You are invited to a friend’s party.
You know there will be dozens of people and you want to have a great time.
You get ready at home, call a friend and decide to drive there together.
Most persons at that party want to flirt. They want to connect. Men and women. Everyone wants to establish a connection.
This is the number one goal of a social event.
Of course, you have those who won’t take a step, who are worried about something, committed or believe flirting is bad.
You have as well those who would not really use the term flirting to describe what they want to do: for instance men will more usually connect with the idea of seduction rather than flirting.
However, all doors are opened.
You want to connect.
You feel great. You want to have fun!
What can you do to make this evening a great moment?
Flirting is not a set of actions. It is a “spirit” you are in.
You feel emotionally free. No hang ups. You let any worries at home.
This party is an occasion to open up new doors in your life.
You want to exchange. You want to connect.
Suppose you are straight and you look for connecting with men.
You arrive in this house. People are chatting, eating and drinking. There is some music. It’s colorful.
All ingredients are there. You are ready for it!
The first step is to break the ice.
You break the ice by smiling, establishing eye contact and saying “hi”.
As soon as you say “hi” the next step is to start a chat with someone.
This chatting thing can be boring or exciting. You can connect with someone straight away or loose the connection depending on how you approach it.
What is your intention?
What do you want from this moment?
What does the man in front of you want?
You two want to connect, right?
As soon as possible you want to establish a fun connection with that man.
It is not a closed cluster of energies.
You are not isolating yourself with him and “fixating” the energy.
You want to keep things open and free.
What is going to happen?
Will you “crystallize” this connection and spend the rest of the evening just talking to him?
Would you better give him your number so that you can meet again another time?
What’s the idea?
What works best?
Flirting is a game and the idea is to fully enjoy it on the spot.
Sure, the connection can lead to something deeper in the future.
However, flirting is a goal in itself.
Even if only a few words are shared, this already nurtures you.
A one time glimpse with a man is enough validation and pleasure to wake up a whole stream of refreshing feelings in you.
Your goal is to stay free.
Let’s go back to the connection you established: You said “Hi”.
What comes next?
What makes a great first connection with a man?
This is like sailing on a ship.
Where do you want to take this experience?
What is your direction, intention or strategy?
The goal is simple: you want to create synergy.
Synergy means that you want to synchronize your energies.
You want to find a common ground.
You want to “vibrate together”.
You want to stand on the same “wave length”.
Now, we are talking about flirting. You can connect with men in very different ways. Flirting is a very specific way of establishing a connection.
Why flirting? Because it is fun and it is an exciting way of establishing a first connection.
Once you said “Hi”, what do you say next?
“Did you come alone?”
“I’m getting a drink. Would you like one?”
It sounds simple, but this is the next step.
What matters is not the words. It is the intention. It is what you put behind it.
90% of your message will be communicated through the tone of your voice and your body language.
A man might remember what you said but he will mainly remember the feelings associated with it.
These feelings are what wakes up in a man when you flirt with him.
What kind of feelings do you want to wake up in him?
You want to wake up his senses.
Pleasure is related with an experience. Right now, you want him to feel excitement.
What else do you want him to feel?
Pleasure, freedom, openness, fun, laughter, joy, etc.
These are the emotions and feelings you want to wake up in him.
He must leave this room with the impression that something special happened to him while he was speaking to you.
You want to feel the same, right?
You want to feel positive emotions.
You will seek contact with him again if speaking with him was fun and you felt valued.
Flirting is light and innocent. You are not trying to create a cluster of security.
You don’t talk about your ex. You don’t talk about your work. You don’t talk about politics.
You want to open up a positive flow of uplifting emotions and feelings and share that with him.
Where do you go? Teasing and fun chat is a great way to start.
So, how do you start?
Ask a question:
“What are you drinking?”
He needs to know you are interested in him straight away. You don’t want to talk about yourself first.
If you start with a monologue about how you got here and the traffic jams on the way, he won’t connect.
You ask him a question.
If you want to feel really comfortable within social situations, you need to master the small flirting talk.
You need to master your body language and tone of voice as well.
How do you master that? By practicing and trying.
With flirting, you want to have at least a dozen great opening questions which allow you to break the ice.
You need to be aware and awake. You want to be fully present and truly master the art of establishing that first connection.
Now, flirting is innocent. It is a play. It is game and the number one target is lightness and fun.
Flirting is your first connection.
Trying to “fix” things, share numbers or make plans… All that comes after.
The first connection is a 100% light one. You don’t try to own the guy or monopolize his time and attention. You don’t create a limited cluster of energy.
You don’t want to control the set.
Flirting is your attitude. It is your core attitude and it is not exclusive. You bring in new people. You stay open and dare to connect with new faces.
Flirting is your way of connecting.
Of course, you don’t do all the work.
Flirting is like dancing. It is easier when two persons know the steps.
If you try to flirt with someone who does not respond, it’s obviously more challenging.
It is harder to create synergy with someone who is lost in his worries and inner world and only concerned about himself.
Have you ever tried to flirt with a guy who is totally self absorbed. You try to break the ice and there is no response. It can look like hard work, but in fact there is a simple way to break the ice.
The way to break the ice is to tease. Teasing is a form of gentle challenge.
A man might be behind his walls. You want him to come out and play with you.
Why would he play? Because no man can resist an invitation to have fun.