When your partner speaks, you say a lot: “Yes! And….” Rather than “Yes, but…”
If you want to understand synergy, play this simple game with your partner:
You start on an imaginary project: “let’s have a party on the moon…”
And let them answer by saying: “yes, and …”
Then, they then ad something to your story. Something short.
Then you cut them and do the same: “Yes, and …” and you ad a new part to this project.
You do this a few times and share ideas on this project for 5 minutes.
There is only one rule. You must answer by: “Yes! And …”
Observe the effect this dialogue has on your emotions and the way you communicate.
How does that feel?
This is synergy.
After that you shift this discussion and start again with “Let’s have a party on the moon…” or another project. This time, instead of answering every proposition by “Yes! And…” you must answer each other’s ideas with: “Yes! But …”
You simply contradict you partner.
Do this again for 5 minutes:
“Yes, but it’s not going to work anyway because it’s too far away and nobody will come… Instead, we should have the party downtown in a café…”
They answer: “Yes! But…”
You get the picture?
“Yes! But …” creates conflict and takes you nowhere.
“Yes! And …” creates synergy, complicity and gets your energy going.
This is the symbolical choice you can make every time you speak with your partner.
Are you a limiting force in their life or an empowering one?