It is often okay to have secrets!
The fact that you are in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean they need to know everything about you!
You might have a stack of money in an overseas bank account!
You might be seeing a therapist every week and not tell your partner!
You might have erotic fantasies involving a coworker!
Many situation that you might not necessarily share!
Every often , opening and sharing some truths might get you closer or it might create a split!
Sometimes, your partner can’t take what you want to share!
Suppose that you have been married for 20 years, 3 kids, big house, successful.
You had a one night affair 15 years ago and you feel it was the biggest mistake of your life.
You know that revealing this to your partner could trigger the end of your marriage and everything you worked for.
What do you do?
Sometimes it is wiser to look at the greater good interest and accept the fact that not everything is told and shared.
Humankind lives with many lies!
Many history books distort the fact to fit someone’s agenda!
Even today’s news are a distorted version of reality!
Facing this fact highlights a strong shadow aspect!
In relationships and sex for instance, mystery can be sexy!
The fact that what you bite into is a forbidden fruit might make it juicy and exciting!
That’s a shadow!
What about lying?
Well, research shows that the average person will tell about 30 lies/day!
You will find some interesting videos and research about that!
So, ongoing lies are part of our daily life!
Each time you enter in a supermarket, you are flooded by a field of marketing lies!
I talk about accepted lies like health claims printed on all junk food labels!
That chocolate sugar packed cream is not healthy for your kids!
It is 60% sugar and it kills them slowly!
That’s the truth!
The label is a lie!
They justify lies with urge to make profit!
It is that simple!
That’s conflicting interests right now:
Human well being against profit?
Sorry, side tracked!
Lies and secrets!
They are everywhere, part of human defense and coping mechanisms!
Why do you want to defend the privacy of your homes?
Why do you freak out when you hear that police is installing new surveillance ameras or spies on your activities online?
Why is it such a deal?
Because you feel that the information that is gathered could be used against you!
You know that you are not perfect and that if you are watched all the time at one point or another you might make a mistake or do something that is against the law!
It feels threatening!
The context of a weekly therapy session might be a very intimate and sacred space for you.
What if you don’t feel comfortable sharing that info with your partner?
What if they might freak out and challenge you on that, accusing you of wasting your money or sharing the intricate dynamics of your couple with a stranger.
There is so much to it!
There is a lot to it!
Having secrets is often your best shot at defending your privacy!
It is a survival and coping mechanism that is totally valid!
You don’t have to feel guilty about it!
You can own it!
Of course, you can overdo it!
You might engage in hyper manipulative patterns where you are deceiving everyone all the time.
How you use that shadow is up to you!
What I am saying here is that if you have secrets, it is often ok to keep them for yourself!
You don’t necessarily have to feel guilty about it or share everything with everyone!