It is very simple:
Try, practice and experiment.
Establishing a new communication style with your partner is not something which happens overnight.
You need to give it time, space and invest yourselves in it.
It is like any other skill.
You need time and space to practice.
What does it take?
If you invest 30 min a week, you’ll be able to deeply reshape your communication style within 1 to 3 months.
I guarantee you that this works.
All you need is two partners willing to take the steps.
You believe that you come into a relationship with all the skills you need? Wrong!
You often need to learn new ones along the way.
Relationship skills are not something you train at school or at the gym.
It is something you usually learn from scratch reproducing the models of those around you.
It is 90% instinctual.
You might have read a couple of books on relationship success or talked about your couple challenges with a counselor.
Usually, that’s about it, right?
Your instincts are powerful.
They already know most of the answers.
Something in you knows all the right moves.
Now, when you want to create harmony, you need to trust those instincts and wake them up.
Hard to believe, but fighting can become a comfort zone.
You simply keep on reproducing the “fighting model” because you are used to it.
The challenge is actually to shift that model and establish a new behavioral set in your relationship.
This means that you want to step beyond your comfort zone and communicate in a way you didn’t do before.
This is a significant shift!
It puts you under pressure because you need to integrate new ways of thinking and new behaviors.
However, the results are so thrilling and exciting that it is truly worth doing whatever it takes to discover those new skills.