One key strategy: Do the same!
The moment you have your own set of male admirers, believe me, the whole power balance in your relationship shifts.
The reason you feel threatened by him going for drinks is because you feel left out.
Many people hate their job and have zero opportunities for interesting social interaction within the work environment!
If he’s having the time of his life, you might feel that it’s simply not fair, right?
So! Boost your social connections and make sure that amongst them you have a couple of very attractive males.
This is REALLY THE ULTIMATE strategy in this situation.
Don’t wait at home for him to come back and unload the details of his latest discussions with his female admirers.
Instead take proactive steps and start connecting with men fearlessly.
No shame! No guilt!
Remember that the key boundary in your relationship is probably: “No intimacy with someone else”.
Having a chat with a male friend is NOT cheating.
It is chatting!
(funny how close to these two words are cheating-chatting… Is this a coincidence? ;))
Anyway, chatting IS ok!
Never feel guilty for connecting with a man, no matter how attractive he is.
This is the type of action that can actually trigger a whole chain reaction of interesting conversations with your boyfriend or husband.
For instance, if he hears about it and starts feeling slightly insecure or challenges you about it, here is what you can say:
YOU – “So, you think that I should not speak with other men than you???”
HER – “Well… He is obviously into you otherwise he would never have given you his number…”
YOU – “So, you believe that you meeting your female colleagues after work is different?
HER – “Absolutely! They are just friends…”
YOU – “So, if I was working with a VERY attractive male colleague and I was going with him for drinks after work, you would be ok with that?”
HER – “Well… I would need to be sure that you won’t cheat on me!!! When a guy spends time with a woman there is ALWAYS potential for something more!”
YOU – “So, when you have a chat with a female colleague, there is always potential for more???”
You see? Right there, you just nailed it!
That’s called reversing the situation.
You just made him understand EXACTLY how it feels to be in your shoes when he is at a bar having a drink with colleagues.
Now, you are not saying that he has to stop.
You are saying that:
- A few words of reassurance in your direction might help.
- He needs to understand the exact boundary between what is ok and what is not.
- If he does it, he needs to be able to take it the other way round as well.
My point is that the moment you decide to do the same, it forces him to look at his own patterns + come up with relationship boundaries that work well for both of you.
If you simply walk to him with a needy voice and ask him who these women are, you will feel totally powerless in this conversation.
He will put you down you with an “Oh… They are just friends… Do you feel threatened by that??”
You don’t have to beg!
Take the step and simply practice the reverse strategy!
Meet your own set of male friends and observe carefully what happens next…