Underlying dynamics triggering fights – ARTICLE

If you are supposed to be in harmony, why do you fight?

It is very simple: your couple is under attack.

Put it this way:

Your fighting is the result of your inability to protect your couple space.

Your couple is under psychic attack.

You pick up on that energy individually and project it on each other.

There is nothing wrong with neither of you.

You simply miss a stronger emotional power base for your relationship.

Take this example: You have a very noisy neighbor.

He wakes you up in the middle of the night.

You two start talking about what to do.

You realize you don’t agree on what to do with it.

It creates tensions.

You start arguing.

You end up having a serious fight about this whole issue.

What started the fight is not you: It is your neighbor’s music.

You simply did not see it coming.

Your fight is part of a larger set of dynamics.

There are other forces involved.

You happen to be at the center of it.

Your couple is under attack.

All you need to solve the conflict is to bring in extra power to secure your relationship’s foundation.

This means protecting your territory.

As a couple you need to compete for survival.

You are submitted to many pressures like financial, social and performance ones.

This creates a high level of stress within the relationship.

This stress is imply the reflection of society’s stress.

Many of the issues you fight about are more than the fight between tow individuals: they are the fight between different sets of values, beliefs and attitudes.

In other terms, the fight in your relationship is a microcosmic reflection or a bigger fight going on in society.

For instance if you want children and your partner doesn’t, your fight is a projection of a much vaster battle:

· What are you friends and family going to say if you don’t have children?

· How is another mother or father going to look at you?

· Is your career going to give you enough satisfaction?

· Etc.

Society’s pressure is projected on your relationship.

If your relationship’s foundation is very strong, you manage to maintain harmony, love and respect between you and your partner.

On the other hand, if you have doubts and don’t stand in this together, you will feel small divisions growing into vaster and bigger differences.

Your in laws, friends or colleagues at work all play a role in that.

It does not mean that they are the conscious cause of your fights. It means that they often play a serious role in the battles between you are your partner.