Why do I make them nervous?

Why do I make them nervous?

Postby Guest » Sat Jun 12, 2004 4:48 am

------- Side note ---------------

Watch now these new videos! They answer most of the dating questions you might have :wink: - For women only! - vitalcoach

How to strike a conversation with a total stranger - video - 8 min
How to tease guys - Video - 4 min
I can't stand seeing him talking with other girls - Video - 5 min
How to connect with a man you never met before - Video - 7 min
How to increase attraction after a first date - video - 6 min
Key Safe-Dating strategies - Protect your body+emotions - Video - 10 min
How to win at first dates - Video - 7 min
How to ask him out - Video - 8 min
Why guys fall for girls like you - Video - 7 min
How to make it very easy for him to ask you out - Video - 7 min
Keep it simple for 3 months - Video - 6 min
How to be rejection proof - Video - 8 min
Is he afraid to commit? - Video - 4 min
Why does he flirt with you? - Video - 3 min
Why he does not call back - Video - 4 min
Understanding men - Video - 3 min
How to get a guy to fall in love with you - Video - 9 min
How to get a guy to notice you - Video - 4 min


In a male/female situation (not at a bar but in a more casual setting) who do you think has the power in the approach vs being approached setting?

I find that when a guy approaches me I get really nervous and scared and when I go up to someone and start to chat he feels a little uncomfortable. Is this normal? What am I doing wrong here to make men nervous it seems? Is this backwards of traditional dating/approaching styles?

Postby vitalcoach » Wed Mar 30, 2011 10:57 pm


If guys get nervous when you approach them, it is very natural. Why? when you speak to someone, you always enter in their personal space. This happens naturally. Without realizing it or truly wanting it, you use "conquering power" when you start chatting with someone.

If you want the guy to feel comfortable, give them space. Give them time to adapt to your presence. Humor and teasing is a good way to get everyone relaxed.

Chat a bit, let go. Play with that. There is nothing to worry about. Show them there is nothing you want from them.

People tend to build walls around them. It's a sphere of protection. When you break through that protection, they naturally feel defenseless. There is a new balance of power and energy. It can take a couple of minutes for this energy to find a new balance.

There is another element as well: they could truly be excited by your presence and talking to you. Their lack of confidence can show as if they were not comfortable.

Can you see that?

It is true, the one who takes the initiative ( specially if you show lots of assertiveness) uses this conquering power. They basically go beyond their comfort zone and connect. The one who is waiting and receptive is within a sphere of comfort and by coming into their sphere, you challenge this comfort.

Again, there is nothing wrong with that. Give it a couple of minutes to readapt. Play with humor, teasing and eventually show less assertiveness in your approach.

Does this make sense? Good luck and stay in touch


PS: check this link for more on social skills ... skills.htm

Last bumped by Anonymous on Wed Mar 30, 2011 10:57 pm.
Posts: 1724
Joined: Sat May 22, 2004 6:06 pm

Return to Challenges

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests