Synthesized from: Vital Shadow – Aggressiveness, Vital Shadow – Why Conflicts Are Stressful, Vital Shadows – Blaming Others Is Often an Inability to Take Responsibility, Vital Shadows – Cognitive Distortion = Generalizing, Vital Shadow – How to Respond to Blame, Vital Shadows – Best Tactics to Tackle Attacks, Vital Shadow – Energetic Aikido, Vital Shadow – Back to Peace
- Aggressiveness — What It Really Is
- Why Conflicts Are Stressful
- Blaming Others Is Often an Inability to Take Responsibility
- Cognitive Distortion = Generalizing
- How to Respond to Blame
- Best Tactics to Tackle Attacks
- Energetic Aikido
- Back to Peace
Every fight has a shadow anatomy.
Beneath the words, beneath the accusations — there are forces moving.
Energy. Pattern. Old wounds running new scripts.
This is the map of what’s really going on when a fight breaks out.
1. Aggressiveness — What It Really Is
You have many variations for aggressiveness. Here are some synonyms:
Aggressing. Attacking. Disrespecting. Impertinence. Insolence. Irreverence. Rebelling. Bullying. Degrading. Torturing. Persecuting. Identity attacking. Reputation attacking. Character annihilation. Cursing. Revenge. Retaliation. Harassing. Guerilling. Insulting. Violating.
This is another shadow aspect that you might try to avoid or repress.
Aggressiveness is a conquering force that allows you to conquer new territories.
In many situations aggressiveness is not needed but you might still use it because of an uncontrolled energetic pattern that overpowers you.
For instance, if you face a challenge with a lover, a respectful and loving tone might be more appropriate than an aggressive one.
If someone verbally attacks you, do you run away, listen or fight back?
In many situations like in contact sports or business, using aggressiveness might be the best tactic and highly encouraged.
Aggressiveness can be a useful weapon.
In many other life situations, the same aggressive attitude is totally inappropriate.
It all comes to mastering that weapon!
Aggressiveness is a weapon, tool and skill! The goal is to master it rather than being dominated by it.
You can master this energy when you are the one using it or when it is projected on you.
Possible tactics about aggressiveness are denial, suppression or energy shift.
Aggressive energy is everywhere around us. On the road, in communication patterns, in organizations, in families, in schools, in movies and so on.
If you start looking for it, you will recognize it dozens of times a day!
On a large scale, aggressiveness shapes a lot of what happens on this planet. Look at armed conflicts, business strategies, sports, domestic violence, divorce, crime and more!
Take a minute to consider how present this energy is in and around you. To win this battle you want to master that energy!
2. Why Conflicts Are Stressful
Ok, here is a piece of wisdom that can radically shift the way you see fights, conflicts and tensions in any aspect of your life!
Here it comes!
It is not the fight by itself that creates pain. It is the fact that you have no fighting vehicle to play with this energy.
If you develop shadow skills and know exactly how to master and play with friction, fights are easy and fun!
Seriously!
The reason why fights might be stressful and painful for you is because you don’t have tactics and mindsets to play with conflicting energies.
You can be in the middle of energetic battles and have fun with it!
Look at big waves in the ocean!
Some people use them to surf skillfully and surpass their limits!
Some others might be swallowed by the waves and die!
The wave is not the problem!
It is how you handle it that matters!!!
3. Blaming Others Is Often an Inability to Take Responsibility
Look… I agree, sometimes people around you are toxic or simply mess up.
Sometimes their intentions will just be to hurt you.
The fact that negative energy can be projected on you is obvious.
And blaming others can be totally disempowering and put you in victim mode.
The moment you take responsibility and decide to do something about it, you radically shift dynamics and often take back control.
Sometimes, toxic situations are co-created. This happens typically in relationships.
The thing is that the blame game takes you nowhere.
It gives you the feeling that a given conflict or situation has nothing to do with you.
So next time you enter in blame mode, pause, take a deep breath and say something like:
- “And here is what I am going to do about it…”
- “Here is how I contributed to this situation…”
- “Here is what I can change in my own behavior…”
The blame game takes you nowhere. Taking responsibility takes you everywhere.
4. Cognitive Distortion = Generalizing
Here is an example:
“My ex cheated on me – – > All men are cheaters”
“My ex cheated on me” = fact
“All men are cheaters” = interpretation = over generalization = cognitive distortion
Why do you do it?
Because it gives you a reason to blame. And blame can feel good.
Stick to the fact.
“My ex cheated!”
“All men are cheaters” is not a fact. It’s a conclusion, an interpretation based on a fact.
The over-generalization is a distortion.
