Part of what keeps you in the fighting cycle is that either you or your partner feel hopeless.
You want to express your power but don’t know where to start or how to do it.
Fights become extremely draining.
You build up resentment and enter into a tension build up with your partner.
Fights are healthy and okay in relationships.
You can’t avoid having areas where you might disagree:
· Education of your kids
· Extra marital connections and friendships
· Life choices
· Sex and intimacy
There are dozens of areas in relationships which can trigger conflict and difference of opinion.
In fact, it is more than a difference of opinion. It is a difference of life vision and plan.
You are two architects and you are fighting over the key points of your relationship.
Some of these issues are important.
The goal here is to shift the fighting rules and develop new fighting skills.
Fights can be fun and immensely constructive depending on how you look at them.
They can be an occasion to grow together and unveil a third option which is even better than the ones you cam up with at first.
You can fight and be in tune with each other.
You can fight while building up relationship synergy.
A fight is the result of competition.
Now, some competition is always healthy.
When two minds and vision compete, it forces them to look deeper and perform better.
Your present limits are not your real limits.
Competition forces you to look deeper and really test your core values, life style, beliefs, actions and attitudes.
It is a positive evolution.
You might strengthen you believe in.
You might shift some opinions.
The moment you see the constructive aspect of conflicts, you look at relationship fights in a different way.
You empower your fights and make sure that they do take you somewhere.
Fighting can as well be a way of releasing tension and building up power in your relationship.
It is like a symbolical “kick boxing session” in which you unload extra accumulated tensions.
You do this with awareness.
Use your husband as a punching ball every now and then (J).
This might be the perfect tension release you are looking for.
Talk about it with your partner and find out what is okay and what is not.
You don’t want anyone to get hurt.