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Wanting to Get Out of It!

Wanting to Get Out of It!

Postby hopelessromgal » Tue Oct 03, 2006 11:34 pm

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I realize this is a long synopsis, but bear with me:

Okay, here's my problem: I worked with a guy on campus all of last year and basically had a huge crush on him from the second we met. I felt like we sparked the few first weeks and we'd chat a little during work and then he took off for classes overseas and when he got back things were different... Still, he'd confide in me once in a while about how he was feeling nervous or scared about the 'real world' and I thought that meant there was at least a chance he kinda liked me. But none of that matters because he graduated last year but has since secured a full-time job at our school and so is still around. When I thought he was graduating last year and I'd never have to see him again, I sent him an email confessing to him that I'd had a crush on him all year and that I would love to date him, yadda yadda, hoping maybe there was a chance he was interested. He never responded, and I was crushed but put it behind me. I thought I had gotten over it until the second I saw him in a bar the other week while out with friends. He never came over but after his second drink he was sitting about seven feet away on a stool with his whole body aimed right at me and I felt so awkward I downed a Long Island iced tea in about 3 minutes and made desparate conversation with my friend, pretending not to see him the whole time. He eventually left and I found myself in a computer lab around 2 am writing out a letter to him making it clear that I felt awkward that he never responded and that I'd still like to go out if he ever wanted to (I know I should have taken the silence as a hint but the alcohol and his body language gave me some weird hope I think), hoping that he'd either ask me on a date or flat-out say he wasn't interested. Well, he did neither. He apologized for being a lame person for not answering my earlier message, said he knew I had taken a risk and that he didn't think 'less' of me for it, and said that he was sure we'd run into each other sometime this year and that he promised not to be a stranger next time.

I know what that means. I know that's a nice guy's way of saying he's not interested. But a part of me, the hopeless crush part, is hooked on this stupid fantasy that maybe he's just really that shy when it comes to dating or asking out girls or whatever... And now I really can't get anything done. I keep turning it over in my head and I can't focus on the studying I need to be doing and I'm tired of this, because this is all that ever happens to me... I'm shy when it comes to dating or guys in general and it's hard for me to be open with them so once I am, and they're nice about it, I get hooked.

And when I say shy, I mean SHY -- I never trust myself. I've been told by guys I LIKED that I passed up dates with them, and I never realized it because I didn't think they were actually asking me out because they'd say something like, "You should come to the dance tonight" or "What are you doing tonight?" And I'd always freeze and say I had other plans and not realize that, from their point of view, they saw rejection or game-playing. I just don't want to be like this anymore. Ahg!
hopelessromgal
 
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Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 11:10 pm

Postby vitalcoach » Wed Oct 04, 2006 3:51 am

Hi hopelessromgal,

I know at feels. Now worries, you be out of this dead end in no time.

Here is why:

You say:

maybe he's just really that shy when it comes to dating or asking out girls or whatever


I am going to simply reinforce what you already know:

If he was shy but interested in you, he would have grabbed this chance. You opened the door for him. You made it that easy.

It's 100% clear

He is not interested

Even if he gives you some attention by chatting with you once, don't turn this into something romantic on his side. It's not.

What to do next?

Go to your email and delete all messages you sent to him and received from him.

Do it now.

Stop talking about him.

This will give you space to focus on guys who are effectively open for dating you.

Don't know where to start?

get this e-book:

http://vitalcoaching.com/dating/forwome ... _a_man.htm

It's free access right now!

Dozens of strategies and ideas on dating and being successful with guys

Enjoy! :wink:

vitalcoach
vitalcoach
 
Posts: 1724
Joined: Sat May 22, 2004 6:06 pm


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