The 10 Questions
- What is the timeline for this commitment?
- What do I mean by “sexually exclusive”?
- What are my deal breakers?
- Do I want us to be lovers, or coupling?
- Do I want to merge our lives, or keep them separate?
- If we’re a match, where do I see this going long term?
- What are my top 3 sexual fantasies or desires?
- What worked for me sexually in the past, and what didn’t?
- What are my sex style and sexual preferences?
- What else should you know about my sex life?
Exclusivity is an agreement. Make it a conscious one.
Most couples slide into it. One night, one look, one assumption, and suddenly you’re “exclusive.” Nobody asked what that actually means.
These questions turn a vague assumption into a clear, shared choice.
How To Go Through These Questions
Each partner answers individually. That’s why every question starts with “I.”
- Talk it through live: This is a conversation, not a questionnaire. Sit together and explore one question at a time.
- Take turns: Each of you answers in your own words, starting with “I.”
- Listen fully: Hear your partner’s answer without correcting it.
- Stay curious: Where your answers differ, ask more and talk it out. That’s where the real agreement gets made.
Your answers are yours. The agreement is shared.
1. What Is The Timeline For This Commitment?
This is a commitment and an agreement. Every agreement has a shape.
- Open-ended: “Until one of us says it’s not working anymore.”
- One month: “Let’s try it and check in.”
- Three months: “Long enough to really feel it.”
- Forever: “This is it for me.”
No answer is wrong. Not asking is.
2. What Do I Mean By “Sexually Exclusive”?
Two people can say the same words and mean completely different things. Walk through it together:
Is this okay or not?
- Sensual touch or dancing with other people?
- Engaging in any form of erotic or sexual connection without penetration, like kissing or genital touch?
- Going on dates with friends of opposite gender?
- Same gender sex?
- What other boundaries are important to you?
3. What Are My Deal Breakers?
Every strong container has clear limits.
My deal breakers are the specific actions or choices you could make that could end this agreement.
Name it before you need it.
4. Do I Want Us To Be Lovers, Or Coupling?
Being lovers is softer, with more freedom and more flow.
Coupling is a container: a real foundation, built to hold more depth.
Both are beautiful. Listen to your truth.
5. Do I Want To Merge Our Lives, Or Keep Them Separate?
In your ideal world, do we move in together and become symbiotic? Or is this mostly a sexual and erotic connection?
This sits right beside the lovers-or-coupling question.
Symbiotic and spacious are two different destinations. Which one do you want?
6. If We’re A Match, Where Do I See This Going Long Term?
- Family: “Do I see us creating a family one day?”
- Projects: “Would I want to build things together?”
- Mission: “Do we share a purpose that’s bigger than the two of us?”
- Travel: “Do I picture us exploring the world as a team?”
- Free flow: “Or do I want this spontaneous, with no big plans?”
7. What Are My Top 3 Sexual Fantasies Or Desires?
Name three fantasies you’d love to live out together. Then go deeper, into your biggest turn-ons and deepest desires.
Desire you never share is desire you never live.
8. What Worked For Me Sexually In The Past, And What Didn’t?
Your past holds the map. The patterns matter, not the names.
No need to talk about specific people. You’re learning a style, not a history.
9. What Are My Sex Style And Sexual Preferences?
- How frequently?
- Morning sex?
- Evening sex?
- Spontaneous and passionate?
- Planned rituals?
- What lights you up?
- What does your ideal sexual experience look like?
10. What Else Should You Know About My Sex Life?
Anything the other questions didn’t catch. Say it now.
- Turn-offs? “Here’s what instantly shuts me down.”
- Health? “Here’s my sexual health status and how often I get tested.”
- Needs? “Here’s what I need to feel safe and open.”
- Surprises? “Here’s something about me that might surprise you.”
Open up! Transparency is sexy!
Conscious Exclusivity Is Sexy!
You’re no longer guessing. You’re choosing, together, with eyes open.
Before you commit, answer these questions. Make it fun! Keep it light!
Let’s design a coupling or lovership experience that matches your truth and deepest desires! Reach out for coaching at vitalcoaching.com/coaching.
Keep Reading
- First Date Firewall: The Power Screening Questions That Save You Months Of Drama
- Sexual Compatibility Vs. Incompatibility — The Truth Most Couples Avoid
- 20 Beautiful, Juicy, Delicious Questions To Design A Love That Actually Works
- Dating Terms People Use When They’re Afraid To Just Say What This Is
- Polysensual Dating — Can You Go On Dates Outside The Relationship?
