From within, a couple can often feel like it has to “perform”.
If a couple is splits, it is not just their relationship which is being dissolved.
All the activities, people, material base which evolve around this relationship collapse as well.
The enlarged family structure dissolves. Friends as well struggle through what is happening. What has been a stream of happiness might suddenly be turning into what looks like a difficult time for everyone.
When the couple manages to face harmoniously their inner tensions, they still end being confronted with the judgment from friends and family. Lots of talk and gossip might be going on.
For a couple all this might look like a failure. Feelings of guilt are appearing, guilt of not having been able to make it work.
Succeeding as a couple can be seen as a victory. Still, is splitting the same as loosing?
Performance stress results from all this subtle dynamism. Couples often hang in there wanting to maintain the perfect image, until the inner tensions become too strong and start bursting to the surface.
Performance stress precisely means: “aiming too high”. This stress comes from beliefs that don’t match with reality. On one hand, there is the dream of harmony, the dream of perfection. On the other hand you find reality, a reality which does not match.
Reality is more complex. The dream is like a perfect model. This perfect model comes from the couple, from society. It is imprinted in the stages of a traditional marriage ceremony.
The solution? Redesign the dream. If you try to build a temple and the materials do not match the plans, what would you do? You would redraw something more realistic, something that can actually be built.
Dissolving the performance stress is done by realizing this dynamism and redesigning the relationship’s equation.
Is your dream relationship flexible enough? Is it realistically adapted to modern needs and beliefs? Is the target far away on a mountain top or is it growing in your sacred garden.
What’s the key? As a couple, design a dream that you can easily achieve. What are the qualities present in that dream? You design! You guide the direction of that relationship. It is normal for your environment to have expectations. Now, these are only expectations. Who is holding the helm of your relationship? Who is the architect of your dreams?
Bring in new emotions, a new story. Take risks and explore beyond the limits of society’s comfort zone.
Be the masters of your relationship and give yourselves the choice to jump as high as you want or as high as you can afford. If needed, simply redesign your plan.
Offer a refreshed space to your dreams!