How To Be Both Sovereign And Coupled When You Start A New Relationship

In This Article

1. Two Fundamental Models

A Message For Women Searching For A Partner

This message is especially for women.

Many of my female friends are searching for a partner. They are searching for the perfect configuration: a beautiful relationship with a man, maybe children, maybe a family.

Inside of you, there are two fundamental models.

Model One: Single Or Free-Flowing

You’re a queen. You’re a goddess. You’re a priestess. You are a completely sovereign being.

• Your terms: You navigate life on your own terms.
• No check-ins: You are not accountable to anybody else.
• Your path: You decide to travel, start something new, or engage in a new mission, and you follow it.

This is complete, absolute, total sovereignty.

Model Two: Coupled

The second model is being coupled.

I can already hear you: “You can be coupled and maintain your sovereignty.”

That’s really the point. That’s the whole thing.

Sovereignty And Coupling Can Cohabit

The models we’re developing right now, what I call Love 2.0, are meant to maintain your sovereignty while you enjoy a beautiful, magnificent coupling experience with somebody you love.

The two of them can cohabit.

2. Why Coupling Feels Different Today

We Are Transitioning Into A New Era

Most of the time, when you enter a coupling experience, either you or your potential partner is still functioning with old, outdated, or not really optimized models.

The old models are not bad. We are simply transitioning into a new era, a new way of relating, especially in the Western world.

You Want An Exceptional Relationship

You don’t just want to be in a relationship. You want to be in an exceptional relationship.

You want a partner who is:

• Present: Emotionally present and mature.
• A lover: An amazing lover.
• Supportive: Supporting your mission.
• A provider: Able to provide.
• Awake: A man who can show up, hold space, and love all aspects of your being, including your shadows and your cycle.

That’s a huge capacity for a man: to invest his time, energy, and everything into you, so that you can create an amazing partnership.

And you don’t want to abandon your priestess, sovereign, goddess mode. You want the man to come into your field and support the amazing life you already have.

The Man You Want Has His Own Life

The men who are awake, on mission, happy with their lives, feeling great in their bodies, contributing to the world, with an amazing circle of friends: that man has his own life. He’s not waiting to be rescued.

He’s in the same position as you. He would love a partner, a lover who shows up in his life, so you can nurture each other. But he’s not going to abandon himself either.

His sovereignty is anchored. He knows what he wants: peace, excitement, safety in the relationship. You don’t meet an empty canvas, ready to be domesticated to fit your agenda. You meet a man in his full sovereignty.

From “I” To “We”

Now you have two sovereign beings trying to make it work.

When you start dating and connecting, your lives start overlapping. Very soon, you realize that to match each other’s needs and priorities, you have to make choices about your direction.

• Before: “I’m a sovereign being. I travel whenever I want.”
• Now: “How do you suggest we do this together?”

It becomes much more “we.”

100 Years Ago, The Relationship Was The Unit

Look at the past generations, our parents. They lived together, symbiotically. Shared bank accounts. No “what’s for me, what’s for you” negotiation.

The unit was the relationship. 90% was invested into the relationship, the family, the couple. When you traveled, you traveled together.

That was 100 years ago, and it’s still the case in many countries around the world.

Our Personalities Have Expanded

In the Western world today, that model no longer matches. Not for men, and not for women.

We all have bigger egos, bigger desires, bigger needs. I don’t mean ego in a negative sense. Our personalities have expanded to embrace much more.

Most of my brothers who are awake and doing the work know what they want. They want a woman to come into their lives to expand them and open them even more, not to question their choices or change their lifestyle. Come join me. Accept me the way I am. Glorify me. Love me. Let’s have great sex.

It’s not about abandoning your sovereign foundations. It’s about expanding them.

Survival Used To Hold Couples Together

This transition is a very subtle thing to navigate, because many of our subconscious and collective models are still based on the past.

100 years ago, getting together meant having a family, having children, building a life together. A lot of it was about survival, creating wealth and prosperity, because surviving heavily depended on being together.

Maybe 5% of couples divorced back then. Nowadays, it’s a big proportion. The life expectancy of a married couple is 7 years. It means 50% of couples are going to be divorced within seven years.

