If you say something like:
“I don’t want you to be so open with everyone when we go to social events! I don’t like it! It makes me VERY uncomfortable!”
What’s the usual emotional response to that?
Will he be cool and say something like:
“Sure, I didn’t realize I was crossing the line – I’ll be happy to change my behavior – What you want is very important to me.”
Or will he say something like:
“Are you telling me what to do now? Whaou! I can’t believe this! You actually used to like it when I was fun and outgoing! Now you want me to become the wall paper guy who says nothing? Why on earth do you ask me to do something like that?”
You guessed right!
In most cases, HE WILL REBEL!
He will fight back, attack you and defend his right to do whatever he wants.
Why is that?
Why is it that he doesn’t see your point?
Here is the answer:
It is because in a subtle way, you are not just asking him to change something in him, you are as well:
- Accusing him
- Limiting his freedom
- Projecting an emotionally loaded request
- Telling him that he’s not good enough
- Saying that he’s doing something wrong
How do YOU react when someone attacks you?
Do you just give in or do you fight back?
Do you engage in a constructive feed back conversation or do you cave in and retreat?
See the point?
There is a way of communicating with him which works 100 times better than demands!
Here we go:
“I face a challenge and I don’t know what to do about it… Want to help me with that? What do you suggest?”
What happened there?
You asked for his opinion and input.
You design a solution TOGETHER!
That’s a totally different story, right?
Here is the line you can use next time you have a feed back chat with him:
“What do you suggest?”
To your power!