Is this true?
Are guys less inclined to share their feelings?
Let’s check this a bit deeper, okay?
When you share your feelings, you open up.
You go into a nurturing mode which is based on building love and harmony.
Some guys simply don’t have time for that. Same goes for women.
Some women are actively busy in business for instance, focused 100% on their career and don’t have really time to invest in their relationship.
Their energy base is power, conquest and challenge.
They flow in life with a need to get ready for battle.
It is always dangerous to categorize in strict ways and say things like: “men are that way and women are that way”
In a sense it is limiting and doesn’t make justice to any gender.
There can be some slight tendencies but in my opinion, it is much more complex and refined than that.
If you hear someone saying: “women are weak and sensitive” it is literally a form of discrimination which puts the whole female gender down.
It is the same if someone says: “men don’t know how to communicate or express their feelings”
It is simply not true.
This kind of division creates a mind set which is limiting in all ways and sets up walls and differences.
Sure, there are some differences related with gender in the areas of physiognomy, psychology and needs.
Now, I would definitely take a more subtle approach to categorize and describe what goes on in your relationship.
I would look at the person and see within the dynamics of your relationship the qualities which are truly missing.
So, let’s go back to the original question and rephrase it:
Instead of saying:
“why he doesn’t share his feelings the way you do”
“what might stop him from sometimes sharing his feelings”
And the answer is simple:
He is in the “warrior” or “battle” mood.
The two key qualities in your relationship are love and power.
When you share your feelings you are on the love mood. You nurture, listen, care and feed the refined aspects of what you experience.
To share your feelings you need to feel safe.
If you get this feeling that you have to face a dozen of challenges today, now is not the time to open up the foundations and mechanisms of your psyche and personality.
When you share your feelings, it is like watering the plants in your garden.
It is a very specific type of action.
Sometimes, this mood might not be compatible with the modern challenges you or your partner face.
You have to perform, compete and simply can have little or no time left to talk about what you feel and what happens in your relationship for instance.
Should you make time for it?
If you feel something important is missing, definitely yes!
You take time to give each other love.
What you want to hear is that your partner cares as much as you do, right?
You want to hear and feel that he loves you and enjoys life with you.
Sometimes, he does express these feelings in other ways than words.
It might be through actions.
It might be through attitudes and simple gestures.
If you feel that something is missing it is usually the sign that you or your relationship needs nurturing.
You are basically asking for some help, love, attention and care.
If you feel these qualities are missing, is it okay to educate him on this?
Yes, it is!
You do this through dialogue, not through demand.
You say things like: “I feel like our relationship needs some care. We have been working day and night for the last 6 months and I feel there is now a gap. Do you feel the same?”
When you ask him to share feelings, you ask him to nurture a certain world.
You ask him to shift his energy base and intention.
You ask him to give attention to your relationship.
There is something else: you want to reach him as well.
You want to reach his deepest secrets.
Now, there is only one way he will do that: if he feels safe and if he knows that it won’t be used against him at a later stage.
Sharing feelings is like opening the doors of your intimacy. You take away veils and you open up profound aspects of your being.
The reason you don’t do that all the time is because society and modern life style asks you to develop some shields.
You walk in life with layers of protection which stop external energies to impact profoundly in your mind.
This is the way you protect your inner space.
You will invite only good friends into your house and only give your cell phone number to people you trust, right?
Sharing feelings happens in the same way.
You share feelings with people you trust.
Why is that?
Because when you share feelings, you open up.
You invite people into your “inner garden”.
Does this mean that your partner does not trust you when he does not want to share his feelings?
It can be partly true.
He might be afraid of you “turning against him” at a later stage.
Suppose you have a picnic an evening on the beach.
You feel all these warm feelings and everything seems complete.
You both “drop your weapons” and relax and he tells you things he never told you before.
On the way back, you disagree on a stupid detail and have a big fight.
When you fight, you shift from nurturing to battle mood.
The new connection you established earlier (a psychic link) is now turned into a weapon. What he told you when opening up can be used against him.
It is like a Trojan horse.
What looks like a gift can become a deadly weapon depending on the way it is used.
These are strong words but it is often what happens in couples or relationships.
A couple might be married for 10 years.
If for some reason they decide to split, they might use what they know about each other in a divorce battle.
This can happen to anyone.
The reason why a divorce can hurt so much is precisely because you spend years opening up and sharing everything. The person you trusted the most suddenly turns against you and the core of what you shared becomes a fierce battle.
Everyone knows that.
The truth is that when you live in a “romantic dream” you want to deny this aspect of existence.
On the other hand, another part of you says: “watch out! It can happen any time! Stay awake”
The mood can shift from love to battle in no time.
The moment you know that, you take steps to truly protect your being first.
If you give absolutely everything to your relationship, the moment there is a separation, you are left with nothing.
Does this mean that you should not invest in your relationship or trust your partner?
Not at all!
What you see today in the area of love, relationships and marriages is real.
It can’t be denied.
These are challenges and like any other challenge, you grow stronger by facing them and designing effective strategies to deal with them.
There are many warning signs and the goal is to lean from them.
What you learn is that it takes more power and skills nowadays to make it work and to feel empowered in a relationship.
It is like having a road map telling you about the pitfalls of marriage and relationships and how to avoid them.
If one of your close friends got hurt in a relationship and you can see why and how it happened, learn from her experience and share this experience with your partner.
Understand the dynamics of what happened to her and develop a new sense of awareness.
You want to develop new relationship skills because you know that somewhere down the line, you might need them.
Don’t be sad or disappointed about this reality.
You thrive in life when you have greater awareness and develop the skills and even weapons you need to protect yourself and your relationship.
Relationships go in cycles.
They have an inner ebb and flow movement which sometimes brings you closer and other times further apart.
It is a natural rhythm which brings all the qualities you need to your relationship.
One day, you make love and feel totally united and the following day, you might challenge each other and fight.
When a guy resists opening up his feelings, it is either because he has no time or energy for it, does not fully trust it or does not feel emotionally secured.
He knows that after a moment of intense love and sharing, the mood can shift and he will need to defend his territory.
Again, this does not mean that he can’t open up in a relationship or that he does not trust you; it simply means that he sees the many shades of what you share.
You simply are awake and aware.
The challenges relationships face nowadays are real.
If you feel that something makes you vulnerable, listen to these warning signs.
Pain, self sacrifice and suffering are not needed for a relationship to work. There are many ways you can learn.
You can take some risks without ever loosing your power base.
You can build a sense of emotional security which stays with you at all times.
There is nothing you need to give up to make this work.
You can thrive in your relationship and feel totally empowered 100% of the time.
There are many opinions on this topic.
Some people seem to believe that you need to suffer to learn. They seem to say that pain in your relationship is the sign that you are on the right track.
I respect this opinion but this is not the direction I would encourage you to take.
I would rather say that your relationship is always a place for fun, power, love and enjoyment.
These qualities are manifested because you have a strong power base, not a weak one.
More power gives you the potential to share intimacy while feeling 100% secure.
The way to handle these relationship challenges is to develop extra power, love, trust, awareness and relationship skills.
If you feel that your relationship needs nurturing, talk about it with your partner and create space for it.
When you ask him to share feelings, this is what you are asking for, right?
You ask him to nurture what you share.
If it does not happen naturally, this usually mean shifting priorities in his life and for instance taking time off from work more often or planning a romantic holiday together.
Understand the dynamics involved and once you “send him this message”, give him space to take action and respond to it when he is ready for it.
Don’t pressure and don’t demand.
Set him free instead.
You’ll be amazed of what happens when you do.