The romantic environment has changed massively. Nothing is wrong. We are just shifting into new models of being.

We Are Relationship Sequencing

Most people I know are couple cycling.

You have a relationship for a few months or a few years. It feels complete. You transition into free-flowing for a while, explore yourself again, and then a new relationship and a new cycle begin.

Whether you’re 30, 40, 50, or 60: how many relationships have you had? Did you marry your sweetheart and stay together? My guess is that’s maybe one couple out of 10 or 20. Every person I know has had more than one coupling experience. We are relationship sequencing.

The Romantic Dream Is Still Alive

The prince charming and the princess, coming together and building a beautiful kingdom: all of that is still active.

But it only applies to a fraction of couples. Most people are relationship sequencing, and nothing is wrong with that.

3. The Subtle Transfer Of Power

What Part Of Your Sovereignty Do You Invest?

You’re free-flowing, having a great time, and you want to find this partner.

The moment you start synchronizing and merging lives, you need to understand what part of your sovereignty you want to invest in this relationship. There is a subtle transfer of power happening.

When A Request Becomes Control

“When you do that, it triggers me. I would love for you to change that behavior.”

That’s called control. It’s a demand. It tells that person: you are a sovereign being, but I want to influence your patterns. It means I’m intruding on your sovereignty.

It can be simple things or bigger things, like lifestyle choices. And it works the same way the other way around.

When Pressure Turns Toxic

A man comes into your life with requests, demands, pressure: “I didn’t see you this week. I want to spend time with you.”

You have other plans. Your system contracts: “I’m not signing up for this. I don’t want to abandon myself.”

Now imagine that pressure becomes stronger, more demanding, a bit toxic. Too much jealousy, too much control. Suddenly you’re no longer allowed to do things you did before. He’s stealing from you your rightful self-determination.

Friction Or Self-Abandonment

When you have chemistry and your agreements are subtle and intuitive, it can work really well.

Creating safety sometimes requires changes, and sometimes that’s easy: “Of course, that makes you uncomfortable. I don’t have to do that anymore.”

But when a part of your system is really important to you, and your partner keeps pushing, the friction intensifies:

• Fights: The pressure builds up into conflict.
• Resentment: It accumulates over time.
• Separation: Eventually, it can end the relationship.
• Self-abandonment: Or one of you says, “Fine, whatever you want,” and slowly abandons yourself.

You see how it works? This is very, very subtle.

Keep 90% Of Your Sovereignty

If you’re a woman searching for a man, you probably really love your sovereignty, your freedom, your independence.

You want to enter a relationship and maintain 90% of your sovereignty. And the man wants to maintain 90% of his.

Maybe you want financial independence, or to live separately. I know quite a few couples who have been together for two or three years and still live apart. Why? Because they can afford it. And because they love waking up and starting the day however they want, without matching their rhythm to another person’s life.

This right to self-determination is a beautiful thing. It’s just a matter of finding where you can adjust, and where you can expand the best out of each other.

4. What Coupling Adds To Your Life

Erotic Fire And Sensual Energy

You don’t come into a relationship just to add a couple of things to your sovereignty. There needs to be a significant input of something fantastic.

The first one: sex, erotic fire, sensual energy, connection. A beautiful man who desires you, wants you, is ready to ravish you. You don’t need to abandon yourself for that. You add a dimension of fire and passion.

The Romantic Dimension

A weekend at the beach. A trip somewhere. A beautiful love message in the morning, full of adoration and praise, from the man you spent the night with.

The romantic energy is like a golden rain that comes into your field.

Energetic And Emotional Support

• Praise: “This is fantastic. Tell me what you’re planning.”
• Feedback: He offers reflections and encouragement on your mission.
• Connections: “Why don’t you call that person? I can help you expand your business.”
• Clients: He sends people your way.

The praise, the gratitude, the gratification: this is a really important source of power and magic.

Social Synergy

Showing up at an event by yourself or showing up coupled is a very different experience. Both are beautiful.

Showing up coupled opens portals. You connect and bond with other couples. You represent something different for the community. A synergy builds between you, and the field of beauty, love, romance, clarity, and flow is sustained by your coupling experience.

