In the last 3 days, super powerful experiences kicked in.
I am still digesting and integrating what happened and I don’t have a clear rational way of sharing it, so I’ll just give you raw aspects of it.
I was verbally and emotionally attacked by one of my friends here at VITAL GATE.
He first verbally and emotionally attacked me over me misplacing his keys.
That was 2 days ago.
I was in this sweet conversation with this woman in a slightly romantic space and his emotional threat came out of nowhere.
I was surprised and it felt abusive and unjustified.
We had a verbal fight that lasted maybe 15 min and he left the scene without resolution.
I felt kind of weird the whole day after that.
Not too disturbed but looking forward to a resolution the following day at our morning sharing.
At that sharing the day after, I was bombarded again by 5 min of resentment, angers, frustrations all directed at me.
He expressed as well that a lot of what he felt was coming from his past experiences with friends and led to what he was feeling today.
I was listening, not interrupting for 5 min and towards the end, I felt this rush of energy and fire coming through my system.
I started crying, swearing, feeling permeated by emotional pain.
It felt intense like being pierced by an energy that wanted to come through.
I didn’t resist the experience and allowed the energy to open me in front of everyone.
After a few minutes of that, the energy calmed down, fire was released and we simply finished our sharing.
For me that was intense, real, fiery, painful at first and exhilarating when I look back at the experience just one day later.
The friend who triggered the experience came to check with me after our group sharing.
I told him I felt destroyed, annihilated, abused, disrespected and so on.
We then went all to an ecstatic dance event, had then lunch, more social, sharing with this friend and social evening, sauna, pool and fire.
One day after the experience I feel that something cracked open.
This experience now makes total sense.
The first day when he challenged me, I couldn’t integrate his words.
I was unprepared.
There was no container.
We simply argued.
He repeated “you are not listening”.
He was angry, ungrounded in his emotions and dominated by them, spitting at me a lot of emotions that had nothing to do with me.
The trigger was so simple and insignificant when you think of it.
What was interesting was the intensity of the emotions and fire wanting to break through.
On the following day at our sharing, we had a safe container, I was receptive and prepared and allowed the flow of emotions to take me without resisting them.
I was now listening to each of his words and allowing his emotions to permeate me without resisting them.
Most of his resentment, anger and frustration towards me was totally unjustified and unrelated to me.
Many of these emotions were the result of an accumulation of past challenging experiences with other people.
I was now getting a full blast in a calm but emotionally intense way.
He shared with me afterwards that I was totally innocent in this story and that a lot of what he shared was the result of his projections.
Still there were some elements of truth he could use to target me.
He could use some of my personal vulnerabilities to access me.
The key point is that his attack was a nectar!
It was a gift!
The projection of his emotions and fire cracked me open and destroyed some isolated aspects of my ego, mind sets, frames that were no longer serving me or the place.
Of course, straight after the experience, new frames build up and new egoic structures get shaped.
What is essential is that this emotional release and shadow expression is a gift.
The spirit hits us both with fire.
We both opened up to receive it.
It was not fully conscious at first but now I see it.
We went into a shadow or dark space and experienced an energetic breakthrough in the core of that experience.
The details of the fight are not that important.
What matters the most are the energetics of the experience and our perception of it.
I get it!
I totally see it!