WHAT ARE SOFT SHADOWS?
When you look at her shadows some of them will be externalized and high energy like anger, rage, dominance, violent jealousy outbreaks, etc.
Then you have another set of shadows that I call “soft shadows”.
These are more subtle and often internalized.
They might not come out as explosive but they can be as toxic in the way they impact your field.
You might be able to easily navigate her rage outbreaks and then be completely disarmed when trying to respond to her needines.
Here are some soft shadows examples:
INSECURITY
NEEDINESS
MISTRUST
QUESTIONING
ARGUING
COMPLAINING
SOFT LYING
BEING VOLATILE
INCONSISTENCY
DEMANDING
INVADING YOUR SPACE
SOFT MANIPULATION
HIGHJACKING YOUR FRIENDS
BEING PUSHY
DEMANDING CONSTANT ATTENTION
EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY
ACTIVATING DRAMA
As always, the intention is not to blame those patterns in the women you love!
The intention is to find the best energetic ways to respond to these patterns as a man.
If you are in a relationship with a woman who is insecure, this insecurity will impact your field.
You might get tired of it and break up.
Or you might stay present with her insecurities and find new ways to navigate these shadows in her.
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STRATEGIES
In the exploration of these shadows, you must master these challenges in a few steps
STEP 1 – UNDERSTAND THE SHADOW DYNAMICS
This means identifying her exact shadows, why you call them shadows and how they impact your field
STEP 2 – IDENTIFY THE POSSIBLE STRATEGIES TO RESPOND TO THESE SHADOWS
You don’t just jump into reactive mode, or just leave! You see your options and envision all the possible ways to go
STEP 3 – EXPERIMENT WITH THESE VARIOUS RESPONSES
You give yourself room for trying things, exploring, witnessing, shifting directions, etc.
STEP 4 – FOCUS AND IDENTIFY WHAT WORKS BEST
After trying various options, you identify the top 3 strategies that give you the hest results.
Strategies can shift over time!
STEP 5 – PRACTICE AND REPEAT
Practice these tactics until you become master at navigating any of her soft shadows.
TACTICS INTEGRATION
Of course, this set of tactics applies as well to mastering hard explosive and externalized shadows.
If you and I meet for a coaching session, we go through these steps together.
I know it looks complex at first but it’s easy and very intuitive.
The steps I describe here are first intuitive reactions that will naturally arise in you.
The more emotionally intelligent you are, the easier it is to navigate all that.
That’s what you naturally tap into when you take a moment to tune in.
Eventually, all these sepatate “steps” might just merge into a spontaneous optimized response.
Remember that the goal here is to go beyond “reactive” responses that make you contract or lose your center.
Within my systems, we see all these challenges as part of your life mastery training.
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This article is in the making…
More on this one coming soon!
