Met a wonderful man online
Met a wonderful man online, pictures and heart to heart talks to include a lot of passion felt talks exchanged through email for the first couple of weeks.
Then email and phone for 3 months. We then met. The passion was instant and we had a wonderful night together.
He is recently divorced and I have been for 9 yrs now. I know the details of his divorce and the hurt he is still feeling. He said he would try to spend as much time possible with me (4 hours driving time between us). I feel very deeply for him and when I told him so through an email he told me I made him uncomfortable and he feels he should back off.
He still called daily but sent no more emails, talk has been small talk. I can tell he is avoiding his feelings as not to encourage mine. When he goes out of town he doesn’t call me. Once he didn’t arrive back as scheduled. I was first worried but as another couple of days passed, I thought maybe I should be getting the hint and through an email asked. So he called me right back and asked where the person he met that was so secure with herself went.
He also only communicates with me through his work email and work phone, says because of not being ready to get his kids involved in an emotional relationship. There is not any communication outside of his work time. I have his cell phone and pager but he asks that I don’t call his cell because sometimes his daughter has it and the few times I have paged him he doesn’t respond if its on the weekend or at night time.
I also have a daughter and don’t want her involved in any in/out relationships. So understanding I know I am.
I now have only heard from him once in the last three weeks, which was a couple of days ago.
Should I be more understanding or should I drive over and see what his real story is???? Again, we have only been together once and he wont call me at night or on weekends because he is “busy with the kids”, this is after almost 5 months. I still don’t know his home address or phone number, I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard to find though. What should I be doing???
This is a touching story… Thank you for sharing it so openly.
Going through a divorce can feel like all the values and things you have been fighting for suddenly collapse. The dream of a “partner for life” is washed by reality…
He needs space. He needs time to digest. It’s true he doesn’t want to believe or follow his feelings because he is scared the same will happen again (separation, divorce, etc.)
He wants to protect as well what is left from his family, the contact with his children. He does not want to take the risk of destabilizing this subtle equilibrium.
Respect him for that…
Your options? Give him space and freedom. Pressure and demands are the biggest turn offs.
You have not much time/space with him? The best is to make this time valuable and precious. Focus on quality time, on quality space. Explain to him that if this is what he has to offer, this is what you are ready to share. Asking for more at this stage would turn him off.
At the same time if you feel you can’t wait to start a new relationship, keep your options open. He is not committed to you so don’t be committed to him. You are both free. Open up and go out, socialize. Stay open to date other men. You are free! His lack of present openness should not stop you from getting what you need. So go out and enjoy. I’m sure you have infinite gifts to offer.
He’s not sharing much with you right now… So don’t feel obliged to tell him everything…