#VITALPOWER – THE BEST APOLOGY IS CHANGED BEHAVIOR ✌️?✌️
INSTEAD OF JUST “SORRY” DESCRIBE EXACTLY WHAT YOU WOULD DO IF YOU WERE EXPOSED TO THE SAME SITUATION AGAIN!
A “Sorry” might not change the fundamebtal dynamics between two people.
Most of the time you need more than that to make someone feel safe again.
Ideally here is what a “Real” apology looks like:
0 – Say you’re sorry
1 – Go into detail about what you did
2 – Put yourself in their position / Emphatize
3 – Why you think it was wrong
4 – What you would do instead if you are exposed to the same situation again in the future
If you are the one who messed up, it takes courage to take these steps!
You admit your wrong doing and take responsibility for having crossed the line.
You commit yourself to change your behavior in the future!
Can you feel the impact?
Can you feel how these steps bring back safety in your connection?
Have you ever apologized in such deep way?
How did it impact your connection?
It might take some repeating of these steps to get your message through.
Your partner or friend might not fully get it or trust it at first.
This means that you must be clear and firm in your words.
If you are the one receiving the apology, how does it feel when someone simply says “I’m sorry” but doesn’t really get it?
You feel they give you a “Sorry” just to deflect the tension but are ready to “Do it again” as soon as the trigger situation arises one more time in the future.
How does it feel when you are receiving an “In depth” apology with deep understanding of the dynamics involved?
For instance, if you are a couple and you are the one who messed up in a specific situation, here is what it can look like:
0 – “I’m sorry I showed up one hour late”
1 – “I said I would be here at 7 and didn’t show up”
2 – “I can totally imagine how this makes you feel”
3 – “It’s wrong because I kept you waiting. It’s completely out of integrity on my end”
4 – “In the future, I’ll make sure I leave 1 hour earlier and do everything I can to show up on time”
I know this example can feel pretty trivial but you get the point.
Going through this sequence reestablishes trust in your connection.
I know it looks like a recipe but once you get the sequence and understand these dynamics, it becomes natural and second nature.
Is it hard work, or creating too much fuzz out of something insignificant?
Well… Some wounding around betrayal for instance can go really deep.
For instance you might have been exposed to a cheating episode in your relationship and realize that 10 years later you still don’t trust your partner.
That might be because they never gave you a real in depth apology
It’s really simple and obvious, right?
So it’s up to you to decide how deep you want to go when this type of challenges arise.
Is it a one time mistake or is it repeat behavior that poisons your relationship?
If you are the one apologizing, you might try to avoid all that by:
– Finding excuses
– Thinking it’s no big deal
– Blaming others or your partner for your actions
– Trying to justify yourself
– Being in denial
ALL OF THESE ARE AVOIDANCE TACTICS!
Another important point!
Your apology must come from your TRUTH SOURCE, not someone else’s!
An apology that arises by force or threat is just a lie in disguise!
If you don’t feel it, don’t say it!
Don’t force words that don’t seem real to you!
For instance if you don’t really care, are in denial or feel that your excuses are valid, then simply say that and own it! ??
And be ok with your attitude being a potential deal breaker in your relationship with that person.
? HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED ANY OF THESE DYNAMICS?
? DID YOU EVER APOLOGIZE IN THAT WAY?
? HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED THAT KIND OF APOLOGY IN YOUR LIFE?
? HOW DID THAT IMPACT YOUR CONNECTION WITH THAT PERSON?
TO YOUR TRUTH! ???