It’s easy to see what they did.
How they triggered you. What they said. How they escalated it. What they did wrong.
That’s not reflection. That’s just continued blame with your eyes closed.
Self-reflection means something harder: finding your piece of the puzzle.
Stop Looking At What They Did. Look At What You Contributed.
This is the slide’s core instruction. And it’s uncomfortable.
Even if they started it. Even if they were more wrong. Even if your point was completely valid.
You contributed something. Find it. Own it.
This isn’t about taking all the blame. It’s about being the person who looks honestly at their own behavior instead of just cataloging everyone else’s.
Ownership Creates Freedom
Here’s the counterintuitive truth:
The moment you own your part — you stop being a victim of the fight. You become an agent in it.
Ownership is not defeat. Ownership is power.
Because what you can own, you can change. And what you can change, you can do differently next time.
Questions To Ask Yourself
- What Did I Do? — Not what did they do — what did I do? What specific actions or words did I contribute?
- What Did I Trigger? — How did my behavior land for them? What might it have activated in them?
- What Drove Me? — What fear, pain, or need was underneath my behavior?
- What Would I Do Differently? — If I could go back to that moment, what would a more mature version of me do?
Look For Your Part First
Not because you’re wrong and they’re right.
Because the only part you can actually change is yours.
Look for your part first. Ownership creates freedom.
