HOW TO COACH YOUR MAN

Here are a few hints:
  • SAFE SPACE
This is the most important tip! You must create emotional safety, relaxation and comfort for him to happily take in what you have to say.
  • BIG PICTURE

Focus on the big picture rather than your own personal agenda. Think about the steps that your man can take that would be massively empowering for him, for you and your couple.

  • ASK FOR PERMISSION
Simple: “Is this a good time?”. You don’t coach someone who doesn’t want to be coached. This is part of the code of ethics in professional coaching. And it can as well be applied in your couple. Ask first if he is open to receive some feedback.
  • TIMING!
Your success is all about timing. This might be your number one challenge when communicating with him. You might speak when you want to get it out of your system rather than waiting for a suitable moment. If the timing is right, he will really be present and listening.
  • NO EMOTIONAL CHARGE
Calm down before you speak. If you are in a state of anger and frustration, these are the emotions that will impact on his field. If he feels emotional violence coming his way, he will most likely retreat and be defensive.
  • SAY IT ONCE 

Say it once and don’t bring it up again for a few days. Being in processing mode in permanence is no fun. Your couple can take 10% of challenging communication time and be super healthy. If you are in processing mode all the time, pressure is too high and your couple gets drained. If you plant seeds, they won’t grow if you keep moving the ground. Give him space to digest and integrate.

  • USE “I” STATEMENTS
“Here is how I feel”, “Here are the kind of things that make me happy”, “This is how I enjoy being touched by you”, “This is what I like about you” etc. If you start sentences with “You… You… You…” he will more likely feel blamed, criticized and get defensive.
  • GIVE HIM POSITIVES
The best way to educate someone is not to tell them what they do wrong, it is to tell them what they do right! What are his good points? Tell him!
  • TIME IT!
It is easy for your couple to take a 15 min feed back session over a week end. But engaging in a 2 hour long energetic processing is a whole different story. Keep it short and to the point.
  • TWO WAYS
You are open to give him feed back? Be open to receive from him as well. Ask him: “What about you? Is there any aspect of my attitude that you feel could evolve?”
—–
These are simple tips for harmonious communication. 
If that style is not a match for you of course you can engage in more explosive ofrfiery expressions of your feelings.

Couple fights can be fun and exciting too if that’s what you crave for.

It’s all open and really up to you.
These few tips are directed to women but they can of course be mirrored to men.
Guys! It you are reading this, simply replace “him” by “her” in this article and apply the exact same tactics to coach your girlfriend.
One more thing!
Coaching is a profession!

It can take years of practice to get it right.

But with a set of targeted skills like coaching your partner, you can go way faster.

In my experience, within just 3 months of playing with these skills you can already be super good at it.


What’s even more exciting is that once you know how to coach your lover, you can apply the same tactics to coaching your kids, family or professional team.

Once you tap in these skills, they are yours for life!

Imagine the impact of being able to effectively communicate with your romantic partner!

Priceless, right?

Start with small steps.
Practice these tactics! One step at a time!