Why is there an urge to jump to conclusion?
Because that channels the overflowing anger, frustration and shadow energy behind these emotions.
And that feels good.
But if you take that one step further, that’s what you do as well if you blame an entire race or a nation for an isolated crime.
That’s the starting point to discrimination.
5. How to Respond to Blame
Suppose that you get a message from someone accusing you of not being present enough for them.
They tell you that you neglected them in a specific situation, that you are a bad partner or bad friend because you don’t care enough.
The typical way of expressing it would be: “You were not there for me when I needed you.”
How do you respond to that? What’s a masterful response to blame?
Here are some options:
- Ignore — Delete the message
- Listen — “What?”, “You seem offended”, “Tell me more”
- Apologize — “Sorry about that”, “I will try to do better next time”
- Justify — “I am not perfect”, “I am human”, “Sometimes I make mistakes”
- Fight back — “You did that to me too”
- Stop them — “Stop!”, “I am not playing the blame game with you”
- Explain — “When that happened, I was in the middle of a situation and…”
- Check in — “What a strange message”, “You ok?”
- Agree — “True!”, “Guilty!”, “Yes, you nailed it!”
- Be grateful — “Thanks for bringing that up!”, “Thanks for letting me know”
- Give love — “Can I give you a hug?”, “I love you”, “You are the best”
- Acknowledge — “Yes you are right”, “Yes, that’s the way it happened”
- Understand — “Yes, I can totally imagine you feel that way”, “I would feel like that too if that happened to me”
- Reframe — “What I remember is that… Not that…”
- Debate — “Here is what I remember…”, “Looks like our memory of the events don’t match”
You have many more options than you think. Mastery is choosing the right one for the right moment.
6. Best Tactics to Tackle Attacks
Ok, we have been checking patterns and describing the nature of shadows.
It is time to dive into specific tactics.
Imagine that you have someone exposing you to shadow attacks. They can be a boss, coworker, lover, partner, friend, husband, wife, parent, sibling, neighbor.
Here are some examples of the type of attacks you can be exposed to: lies, betrayal, emotional abuse, demands, emotional threats, tension.
These are high shadows. You have a whole lot of softer shadows too — sadness, depression, self-destructive behavior — that are not usually seen as attacks but can have a similar kind of impact.
Here are possible tactics:
- Allow — Be passive and receptive. Feel it.
- Fight back — Attack back, retaliate
- Leave — Simply abandon the space, quit the relationship
- Be diplomatic — Communicate cleanly, listen, understand
- Educate — Get them to understand and shift their behaviors
- Set boundaries — Tell them “Stop”, refuse to engage
- Build up energy — Go to the gym, train your mind and energy body
- Release — Burn the charge
- Calm down — Meditate
- Get support — Friends, coaching or therapy
- Laugh at it — Use sarcasm, humor to release the tension
- Be positive — Focus on the good stuff and keep enforcing that
- Look for win-win — In every situation assess what would benefit both parties
Escalation is a core tactic used in armed conflicts. That leads to massive collateral destruction. Is there really a winner when everything is destroyed?
It is time to develop more sophisticated and evolved ways to deal with challenges and attacks.
7. Energetic Aikido
It feels that the best shadow and fight tactics are emerging as soft, gentle, peace-building moves.
As I explore this energetic landscape I see how various techniques will lead to various results and energetic states.
Very aggressive use of shadow aspects might lead to tension build-up and retaliation.
Whereas simple soft defense tactics based on love and respect for your opponent might trigger connection and unification with no aggressiveness build-up.
At this stage, I still don’t know the final answer but I can already see that you have different styles for playing with shadows.
A whole new world is opening!
Thank you for these ongoing revelations! I am in deep awe and gratitude!
It can all be summarized to some core engagement tactics:
- Not attacking
- Defend with ease
- Don’t block the energy
- Use the opponent’s energy
- The end goal is harmony, peace and grace
- Play with grace and harmony
- Stay centered and grounded at all times
- Be in a state of calm and inner peace
8. Back to Peace
In the middle of energetic battles, you can feel really high because of the intensity you face.
One of the core skills is to be able to jump in and out of battle really fast!
Even if you have been in this intense fighting, you must be able to step out of it instantly to jump into peace and harmony.
It means as well choosing when and how you go into conquering mode and when you relax.
Sometimes, you might be in conquering mode without noticing it.
You might be in a conversation trying to force your opinion on someone else.
If you see an argument starting, it is very easy to go back to peace by saying:
- “It looks like we have a different opinion on this topic and that’s ok”
- “Thank you for being true to your beliefs”
- “This is why I enjoy having you in my life”
