Give her space to express
This means being comfortable with some or all of her shadows.
- Shadow check ins – Create a safe consecrated space for shadow
- Listen – Stay present and listen to what she shares without interrupting her
- Be wise – Listen to the underlying current behind a shadow trigger
Give her boundaries
This is one of the core tactics to your success!
Here are some boundaries examples:
- STOP – When she goes too far or the time is not right
- DISTANCE YOURSELF – Disconnect from communicating or being in her presence if you need to rebuild energy
- STOP – If she starts physically attacking you, hurting herself or breaking things
- STOP – If she gets too loud and your neighbours might get affected
- Make changes – Change some of your behaviors or attitudes if you feel this can help you connect
- Listen to her feedback
- Be open to evolve
- Shadow training is an art form – It is about expanding your emotional and energetic flexibility rather than getting stacked in your rational brain
See the overall exposure to her shadows as an opportunity to expand as a human being.
- This experience is part of your evolution
- By exposing you to her shadows, she helps you evolve
- She is a voice of your spirit
Gain emotional strength!
Here are core attitudes that reflect the same emotional strength idea:
- DEVELOP TOLERANCE TO ENERGETIC INTENSITY – Be cool with shadow blasts
- STAY PRESENT – Don’t lose your center when your get hit
- BE NON REACTIVE – Be in peace and serenity even in the middle of an emotional firestorm – This is composure or the ability to stay calm
- DON’T GO INTO STORIES – Don’t let your mind spin in its own wild train ride
All of this can be summarized as energetic or emotional mastery.
You can break any of these guidelines if it’s a conscious choice!
My goal here is to show you to be master of your energy, not its slave.
If you feel overwhelmed by her emotional intensity, develop psychic power to match her energy level.
Develop tolerance to energetic intensity.
With some practice, having your girlfriend aggressively screaming at you might even become a pleasurable experience.
How is that even possible?
Behind aggressive energy, there is just energy.
Our mind or emotional body labels it as good or bad.
However when you get back to source, an aggressive energy blast might just feel like energy.
This happens when your vulnerability hooks are clear and there are no cracks in your shields.
You will feel aggressive fire impacting your field without fundamentally altering your power, presence and confidence.
When you hit that magical spot, aggressive energy impacting your being becomes just fire waking you up!
If bliss and pleasure intensify… Whaou!!
I call that experience a FIGHTGASM!
Yup! I even have a word for it!
This is funny, isn’t it?
What a refreshing perspective shift!
Sometimes, incredible juice is activated by engaging in the battle with her.
I call that format VITAL FIGHTS.
You can take this vital fights practice as a dynamic ritual between you two.
Don’t try to fix her
You might make the wrong assumption that because she is in shadow mode, there is something wrong with her.
In the next step of the same mind set you might position yourself as her savior who somehow will rescue her from her flaws.
This couldn’t be further away from the truth!
It’s not your job to fix anything unless she explicitly asks for your help!
Her shadows are an integral part of her being and you can respect them as much as you respect her lights.
Influence her if she invites you to
She might say something like:
“I am stacked here! I can see that this shadow behavior in me sabotages our connection and I don’t know what to do about it… Can you help me?”
See? That’s an invitation!
You don’t just step in and tell her what to do!
She is inviting you to coach her, guide her, help her or offer her feedback.
Influencing, educating or successfully coaching your partner is VERY subtle and takes practice and skills.
I am preparing a whole new program on how to coach your lover, so stay tuned for that one.
Don’t go public on social networks.
Don’t attack or retaliate in ways that would lead to a fight escalation and start involving other people.
Keep the shadows contained between you two.
That’s unless it is a conscious decision to involve other people in these shadow dynamics.
You become pretty much useless once you are defeated or in high victimization mode.
The shadow training you are exposed to only works if you can rebuild fast your strength, power, clarity before resuming shadow play.
- Use energy techniques to recenter
- Analyze the shadow dynamics
- Design new core tactics
- Strengthen your boundaries – For instance if you were just exposed to a big shadow blast, don’t let her drag you again in shadow zone if what you need is to regenerate
Stay centered on YOUR truth
When she gives you feedback, suggests changes or invites you in a certain exploration, listen to what she says, pause, take it in and then make your own choices according to what YOU feel is right.
You don’t have to accept everything she says as true or even valuable.
Stick to what feels right to YOU!
Align more strongly with joy and liberation.
Let go of any mindset that makes you feel like you energetically owe anything to anyone.
See? This is where confusion arises!
In the process of making unspoken or unconscious telepathic agreements you might lower your truth, standards or freedom.
You alter what feels right to you!
You must reconnect and stick to what is in the very core of your being and not let the women in your life take you away from that core.
You don’t owe anything to anyone and it is back to you and the universe in a mystical divine alignment!
No one can rob you from your dignity!
You are master of your life!
You are awake and in deep alignment with your destiny!
Don’t lower or reduce yourself!
Don’t make choices to accommodate anyone!
Stick to your freedom and your truth!
Identify deal breakers
There could be a moment where she unapologetically crosses the line and for instance burns your house down 😉 or threatens your friends.
Identify these deal breakers and let her clearly know when she gets closer.
If she crosses these deal breakers, it’s game over and no more fun with shadows.
Often you don’t know what these deal breakers are until she gets close to them
Here are some of the ways she could be irreversibly crossing the line:
- Ongoing Lies
- High emotional instability
- Physical or emotional abuse
- Deep sabotage patterns
There is a huge difference between complaining and offering contructive feedback that will help her evolve as a human being.
Call that positive influence.
Your agenda is to serve her evolution rather than forcing your insecurities on her.
