The truth is that there is always a reason.
Arguments are conflicts between two mind sets or two energy realities.
You argue because you don’t get your needs met.
Sometimes, the needs have nothing to do with your relationship. They can be an ongoing frustration about any aspect of your life.
When you argue, you are in fighting or conquering mode.
You want to get something that you are not getting.
You want to feel a greater sense of control.
If this happens both ways, you clash because your two minds do not seem to meet.
The question is: How to fix this?
The best is dialogue.
You want to find out exactly what is splitting you apart.
Here I what you can say when you feel tension rising between you and your partner:
“Look, when we argue, we both loose. I am tired of this. We are both victims of some form of a dynamism I don’t like. On my side I want this to shift. I want the arguments to stop. This is not fun and is tearing us apart. Do you feel the same?”
If he says “Yes!” then you are on the same boat. You face a relationship challenge and you are ready to do whatever it takes to fix this.
Taking the decision that this has been enough and you want your relationship back is the best place to start.
What do you do next?
You identify all sources of frustration in both of your lives right now.
You write them down and describe them precisely.
Next step, you identify the sources of frustration which are directly linked with the way you relate to each other and what happens in your relationship.
You will notice that many sources of tension can be related with profession, business or career, financial pressure, lack of material security.
Another common source of tension is lack of excitement for your life’s targets.
There are dozens of pressures pushing your life and your relationship right now.
The next quality you want to manifest in your couple is complicity.
What creates harmony and empowers your couple are common vision and synchronicity.
If you clash on key aspects of your relationship’s base, for instance financial choices, children education, life vision, cultural preferences, etc, you tend to create a gap between the two of you.
A mature relationship definitely allows space for differences of opinion but you need to accept these differences and embrace them rather than trying to change your partner’s mind.
When there is total respect and tolerance, you immensely drop the pressure you put on each other and accept your partner exactly the way they are.
What creates conflicts is pressure, control, desire to make him or her change, etc.
The moment you set each other’s free and drop your expectations, you enter into a new territory of mutual freedom. You set each other’s free and simply accept the differences of views, opinions and attitudes as a part of your relationship’s landscape.
The moment you stop trying to change your partner, at least 80% of the pressure and arguments drop straight away.
This is a fundamental mind shift.
The moment you make that shift you offer total respect for who your partner is.
In a way, it is a condition less love. You say: “I know we disagree on some points and I believe that I love you even with what I call your imperfections. This is what makes you unique.”
“I have total respect for you and who you are”
“You are in charge of your life and I respect that.”