So many couples fail on that one because they don’t communicate in effective ways.
There is a strong urge to domesticate your lover to create safety.
While this makes your partner’s behaviors more predictable, it can as well kill spontaneity, freedom and fun.
Sometimes you tell your partner to do something in a certain way and as soon as they do it, your heart sinks because you realize you just killed their freedom in the process.
They might be doing things in mechanical ways just to please when their heart and spirit just wants to be free, wild and spontaneous.
See the difference between a wild stallion and tamed horse.
Which one of these energies do you want your lover to express?
The solution to this dilemma is simple:
A little of feedback and guidance is ok.
Too much of it will quickly asphyxiate your couple.
Here are as well a couple of ideas on how to offer feedback in ways that can be received:
There isn’t a unique given recipe.
The goal is to bring awareness and presence to what you say and the way you say it.
Looks like it’s not the right time to give you examples…
I’ll come back to that another time