from other sources. You work on your power base and stop trying to get validation from sources you know you won't get it from.

All that happens within the context of life or mind mastery.

Anxiety is irrational. It is a useless emotional reaction that you no longer need.

You can kick that emotion out of your system first by realizing that it's not you and no longer needed.

Then, by increasing your level of personal power as well.

Polarized attention - SOCIAL POWER

2008-02-19T05:05:00.000-08:00

Another type of validation gap happens when you are having a conversation one on one with someone and that person keeps brininging the attention back to them.

Every time you mention something that concerns you, they bring back the attention to them saying something like "Yes! reminds me of what happened to me last summer..." totally forgetting about your story!

Yes! Frustrating! ;)

This is a lack of social skills from that person and as well lack of interest.

Now, again, it is stupid to want validation from a specific person when you know you won't get it from them.

It takes much more time and energy to educate that specific person rather than finding someone else who is more skills socially and will be able to to validate your story with a keen interest.

Validation gap - SOCIAL POWER

2008-02-19T05:02:00.000-08:00

Here is another challenge that you can face:

Validation gap!

This one happens when you feel the social circle you are in does not value who you are what you do or what you have to offer.

Have you ever been in a social situation and get the feeling that no one cares?

Well, you were facing exactly that: a validation gap.

If you don't get validation from that specific social circle, you might be getting it from othere sources like family, other friends or professional circle.

How to tackle social anxiety - SOCIAL POWER

2008-02-19T05:01:00.000-08:00

How to multiply your social power - 5 min - VIDEO

2008-02-05T04:56:00.000-08:00

http://vitalcoaching.com/

Race - Social status - Assets - Personality - Confidence of course - Cultural background - Being too young or too old for a cerayin audience will again play in your favor or against you - Having a vast network of connections is an asset - Attitudes - Similar to personality traits

Systematically initiating contact - TIP - SOCIAL POWER

2008-02-04T02:06:00.000-08:00

Along the line of disqualifiers here is another one that can work either for or against you.

Your ability to easily speak with anyone can be a + if you really master it.

It makes you look socially successful.

Now, if you struggle with opening a set or appear insecure when connecting, this is usually a massive deal breaker and position you instantly in the "needy and insecure" role.

Not belonging culturally - TIP - SOCIAL POWER

2008-02-04T02:01:00.000-08:00

This is a massive one!

Yes! People can turn you off socially if you don't respect or belong to their "social culture".

Something as simple as a different hand shake can be interpreted in the wrong way.

Yes! It can appear like insignificant but your actions and social attitudes tell a lot about who you are.

Now, some people will enjoy diversity and connect with you precisely because you are different.

This will stimulate them.

Some others will disqualify you in a minute simply because your hair style or clothes does not match their culture.

Yes! If you are not too successful socially, you can do something about it - SOCIAL POWER

2008-02-04T01:54:00.000-08:00

It is a matter of understanding what needs to be shifted and making the changes over a few weeks.

Soacial attitudes are learned behaviors and with some practice, you can shift key attitudes so that you don't make basic social "mistakes".

All you have to do to be socially successful is to accept to play the game.

It is usually that simple!

Needy or desperate attitudes as social disqualifiers - TIP - SOCIAL POWER

2008-02-04T01:52:00.000-08:00

yes! Appearing needy is a massive turn off socially.

You appear needy when it is obvious that you are lonely or desperate to establish contact.

Being not cool enough - TIP - SOCIAL POWER

2008-02-04T01:48:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, it is just the clothes you wear or a ceratin attitude.

Other times it will be lack of confidence or a needy attitude or approach.

Yes! Making friends and winning at the social game can be tough.

In the same way as you can win with the opposite sex, you can as well learn toposition yourself differently in social situations.

Number one strategy is to understand what you are good at and what needs to shift.

Next, you need to have a set of strategies to overcome this challenge + You must do something about it

Is social life unfair? - TIP - SOCIAL POWER

2008-02-02T06:18:00.000-08:00

Well, it is if you try to play the game with the wrong rules.

You need to be realitic and understand how social life works.

If you feel you express only a fraction of your social potential and for instance people lose interest and don't connect with you, it usually means that you are playing the wrong game in the wrong place or that there is some signinficant disqualifier working against you.

Examples of social qualifiers/disqualifiers - TIP - SOCIAL POWER

2008-02-02T06:10:00.000-08:00

Here we go. Here is a sample:

Race

Racial grouping is instinctual and happens all the time. Do we like it? Personaly I don't. I usually connect with people beyond their race and i know that many people do as well. Look for instance at the gang world. race is a major element of belonging, right?

Another example: try to get a CEO position in Japan within a japanese company. I bet it's not easy, right? Yes! It happens a lot.

You might be seen as an outsider simply because you are not from this town or country or have a funny accent.

You can call this social discrimination as well.

It works both ways though. Sometimes it's a + sometimes not depending on the context.

Social status

Well, yes! Again. The way others look at you will change your ability to connect with new people and make new friends of course. This has to do with social value.

Assets

A simple example: imagine that you have this big house where you host parties every week end! Of course people will love connecting with you. It is their opening into a new worl of possibilities, right?

Personality

On top of these personality traits that make you magnetically attractive? Confidence of course. There are many more, like creative power, level of energy, attitude towards life, etc.

Cultural background

Take the example of religious circles, clubs or societies. Your belonging to a certain group will determine hwo people relate to you.

Sure! Being too young or too old for a cerayin audience will again play in your favor or against you.

Network

Having a vast network of connections is like an asset. People will connect with you to connect with that network.

Attitudes

Similar to personality traits, right? If you are extremely outgoing, enthusiastic, open minded will work better than if you tend to be depressed and unhappy about your life.

This is only a sample. There is more of course ;)

Enjoy!

Social qualifiers/disqualifiers - TIP - SOCIAL POWER

2008-02-02T06:04:00.000-08:00

Yes! There are such things are socioal disqualifiers in your social life.

if you try to connect with a group of people and create friendships within that circle, elements like race, social status, assets, personality, cultural background, network or attitudes can boost your social connections or destroy your chances of linking with that specific group.

If you feel you can't connect to an individual or group, look at what disqualifies you in their eyes.

one or more elemenst might pop up.

By the way, most of these elements are "discriminative". In other terms, they are unfair.

Simply understand that social connections are mainly instinctual. it is not based on rational decisions.

people click with you instnctually if theyr recognize certains qualities they can relate to.