Certainly! I apologize for the oversight. Here’s a restructured list:

  1. Observation Without Evaluation: “I see that you didn’t wash the dishes” instead of “You’re lazy for not washing the dishes.”
  2. Expressing Feelings: “I feel happy when you spend time with me” instead of “You make me happy.”
  3. Identifying and Expressing Needs: “I need more support to complete this project” instead of “You should help me more.”
  4. Making Clear and Concrete Requests: “Can you please take out the trash?” instead of “Take out the trash.”
  5. Practicing Empathy: “You seem worried, is there something on your mind?” instead of “Why are you so worried?”
  6. Avoiding Moralistic Judgments: “I found it difficult when you arrived late” instead of “It was wrong of you to be late.”
  7. Avoiding Comparisons: “I appreciate your unique qualities” instead of “Why can’t you be more like your sister?”
  8. Taking Responsibility for Actions and Feelings: “I feel upset because my need for respect wasn’t met” instead of “You upset me.”
  9. Expressing Appreciation Without Expectation: “Thank you for cooking dinner; I enjoyed it” instead of “You should cook more often.”
  10. Using Positive Language: “I would like us to spend time together” instead of “I don’t want you to go out.”
  11. Avoiding “Should” Statements: “I prefer that you call if you’re late” instead of “You should call if you’re going to be late.”
  12. Separating Needs from Strategies: “I need more intimacy; let’s have a date night” instead of “We need to have date nights.”
  13. Expressing Anger Fully: “I’m angry because my need for fairness wasn’t met” instead of “You make me angry.”
  14. Practicing NVC Within Ourselves: “I feel disappointed; I need to prioritize my health” instead of “I’m a failure for not exercising.”
  15. Applying NVC in Mediation: “Can you tell me what you need from each other?” in a mediation setting.
  16. Equal Relationships: “I value your opinion as much as mine; let’s discuss this” instead of “I’m right, you’re wrong.”
  17. Being Present in Communication: “I’m here for you now; let’s talk” instead of being distracted during a conversation.
  18. Prioritizing Connection Over Correction: “I value our relationship more than this argument” instead of insisting on being right.
  19. NVC as a Learning Process: “I’m still learning NVC, and I appreciate your patience” instead of “I should know this already.”
  20. Living Compassionately: “I want to understand your needs and find a solution together” instead of imposing a solution.


Certainly! The book “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life” by Marshall Rosenberg outlines key principles to guide compassionate communication. Here’s a summary:

  1. Differentiating Observation from Evaluation: Focus on what you observe and not on opinions or judgments.
  2. Expressing Feelings: Clearly communicate feelings without attacking or judging others.
  3. Identifying and Expressing Needs: Understanding and expressing one’s needs is central to NVC.
  4. Making Clear and Concrete Requests: Asking for what you need in clear, actionable terms.
  5. Empathizing with Others: Show understanding and compassion for others’ feelings and needs.
  6. Avoiding Moralistic Judgments: Moving away from labeling right and wrong to foster understanding.
  7. Avoiding Making Comparisons: Comparing people can hinder compassionate connections.
  8. Taking Responsibility for Actions and Feelings: Understand that feelings result from met or unmet needs, not others’ actions.
  9. Expressing Appreciation Without Expectation: Show gratitude authentically without seeking something in return.
  10. Using Positive Language: Focus on what you want to happen, not on what you want to avoid.
  11. Avoiding the Use of “Should”: Recognize that “should” statements can imply wrongness or blame.
  12. Distinguishing Between Needs and Strategies: Separate fundamental needs from specific strategies to meet those needs.
  13. Expressing Anger Fully: Understand the underlying needs and feelings behind anger and express them.
  14. Practicing NVC within Ourselves: Apply these principles internally to understand oneself better.
  15. NVC in Social Change and Mediation: Applying NVC in broader social contexts and conflicts.
  16. Embracing Equal Relationships: Recognize and practice equality in relationships through empathy.
  17. Being Present and Mindful in Communication: Focus on the current moment and be fully engaged.
  18. Emphasizing Connection over Correction: Prioritize building connections instead of correcting others.
  19. Embracing NVC as a Learning Process: Recognize that implementing NVC is an ongoing learning journey.
  20. Living Compassionately: Beyond a technique, NVC is a way to approach life with empathy and compassion.

The book covers these principles in detail, providing practical tools for communicating in a way that fosters understanding, empathy, and connection.

About the author

Shiva Rajaya

Tantrika / Life coach / Activator of new evolutionary codes for the planet and humankind