This is one possible way to play.
Once the space is safe — engage one on one.
The container makes everything that follows possible.
How to Engage
The way you engage is by looking at the other person and hitting them with some words, an affirmation or a truth they don’t see.
It’s a verbal attack.
You look for imperfections or vulnerabilities — and you hit them with what you see.
You can say something like:
- “When I look at you, I feel this sense of…”
- “The words you speak are…”
- “I am so angry at you for…”
Here Is the Thing — It Doesn’t Have to Be True
It can be irrational.
It can be exaggerated.
This is not about conflict resolution or nonviolent communication.
It can actually be verbally violent and aggressive.
That is the point.
You are giving the charge somewhere real to go — inside a container that can hold it.
Two Ways to Structure the Play
You have two options for how to flow:
- Take Turns — One person speaks for one minute. Then the other. Structured, contained, clear.
- Popcorn Style — Go with the flow. Respond in real time. Let the energy move naturally without a rigid format.
Both work. The right choice depends on how much charge is in the room.
More charge — use turns. It keeps things from going off the rails.
Less charge — popcorn style can feel more alive and spontaneous.
What to Observe While You Play
This is where the real learning happens.
Notice when you want to defend yourself.
Notice when you want to apologize.
Notice when you want to hit back with a new verbal punch.
All of these reactions are data. They show you exactly where your edges are.
The goal is not to suppress those reactions.
The goal is to become aware of them — and eventually to choose your response rather than just react.
It’s an Art
You won’t be good at this the first time.
Nobody is.
The first session might feel awkward, too loud, too soft, too forced or too real.
All of that is part of the process.
The more you practice — the more fluid it becomes.
The more fluid it becomes — the more you can access the full range of your fighting power without being dominated by it.
That is the skill. That is the art. That is what Vital Fights is really about.
