The Quick Strategy
- Check How Often The Drive Actually Shows Up
- Rule Out A Justified Trigger First
- Rule Out High Trigger Sensitivity Second
- Recognize The Third Scenario As The Real One
- Ask If You’re Master Of The Pattern Or Ruled By It
- Know Which Chemical Keeps You Coming Back
Start With Frequency
Multiple times a day? Once a month?
That number alone tells you most of what you need to know.
Three Scenarios, Only One Is Addiction
Scenario One: A Real, Justified Trigger
Your partner crossed a real value. Disrespected a boundary. Made a genuinely unreasonable choice.
This isn’t addiction. This is a real desire for change.
Scenario Two: High Trigger Sensitivity
Everything is fine. A small thing sets off a big reaction anyway.
Not addiction either. Just an active wound, or too much stress, looking for somewhere to land.
Scenario Three: Fighting Just To Feel Something
Nothing is wrong. No trigger, no wound.
Just boredom, looking for a spark.
You throw yourself against your partner purely to feel alive.
This is the one worth calling addiction.
It’s Not Automatically Bad
Wanting more energy, more dynamism in your life — that’s not a flaw.
The real question isn’t whether the pattern exists.
It’s whether you’re directing it, or it’s directing you.
Master, Or Victim?
- Master — You consciously choose to stir things up when life feels flat.
- Victim — It happens to you. You get pulled into escalation you never chose.
That second one, especially when everything was genuinely fine beforehand — that’s the real addiction.
One Chemical Keeps You Coming Back
Adrenaline, cortisol, dopamine — all three rise during conflict.
But dopamine is the one that makes you want more.
It’s not the spark. It’s the craving for the next spark.
Ready To Find Out If You’re Mastering The Pattern Or Being Run By It? Reach Out! I Can Help You!
https://vitalcoaching.com/coaching
