Here is a possible strategy that worked for me really well in the past…
I confronted men a couple of times in the past.
I did it in private, afterwards… When I see them again in a different context.
I might say something like “Hey man! Are you open for some reflections? It’s a sensitive topic… My goal here is just to open your field of awareness…”
My intention in these moments is to CONNECT with this guy, not to alienate, threaten or shame him.
The impact was amazing in the two occasions I tried! He opened up! He was sincerely blown away and apologetic! He had no real clue of the toxic emotional impact he was having! That created a powerful bonding experience that connected US. He now knows he can reach out at any point for support, reflections or feedback.
To summarize that one if I want to confront/connect:
- WAIT FOR THE RIGHT OPENING OR CREATE IT
- ASK FOR PERMISSION BEFORE OFFERING FEEDBACK
- DO IT IN PRIVATE
- REMOVE EMOTIONAL CHARGE
- DESCRIBE WHAT YOU WITNESSED, HOW THAT MADE YOU FEEL AND WHAT WOMEN SHARED WITH YOU
- ASK HIM QUESTIONS / NAVIGATE WITH CURIOSITY
- OFFER LOVE AND SUPPORT FOR THE FUTURE
- INVITE HIM TO MEN’S CIRCLES
What would YOU do?
Is this too “SOFT”?
How did you respond when exposed to a similar situation?
Did you try full on reactive confrontation? How did that work?