Add-Ons, Not Subtractions

Everything described here is an add-on. Nothing is taken away from your sovereignty.

Your sovereign vehicle, your queen vehicle, is still there. You didn’t abandon yourself. You just added all these qualities.

5. When The Shadows Kick In

“Now I Own You”

This is where the shadows can kick in: the moment there is clinging, trying to modify and change the other person.

Some immaturity in your individual vehicles tells you it’s okay to start directing that man’s life. Or the other way around: “Now I own you. You’re mine. My girlfriend, my woman, my queen.”

If that pattern intensifies, within a few weeks you’re in the toxic zone: fights, demands, pressure, insecurities, checking on each other, jealousy outbreaks.

See The Shadow Narrative

If you enter this beautiful romantic partnership, you need to understand what the shadows are, and be able to look at them:

“I can see that right now I’m entering a shadow narrative. I’m starting to mistrust my partner. I’m starting to feel resentment.”

A Shadow Is An Invitation To Upgrade

When you hit those shadows, you can say: “I don’t think I’m equipped for this.”

Or you can say: “Great, a shadow. Let’s discover ways of upgrading our game together.” This is where the magic really is.

Build The Romantic Vehicle Consciously

In the past, it was way simpler: you lived together, had a house and kids, and worked most of the time.

Nowadays it’s much more complex. You travel, you have an active social life, you practice self-care. The field becomes much vaster.

To keep bonding, you have to be intentional with lovemaking and romantic energy. You build the romantic vehicle consciously. You’re not together because it’s practical or because society says so. You want to sustain the dream, the big vision of what’s possible.

6. The Secret Dimension Of Coupling

Bring In The Spiritual Dimension

There’s one more thing: the spiritual dimension, the secret dimension of what you’re creating.

If you only go with worldly information, like what social media says about how relationships work, something fundamental is going to be missing.

The Tantric Temple

For me, this is a tantric temple: the field of Shiva-Shakti and Kala-Kali, the divine secret masculine and secret feminine coming together.

There is a whole other architecture, a whole set of codes. You activate that temple, and it sustains the romantic dimension of your coupling experience. That’s a whole new level of magic.

When It’s Not Clicking

Maybe right now it’s not fully clicking. You meet a man and there is always an objection, a shield, a rejection, self-sabotage. Anytime there is an opening, something pushes it away.

My guess is that when you activate the divine secret dimension of your potential coupling experience, that energy starts shifting. In my experience, it shifts every time.

Within the field of Tantra, it works really well because it’s embodied. You call in the archetypes and bring them into incarnation. They guide you into creating a more perfect, embodied relationship, in alignment with the original code of incarnation.

The Sacred Triangle

When you have the tantric spirit sponsoring your relationship, it’s like a triangle.

• You: One partner.
• Your partner: The other partner.
• The spirit: An angelic force sponsoring the relationship and protecting you with its wings.

This is the field of secretness and divine union.

7. Your Pathway

Where Are You Right Now?

Is this something you want? If it is, there is a pathway of transformation and embodiment.

• Know yourself: Discover how you function.
• See your shadows: Notice where you get triggered.
• Spot self-sabotage: See the patterns that push love away.
• Move forward: Start creating the relationship you want.

When you bring in the tantric, sacred dimension, a whole new set of skills and energies opens up: the conscious activation of a sacred temple in your life.

Do You Want Secret Union?

If you’re intrigued by all this, reach out. Send me your questions. Tell me where you are in your dating life and what challenges you are facing.

Do you want secret union in your relationship? If the answer is yes, I have a feeling I could help you with that.

Ready to keep your sovereignty and create an exceptional relationship? Reach out for coaching at vitalcoaching.com/coaching.

Keep Reading

• Love 2.0: The New Rules Of Modern Connection
• Love 2.0: Stop Chasing Forever. Start Choosing Growth.
• When Your Freedom Fights Your Love Life
• A Sovereign Lovership Is Conscious — A Situationship Is Unresolved
• 7 Partnership Models

MORE

Check all Dating Love 2.0 articles →
Check all Coupling Design articles →
Check all Tantric Women articles →