Something Just Hit A Nerve
A comment. A message. A friendship they mentioned.
And suddenly you’re jealous, frustrated, or something darker surfaces.
Before you react — ask yourself if the trigger is even justified.
Did They Cross An Existing Boundary?
Not a boundary you’re assuming.
An actual, agreed-upon one.
Your Assumptions Aren’t The Agreement
Most relationships are exclusive. That doesn’t mean no friendships with the opposite gender.
Some couples run more spacious agreements — closeness with others is fine, as long as certain lines stay uncrossed.
The trigger isn’t measured against what you assume. It’s measured against what you actually agreed.
Yes Or No Changes Everything
- Boundary crossed — your trigger is likely justified
- No boundary crossed — your trigger might be about you, not them
Rate Two Numbers
- How intense is your trigger response? 0 to 10
- How serious is their actual offense? 0 to 10
A big gap between the two numbers is information.
Are They Actually Doing Something Wrong?
Not something that stings. Something wrong.
When It’s Justified
Boundary crossed. Offense real.
Speak up. This one’s worth the conversation.
When It’s Not
No boundary crossed. Nothing actually wrong.
This one’s yours to own — a shadow, an insecurity, a wound getting poked.
Own It Doesn’t Mean Bury It
You can still share how you feel.
Just don’t dress up an unjustified trigger as a legitimate complaint.
If You Can’t Tell Where Your Line Actually Is
Coaching can help you find real clarity — and build agreements that actually hold. Reach out at vitalcoaching.com/coaching
Keep Reading
- “Did They Do Something Wrong?” Ask Yourself This Question Before Starting A Fight!
- Trigger Sensitivity — The 0 to 10 Scale
- Trigger To Resolution Pathway: 11 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Say A Word
- Master Your Triggers Before They Master You
MORE
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