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Is she palying games with me?

Is she palying games with me?

Postby Guest » Thu Jul 07, 2005 7:40 am

Hey Francisco,

I have wrote you in the past about a girlfriend I was going out with a few months ago and I am experiencing some dificulties.

Bassically we were dating for about 6 months and everything was fine. She isn't from here so she goes back and fouth alot to Detroit.

Anyways when we were going out it was all good untill I turned into this crazy jelous boyfriend but I only did that after she came back from Detroit with a very nice braclet from an exboyfriend back home and came back wearing it on the same wrist as the one i bought her for her birthday.( but claims they are really good friends and the reason he bought her such a nice breaclet is because she doesn't live out there anymore and he missed her birthday)

But anyways that was the only time I started to become "that guy". Then things started to go down hill and she broke up with me ( a month or two later while she was in Detroit). Then I had alot of time to think and I had realized that I wouldv'e broken up with me to if i had a girlfriend that didn't trust me.

So after 3 months i had wrote her a letter explaining that how i understood how i acted and how i don't even want another chance i just wanted to kinda start over fresh. So we started talking almost everyday and things were great. Then she got back about a week ago( TO LA) and we spent the night together and slept together but right before we had sex ahe stopped and wanted to talk, which was fine then she said this..."well you know i just don't want things to get complicated like last time everything was good next thing i know im in a serious realtionship and it got wierd, i just don't wasnt you to tripp out if i go out on a date in a few weeks or somthing." So i said don't worry i won't get attached again but tottaly turned into a player and just wanted sex.

The reason i had so much respect for her in the beginning is because she didn't sleep with me for weeks in the beginning. Then we had sex and i didn't really call her or make plans with her throughout the week. Then i get a phone call from her early on saturday saying " You know i want to get somthing off my chest i don't know why if were friends with benifits you don't call or make plans with me" and i said im doing my own thing it has nothing to do with you it's me, and she got all pissy with me and i told her once she calms down to call me back. but the following day she called me and we were talking and we didn't really talk about that night and i asked her if she wanted to come over tonite and she goes "maybe i dunno yet".

And i said how come you complain when i don't ask for plans and you don't know if i do ask you for plans".

So the bottom line is i feel like she is playing games with me to see how far she can drag me along and im just plaing a hard ass tryin to play her but inside i wish she was my girl again but she has made it clear she wants no attachments.

What should i do?
Guest
 

Is she playing games?

Postby vitalcoach » Wed Mar 30, 2011 10:57 pm

Hi,

Effectively. Feels like she is playing games with you.

She wants to be free but at the same time she wants your full undivided attention. In my opinion it is a power game.

What to do? She puts up her boundaries. Do the same with her.

You date and have fun together but whatever rule she applies for herself, she must be ready to reciprocate it for you.

She can date anyone? So can you.

She wants to be free? So will you.

Her head might be able to take it. Now, her emotions tell her another story and she simply emotionally responds to that.

What options do you have? The only one I see is to have a serious conversation with her to define the exact boundaries of what you share.

You should not do this before having sex or just when you are leaving like a "By the way..."

You have to sit down together. Have a drink somewhere and define exactky the boundaries of what you share.

Are you sexually exclusive with each other?

Are you partners?

Is it okay to date other people?

Etc.

If you set up a boundary, it works both ways. Make sure she understands it. For instance, if she says:

"I want to date anyone I want..."

Say something like:

"What you are saying is that we are both free?"

"Does this mean that you are okay with me dating other women as well?"

Etc.

You get the picture?

Make her open her eyes.

As long as the ground stays unclear, you will have arguments and tensions.

Right now, she is shifting positions and ideas like the wind.

Passion is good but if this is the only force in your relationship, you end going in circles.

You need some clear direction and in my opinion, it is really up to you to give some to your relationship.

It is worth it and I believe it will make things much clearer between you and her.

Good luck and stay in touch

vitalcoach


Last bumped by Anonymous on Wed Mar 30, 2011 10:57 pm.
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