EVERYONE HAS A FAVORITE EXCUSE
The Moon. The cycle. The chart. The wounding. “This is just who I am.”
These all sound real. Some of them are even true.
But none of them give you a free pass on how you treat your partner.
INFLUENCE IS NOT THE SAME AS PERMISSION
Your hormones, your past, your wiring — they all shape how you feel.
They don’t decide how you act.
Feeling something and acting on it without filter are two different things.
THE EXCUSE LIST EVERYONE KNOWS
- “It’s My Cycle” — Used to explain snapping at your partner.
- “It’s In My Chart” — Used to explain why you’re “just like this.”
- “It’s My Human Design” — Used to skip taking feedback.
- “That’s How Men Are” — Used to excuse shutting down or checking out.
- “That’s How Women Are” — Used to excuse going scorched earth in a fight.
- “It’s My Trauma” — Used to avoid owning a hurtful reaction.
- “I’m Just Built This Way” — Used to close the conversation completely.
AN EXCUSE IS A WAY OF HANDING OFF RESPONSIBILITY
Every excuse on that list does the same thing.
It moves the responsibility from you to something outside you.
The Moon doesn’t pick fights. You do.
THIS GOES FOR EVERYONE — NOT JUST ONE SIDE
This isn’t a men problem or a women problem.
Both sides have a version of “this is just how I am.”
Both versions do the same damage — they let the behavior off the hook.
REAL FACTORS CAN STILL AFFECT YOU
This isn’t about denying that some days are harder than others.
- Acknowledge It — “I’m feeling more raw than usual today.”
- Name It Early — “My energy is low right now — I might be more reactive.”
- Use It As Data — “This is a pattern for me around this time.”
Naming the factor is useful. Hiding behind it is not.
THE LINE IS RESPECT
You can feel anything. You can’t do anything.
- Feel Without Acting — “I’m activated right now, but I won’t take it out on you.”
- Pause Before Speaking — “Give me a minute before I say something I’ll regret.”
- Stay In Choice — “I notice the urge to lash out — and I’m choosing not to.”
“I CAN’T HELP IT” IS RARELY TRUE
Most people who say this can absolutely help it — in front of their boss, their kids, or a stranger.
The behavior only comes out where it feels safe to lose control.
That’s not biology. That’s a choice about where the filter goes.
FLOODING IS REAL — BUT IT’S NOT THE FINAL WORD
Yes, some moments truly overwhelm your system.
- Notice The Flood — “I’m too overwhelmed to talk right now.”
- Exit With Respect — “I need a break — I’ll come back when I’m steady.”
- Don’t Weaponize It — Flooding is a reason to pause, not a reason to attack.
THE EXCUSE BECOMES THE IDENTITY
The more you say “this is just who I am,” the more it becomes true.
You’re not stuck with your wiring. You’re training it — every single day.
Every time you choose differently, the wiring shifts a little.
NEXT TIME YOU REACH FOR THE EXCUSE
Pause. Notice what you’re about to say.
Ask: “Is this an explanation — or an escape hatch?”
Own the feeling. Choose the response. That’s the whole practice.