The immature way of offering feedback is through:
- Trying to fix her
- Threatening her
- Victimizing yourself
- Getting irritated
- Being aggressive
None of these attitudes will usually positively influence her.
When you do any of these, all she hears is disempowered and ungrounded reflection.
This tends to contract her, drive her into reactive mode or get her to shut down.
Here is what you can try instead:
- Ask her for permission to offer feedback before you speak
- Speak from a calm place with no aggressive energy
- Tell her she is free to receive or reject what you say
- Use “I” statements, for instance “Here is how I feel when this happens…”
This is smart communication and will likely invite her to make evolved changes in her attitude and choices.
She will tend to make positive changes because she sees truth, not because she is trying to accommodate you.
Here is an essential point:
When you offer wise feedback, be open to the possibility of her completely rejecting your input.
Let her clearly know that it’s perfectly ok and that she is free to decide how she wants to relate to you.
How to offer smart feedback is a vast topic. I might write an in depth article on that one soon.
You are the one getting hurt or contracted by something she might have done.
Forgiving is way more than a thought or a word!
It is an energetic experience that liberates you from undigested emotions.
Forgiveness is an attitude you practice and master by experience.
It can feel uncomfortable or vulnerable at first and extremely liberating once you feel its flow.
I offer dozens of techniques to create energetic freedom on this site.
Check the Vital Force section.
These techniques bring a new fresh flow of emotional freedom in your system.
They are an essential aspect of dropping stories or undigested emotions and activate the full forgiveness experience streaming through your being.
Forgiving doesn’t mean being naive. It doesn’t mean dropping your needed shields or protection.
It doesn’t mean denial either.
It is usually challenging to forgive before you integrate and learn everything you needed to learn from your partner’s shadow outbreak.
The tension you might feel in your system is an energy contraction that keeps you on defense mode.
This contraction you feel before forgiveness is an instinctual defense response aimed at protecting you.
Learning what you need to learn from the outbreak means developing new tactics to master future potential episodes.
These new tactics could mean setting up new boundaries, being cool with getting hit, learning how to fight back if needed, or educating your partner on how to respect you in the future.
Once you learn what you need to discover from this experience, you can acknowledge this shadow outbreak and then drop it.
Here is what dropping it can sound like:
- What you said the other day was really aggressive and hurtful.
- I can see that you regret it and said these things because you were upset.
- I have now new tools to deal with a similar experience if it was going to happen again in the future.
- I can see that holding to this experience and being resentful about it, doesn’t serve us.
- I want to clear my inner space around it and drop it.
- I want to do this now.
- I forgive you.
Keep it light
You can use humor and lightness.
In the middle of an emotional storm you can throw in “Whaou! That’s intense! Feels like I am fighting a dragon right now”
You can as well shift energy and go into play by lightly teasing or making fun of yourself.
You might cross the line and offend each other in ways that might be deal breakers.
For instance you might ridicule your partner in ways that will completely kill mutual trust.
If you become physically abusive, that’s obviously another deal breaker.
Extreme sarcasm is another weapon that might completely annihilate your lover.
For instance if you make fun of a very romantic episode that created this core loving memory, you might destroy an essential foundation block of your connection.
You can express your love in so many ways:
- Gentle appreciation
- Love making
When a woman goes wild and loses it, all she might want is to be seen, connected, loved or appreciated.
When she’s enslaved by her shadows, she is in pain.
Sometimes her whole being is screaming and asking for help in not so subtle ways.
Getting aggresive might be simple attempt to create connection.
Say to her:
- What do you need the most right now?
- How can I help you?
- Is there anything I can do?
Show your love, appreciation and care
Her storm might instantly dissolve in a sea of kindness.
Step out if it’s time
Sometimes your lover’s space becomes just tension, pain, shadow, fights and processing most of the time.
The fun is gone!
The juice and passion are gone!
You stay in it by habit and fear to change and evolve!
You get stacked in toxic patterns that no longer serve any of you.
At that point, you must be wise and step out of this game to explore new shores.
You have nothing to prove!
It’s a game you can quit anytime if you feel it’s not working for you!
Check in and if you reach that breaking point, be wise and step out.
Understand shadow dynamics
You can journal, analyze, talk about it with friends or a coach.
When a woman bluntly denies dynamics that seem totally obvious to you, it can get really frustrating.
Don’t fall into that trap.
State the obvious and stick to it even if she denies it.
Understanding shadow dynamics gives you mental frames, labels, understanding and is often am essential base to apply the best response tactic.
These mental models are conceptual roadmaps to her shadows and the way you interact with them.
Identify triggers, solutions or possible tactics.
My favorite tactic is just journaling or self coaching.
I ask myself clear questions and find intuitive answers that are usually a good match.
If you struggle to understand how these dynamics develop and what’s their purpose, sign up for a few sessions with me.
I can help you make sense of all this.
Shadow mastery is an art!
What I give you here are some of the chords and tactics to master this game.
To win, you must be awake, alert, energetically intelligent, be able to tune into the specifics and uniqueness of every situation.
Of all these tactics you can use, there might a few that are completely useless for a specific situation.
One tactic might work one day and completely fail the day after.
This being an art means that you must use your intuition and instinct, navigate with flow, play with ideas and emotions.
Engage your instincts!
Once you have a basic recipe set, it is practice, exploration, experience or play that make you masterful!
Questions for you
Can you identify any potential deal breakers with your partner?
What are they?
Can you recognize a deal breaking situation in your past that did lead to break up?
This is an evolving project… I will update this article as new tactics get clearer.
Check as well: